Wonket’s Hu-Man of the Year was a hard-fought contest. There were strong cases to be made for Donald Trump, and Rick Santorum, and the cast of Fox & Friends. But in the end only one hu-man provided such grand doses of befuddled misanthropy, who proved to be SO FUCKING BAD AT HIS JOB, who could not open his mouth but to insult the help (everyone is the help), whose wife was a bigger fucking cunt than he was. Oh, this could have been a Republican year. Everyone thought so mostly! Except then the Republicans went and nominated His Lord High Hairgel, Mittens of Romney, who literally said half the country refused to take responsibility for their lives, and no one was surprised. BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS GAFFES? Let us relive, together, the power and the glory forever and ever hallelujah amen!
First, what was up with CONSTANTLY insulting people, to their faces? He made fun of Nascar fans’ rain ponchos for being cheap, to their faces. He said some nice cookies people brought him were gross and looked like they came from 7-Eleven, to their faces. He laughed at veterans who lived in a shelter, to their Purple Heart Band-Aids. He insulted America’s closest ally, to its “lorry.”
The man could not open his mouth without making fun of people or telling the president of the United States of America to shut the fuck up.
Also of note, the ease with which the man lied, constantly and with a patented Romney sneer, was always obvious, but it was in the speech in which he accepted the Republican nomination that it went from eye-rollingly quirky to HOLY FUCK.
Then there was the pandering.
We will not even get into his policies, because who fucking cares, the man did not have one coherent stance that lasted more than an hour in his life. Also, “Big Bird” and “binders full of women.” Don’t care about that either.
Why don’t people love Miffed Romney? Why didn’t they understand that it was “Mitt’s Time”? Why do they hate his cunty fucking wife, also too? (That one is easy, it is because she is cunty.) Let us let John Hawkins, conservablogger extraordinaire have the last word on how Miffed Romney is A LIVING SAINT:
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
Mitt Romney saw people in trouble and he didn’t wait for the government to save them, he made a REAL gutsy call, and did what he had to do to save their lives.
The Morrisseys of Tewksbury were motoring their vintage wooden boat through the large lake on July 4 weekend that year when, around sunset and about 300 yards from shore, the vessel began taking on water. Robert Morrissey attempted to dial 911 on his cell phone, only to lose the device in the water as the boat started sinking rapidly.
That’s when Romney, who owns a home on the shore of the lake, and two of his sons jumped on jet skis and rode out to assist the six people, along with the family dog, struggling in the water.
The Romneys took two of the passengers ashore, and others in the area helped the rest of the family — and the dog, too — make it back to land without injury.
Doesn’t everyone understand that all other people in that situation would just let their neighbors drown, for not having enough sense to take responsibility for their lives? Oh we forgot: that man was obviously a Job Creator, and as such was embraced in Miffed Romney’s loving arms, because “yacht.”