destroying the sanctity of everything

Announcing The Winners Of Your Wonkette Maryland Gay Marriage Extravaganza

Not altered in any wayHappy Ceremonial Inauguration Day! On this, the day Big Barry Bamz The Dancing Muslim said “gay marriage” in a real inaugural address, we bring you further news of the crumbling Judeo-Christian democracy: You may recall a little contest in which we offered to perform a marriage ceremony for a gay couple in Maryland, where it is now legal to do that kind of thing. Turns out two couples actually took us seriously, and, because we are not in the disappointment biz, we are doing both!

The first winner of the Wonkette Maryland Gay Marriage Extravaganza (and trip to IHOP!) is commender smashaduck, who, along with her “seriously hot girlfriend,” is “quite certain we qualify to gay marry since we both have tattoos. And we have dogs. And to make things really interesting, we have a daughter too.”

I suppose we could visit our local courthouse but who knows what warrants for public nudity or intoxication or both await us. Fuck me. I’ve just been informed we’d still have to visit said courthouse for a license. That’s even more of a reason to marry. I hear spouses aren’t required to testify against one another.

So yeah, we don’t have a choice on this one. They are on the lam, and if we are to participate in any gay couple’s nuptials, it is most definitely the couple with the public nudity. (We’re told their daughter also “approves this message, because, pancakes,” which did not make us get all weepy, definitely not, nope.)

The other winner is commenter widestanceromance, whose email gave us feelings we have not had since the ending of Rocky II:

We’re both native Marylanders, have been together for almost 14 years, and think nothing could crap all over traditional marriage more than having some leftie commie from the Best Blog on the ‘net perform the civilization-destroying ceremony.

WE WILL DO IT YES. Especially in light of the long-finished proposal:

I proposed to him in front of a bed of white hyacinths I secretly planted the fall before to bloom on his March birthday (and nature cooperated!) that spell out the acronym ‘ILY’. Yes, however snarky I am at Wonkette, love makes me a mushy fool. He was equally surprised and moved by my months-long secret plan for proposal. Every year, we look forward to seeing them bloom, and smile.

Oh, gawd, right in the feels. Is there supposed to be more sarcasm in these blog posts? Should we be talking about plans to trolleyjack that guy in Annapolis?. Anyway, there aren’t any details yet, as apparently calling in the morning hours of a federal holiday offering to perform weddings tends to catch people off-guard. We’ll let you know.

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Hola wonkerados.

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