The Internet’s Second Stupidest Man, “Gateway Pundit” Jim Hoft, brings us this rawking video of pants-pooing draft dodger Ted Nugent (who has yet to fulfill his promise to kill either himself or the president) inviting random television personality Piers Morgan to “suck on [his] machine gun.” How does Hoft characterize this bit of witty repartee? He characterizes it only as “Epic!” But is it epic? No, it is not really very epic. But why not? Because Ted Nugent is constantly calling for people to suck on his machine gun and/or offering to suck their dicks, and while the gun maniacs in the country are currently in a spot of a tizzy because Piers Morgan said mean words about their Lil Bronsons or something, they are forgetting that at the same time they are supposed to be attempting to continue the charade that guns are for protection, not for ramming up the president’s bunghole. Let us, together, take a small and partial journey through the list of people Nugent has previously used his witty banter/death threats upon. Follow us after the jump!

The President of the United States. Nugent had a visit from some Secret Service dudes, but it was not after he offered to let the Kenyan Usurper fellate his machine gun. It was after he sort of cryptically threatened to murder him or himself, or maybe both, murder-suicide-styley.

Hillary Clinton. Most right thinking people did not find it “epic” when Nugent kindly offered to let Ol’ Hillz “ride his machine gun,” presumably as one rides that thing from Seven.

A CBS news producer. Nugent offered to rape her and suck her reporter’s dick or something, and that is how you do EPIC.


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