Hi there! I bet we have not written about guns for one or two posts now! Truth be told, yr Wonkette is close to running out of funny/snarky/clever things to say about guns, but the universe keeps giving us really stupid people and occurrences we are duty-bound to write about. So what is happening today?
David Keene, president of the National Rifle Association (yeah, yeah, we thought it was ragemonkey Wayne LaPierre, but apparently he is CEO of the NRA instead), David Keene, he of the “I’m totally into safe gun use but my kid is doing 10 years for a road rage incident that included handgun brandishing,” David Keene would like to tell you that guns don’t kill people, B. Barry Bamz kills people:
On a right-wing talk show on Thursday, David Keene, the president of the National Rifle Association, blamed President Obama and the left for what he says have been hundreds of death threats made against him and his family.
David Keene, you are one whiny ass titty baby. Notably, big baby bully Keene doesn’t elaborate on the “death threats.” Pro-tip: random people on the internet calling for your head on a pike or saying you should eat your own gun are not death threats. That’s called trolling. Get used to it.
Also, too, please to remember that the Kenyan pretender’s notorious gun grabbiness that is leading to your certain death by assassination, David Keene, consists of four pretty goddamn mild things:
Obama, in an emotional White House ceremony, outlined four major legislative proposals aimed at curbing what he called “the epidemic of gun violence in this country”: universal background checks for all gun buyers, a crackdown on gun trafficking, a ban on military-style assault weapons and a ban on ammunition magazines holding more than 10 bullets.
See those? No one is taking your guns away or threatening you, you fucking nutbag. We are also deeply, deeply uncertain how Obummer saying that it would maybe be nice if less crazy people and criminal peoples got guns and maybe it would be cool if you couldn’t have guns that mow down tons of people in mere minutes makes it Bamz’ fault that people do not like you at all, David Keene. Also, too, we will take death threats any day over, you know, actual death by guns.
David Keene, your organization is also responsible for today’s other bit of funny/horribly tragic gun news. Remember your genius plan to arm all the school teachers, because safety? Well, a school in Michigan took your sound advice:
Chatfield School co-directors Matt Young and Bill Kraly announced last week that they had hired retired Lapeer County Sheriff’s Dept. firearms instructor Clark Arnold as a security guard in response to the December mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut…
But by Wednesday, the school had admitted to The Flint Journal that the retired firearms instructor had made a “made a breach in security protocol” and left his unloaded handgun unattended in the school restroom “for a few moments.”
Nothing says “school safety” like RANDOM HANDGUNS LEFT IN THE FUCKING RESTROOM. Well, surely this dude will be fired and prosecuted for this because of this breach in gun safety, right? Hahahahaha:
Lapeer County Prosecutor Byron Konschuh expected that no criminal charges would be filed because no one was harmed.
“If you left a gun unattended and a toddler finds it and shoots and hurts someone, it could be some kind of reckless use of a firearm,” Konschuh explained,
He added that “[i]t’s almost like no harm no foul” because no students were injured in this case.
So – if a toddler uses your gun to get his or her shoot on, that is maybe perhaps reckless, but if you just leave your gun lying about where kids are, “no harm no foul.” If you actually shoot people with your guns, that is a regrettable tragedy but no big deal, but if you tell David Keene to go die in a fire, that is NOT COOL YOU GUYS.
David Keene, shut the fuck up.