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Your Sweetheart Needs Scary Panties For Valentine’s

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wonkette scary pantiesWonkers, please to have your Official Reminder that if you want romantic panties (with teeth!) for your damsel for Valentine’s Day, you must order them by anytime tomorrow (Thursday, we guess), in order to get them on time through the US Mails. All right! Good post! Let’s look at what else you can buy for your sweetheart!

You can buy him or her a coffee cup with Barack Obama on Mt. Rushmore. This is an excellent romantic gift, as he or she will doubtless masturbate all over it.

Also too, the same with the Smoking Joe cups. These are best for all the moms in your life, who can imagine he is kissing their faces (and calling them “Mom”). Fapping? YOUR MOM was, LAST NIGHT!

We dunno, there is some other stuff too, hats and iPhone cases and T-shirts and whatnot, all designed by our ex-boyfriend/art director, who works for hugs. Go buy some shit, y’all. (You could especially buy the Kitten With a Whip cup, or the “The One” cup, as we could stand to get rid of them.) And for an extra fiver, we will giftwrap it too!


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


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