Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective

  don't pretend you don't want it

this is your futureIt has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when the revolution comes it will damn sure start with ‘mos taking over executive agencies. We watched as the heroic group known as “One Million Moms” declared victory against JC Penney and Ellen Degeneres by deciding that they wouldn’t fight anymore (WHICH IS TOTALLY WINNING YOU GUYS) until they decided to get mad all over again, because history’s greatest monster lesbian played an elf in a Christmas TV commercial. Will Ellen’s reign of terror never end? Also, too, One Million Moms is apparently mad at a whole ton of gay things:

Other recent targets of One Million Moms include Skittles (for their commercial in which a girl kisses a walrus), Urban Outfitters (for some questionable language on their website), NBC’s tv show ‘New Normal’, Oreo (for supporting Gay Pride) and DC Comics (for introducing a gay character).

Soon, there will be no products left for bigots except an endless stream of Chik-Fil-A. On second thought, bigots will probably not mind this.

We also had to endure bunches of people telling us how gay gay gay they were, throwing their gayness around in our faces all the time. Preternaturally handsome Anderson Cooper came out, surprising no one since all he ever did was be pretty and make out with dudes in public. Some weather dude who is apparently kind of teevee famous (but not as famous or pretty as Anderson Cooper) also came out and got gay married and made the people at Newsbusters sad. Nate Silver told people he was teh ghey, but that was pretty much overshadowed by the fact that Nate Silver is a fucking wizard who can divine elections.

 
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Speaking of elections, the 2012 election cycle was nothing but a whole bunch of gay gay gayness. First we had to endure Barack Obama talking all the time about how great it would be to allow teh gheys to have some extremely minimal rights like getting to marry their own kind and getting to enlist in the military and have the same chance to come back utterly damaged from pointless wars. Three states chose to legalize gay marriage, so now if you live in Maryland, Maine or Washington teh gheys will make you marry them no matter what. Minnesota managed not to ban gay marriage in the constitution, but still bans it in law so yay?

Gays are everywhere, and 2013 will be the year of your new ghey overlords, Wonkettians. Prepare thyselves.

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