a visit from the truther squad

Newtown Truthers Approach Center Of Conspiracy: This Nice Old Man Dog-Walker

It's not a tin-foil hat, you jerk, it's a Faraday cage.Here is a quick glimpse at a little slice of American culture at the moment. There was a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, in which more than two dozen children and teachers were assault-rifled to death, but you know that already. You might not know, though, about 69-year-old pet-sitter Gene Rosen, who lives near the school. According to Salon, here’s what happened the day of the shooting, when six kids showed up with a bus driver:

“We can’t go back to school,” one little boy told Rosen. “Our teacher is dead.” He brought them inside and gave them food and juice and toys. He called their parents.

It warms the cockles, Rosen’s kindness does. But that is not the glimpse we are glimpsing at today, no. The heartwarming story we’re gathered to hear together is how Sandy Hook conspiracy theorists have been wrecking Rosen’s life, for truth!

There have been phony Google+ and YouTube accounts created in his name, messages on white supremacist message boards ridiculing the “emotional Jewish guy,” and dozens of blog posts and videos “exposing” him as a fraud. One email purporting to be a business inquiry taunted: “How are all those little students doing? You know, the ones that showed up at your house after the ‘shooting’. What is the going rate for getting involved in a gov’t sponsored hoax anyway?” …

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The harassment has turned Rosen’s life upside down, and made him feel things once foreign to him, like searing rage. “I was sitting in a restaurant the other night and these guys who were part of a car club came up to me and shook my hand and said, ‘you know, you’re a hero to me.’ He had seen me on TV. So I said thank you. Then I’m sitting there I hear this other guy, ‘oh yeah, it was a conspiracy.’

Charming, you guys. You are showing the TRUE POWER of the paranoid internet patriot-asshole. Congratulations on getting to the bottom of this one. You are doing all of us such favors.

Let’s just accept it as fact that the black guy in the White House orchestrated this whole thing, there were four shooters from the Israeli special forces, and it was not children who were killed, but a secret United Nations delegation. Let’s say that’s true, and all the parents are actors who will NEVER WORK AGAIN, and the kid-coffins were actually full of human-alien hybrids the government needed to get rid of.

First of all, this is an insanely complicated plot to facilitate what will probably turn out to be some new background check procedures. Would Obama really kill 20 kids to take guns away, and then not take the guns away?

And a more germane question, for you scheme-revealing blogmonsters who can’t understand WHY people would unsubscribe from your mind-blowing Facebook status updates: What good is the dog-walker? Making a fake Google+ account for a senior citizen who went on TV a couple of times isn’t going to help your case, you just found a soft target to bully.

Do some REAL work for your cause. Challenge one of those parent-actors, about how their kid isn’t dead. Please, put it on YouTube, that will definitely help. Better yet, call their bluff and just dig up a grave. Even money on that hole being full of jelly beans! Unless it’s easier to sit in the dark and harass Newtown residents. Yeah, that’s probably easier.

[Salon]

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