this is the greatest and classiest fan-fic

Why Spend $17.95 On ‘Erotic’ Obama Fan-Fic, When You Can Get Your Cow At Wonket For Free?

awwwwww yeeeeahNational Review Online informs us we can buy “erotic” “fan-fiction” about Barack and Michelle Obama for the low low price of just $17.95. Fuck that.

“Hello baby,” said Barack Obama to his wife, Michelle Obama. Barack Obama was the president of the United States, and his wife, Michelle Obama, was the First Lady of the United States, because that is how it works in America, it is not like in England where Camilla Parker-Bowles does not get to be queen when her husband becomes the king, who knows why, because she wasn’t a virgin or something? Anyway, weird. Barack Obama continued talking to his wife, Michelle Obama. “Come here and let me put my penis in you,” he said. “Oh Barack Obama,” said Michelle Obama. “I love it when you put your penis in me. I love it when we do sex, with our penises and our vaginas.”

Barack Obama put his penis in Michelle Obama’s vagina. He wiggled it around a bunch, until sperm came out, for making babies. “Thank you for the sex,” said Barack, as he leered at Michelle Obama’s very beautiful figure. “Now I will go kill Osama bin Laden.”

Somewhere else, Old Handsome Joe Biden was having sex on his wife, Dr. Jill Biden. The sperm got EVERYWHERE. Like a firehose of sperm. Like a gushing river of firehoses of sperm, shot from a sperm cannon! “I love you, Dr. Jill Biden,” said Joe Biden. “I love you too, Joe Biden,” said Dr. Jill Biden. Then they cuddled a bunch, and then they had a snack.

Later, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden all went on a double date for burgers. They were very good friends, but not like “very good friends” like Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, just very good friends who enjoyed each other’s company and liked to get burgers. Nobody made any jokes about Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden “partnering” because Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden are all nice people who do not make tacky jokes about each other or their sex lives, and if Barack Obama or Michelle Obama or Joe Biden or Dr. Jill Biden had any sort of secret fantasies about such a thing, they kept it to themselves, as is right and proper.

[UStar, via NRO]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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