Hey there, self-hating Americans. Are you interested in accessing quality programming like This Decadent, Doomed American Life? Or how about All Things Categorically Denied and Seemingly Random Executions Considered? Well, get pumped, because Al Gore is selling Current TV to sexy Arab news giant Al Jazeera, and he doesn’t care how many of Glenn Beck’s “George Washington kisses me tenderly on the frozen banks of the Potomac and finally tells me he loves me” dreams are crushed in the process. But why wouldn’t he sell his teevee channel to Glenn Beck? Is it because Al Gore is totally the same as Osama Bin Laden? Yes.
According to reports, Current TV will be sold to Al Jazeera for $500 million, netting Gore $100 million by virtue of his 20% ownership of the network. Those who’ve seen Current’s programming can attest to Gore’s upper hand in the deal – the network lagged behind in viewership and risked being dropped from provider Time Warner Cable. Yr. Wonkette once watched Current for an entire hour, didn’t see any text-to-vote polls on which Michelle Obama dress best matches our personal style, and concluded the channel was destined to sink fast, so good on Al Gore for jumping ship. Certain serious “environment” types (like, 3 or 4 of the 6 regular Current TV viewers) who believed Gore was above the influence of money may feel betrayed by his new relationship with Al Jazeera, since the network is funded by the oil-rich Qatari royal family, but most Americans will probably react to the news by saying, “Al Jazeera? You mean that gay magician?”
More controversial than Gore shedding his bland, egg-white news network are the reports he chose to sell to Al Jazeera when he had an offer from venerated American journalist Glenn Beck. Beck’s Blaze Media tried to purchase Current TV last year, but the offer was rejected almost immediately. Here is Beck discussing the attempted purchase with his producer on the radio:
“We were not allowed to the table,” he said. “He didn’t sell to the highest bidder. He looked for, Who do I ideologically align with?” Mr. Beck’s producer Stu Burguiere added, “The guy who was vice president of the United States and was 537 votes away from being president during 9/11 is ideologically aligned, by his own definition, with the network that Osama bin Laden went to every time he wanted to get a message out.”
Wow, we haven’t seen a liberal compared to Bin Laden since the last time Barack Obama’s picture was on Fox News! But a classy, respected news outlet like The Blaze just plays this sort of thing off, right? They don’t let rejection get under their skin, or cause them to report on the sale in a way that sounds like the final interview with the losing woman on The Bachelor. Right?
This admission on the part of Current clearly shows that the network aligns itself with al-Jazeera — at least when it comes to goals and aspirations — something critics will likely question. As the AP noted, Dave Marash, a former “Nightline” reporter who worked for the network for a time, left in 2008 after sensing an anti-American bias.
“Yeah, so what, I guess he liked Chloe better or whatever, because him even making that choice just shows how stupid he is and how much he doesn’t deserrrrrrrrve me.”
Oh well, America, enjoy your new 24 hour streaming ShariaTube while Al Gore counts his money and laughs at the thought of how many cans he’d have to recycle to drum up that kind of cash.