Some of you are old enough to remember a fine man called Bob Guccione
Jr Sr. He was an erudite fellow, not at all disgusting or blobby, and he owned the gentlemen’s gazette Penthouse. This exceptional periodical was like Hustler, but with fewer racist cartoons, and it was most famous for its “Penthouse Coliseum,” to which adventurers would write after having completed some grand journey and herculean feat, like boning three nubile coed geishas at the oncet.
Guccione, as one does, left a treasure behind after his too-early demise, in the form of a bunch of crap filed carefully away in a New Jersey storage locker. The magnificent haul, discovered and excavated by some hedge fund manager guy, included unpublished nakey pixxx of Madonna* and Lauren Hutton, correspondence with famous gunslinger Dick “Dick” Cheney, and a photograph, seen by the New York Post, of “a young Arnold Schwarzenegger** engaged in what appears to be a sex act.” A sex act!!!! ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER???!!!??? Oh, right. But what kind?
We are pretty sure he was giving dudes blowies.
*Madonna was a popular 20th century songstress.
**Arnold Schwarzenegger was the scion of Austrian Nazis who starred in “Junior,” wherein he became pregnant by and gave birth to alien robots who went back in time to stop him from giving birth to them. He was also governor of California, “the Golden Dream by the Sea,” for some fucking unknown reason, and married and was divorced by an actual Kennedy.