WORST TED TALK EVAR  6:30 pm February 11, 2013

Nugent To Attend State Of The Union; Living Will Envy The Dead

by Doktor Zoom

If he yells 'You lie!' Barry can yell 'You stink like the poo in your pants!'Let’s say you’re a guy who invited a President of the United States to “suck on my machine gun,” predicted that if the same president were reelected, you would be “dead or in jail” within the year, and has fantasized about overthrowing the government. You probably would not expect to be invited to any of that president’s big events, would you? Well, not by that president, at least. Happily, if you are regarded as kind of a hero for saying such things, maybe a member of Congress would invite you to attend the State of the Union Address with him? Nahh, nobody would be that stupid, would they? Or maybe they would, if that Congressional fan is Texas Rep. Steve Stockman (R-LoveGrenade), and who thinks Barack Obama needs a good impeachin’ for suggesting that we should make sure that criminals and crazy people not be allowed to buy guns.

Then again, since Stockman is a pal of the militia movement and also appeared on a Holocaust denying radio show, maybe it only makes sense to say something like this:

“I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama… “After the Address I’m sure Ted will have plenty to say.”

Stockman’s press release also noted that his office will be “fact-checking” the SOTU address and erecting a billboard with an “Obama Failometer,”

a ten-foot-long billboard that will objectively measure the failure of Obama’s economic policies. The Obama Failometer tracks four monthly economic indicators from the Bureau of Labor Statistics; jobs created, civilian labor force participation rate and black and Hispanic unemployment. The figures are mathematically weighted to provide a measurement, on a scale from 1 to 1000, of just how badly Obama’s economic policies are failing. The inaugural Monthly Obama Failometer Score is an off-the-charts 1,179.

My god, on their completely made-up index, Obama is already off the charts! Get this man a job at Fox News, statistics division!

Also, too, Mr. Nugent was so happy about the invite that he had to tell the world:

I'M NUGE!

Ha-ha, “uppity.” We see what you did there! But really, “Motown”? Dude, emo Rainbow Dash fanfiction is more Motown than you.

We hope that some of what the Nuge has to say, with a smiling member of Congress sitting next to him, goes a bit like this:

Think Progress noted that the Secret Service had “no comment” on Nugent’s attending the speech.

[SteveStockman / ThinkProgress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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