Paul Ryan Focusing On Jobs With New Bill About One-Celled Embryos
Lucky you, Amercia, Paul Ryan (R-Complete Tool) is back at work and ready to focus on the issues. After all, Paul Ryan is a Very Serious Person who is Very Concerned about Jobs and The Economy! So when he was campaigning we were all bereft of his leadership on these and other pressing issues, and it was sad, and surely we suffered mightily for it. But today we bring you good news, for he is BACK, you guys, and now that he is back, he is dedicated to his number one legislative priority: cosponsoring legislation that promotes job growth protects one-celled embryos.
The personhood bill, first introduced in 2011 by Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) and reintroduced by Broun last week, specifies that a "one-celled human embryo," even before it implants in the uterus to create a pregnancy, should be granted "all the legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood." Similar legislation has been rejected by voters in multiple states, including the socially conservative Mississippi, because legal experts have pointed out that it could outlaw some forms of birth control and in vitro fertilization as well as criminalize abortion at all stages.
Broun said in a statement that a zygote's right to life should be "defended vigorously and at all costs."
Aren't we lucky, fellow Amercians, that someone is thinking of the children? Also, no wonder Paul Ryan got a standing ovation when he came back from the campaign. He's in the trenches, doing the hard work of co-sponsoring legislation that has absolutely no chance of passing and has nothing to do with jobs, the economy, or the deficit.
As long as the credit cards are not cloned!
So, we'll be locking up all pregnant women for false imprisonment then.
Also, anyone who's undergone IVF can claim all their snowflake babies as dependents. Plus those embryos can now NEVAR! be destroyed.