Do you yearn for a time when the day after Christmas was all about throwing your useless wrapping paper into the man-made canal behind your house, instead of marking the beginning of the white, leftist holiday of Kwanzaawith a ceremonial dangling of the American flag inches above a lit Kinara? Wisconsin State Senator Glenn Grothman does too, which is why he's thrown together a little press release with his fancy, newfangled "pen and paper" to ask the important question, "Why Must We Still Talk About Kwanzaa?"
In their zeal to respond to attacks from holiday juggernaut Hanukkah, soldiers bravely defending Christmas from attack on every front have long neglected bullying less threatening holidays like Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa is the perfect target for those wishing to restore cultural supremacy to Christmas: the holiday is basically just a hollow front without any dedicated, reverent followers.
"Almost no black people today care about Kwanzaa -- just white left-wingers who try to shove this down black people's throats in an effort to divide Americans," Grothman said in a press release.
Merely a propaganda tool, Kwanzaa stands little chance of surviving an unfavorable press release from a Wisconsin State Senator, which is fortunate because, beyond being a topic of conversation in some American households, the anti-American conspiracy masquerading as a holiday has managed to infiltrate the public schools responsible for educating our children.
Irresponsible public school districts such as Green Bay and Madison (and who knows how many others…) try to tell a new generation that blacks have a separate holiday than Christians…But why do they do it? They don’t like America and seek to destroy it by pretending that its values as expressed in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution, don’t apply to everyone. Mainstream Americans must be more outspoken on this issue. It’s time it’s slapped down once and for all…Be on the lookout if a K-12 or college teacher tries to tell your children or grandchildren it’s a real holiday.
How else, besides burying Kwanzaa into the evil ground from whence it came, can Americans protect their children from learning that other people voluntarily celebrate other holidays? Those lucky enough to have avoided exposure to Kwanzaa may not be sufficiently alarmed by coverage of it in schools, so Yr. Wonkette will provide a list of the treacherous and highly anti-American "Principles" celebrated over the course of Kwanzaa:
1) Unity
2)Self-Determination
3)Collective Work/Responsibility
4)Cooperative Economics
5)Purpose
6)Creativity
7)Faith
Can we really afford to have this smut peddled in our Elementary Schools, especially when we know that real black people, like the ones Glenn Grothman knows so intimately, don't even like it? Can we continue to tolerate the existence of a formerly certified "black" activity now propped up by white dudes too late to the cool table, as we continue to tolerate break dancing and wearing FUBU jerseys? Dividing the country through youth indoctrination has long been a staple strategy of the left, but by promoting "alternative holiday lifestyles" like Kwanzaa, leftist conspirators jeopardize your children's opportunity to be American and celebrate a tasteful holiday with a homogenous group in a way that doesn't diverge from tradition or original intention AT ALL, SERIOUSLY, VICTORIA'S SECRET ON BLACK FRIDAY IS AS OLD AS ST. NICK.
Glenn Grothman, please save us from ourselves.
Pic by WisPolitics.com (Sen. Grothman Uploaded by Common Good) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http: //creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Try green, black and yellow, although that might be too Rastafarian.
It does sound a bit like the late Andy Rooney.