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How many popes in the handcufffs?We do a lot of joshing with the Catholic Church, mostly because we do not particularly care for how Pope Nazi personally defrocked Jean-Bertrand Aristide, or the way he treats nuns (WE LOVE NUNS), or the protection racket the Church has got going on for its cavalcades of boy-diddling priests. (When your Editrix was a little girl, everyone knew Father Pat was molesting boys, and everyone felt very sorry for how broken he must have been; what we didn’t know was that the Church was busy moving its molesters to brand new parishes and victims.) As a Catholic ourself (and a Jew), we also believe it’s high time we allowed our (male or female) priests to marry — men or ladies, duh — because we think enforced celibacy makes you weird. Which brings us to this nice priest, and his 911 call asking for help getting out of his ballgag and handcuffs.

Can we just let priests get their freak on (WITH CONSENTING ADULTS) and be over it already? Let this cool guy (now “on leave” from St. Aloysius in Springfield, Illinois) lead the way.


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