It seems clear that sad sot Speaker of the House John “Whiskeydick” Boehner has not had a firm grip on his “caucus” in the two years since Sarah Palin screeching about death panels sent a pack of wild tarded dogs to Congress. No matter how hard Boehner has tried to tack “crazy,” his barely leashed idiots know that he is congenitally a Wall Street, pro-business Republican who does not actually want to bankrupt the country, because bankrupting the country is bad for his fellows in the boardroom. The fact that John Boehner does not actually want to bankrupt the country, of course, makes him a Communist, because “logic.” Well, your Louie Gohmerts and your Somebody Amashes and whomever are not thrilled, and it is only a matter of time before chunks of bloody John Boehner flesh are piled in a heap at NRA Headquarters.
So who will follow him as Speaker of the House? The naked malevolence that is Eric Cantor? PROBABLY. But let us go further “outside the box,” like Breitbart keeps doing (oh wait no, he is definitely inside a box), and remind ourselves that you do not actually have to be a member of the House to be the Speaker of the House!
NO LIMITS DUDES.
Who will be the next Speaker of the House?
- A Bushmaster AR-15.
- A pile of human shit.
- Michele Bachmann.
- The kids who murdered Piggy.
- Newt Gingrich.
- Ghost Andrew Breitbart.
- The rotted corpse of Ronald Reagan.
- The Pope.
- Charlotte Allen.
- The Ayatollah Khomeini.
- Colonel Kurtz.
- Bill Ayers.
- Mel Gibson.
- Walmart. Just ‘Walmart.’
We don’t know dudes. It could go in any direction! But we’re gonna go with “a pile of human shit.”
{ 48 comments }
"A pile of human shit."
That's really worked out well for them so far.
This just begs for a "AOTK".
The author of "Kegels For Teens", Bristol Palin?
Charles Manson isn't doing anything these days.
"A pile of human shit."?
So, you are going with Eric Cantor after all.
Joseph Gurney Cannon? Experienced, though dead.
OT/but I am the proud possessor of a pair of feral panties with crotch teeth and an Old Handsome Joe mug. Thanks, toots!
My great pleasure, dearheart!
< envisions "wild packs of feral panties roaming the tundra…"
Presumably said wild packs will number "so many".
< watches far too much "Animal Planet"…
Well, it makes sense, since you are a cat…
Minnesota Palin.
A bottle of Wild Turkey?
My guess is someone super crazy.
Eric Cantor. Oh I'm sorry, you already said a pile of human shit. Well, name it and move on.
David Koch
Would certainly cut down on the commute time to the GOP Koch-sucking sessions.
Isn't he already Majority Leader or something like that?
I'm going with the Lord of the Flies.
How about that Shrieking White-Hot Sphere of Rage?
Andrew Breitbart. It's only voter fraud if dead people vote, not if they hold office!
Vigo and his throne of blood
Mitt Romn….hahhahhaha
I nominate Milo Minderbinder.
Chancellor Palpatine.
Not that it makes much of a difference, what with the House GOP essentially being unleadable.
Fox News.
Nathan Templeton? Ruthless, though fictional.
Virginia Foxx or GTFO.
Oh yes.
Geez, you libtards are so angry all the time. And why aren't you even talkin about the obvious choice, Ron Paul?
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK, I see your point, but BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA…
RON PAUL!!!1!
a kitteh.
Also, Mitt Romney is available.
Galactus can make Paul Ryan his herald, the Silver (Cock) Slurper… uh, I mean "Whip"…
Ayn Rand? Rand Paul? Paul Ryan?
Jar Jar Binks
Limbaugh's urinal cake is Hannity's Chapstick, so any old buttplug will suffice.
"a pack of wild tarded dogs to Congress
tarded dogs libel. (of course)
Cardinal Ximénes.
Speaker? We don't need no stinking Speaker!
<<cough>>
Satan.
<<cough>>
Nah, he's already Speaker of the House.
They should do what anybody does when facing declining ratings: get Ted McGinley!
Or, our very own Ms Wonkette.
The goddess Kālī.
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