stole jenna bush's i.d.

Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome

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Hows about a little Scooby Snack?What’s up, “William Hilton Paul,” if that even is your real name? (What, “Ramada” was taken?) Oh, you just got hauled off from the airport to the pokey for being too rad? Let us examine, together, your charges:

When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive.

10:49 a.m.? Young man, we like the cut of your jib!

But more importantly, what do we think William ben Rand ben RON PAUL!!!1! did that was disorderly and disruptive?

  • Went Galt.
  • Played “Words With Friends.”
  • Told female passengers they would enjoy oral sex from him due to the scrapey friction from his scraggly Flavor Saver.
  • Was Muslim.

Sen. Rand Paul has asked that we be understanding that all teens are fucking assholes — and we are, Blanche, we are. But as Mr. Sen. Paul is also toying with the idea of running for president, let us greet New Jenna with open arms. Welcome to the American electorate, New Jenna. We love you!


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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