Schools To Get Blowed Up By Terrorists, Says Man Who Really Really Wants To Carry Gun At Schools

  what could go wrong?

This is the NRA's good guy with a gun.Matt Davis is a renaissance man. He’s a former GOP spokesman, a columnist, and a fan of armed insurrection. He also sounds like a raving paranoid.

It is against the law to carry concealed weapons at schools, but Matt Davis cares not for these burdensome rules that deny him the right to protect his children from purely imaginary threats.

My worst fear: Dozens of terrorist sleeper cells, with five or six men each, would activate roughly at the same time and attack designated schools across the country. I’d be at work, and I would be helpless to retrieve my children and keep them safe from maniacs.

I imagined further that, from a terrorist’s point of view, these attacks would have a dramatic, profound effect on our collective psyche: No parent would allow his child to return to school to long as they were not secure from violent, lethal attacks. Our economy and economic security wouldn’t just hiccup; it would collapse.

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From that point on, whenever I went to school for some reason (a forgotten lunch; a teacher conference; etc.), as I approached the school I would instinctively feel my right side for that which I knew wasn’t there: A handgun.

What an injustice! Matt Davis was denied the right to defend his children from a sleeper cell of terrorists attacking their school while he was dropping off their lunch! It’s unconscionable.

The prospect of terrorists attacking a suburban school in Michigan is an all too real possibility according to these stats compiled by Reason back in 2011.

Taking these figures into account, a rough calculation suggests that in the last five years, your chances of being killed by a terrorist are about one in 20 million. This compares annual risk of dying in a car accident of 1 in 19,000; drowning in a bathtub at 1 in 800,000; dying in a building fire at 1 in 99,000; or being struck by lightning at 1 in 5,500,000. In other words, in the last five years you were four times more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a terrorist.

Yes, when you consider that roughly 16 Americans die in terrorist attacks annually compared to the 1500 who are killed annually in gun accidents, it should be clear to all right-thinking Americans that we need Matt Davis wandering around schools with a gun. Sure, 19,999,999 times he’ll never encounter terrorists, but that 20,000,000th time, boy howdy, you’ll be glad this guy and his .38 special were able to do battle with Black September.

It’s not like some armed parent would lose their shit over a stupid misunderstanding and pose a threat to student safety. That scenario is far more implausible than sleeper cell terrorists attacking a school. Well, except for the fact that nutter parents getting stupid and posing a threat is an actual thing that literally happened this week.

Kane County Sheriff’s police assigned a deputy to Mill Creek Elementary School near Geneva Thursday after a disturbance at the school Wednesday when a parent complained children weren’t reciting the Pledge of Allegiance correctly, officials said.

Geneva District 304 officials released a statement late Thursday morning explaining a parent used “language that is not typically heard in a school setting” in the library in front of a kindergarten class. School officials called police to “minimize the disruption,” according to the release.

If Matt Davis was at that school, they wouldn’t have needed to waste taxpayers money by calling the police. And what a great lesson in personal responsibility that would have been for those kindergarteners.

[MLive, Chicago Tribune]

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About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick

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