Guns don’t kill penises, people kill penises:
A security guard is hospitalized in the city of San Fernando in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago after accidentally discharging his weapon and shooting off his penis. According to the Trinidad and Tobago Guardian, the unnamed 33-year-old man was carrying a .38 caliber handgun in his pocket when it went off, striking him in the groin.
Police in the town of Rio Claro received a call around 8:00 a.m. on Sunday that witnesses had heard a shot coming from a parked car. Officers responding to the scene found the driver slumped at the wheel and bleeding from the injured area.
Hokay, first of all, ouch. Wonkette is very sorry for what this man is going through and we are not making fun of him, honest. That being said, the only way to stop a bad penis with a gun is with a good penis with a gun, so maybe if we posted armed penises in all
pubic public places, then everybody would be safe.
Fortunately, America’s Gun Nutz tend to be of the “I also need really big tires for my really big truck” variety, if you know what I mean, so they’re probably safe. Oh wait, this happens all the time?
As bizarre as this story may seem, this sort of thing is not uncommon. Last September, 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio of Port St. Lucie, Florida shot off his penis and one of his testicles with a gun he had just purchased.
A year earlier, an Arizona man blew his penis off after tucking his girlfriend’s pink pistol into the waistband of his pants.
Guns don’t kill penises. LADYGUNS kill penises, the end.