Since we just wrapped up our annual war on Jesus’s Pretend Birthday, people might be thinking: “Well, then, when is Satan’s birthday?” and “I should at least send a card, don’t you think?” Well, here is the answer to that question, via Joseph Sciambra, an “ex-gay” who used to do the porn: every time a gay does sex in the butt, he gives birth to Satan, from his butt. So to take this thought to its natural conclusion, this means that every day, including Jesus’s birthday, is Satan’s birthday. Celebrate accordingly!
We also learn from this important Christian evangelism video that “anal sex” has replaced the “first kiss,” which must create a whole lot of extra work for the chaperones of high school dances. Also, dude had to have his entire heiny hoo-hoo rebuilt by surgeons, he says, due to all the buttsexing.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION: once Satan is butt-born, where does he go? Does he require constant care and feeding, and is this why your gay friends can’t seem to arrive anywhere on time? Whenever you see a gay with a scar on his lower back, does that mean he had a C-section? If the fetus you save is The Dark Lord Of The Universe, will you still fight for his rights? Hmmmm, pro-lifers?