FAUXBAMA  6:36 pm January 16, 2013

Valerie Jarrett Just Making Up Badass Obama Quotes

by Rich Abdill

Now on Netflix! Don't ever go outside!In case you missed it in today’s New York Liberal Rag, we want to bring you a particularly interesting tidbit from an “oral history” of Obama’s first term, which has a far different meaning than when it refers to certain other presidents. It is a story from senior advisor (suspected communist) Valerie Jarrett, about a White House discussion on health care (formatted for extra readingosity):

We’re sitting in the Oval Office, and the president asked [the legislative director] Phil Schiliro — who always could figure out what’s that third way — “Phil, what’s the third way?”

Phil said, “Mr. President, unless you’re feeling lucky, I don’t know what the third way is.”

And so the president gets up from his chair and he walks over and he looks out the window, and he says, “Phil, where are you?” Phil says, “I’m in the Oval Office.”

He goes, “What’s my name?” Phil says, “President Obama.”

He goes, “Of course I’m feeling lucky.”

Beat that, Sorkin!

We are currently developing a theory, about what kind of horrifying government operation Jarrett is covering up with this story, but there is no way a person said this in real life. Also, what on earth is Phil doing, saying “I don’t know what the third way is,” when he clearly knows what the third way is?

Let’s just assume, for fun, that he did say that. Does Obama really interrupt meetings by asking people, “What’s my name?” Here is our best guess at what actually went down:

We’re sitting in the Oval Office, and the president asked [the legislative director] Phil Schiliro — who always could figure out what’s that third way — “Phil, what’s the third way?”

Phil said, “Mr. President, unless you’re feeling lucky, I don’t know what the third way is.”

And so the president gets up from his chair and he walks over and he looks out the window, and he says, “Don’t be obtuse, stupid.”

[New York Times]

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