MIKE CRAPO WAS BARTENDING  12:29 pm December 28, 2012

Grover Norquist Drunk-Tweeting His Own Demise

by Rich Abdill

THEY'LL LOVE THISIrrelevant short-bearded sadbear Grover Norquist is floundering in the surf. He is at an existential crossroads, with his life-defining tax pledge seeming to lose grip on legislators who are deciding in ever-growing numbers to abandon irresponsible platitudes in favor of actually legislating.

“No taxes, EVARRRR!” sounds nice, but punishing legislators for compromising is rapidly appearing to have contributed to situations like the one we are in now, where legislators pass a bill full of consequences they hate, and then fight over how to undo the bill they passed, because they hate it, but nobody can agree because one side WILL NOT BUDGE.

Norquist, for his part, seems to be realizing this, which is a big step forward for him. He’s still calling proposals from Democrats “impure” but approving the same proposals from Republicans, but there are bound to be growing pains with his coming to terms with his new uselessness. And, like with any major life-change, Norquist’s is being accompanied by scotch-soaked Twitter rants that don’t make any damn sense.

Whoa boy. Ok, Grove, let’s simmer down for a second, because the only thing that’s actually true in that statement is “We had an election.”

1. “Boehner was elected speaker.”
Ok, well, no he wasn’t. He was re-elected to the House, sure, and his running unopposed probably helped a little. Elections for speaker won’t happen until the new Congress shows up. There’s no telling what the new batch of yucksters will do, especially if they pull some kind of coup and establish a secret ballot for speaker instead of voting with Boehner staring at them with a baseball bat.

Anyway, totally false.

2. “lame duck obama should get over it.”
Again, there is nothing to get over, as Boehner was not “elected speaker” in the election, or anywhere else. Also, you are not wrong in thinking Norquist does not know what “lame duck” means, as when we had that election he mentioned, Obama won. Obama isn’t operating with a replacement waiting to be sworn in, he was one of four president ever to receive the majority of votes in two elections. (The other three: Eisenhower, FDR, and — gasp — that dirty tax-raiser, Ronald Reagan.)

Obama’s got electoral juice. That’s why he can say things like “YOU GET NOTHING” to Mopey Boehner.

3. (Also 30 GOP governors)
This isn’t a whole statement (blame the fifth of Johnny Black), but if it’s true, it is only a little true. The 2012 elections did result in there being 30 GOP governors, but they were not all elected in 2012. In fact, only four of them were elected in 2012. (The number of Democratic governors elected: seven.)

Framing the 2012 election in terms of the number of GOP governors is like eating all the Mini-Wheats, inviting your neighbor over for cereal, and then asking him why he ate all the Mini-Wheats: There aren’t any Mini-Wheats, sure, but what did he have to do with it? He just wanted some cereal. Also, it was kind of creepy to invite him there in the first place.

The only question remaining: Will Norquist go to rehab, and was Betty Ford too liberal for him to go to her clinic?

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you are interested in dispatches from a different irrelevant short-bearded sadbear, Rich Abdill is on Twitter too.

 
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