Cool Bro Ranks All The Ugliest Feminists, As If That Is Not Redundant (NSFW)

  department of redundancy department

The horrorRoosh is a cool dude. He is a pickup artist Mens’ Rights Activist who will take a break from boning all the world’s hottest women to teach you how to rape Ukrainian girls or something.

But Roosh is sad we guess, maybe his pageviews are not everything he would like them to be, but he has come up with a surefire way to get all the sweet honey clicks, and that is by ranking all the ugliest feminazis, obvs. So Sandra Fluke is obviously a grotesque monster (just look at her!) plus she makes you pay for her birth control. (We do not understand why a PUA/MRA/DDS/Esq. is against chicks being on birth control; maybe they prefer to demand abortions.) And Lindy West is not “the writer Wonkette will one day liberate from Jezebel” (Caity Weaver of Gawker, you are on our kidnap list too), she is a fat girl, so, the end.

But who is this Roosh, and more importantly, do we want to bone him?

RooshV

No. Apparently RooshV is a member of fun. Here is a recent come-on for sad lonely men to buy his book on fucking sad Ukrainian girls.

  • How you can hack the backwards Ukrainian mentality to get laid
  • How to respond when a Ukrainian woman tries to cross-examine you
  • Description of the 3 types of Ukrainian girls, and the one you should go for in order to obtain sex
  • How to develop a solid backstory so she doesn’t think you’re a sex tourist
  • A detailed breakdown on how to pick up during the day, including opening strategy, conversation tips, pitfalls to avoid, and how to best answer their common questions about your visit
  • The best nightclub pickup strategy that has ever been put into print for the country of Ukraine
  • How to have a conversation with a Ukrainian girl who possesses bad English, with over a dozen topics and ideas to be used both for when you meet her and on dates
  • Three date strategy for sealing the deal, with specific venue suggestions, tips, and moves
  • What to do when a Ukrainian girl tries to extract resources from you in a long-term relationship
  • Two short stories that offer additional insight and information into Ukrainian culture, including interesting examples of making love to Ukrainian women
  • If you purchase the ebook edition of Bang Ukraine before Sunday at midnight, you get the following seven bonuses:

  • Bang Ukraine analysis from a Ukrainian player (22 pages)
  • 21 Ukrainian women (pictures and analysis)
  • How to teach English in Ukraine with no experience
  • Sample English teacher resume
  • Curated raw data on six Ukrainian cities (48 pages)
  • 5 things I should have done differently in Ukraine
  • 50% discount off regular price

It should probably be the first entry in Doktor Zoom’s upcoming book club, do you not think?

Here is a thing from Roosh from 2006, because it is on the last page of his blog, and we wanted to “dive deep”!

Let’s make a brave assumption that 10% of all women in this world between the ages of 18-34 are physically desirable, meaning they are at least a 7 on the 1-10 rating scale. We all know that some cultures are more attractive than others, but for now lets assume they are all the same.

I date Latin, European, and fair-skinned girls. I don’t date Asian, Indian, black, or Eskimo. There is nothing wrong with these girls, but I just don’t feel it (yes, I know Asian women have tight vaginas). Now say I go visit Columbia. For every 100 girls I see there that are close to my age, I’ll want to have intimacy with 10 of them (10%). Since Colombia is mostly homogenous, probably the entire sample size of 100 will indeed be Latin, my target audience.

I run into a problem in the United States because of its diversity. Out of 100 girls I see here, off the bat about half will be girls from ethnic groups I can’t work with. So with the remaining 50, 5 will be desirable if we continue using the 10% assumption. That means I will have to meet about twice the amount of girls here than in Columbia to find someone I find attractive.

Now lets drop our earlier assumption and recognize that women from some countries are better looking than others. If we bump up countries like Colombia, Czech, and Spain to 20% (which may be a conservative increase), and bump this morbidly obese country down to 5% (which may be a conservative decrease), the situation for me becomes much more unfortunate.

For every 100 girls I see in the U.S., 2.5 will be attractive (50 x 5%), compared to 20 in a desirable country (100 x 20%). Throw in the fact that D.C. is the ugliest American city and it easily becomes at least ten times harder to meet an attractive girl here. This means I have to run into 1,000 girls in D.C. to find the same amount of quality I’d find in 100 girls elsewhere.

There are only three solutions to this problem:

1. Move.

2. Play the numbers game and work hard to sift through tons of undesirable trash.

3. Turn gay.

I’m been doing option two for years. It’s more energy intensive but I have dated some quality girls in this area. But then I have to ask myself a couple questions: How much more quality would I have met elsewhere? How much better would my experiences have been? Luckily for my sanity, I will never know the real answer.

The sad thing with all these numbers and assumptions presented to you is that I have only considered physical appearance, not personality.

Huh.

Here is something we just grabbed out of RooshV’s most popular post links, and it is RooshV expounding on the types of pussy. Which pussy is yours?

Grab your hand mirror ladies!

1. Razor bump pussy. She’s still experimenting with the best Gillette model. The new razor with five blades caused a surprising amount of irritation.

2. Honda Civic pussy. The most common type of pussy. Reliable and basic with clean lines.

3. INTJ pussy. The clitoris is out just enough to make a pleasant introduction, but she’s not exactly dancing on the bar.

4. Cunnilingus pussy. Another common pussy type with strong clitoris action. Easy to go down on if you do that sort of thing (I don’t).

5. Vintage porn pussy. Humans have long since evolved, so you won’t find a young girl with this pussy anymore.

6. Lazy pussy. She’s putting in zero effort with her appearance yet still expects guys to approach her all night. You suspect she alternates between only two “going out” outfits.

7. Spinster pussy. This scraggly and worn pussy gave up and is ready for the body attached to it to die.

8. Dog ear in the wind pussy. The clitoris flaps around like it has a mind of its own, but trying to understand its movements will only confuse you.

9. Rain drop pussy. One more drop of pussy flesh and the surface tension will no longer be able to hold the entire apparatus to her body. I like the clitoris here more than the dog ear in the wind pussy because it’s easier to diddle.

10. Pedophile pussy. Perverted men put it all on the line to score this virginal pussy. It’s as pristine as a mountain spring—can you blame them?

11. Predator pussy. If you stare at this pussy for 40 seconds, an image of the Predator alien will pop out at you.

12. Big pussy. Easy entry/exit, but she won’t feel anything if you’re not well-equipped. She’ll be polite, though, and let out a few token moans at your ineffective thrusts.

13. Experienced pussy. This pussy tries to fake but those bumps don’t lie. They act like tree rings and are easily measurable by trained scientists.

14. Social anxiety pussy. Awkward body language and tonality. You need a lot of foreplay with this one.

15. Domestic violence pussy. The pussy got out of line so the man had to slap it around, leading to a swollen, tender appearance. (That reminds me—what do you say to a girl with a black eye? Answer: Bitch I already told you once!)

16. Diarrhea pussy. This pussy ate a bad meal from Taco Bell and is now shooting semi-digested pellets into the toilet bowl.

17. Toyota Camry pussy. Roomier version of the Honda Civic pussy and more reliable with lower maintenance costs. Bring along a couple of your friends. (Editor’s Note: This is my favorite pussy type. I don’t have time to figure out how pussy works—I just want to hop in and get to my destination as quickly as possible.)

18. Last minute pussy. God didn’t decide on the gender of this pussy until the last minute, hence the huge meaty bit that makes penetration extra challenging.

19. Chubby pussy. You look at this pussy and are not sure whether to recommend the cookie diet or P90X.

20. Shy pussy. More outgoing than social anxiety pussy, but her constant silence makes you wonder, “Does she like me? Is she playing games?”

21. Developmentally stunted pussy. If they caught the problem early then an endocrinologist could have prescribed a hormone treatment, but unfortunately it’s too late now and what you got is a pussy that is small and under-powered.

22. Used to be fat pussy. This pussy has lost so much weight that the remaining skin is flabby and loose like an overripe pear.

23. McMansion pussy. You love this pussy in the beginning, bragging to your friends about all the extra storage space it contains, but then once you see your electric bill you wish you bought something more economical.

24. Eagle pussy. Wings in the back offer more stability during flight. Graceful, earnest.

25. Interstate highway pussy. When they built this pussy it was like a dream to drive on the freshly paved asphalt, but overdevelopment of the surrounding areas has led to intolerable sprawl.

26. Anteater pussy. How your grandma’s pussy looks like. Loosening muscle and skin has forced the first couple inches of the vaginal canal to prolapse outside of the body. Grandpa ain’t complaining though… that sly devil.

27. Terminator pussy. One of Skynet’s first models. The clitoris has a formidable exoskeleton that will swallow up your dick if you don’t disable the chip first.

28. Turkey pussy. Wings, giblet, caruncle, wattle—you got it all here. Starter package comes with special handling instructions and food for the first month.

29. Department store pussy. It looked great when you tried it on in the fitting room, but at home it looks a little off. Maybe it’s one size too small?

30. Morbidly obese pussy. When this pussy gets sick you need to need to call the special ambulance with the human crane. All hands on deck!

So, Roosh basically just plagiarized From Dusk Till Dawn? You forgot “smelly pussy” and “horse pussy” dude.

Oh, and who here is surprised that Roosh does not perform cunnilingus? Yes, us too.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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