Well HELLO recalled Miami-Dade mayor Carlos Alvarez! We are pleased to meet you because a) we like daddies and b) you are not a story about anyone getting murdered with guns! You are not about a college shooting. You are not about a terribly mentally ill man who murdered his mother, went to the mental hospital, and then was able to get a permit for 13 more guns. You are not a story about a Utah man shooting his neighbor with a gun for “telepathically” raping his wife. You are a gun show in the only possible sexy meaning of the word, and we want two tickets to YOU!
We refuse to look up anything about you, former Miami-Dade mayor Carlos Alvarez, because we are afeared that if we do you will turn out to be no better than onetime Wonket GILF Sarah Palin, back when she was just a sexxxy cipher and not … Sarah Palin.
We won’t have you ruined for us, at least not today.
[NorthAmericanBodies, via NewTimes]