old handsome joe

The Year In Joe Biden

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You could buy this on a cup. Or an iPhone thingie.We at Wonket — the last bastion of pure Joe Biden love — received the following note yesterday, in our tipline, where people go to yell at us:

I know you-all play it as though Joe Biden is just a sexy fool, but the scuttlebutt is that the Rs felt Obama wasn’t serious about talks (with Boehner) cause Biden wasn’t involved (granted B is House, while Biden is senate).

But Biden (and Geithner) were in talks on Friday AND in the article below, McConnell went off to call Biden during the Senate R. caucus this afternoon.

Joe isn’t just sexy–he’s smart/sexy.


US LIBEL. When we pointed out just how libeled we were being, our courrespondente doubled down. YES SHE DID.

The whole ‘sexy joe’ thing is funny but a little overdone…so NO libel…truth.

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UNTRUTH! UNTRUTH! But it did give us an idea for a stupid year-end wrap-up, which we couldn’t think of any before, so thank you to our MEAN, LYING, LIBELING letter-writer, because here is your Year In Old Handsome Joe.

What awesome thing did Old Handsome Joe Biden do first this year? Oh, he just SINGLEHANDEDLY LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE SORT OF!

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After that Meet the Press appearance of Joe Biden love getting everywhere, Barack Obama had to agree that he too had “evolved” back to the same pro-gay-marriage stance he’d had in 1996. GOOD JOB JOE!

Then there was this most fabulous story about Joey “The Enforcer” Biden, who did actually hilarious pranks requiring both wit and stamina, and stood up for little kids who were getting bullied. JOE!!!!

Hmmm, what did Joe do next? He went to the NAACP and gave the greatest speech, TESTIFYIN’ and BEIN’ SO GREAT that, unlike Mitt Romney, whom the NAACP booed for being a compleat dicke, the NAACP booed when he said “and let me close”! IT WAS SO GREAT!

Then Joe Biden did something terrible. He said “Dad” and “Paul Ryan” in the same sentence, even though Paul Ryan’s dad is dead!

Then Joe Biden did something even worse. Y’all, he said “chains,” and it was the worst race-baiting since Matt Drudge put N*gger N*gger N*gger N*gger all over his Journalism Website.

Then Joe Biden did this:

Then Joe Biden’s missus, Dr. Jill, reminded all the biker ladies in the land that Old Handsome Joe’s MONSTER SCHLONG is what she and only she wakes up to every morning.

Hooray for Dr. Jill!

O hai, Paul Ryan, are you thirsty? Taking a butt-sexing from an angry old man can really dry you out, huh? Relive the MERCILESS SAVAGERY all over again! (We were actually kind of scared, Joe Biden was SOOO MAD, and while we appreciate a righteous anger when facing down miserable cunts, we are used to Old Handsome Joe being a lover, not a fighter. IT STRESSED US OUT!)

Then Joe Biden voted. Like a boss.

And now, according to that lady, Old Handsome Joe is gonna singlehandedly fix the fiscal cliff, maybe, or not.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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