big tent filled with closets

Straightest Man In The World Steven Crowder Upset The Olympics Taking Away His Fancy Wrasslin’

What happens in the ring stays in the ring
Steven Crowder, failed men’s rights comedian and evolving disgrace to his native Canada, is probably best known for being punched in the face and for concern trolling the internet about his awesome marriage. As it turns out however, Young Steven is a bit of a renaissance man as he enjoys the arts (yelling at people through his Youtube Channel) as well as athletics (threatening people with his comically bulging biceps). Well he is not pleased with the dirty foreigners who run the Olympics for taking away his favorite COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL sport.

To the chagrin of Crowder, the International Olympic Committee decided Tuesday that wrestling is somehow even lamer than Modern Pentathlon and Field Hockey and will more than likely not include it in the 2020 Olympics. There is a small chance that the sport could be brought back into the fold but it will have to compete for votes with baseball/softball, karate, squash, roller sports, sport climbing, wakeboarding and wushu.


Crowder was incensed by the entire decision, and said as much on his Twitter, even promising a Crowder-led boycott of the games (that are happening seven years from now):

Those of us who follow Crowder for our research into the long term effects of pre-natal lead exposure know that he’s a man who loves his competitive crotch grabbing. In fact the sport, alongside Brazilian Ju-Jistsu and other uber-masculine activities, is without a doubt Crowder’s raison d’etre alongside lecturing fellow young people about the joys of abstinence and gay people about how their public campaigns for civil rights make him nervous. But Crowder is not just angry that the organized battles of greased men in public is being taken away from the Olympics. No he’s particularly pissed about the possibility that “Wushu,” a traditional form of Chinese Martial Arts, might serve as the replacement for the Western version of wrestling that he knows and loves.

Why is Wushu specifically pissing off Young Steven? Because it is like totally gay:

And completely archaic for the modern fighter:

As Steven is an expert at all things involving this manly world of combat, let’s take him at his word and compare the two sports.

Is this:

just infinitely less masculine than this?

The jury is still out. Sadly this means that Crowder will either have to boycott the Olympics, or be forced to watch swimming when his wife is out of the room.

[Twitter]

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