never ever getting back together

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

cold rain's gonna fallMatt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America.

We are assuming that Matt Drudge does not actually think the Founding Fathers are elemental demigods elevated to a heavenly perch above to manipulate forces of nature to send messages about background checks at gun shows.

…Who are we kidding?  He totally fucking does.

Anyway, Matt Drudge has now gone from news aggregator to maudlin dramatic Instagrammer, blaring the Smiths as he tries to figure out the sickest way to burn his ex on the internet. Next up: posting shots of America sleeping naked on one of those revenge porn sites, with her home address and everything.


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