This Man Would Like To Be Texas’s Lieutenant Gov, Because Guns Guns Guns Guns Guns

  they were all in love with dyin they were doing it in texas

STOP MURDERING ME JERRY PATTERSONMeet Jerry Patterson! He is running for lieutenant governor of the great state of Texas, and he has some thoughts on why you should vote for him, and those thoughts are GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Boy, does Jerry Patterson love guns! That is pretty much his whole campaign: “I was in Vietnam, and I will let you have guns!” Also, apparently he is the teatard who will crush the establishment guy, David Dewhurst, what’s already in the job.

In Texas, unlike stupid places like California, where our lieutenant governor is so pretty and does so little he’s got time to be a teevee show host, the lieutenant governor seems to get to do thinks, like set the Senate’s agenda, and vote in the lege and gerrymander stuff. It is, in fact, considered the most influential job in the Texas gubmint. Think of it as having the powers of the vice president, in the Bush years!

Anyway, here’s Jerry. Seems like a swell fella! There is a LOT about his military service, a bit about GUNS and repealing helmet laws for freedom, and … that is about it! There is also this fun thing, which we thought were Gold records, because we are dumb hippies:


Those are not Gold records! Those are bullets, because Jerry Patterson loves murder.

[JerryPatterson]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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