Touch Monkeys

Earth’s Sentient Population Urges John McCain To Just Shut The Hell Up Already, Please

Oh, Walnuts, You've Done It AgainPoor dumb (clueless? Nahh, definitely dumb) old man John “That One” McCain simply does not see why anyone is making a fuss over his simple little joke calling Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a monkey, because for god’s sake, people, it is a JOKE and also did you notice that Iran is our enemy? And it’s always OK to call the enemy a monkey, so will you all just LIGHTEN UP, people! It is not racist to call a dirty foreign leader a monkey, also, look at all the people comparing George Bush to a chimp, dammit you people I didn’t spend FIVE AND A HALF YEARS in a slope gook dink POW camp to put up with being called a racist!

It turns out that even a fellow Republican member of Congress, Rep. Justin Amash of Michigan, who is of Palestinian and Syrian descent, has no sense of humor at all. Responding like some kind of liberal free-speech hater, Amash replied to Sen. McCain’s little witicisms by tweeting back, “Maybe you should wisen up & not make racist jokes.”

But haven’t good virile America-loving heroes always depicted the enemy as an animal? It’s just something we like to DO. For heaven’s sake, sure, our propaganda depicted the yellow devils we were fighting in WWII as lady-raping demon beasts, but that’s no more racist than this other image, which is from WWI. How can something be racist in one context and not racist in another? These thoughts are completely mind-boggling, so do not confuse John McCain with your Politically Correct whining. Are you trying to silence him?

Everybody does it

Actually, we do not think that Sen. McCain (R – Marvelous ApeHouse) is any more racist or sexist than the average old white Republican who comes from a position of privilege and wealth, really. But he does seem to have some real problems with primates.

In a related story, a group of bonobos issued a statement indicating that they wish to disavow any genetic links to humanity. They then returned to their usual routine of happily promiscuous casual fucking.

[Twitter / Buzzfeed]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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