Our old pal Victoria Jackson has been kind of mentally ill on her Facebook page lately, so we did not make fun of her for it because SAD FACE. (We try not to make fun of the actually mentally ill, though we fucked up on that P-E-N-I-S lady, and we’re pretty torn about yesterdays gaysatanbuttbabies.) But Ms. Jackson’s latest tour de force about Al Gore, Cyndi Lauper and Al Jazeera is not insane (beyond her usual shriekings bout SHARIA) so much as it is stupid and maybe drunk and also it makes no sense. Let us have a close read, together, of whatever the fuck she is rambling on about, in her feverdreams!
Let us begin.
Al Jazeera just bought Current TV from Al Gore. The Muslims just bought the Earth Worship channel from the Lying Politician. No, it’s even creepier, Gore has united with the terrorist group, he is on their board of directors, explains Tom Trento of The United West.
Glenn Beck explains how he “had a higher bid than Al Jazeera’s but because of his conservative political background, he was rejected. “He didn’t sell to the highest bidder,” the host said. “We were not allowed to the table. He didn’t sell to the highest bidder. He looked for, who do I ideologically align with.”
We pause to note that nowhere in the law does it say you must sell your private property to the highest bidder. But it is something they repeat A LOT. Like, perhaps Al Gore did not want to sell his television channel to Glenn Beck because Glenn Beck is the kind of journalist who compares Al Gore to Osama Bin Laden? Nah, it is because he is Osama Bin Laden.
Al Jazeera has long been the subject of Beck’s derision, as he believes it is an “anti-American” network. And so, Beck and his co-host Stu Burguiere mocked the former Vice President for believing Al Jazeera to be more closely aligned with his ideology than an American television company.”
I choose the Constitution-truth-loving-Beck-network over the Shariah-Islamization-indoctrination-globalism-green-network.
Cyndi Lauper has a new reality show. She and I both got famous in the 80′s. We both have kooky voices. We’ve both been married 20 years. We’re both political activists and we both just published our autobiographies. (I actually played her on SNL’s We are the World sketch.) One of the major networks approached my agent and manager last month about me having a reality show. They thought I was “interesting.” At the end of the conversation the network said, “…but we are concerned with her political and religious views.”
Are they concerned with Cyndi’s political and religious views? No. Why? Because her worldview is accepted on TV. It is the only worldview accepted on TV. Her politics line up with the propaganda, the progressives, and the anti-Christian movement. They also line up with Al Jazeera and Al Gore.
Got it, so Cyndi Lauper, who by all appearances (The Apprentice) is just kind of braindead instead of terrifying, and who also is a beloved entertainer while Victoria Jackson’s main contribution to society was The Love Toilet, is part of Al Jazeera? Did we get that right?
I just read Cyndi Lauper’s autobiography. She says she is against socialism, but voted for Obama. She is a political activist for LGBT causes. She supports Planned Parenthood, and has had an abortion. She was a stripper and had a lot of sexual partners before marriage. Perfect. That is the lifestyle all the TV shows promote and praise, with a few exceptions. Lauper’s show is called “She’s Still So Unusual.” Unusual? She is the cookie-cutter, prototype, singer, TV personality. They’re all like that!
“Unusual” is a conservative, Christian SNL alum!
“She says she is against socialism, but voted for Obama.” You know, we just want to put it out there: maybe if rightwing nutjobs didn’t call Barack Obama a socialist all the time, half of all American Youngs wouldn’t be approving of socialism right this minute.
OK, onward. Blah blah blah this is so long already BORINGCAKES. Let’s see.
I auditioned for “The Talk” a few years ago. I didn’t get the part. When I tuned in to see who got the role of “token conservative,” there was none. There are no conservatives on “The Talk,” or on “The View,” except Elisabeth. There is only one view permitted on TV – the liberal left. Every channel, every show, except Hannity and Huckabee.
Al Jazeera – stay out of the USA. We do not want your Shariah Law here. We don’t want Gore’s fake science either.
We want Glenn Beck and his blackboard back on TV.
Okay, so some garden variety bitching about not getting a role (this is not new, she hasn’t gotten a role in 20 years), Al Jazeera is Sharia Law, global warming is fake science, GLENN BECK!!!1! Cool.
And, Cyndi Lauper, I actually like you alot. I’ve never met you. I hope we can work together someday.
“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” – liberal girls, and conservative girls! Let’s have Cyndi Lauper and Victoria Jackson back on TV. That would prove there is still a shred of freedom left in the U.S.A.
And … that’s it? Cyndi Lauper actually has nothing to do with either Al Jazeera or Al Gore? She just has a reality show that Victoria Jackson wants? And a private citizen not giving Victoria Jackson a teevee show or Glenn Beck a channel means there is no freedom? Why, it sounds as if Jackson wants the government to coerce some freedom for her! Or something, who fucking knows, bitch is nuts.