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Your Wayback Time Machine To Last August’s House Vote On The Fiscal Cliff

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dead man sobbingPerhaps you have just watched John Boehner manage to stop himself from weeping through his press conference outlining where we go now, after yesterday’s ceremonial Shitting of the Bed. And you noticed (after of course noticing the ease with which he told fat lies like he was Mitt Romney in orangeface, again) that he mentioned several times that the inability to come to an agreement with the president and the senate is not the fault of House Republicans, because they passed a bill to replace the sequester back in August. Let us remind ourselves of what this comprised.

Here is Kris Benson, girlsplainer, at the time:

[T]he Republicans who agreed to a debt deal (to be put off into the Future, which is Now) would like to rewrite it so that the half of the automatic spending cuts that they care about (i.e. high class escorts for all military contractors) miraculously do not go into effect. Because Barack Obama refuses to compromise, obviously.

One year after Congress approved a controversial plan to extend the nation’s debt ceiling, Republicans are stepping up their campaign to repeal a major part of the law. They’re worried about a part of the measure called “sequester,” a requirement that spending for some federal government programs be slashed starting in 2013 once a “supercommittee” of Congress failed to compromise on $1 trillion in deficit reductions last fall. The law requires that more than $100 billion be sequestered — or automatically cut — in January.

GOP officeholders and candidates, however, aren’t worried about all the automatic reductions. They’re concerned that more than $50 billion in cuts will come from the Defense Department, saying that will threaten national security and tens of thousands of defense-related private-sector jobs. They’re pushing to rewrite that part of the law.

The rest of the cuts that would deprive 700,000 young children of nutrition assistance, 100,000 kids of Head Start, and the 25,000 teachers and aides of their jobs — well, we have to make Sacrifices, you guys. And by “we” we mean you, specifically, unless you work for a defense contractor or the highest echelons of the federal government, in which case you’re in good shape.

Remember, being a Republican means never having to live up to your end of the bargain, because compromising is for losers.

Cool cool, thank you August 6 Kris Benson! Let us always remember that the House GOP, who are one half of one half one branch of government, are the ones who never have to compromise a single one of their “principles” (tax cuts for millionaires) because the American people are completely behind them.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Boojum

    Not only are the American people behind them, there are no reach arounds on offer.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      It feels like we almost maybe kinda won one here.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sequestration now, sequestration FOREVAH!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Gee, Ms Peabody, that's awesome.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    There's not enough gin, not enough call girls, or even enough self-tanner to erase Speaker Tobacco Check's failure.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      But are there enough Pall Malls and Aqua Velva?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "unless you work for… the highest echelons of the federal government, in which case you’re in good shape."

    Where does GS-13 fall, echelon-wise? Because if I'm in good shape, I'd like to know so I can stop worrying.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I was a 13 too. But they kept trying to send me back to America.

    • StillGoinGreen

      GS-13 falls somewhere between Lahoo! and Zaher! as far as the repukes are concerned. If you can't make the rich richer, then by-damned, they will make you poorer!

      • e_z

        Are you familar with the concept behind the phrase 'to suck hind teat'?

  • frostbitefalls

    It's an odd way of compromising, isn't it? It reminds me of those wonderful negotiations with my teenager.

    "I'll be home at 10:00."

    "No, 9:30."

    "No, 10:30."

    • freakishlywrong

      Compared to house Republicans, you're teenager shows a lot of maturity.

      • Come here a minute

        FUCK IT I AM NEVER COMING HOME

  • OzoneTom

    Doctor Orangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fiscal Cliff.

    • comrad_darkness

      Did you make up Doctor Orangelove and can I use it?

  • Come here a minute

    We were supposed to be spared this crap. Fucking Mayans.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Have heart. The day is young.

      • Rosie_Scenario

        Shouldn't this be "take" heart? Because Mayans.

  • freakishlywrong

    Fuck em'.

    • TootsStansbury

      They're going to fuck us.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      With a rusty vote-saw.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Sounds like somebody needs Crayons and a nap.

    • tessiee

      Nah, we've all seen what happens when you let Boner have access to crayons.

  • Baconzgood

    NEEDZ MOAR TANTRUMZ AND HOLDING THE BREATH!!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well, the failing the public education thing isn't really as unfair as it seems, I mean from those I know who do this, those fancy private schools pay their teachers even less than public ones, they just get to work in nicer buildings with snottier kids.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Where's the KABOOM? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering KABOOM?!?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      I'm waiting for the Martian with a PU-36 explosive space modulator.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    My new pickup line at the bar is gonna be "Hey baby, let me sequester your fiscal clit."

    • thatsitfortheother1

      You know what else goes up besides taxes?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        The bar tab, because she is the girl I wish I hadn't chatted up?

    • DahBoner

      STIMULOUS BLOCKED.

  • PubOption

    Dead man sobbing, quite possibly, but if Cantor replaces him the republican position will not be less hard-line. Meanwhile, away from DC, Dok is probably conjuring up an evil pony, Eric Canter.

    • memzilla

      I bridle at your suggestion.

      • memzilla

        They're not willing to meet us hoof-way.

        • memzilla

          And that is just tack-y.

          • memzilla

            Since we'll be saddled with debt.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Quit horsing around, memzilla!

          • TootsStansbury

            I hope Boner comes down with a case of the trots.

          • StillGoinGreen

            That would certainly be a horse of a different color!

          • tessiee

            Still better than all the turtle puns that would accompany McConnell.

  • freakishlywrong

    Nobody threw their shoe at him? At least pointed and laughed? "What, besides food stamps, meals on wheels and health care do you want to cut, Speaker? Specifics"?
    Not even that?

  • Not_So_Much

    Fuck 'em all sideways. Let's do the cliffy thing and then let Barry send them a bill with cuts for the middle class and see how they screw that up.

  • LesBontemps

    So John Boehner cannot make a deal with either the Preznit or his own party, and it's whose fault? Back to the chocolate factory, Mr. Oompa Loompa.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      After last night, I think Boner's made more than a few Hershey Kisses in his tailored boxers.

  • chascates

    I really miss the southern drawl of Shelby Foote, author of the trilogy on the Civil War and featured in Ken Burns' documentary. But his statement in that film that we as Americans are talented at political compromise and that this talent failed during that period makes me think he was speaking of another America, one which I don't live in and am not familiar with.

    • Lot_49

      You can't compromise on human slavery, or manger scenes on the city hall lawn. You either think this is Christian theocracy which countenances chattel slavery, or you don't.

      Unfortunately the republitards and their Pope Grover the First have made tax increases a symbolic issue rather than a quantitative one. "Taxes BAD!" is not a philosphy; it barely rises to the bumper-sticker level of discourse. But they've bet the farm on it, and I hope they lose it all.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Christian theocracy and chattel slavery don't necessarily go together, many Abolitionists were devout Christians.

        • Lot_49

          Of course. Meant to relate them (the creche and slavery) has issues that cannot be compromised on.

    • tessiee

      The Shelby Foote segments are one of my favorite parts of that Civil War mini-series. I would listen to Shelby Foote read the phone book*.

      *Yeah, I know, "phone book" = oldz.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        How about "read the cookies in my browser prefs"?

  • Lot_49

    The stock market is currently reflecting investors' collective evaluation of Speaker Boehner's leadership: the Dow is down 119 points.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      The dollar will buy you 3/4 of a Euro today, also too.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I'll say this about John Boehner — he's been the most consistent Speaker of the House that I know of — everything he's ever done has been failure and obstruction. When the man can't even get his own party to pass a deal that's slightly better than the awful crap they passed to give themselves incentive to pass something better, well — I don't know, there's just something magical about that.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Cry baby cry
    Make Eric Cantor sigh —
    Orange you old enough to know better
    But you cry baby cry.

  • DahBoner

    They’re worried about a part of the measure called “sequester,”

    A lot of college students spend a sequester studying drinking in Europe…

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Cry baby cry
    Make your mother sigh…

  • fatbob54

    This is why we can't have nice things.

    • redarmyzombie

      Damn you…

      • fatbob54

        Great minds, blah blah etc.

        • redarmyzombie

          You see, this is why I am an idiot! >.<

  • MayanRadio

    Stay strong Bamz, stay strong.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If Cantor's whiny ass was always standing behind me, ready to plunge the knife in and twist, I'd probably cry, too.

    The Speaker's job isn't quite as easy as you thought, eh, Orange John?

  • DaniloTifoso

    You know, if I only made about 10 million more dollars a year, I could really learn to like this guy.

  • prommie

    The republican party has become, since Ronald Reagan, completely, thoroughly, radicalized, in a reactionary fashion. They no longer accept the basic premises on which our system is based. For example, they no longer accept the basic premise that government is a good thing and taxes are a necessary and good thing to accomplish collective works for the common good. The mentally ill, and I truly mean it, mentally ill, insane, "philosophy" of the Rand-tards and anti-tax libertarians are a cancer and it is these radical insane reactionary ideas that have broken the system by making compromise impossible. When it was a matter of "we both know its good to help the poor, but we are just arguing about HOW MUCH HELP, we could compromise, when we both accepted that taxing the people to fund the government was a necessary and good thing, and we were just arguing about HOW MUCH TAXATION, we could compromise. But these people reject the basic premises about the nature and role of government and charity and really, I mean this literally, CIVILIZATION ITSELF. They are barbarians and cannot be compromised with any more than the Romans could compromise with the Vandals or the Huns.

    • oenspiek

      VANDAL LIBEL!!11!(one)!

      HUN LIBEL!!1!1!

      The Romans compromised plenty with those guys. Rethugs are a different matter!

    • tessiee

      Shorter: I would not entrust my good little car to a mechanic who believes that cars are evil and should be abolished.

  • MayanRadio

    Occupy The Fiscal Cliff!

  • el_donaldo

    Isn't there a way the House GOP can self-destruct without blowing up the economy with it? Maybe someone could tow them out to a safe-distance at sea.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    The world will not end with a bang, but with a whiner.

    P.S. There is no g in whiner, contrary to its recent popularity.

    • prommie

      Should I wear the bottom of my trousers rolled?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Do you dare to eat a peach?

        • DahBoner

          Or fly a paper airplane?

          • StillGoinGreen

            Till human voices wake us… and we drown

            *falls down… eyes closed… limp*

    • eggsacklywright

      Correct on both counts. Stop and look both ways when you come to a stop singe.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    compromising is for losers

    GOPocalypse now!

  • thatsitfortheother1

    They no longer accept rational thought.

  • calliecallie

    I regret that I have but only one like to give for this comment. Well said!

    • prommie

      I didn't even get to why I said "reactionary." They are not FOR anything, there is a fundamental amoral nihilism about them, they are FOR nothing, their beliefs are entirely defined by what they are against, and what they are against, is modernism and liberalism, everything in civilization since the enlightenment. They have no positive agenda at all, all they want is a return, literally, to the dark ages, they promote nothing, they only reject things. What are they in favor of? Their idea of a perfect society is, literally, "nature red in tooth and claw," survival of the fittest, devil-take-the-hindmost SAVAGERY. They want a return to a state of uncivilized savagery. Their fondest dreams are of some unfettered capitalist state which truly seems to resemble nothing so much as savage uncivilized anarchy. So I say again, they are barbarians, and their beliefs, fundamentally, are a reactionary attack on the achievements of civilization itself. They are evil, in the darkest most nihilistic way.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well, I think they are "for" things like Mitch McConnell's net worth increasing by like 18million in his last 6 years, so there's that.

        • prommie

          I over-simplify. They are FOR guns, wars, and the death penalty. They are for letting the sick, the weak, and the helpless die. They are for DEATH and the tools and means to bring about death. They are savages, they are bloodthirsty belligerent violent uncivlized barbarians.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I don't really think that is the case. i don't believe they would give a fuck about any of that if they couldn't make such bank over it. It is all about who is giving them the biggest influx of cash, the insurance companies, the private prison contractors, the NRA, the makers of bomber planes we will never use. Those are things upon which to stand, because, money.

          • prommie

            I think some actually believe it, the dumb, unhinged ones, which is most of them. Look at Rand Paul, the poster-child for dumb, unhinged libertarian retard, and yes Rebecca, fucking retard, retard, retard, libertarian retards are ruining this country, fucking emotionally and intellectually retarded fucking libertarian fucking retards. Precious little fucking retard angels. Re-Fucking-Tards. Anyway, look at Rand, he actually believes that fucking Going Galt 12-year old boy revenge fantasy bullshit, cause he's a fucking retard. Or am I naive? I think they believe it, because, they are retards. Motherfucking retards.

          • tessiee

            This, exactly.
            It would be one thing to say that they're greedy fucks, who want to suck up all the everythings and let the rest of us starve to death — which is blatantly obvious to me — but that's only half of it.
            The rest of it is they HATE poor people, minorities, old people, and now what's left of the middle class. Everyone with eyes to see saw that every time Ryan smirked. They don't want to just let us sink, they want to throw us an anvil. They're angry, hateful, shitheads whose day is not complete until they grind their heel into somebody's windpipe.

  • kittensdontlie

    That river of tears Boehner is crying himself, may finally drown him.

  • calliecallie

    This idiocy really is enough to make a grown man cry, unfortunately.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Has the world ended yet? Because if I've already died and gone to heaven, it really sucks up here.

    • LibertyLover

      Do you still have clothes on? I hear there isn't any clothes in heaven.

      • TootsStansbury

        I hope that's not true, it' s really cold out there.

        • LibertyLover

          Oh rats! That would explain why I am so warm. I'm in that other place, hell. And really, people should keep their clothes on. ;-)

  • redarmyzombie

    And this is why we can't have nice things!

  • Lot_49

    Aren't we going to live-blog Wayne LaP's loony presentation?

    He's pretending to be anguished. It's rather poignant.

    • LibertyLover

      Brings tears to my eyes.

  • el_donaldo

    I would watch it if it involved Wayne LaP's head, a stick, and some votes.

    • Lot_49

      A protester photobombed him with a banner saying "NRA is killing our children" and was promptly ousted.

    • TootsStansbury

      And a nice silver platter.

  • proudgrampa

    I love the smell of Boehner imploding in the morning. Smells like victory!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Nope. Heaven is even worse from what I've read.

  • DahBoner

    They hate everything they once stood for cuz a Blah man stole their stink tank ideas…

    • prommie

      Well thats part of the problem, they have been forced to double-down on their insanity or else admit its bullshit.

      • Steverino247

        In other words, they really are Nazis, but anti- lots of things besides Jews.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hate reruns.

  • Misty Malarky

    OT: Surprise! NRA's president Lapierre (FRENCH?!?) sez we needs moar guns.

    • Lot_49

      "The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."

      So true! The ONLY way!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Actually I think this is good for President Obama and the only thing that's surprised me about how it's played out is that Boehner couldn't keep his own party in line — of course that has more to do with having a majority whip who's constantly working against him, but that's another matter.

    If Obama and Congress had worked out a deal to avert the sequestrations, then the Republicans were just gonna play chicken with the debt ceiling limit once they got back into session in January, and Obama would've given up all his leverage already with the fiscal cliff deal. Now Obama can hold out a deal to keep the tax cuts for the <$250,000 brackets as an incentive for Republicans to vote for the debt ceiling, which he wouldn't have been able to use before.

    So all that crying should just be going on in the Republicans' camp — there are some cuts to social services, too, but those don't have to take effect immediately, and Obama will have a less teabaggy Congress to work with in 2013 — one that's seen the consequences of their — ahem — principled stand blowing up in their faces.

  • NellCote71

    OT, but watching Pierre la Peau. Did you know Sandy Hook is OUR fault because we did not arm our schools and teachers. And TV and videos, too. So, sorry, I guess. Our bad.

    • Lot_49

      Wayne LaPee says we're spending all our moniez on foreign aid, and it leaves none for TSA in the schools.

  • LibertyLover

    OT– NRA Pepe' la Peau is being an ASSHAT.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Wow — first the not-Mayan not-apocalypse doesn't happen, and then Wayne Lapierre, the biggest, most partisan paranoid prick in the history of lobbying spews venomous nonsense. This might turn out to be the most unsurprising day of 2012.

      Of course that's probably what they want us to think…

    • tessiee

      I wish he'd go back to sexually harrassing cats who accidentally got a paint stripe, and shut the hell up the rest of the time.

  • gullywompr

    Was this really a bed-shitting, or was it in fact a dog-fucking?

    • TootsStansbury

      Hey! You got your bed-shitting in my dog fucking! Now I'm stuck with a dog shitting the fucking bed, damnit.

      • gullywompr

        One thing leads to another…

    • prommie

      Passing the fiscal cliff law in the first place was a dog-fucking, that episode of dog-fucking has now resulted in this massive bed-shitting.

      • gullywompr

        We're gonna need a bigger bed. And more dogs.

  • LibertyLover

    If people are so bad then why would we want any of them to have access to guns?

    • Lot_49

      2nd Amendment, obvs. It doesn't exclude the bad.

  • James Michael Curley

    Wayne LaPierre (known also by his Warner Bros. name as Pepe LaPew) just proposed that "Why are guns good when they are used to protect the President but bad when used to protect school children." and now blaming those who defeated the various guns in schools initiatives.

    • Mojopo

      I saw Michiganconservatives.net peddling this same meme on FB. As a matter of fact, everything he said is something the pro-gun trolls have been promoting since last weekend.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ooops. Bammerz fault, also too.

    • docterry6973

      Jeez, I really feel bad about what we did. I hope the Kenyan Usurper does too.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, shut the fucking fuck up, LaPierre, you pedantic, death-obsessed motherfucker.

  • redarmyzombie

    Yes, but what are you trying to say?

  • TootsStansbury

    I've been reading this whole thing and it is goodness. But this here comment takes the fucking cake!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, we just got a memo from Leon Panetta letting us know that we (DoD) will still have jobs on January 2, and no furloughs in the immediate future, so I guess all is well. Unless the world ends tonight, I s'pose.

    • gullywompr

      At State we got a similar memo, with the caveat of "but that might change as the year unfolds" (not a direct quote, but the gist of it).

  • Lot_49

    HuffPo is bloviating about how Boehner may lose the speakership after the Plan B meltdown. Here's hoping Republicans pick somebody profoundly loony to replace him. Louie Gohmert, say. Or Joe "I-apologize-to-BP" Barton.

    • Rotundo_

      You know of course, Cantor will be there, shiv in hand, ready to lead the rabble. Tobacco Chex was bad enough but Cantor will make him seem like a genius by comparison.

  • BadKitty904

    Your move, Bamz.

  • redarmyzombie

    The world already ended, didn't you get the memo?

  • MayanRadio

    LaPierre was just on MayanTV and the NRA's answer is: Do it for the kids. Guns in every school. Poignancy sells. Resurrect Eddie the Eagle.

  • christianmuslin

    This should be good for gun sales.

    • LibertyLover

      Isn't everything?

  • Blueb4sinrise
  • Lot_49

    Watching this'll make you less embarrassed for the human race:
    http://vimeo.com/52711779

  • LibertyLover

    OT again… Doesn't the name 'Wayne La Pierre' just scream that he is a leader of a cult?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Yep.

  • tessiee

    "the automatic spending cuts that they care about (i.e. high class escorts for all military contractors) miraculously do not go into effect."

    How is a spending cut that does not go into effect different from no spending cut?
    [that's one of those zen questions like "what is the sound of one hand slapping Crybaby Boner across his orange face?"]

  • tessiee

    "The rest of the cuts that would deprive 700,000 young children of nutrition assistance"

    So, now, instead of *figuratively* taking food out of the mouths of babies, they're *literally* taking food out of the mouths of babies?
    [shrug]
    Meh, it's not like they're fetuses or anything.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ Rufus T. Firefly

    I haz a confuse:

    "GOP officeholders and candidates, however, aren’t worried about all the automatic reductions. They’re concerned that more than $50 billion in cuts will come from the Defense Department, saying that will threaten national security and tens of thousands of defense-related private-sector jobs."

    I thought that government doesn't create jobs.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Wait, this is a different fiscal cliff? It's not still August? So that's why it's so cold outside.

  • ttommyunger

    In the immortal words of Pogo: "It is to larf!". Boner, thinking he is Captain of the Tea-Tanic now learns he is naught but a lowly Steward, in Third Class, no less. I can't fucking wait for Louie Gohmert's ascension to the Speaker's Office.