FISCAL CLIFFSNOTES  8:53 am December 21, 2012

Your Big Fat Wonkette Guide To The ‘Plan B’ Fiscal Cliff Nonsense Tornado

by Rich Abdill

Pictured: Majority Leader Eric Cantor.What the hell happened last night, and why does everybody think John Boehner is a big toolbox?

Ok. Deep breaths. We will work our way through this together.

The problem is the “fiscal cliff,” which is a thing invented by Congress to make themselves look like assholes. House Speaker John Boehner (R-The Sun) and Barack Obama have been “negotiating” to try to avoid this cliff, because it is projected to send the country back into a recession. This is regarded by both sides as a Bad Thing, so, logically, both sides have also turned it into a big game of chicken, for Leverage, because, again, they are assholes.

So Boehner and Obama have been yelling back and forth about what to do about taxes. Some days they are so friendly and optimistic, other days Boehner holds grumpy, 50-second press conferences. After lots of fake bullshit “offers” from both sides that everybody freaks out about as soon as they happen, we eventually came to what the REAL offers were, which, surprisingly, were quite different.

Eventually, Boehner said the tax-hike part of the deal should be extending the Bush tax cuts for anyone making less than a million dollars, which, yes, was way too generous for many in his caucus:

[T]he details did not stay secret for long. Reports leaked out Saturday evening that Boehner had agreed to raise taxes on millionaires. That was followed by a more alarming leak Sunday evening that Boehner was also willing to grant Obama another increase in the federal debt limit. Home in their districts, unsuspecting rank-and-file Republicans were stunned.

Stunned. The party that has been screaming about nothing but the federal deficit is stunned that Boehner would consider not extending all the Bush tax cuts, even though they would cost almost a trillion dollars over the next decade and become the single-largest contributing factor to the public debt.

Also probably contributing to their stunnedness: The tax part of Plan B was proposed earlier this year… by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Sassytown). At the time, Boehner said this plan was horrible. House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Second Fiddle to Sassytown) explained to Politico this week that Pelosi’s whole proposal was “a political ploy.” In case you forgot how screwed the process has become.

Anyway, “millionaires get a slightly higher rate” was not good enough for Obama, who wanted anyone making more than $400,000 to pay more taxes, because hey, if you’re pulling in $400,000, maybe you don’t necessarily need that extra tax cut that was supposed to expire three years ago.

This, the two sides could not agree on. So here comes Boehner, swooping in with his “Plan B,” to bugger up the works. He wanted to pass it as some kind of backup thing, even though Obama (and the Democrats) didn’t like it, so, like, he could say he tried, or something. This part is still unclear. The Mayans may be involved.

Anyway, The Plan would extend, permanently, the Bush tax cuts for anyone making less than a million bucks a year, like he said he wanted. If you are not freaking out about the deficit, you might be inclined to think maybe this isn’t the worst thing, that maybe “Tax cuts for 99.81 percent of Americans!” sounds nice. If you are thinking this, you have forgotten that the people saying it are the House Republicans.

While tax rates would technically go up for millionaires, analysis by the Tax Policy Institute reveals that 40 percent of the new revenue in Plan B would have come from somewhere else. Can you guess where? You can! The middle class. Oh, and the poor. This is what a “tax cut” looks like now.

And while the Bush cuts would have been renewed, see, the rest of the cuts we’ve had since Obama took office would still expire. Expanded versions of the earned income tax credit and child tax credit, tax credits for going to college, the 2-percent payroll tax break, blah blah blah. The idea is that “Plan B,” presented as a way to keep taxes from going up, would actually raise taxes on the poor, by letting other provisions expire.

Also: Though tax rates would technically go up for those making more than a million bucks, analysis reveals that on average, it would result in a tax cut of $118,000 per household, because the tax policies expiring for the rich folks actually mean they pay less.

The lead-up to the Plan B vote was quite exciting, at least for people who stare at Twitter for a living. The Post began reporting on how lawmakers were shaking their heads. It was chaos:

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), a key Boehner ally, emerged from the Speaker’s office suite carrying a plate of Chick-Fil-A. Asked if she knew whether her conference had the votes to pass the bill, she said, “I have no idea” before rushing away…

On his way into Boehner’s office, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) would only say “Im doing good” when asked if he had the votes to pass Plan B.

Rep. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), on his way to see [Sen. Daniel] Inouye’s casket, said “I have no clue” what would happen with Plan B — and responded “I have no clue” when asked whether he planned to vote for it.

Seriously. These are the people in charge. To be fair though, it is possible Tim Scott has been drunk since he got his magic ticket into the Senate.

Anyway, don’t bother getting mad — Boehner couldn’t get it passed. He canceled the vote on it and then fled the building, because he couldn’t convince enough representatives in his own party to vote for it.

Actually, you probably should bother getting mad. Here’s why: The Republicans who didn’t vote for it, wouldn’t vote for it because it raised taxes on the rich. They need us now more than ever, those beleaguered wealthies. In the economic recovery since 2010, the top one percent only received 93 percent of the entire country’s income growth. They’re really hurting.

So yes, it made Boehner look foolish, for not being able to whip up enough support for his big PR stunt. But there is someone else who looks even more foolish: The Republicans who voted against Boehner’s plan. They revealed with their “no”s last night that they would rather see the Bush tax cuts expire and let taxes go up for everyone than to vote for a bill that would technically raise taxes on, by their own accounting, the top 0.19 percent of Americans.

This is a real thing. “Letting taxes go up for everyone” is now worse than “Voting on taxes to go up for a few people.” Because voting. That’s it.

So, a question is raised: What if they had voted for it? What if the House had passed Plan B?

The Senate wouldn’t have even voted on it, and even if they had, it wouldn’t have passed. And even if it did pass, Obama said he would veto it. Plan B was dead from the second it left the House, but the House was too loyal to the top 0.19 percent to even get it out the door.

So where are we now? Well, the negotiations between Boehner and Obama resulted in Boehner running out of the room and trying to pass his own thing, which did not pass. Taxes are still set to go up, and staunch austerity measures are set to take effect January 1, on account of Congress voting for these measures last August, when they could have just acted like grown-ups and tried to compromise.

Staunch austerity measures, you will recall, have had a wonderful effect on the economies of Europe.

But compromise, as we saw last night, is not looking like it is in the cards, because compromise means you have no principles and should be run out of town, even if you only represent one half of one half of one branch of the government. Boehner said that “now it is up to the president to work with Senator Reid on legislation to avert the fiscal cliff,” which seems to be gibberish. If House Republicans can’t agree with Boehner, they are certainly not going to agree with Harry “Makin’ Shit Up” Reid. So, just, uh, have a merry Christmas, or something.

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you’re really excited, Rich Abdill is on Twitter too.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 151 comments }

Barbara_ December 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

I get the feeling that John Boehner celebrated the brown liquors pretty hard last night.

chascates December 21, 2012 at 8:59 am

With his copious tears as a mixer.

Beowoof December 21, 2012 at 9:18 am

JB, needed some JB last night. Sobriety is overrated.

Biff December 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

Thursday, we call it.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

…and then the Speaker disappeared, leaving the assembled reporters choking in a fog of Newport smoke, Obsession For Men, Wild Turkey and umbrage.

SigDeFlyinMonky December 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Smells more like Old Crow, Raleighs and Brut, but that might have been one of his staff.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 8:56 am

"Boner. Please pack your knives and go".

awwalk56 December 21, 2012 at 8:56 am

Maybe when the Mayans were talking about the end of the world they meant only for republicans. Somebody re-read the codex.

sewollef December 21, 2012 at 8:57 am

If I'm not mistaken, that looks like Donald Rumsfeld as a teenager, not Cantor…. however neither could find their arse with both hands.

ibwilliamsi December 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

That's because Rummy was finding Cantor's ass, and Cantor was finding Rummy's ass.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 8:58 am

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), a key Boehner ally, emerged from the Speaker’s office suite carrying a plate of Chick-Fil-A.
That almost sounds porny.

GemlikeFlame December 21, 2012 at 9:06 am

But not if you're gay, no.

FlownOver December 21, 2012 at 9:15 am

Or if you've ever seen Virginia Foxx. Extremely no.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 9:21 am

Or, quite frankly, Boehner, ick.

elviouslyqueer December 21, 2012 at 10:31 am

DO NOT WANT.

SigDeFlyinMonky December 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Like the time the geology professor asked for volunteers to help with the mapping of Virginia's orogeny zones?

stefanbc December 21, 2012 at 8:58 am

Is it sad that your wonket has a better grasp on this bullshit behind this issue than the New York Times (save Krugtulu)?

ManchuCandidate December 21, 2012 at 8:59 am

unsuspecting rank-and-file Republicans were stunned

Considering the long list of stupid they've uttered in the last 4 years, how can you tell?

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 9:00 am

That GIF! Fuck me running!

TootsStansbury December 21, 2012 at 9:10 am

The babby gif is the best thing about the post.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 9:22 am

That and the creamy, delicious, chocolate covered schadenfreude.

TootsStansbury December 21, 2012 at 9:52 am

Well that and these assholes are destroying the country.

bobloblawlawblg December 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

i just found myself cracking up during a test i'm giving to my students (yes, during last period, and, yes, the day before break). this, of course, will only add to their notion that i am, indeed, a monster.

sudsmckenzie December 21, 2012 at 9:00 am

An obviously drunk John Boehner was seen leaving the Red Derby on K St. last night yelling "Mr. President, where are the Bees"!!2

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Are you suggesting that we do this to Boner?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1GadTfGFvU

EatsBabyDingos December 21, 2012 at 9:03 am

Maybe if we rubbed hot sauce on their balls like they do in certain prisons…

bearperney December 21, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Yuck! Spray it on, maybe, but, "rub", never!

GemlikeFlame December 21, 2012 at 9:04 am

I've been reading all this, and I have to say that the amount of cognitive dissonance being embraced by Capitol Republicans is about to reach the kind of flash point portrayed by the destruction of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters.. Could somebody explain to me, in simple terms that can be understood by a naive college math/CS professor, just what is so awful about entitlements?

vulpes82 December 21, 2012 at 9:16 am

Mutter mutter mutter BOOTSTRAPS mutter mutter mutter BLAHS mutter mutter mutter KENYAN MARXIST SOCIALIZT!

FlownOver December 21, 2012 at 9:21 am

They are thought to go disproportionately to the blahs. And without them the rich get richer even faster than they arts now, because drowned-in-the-bathtub government. At least until Gozer reaches Wall Street, anyway.

GemlikeFlame December 21, 2012 at 9:31 am

OK, maybe I'm confused. The definition I have for entitlement is "a guarantee of access to benefits based on established rights or by legislation". Presumably the contention is over legislated social programs, I can't imagine the GOP as a whole wants to start chopping on the Bill of Rights. Could be wrong, though.

Does the GOP want the guarantee of access to go away, or the benefits themselves? Neither makes much sense, many wingnuts are alive only because of Social Security and Medicare, and the cost of guarantee to access can't be significant compared to the cost of the things themselves.

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

Entitlement = welfare queens in cadillacs and jobless bucks eating steak in the GOP. Especially in the deep south where the white trash derps who actually rely on entitlement programs will say this with a straight face. The GOP has pulled off the big lie strategy beautifully since Reagan – and the result is a base that has no idea they are handing a scalpel to have their own throats cut.

In all seriousness, though, the core nuts like DeMint, the Club for Growth, etc. – the ones really driving this madness – think that the Bill of Rights is inviolate, but only in the sense of restraining Federal government. They really think of these as cost free, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. Hence those are "good" rights, and any positive attempt by government to do something is a waste and deviation from the "good". The fact that this view makes a mockery of Equal Protection, Due Process and the basic philosophical underpinnings of American government as based on fidelity to principles of collective responsibility rather than pure fuck you individualism doesn't bother them in the least.

These clowns are the direct descendants of every movement that has lost in the clash of ideals since at least the dawn of the Enlightenment, yet we can never eradicate them.

GemlikeFlame December 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I looked at some Department of Commerce statistics <a href="http://(http://www.statisticbrain.com/welfare-statistics/)” target=”_blank”> <a href="http://(http://www.statisticbrain.com/welfare-statistics/)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.statisticbrain.com/welfare-statistics/) which says that black and white welfare recipients each contribute somewhat less than 40% each to the total, 38.9% to 39.9%, for a screaming difference of 1% (which I'll bet is fairly close to the error band on the statistics.) Chopping entitlements would hurt both equally.

Likewise, unemployment rates seem to correlate directly to education level <a href="http://(http://www.deptofnumbers.com/unemployment/demographics/),” target=”_blank”>(http://www.deptofnumbers.com/unemployment/demographics/), though superficially blacks have double the unemployment rate of whites. Since blacks have roughly 2/3ds of the white bachelor/above education level (2011, 34% vs. 20%, http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d11/tables/dt1… that would explain the unemployment rate discrepancy where the welfare rate is the same.

Given this, the GOP attitude about entitlements seems to be pure race-baiting.

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

"I can't imagine the GOP as a whole wants to start chopping on the Bill of Rights."

Certainly their words and actions wouldn't lead you to that conclusion.

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:47 am

Romney already said it. Entitlements are political "gifts" to the lazy, shiftless rabble. You know, even though they are totally the opposite of that.

starfanglednut December 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

The Republican objection to entitlements comes down to this: " I got mine, fuck you."

redarmyzombie December 21, 2012 at 10:47 am

Well, excepting the knowledge that "theirs" was given to them by everyone else, but hey, nobody tell them that…

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

That's a feature, not a bug.

ibwilliamsi December 21, 2012 at 10:55 am

It's not their turn!

bearperney December 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

No explosion imminent. You have to be cognizant to have dissonance.

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Could somebody explain to me, in simple terms that can be understood by a naive college math/CS professor, just what is so awful about entitlements?"

"I work at this job that grinds me to dust so that the gummint can take my money and give handouts to lazy n*ggers on Welfare" — every Fox viewer, ever

EatsBabyDingos December 21, 2012 at 9:05 am

Boehner is just being French and washing his hands of the mess. Just "douche" it all away, the Tea Bagger Way. Welcome, Douche-Baggers.

sewollef December 21, 2012 at 9:05 am

"Plan B" always meant Plan Bollocks in my book.

But then, I'm a foreigner, what do I know about fiscal responsibility…. my country spent all its dough on keeping me healthy as a boy. How responsible is that, I came to America?

It's the culinary equivalent of paying for a fabulous meal with wine and a taxi home and running out of the restaurant without eating it and sleeping in a flop house. I think.

Geez, I'm glad it's Friday and I can have a drink soon.

LesBontemps December 21, 2012 at 10:16 am

What in the world has been stopping you?

StillGoinGreen December 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

I generally stop drinking on Fridays – I want to remember my weekends.

chascates December 21, 2012 at 9:06 am

I see no problem here. A bipartisan Congressional committee agreed to approach the problem by raising taxes on everyone and cutting every federal program even including Jesus' precious Defense Department. What's that you say? The economy could get worse? haven't had an actual job in 6 years, can no longer even afford the SSRI I desperately need, and just I hope whenever I die it's quick.
And there are a lot of parents in Newtown, Connecticut who realize there are a lot more important things than media clamor and political gamesmanship. Which is good considering that is all they can expect for their misery,.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 9:07 am

Has the Murdoch empire managed to blame Obama for this yet? "Lack of leadership" and all that bewlshit.

keepwalkin December 21, 2012 at 9:08 am

Boehner said that “now it is up to the president to work with Senator Reid on legislation to avert the fiscal cliff,”

….as he was drug off to St Elizabeth's Psychiatric Ward, awaiting electro-convulsive therapy and a padded room.

weejee December 21, 2012 at 9:11 am

Does this mean Louie Bullshit Buller Gohmert gets to be Speaker?

/ dances in circle with squeals of joy

Giveusabob December 21, 2012 at 10:02 am

Then that would mean the Mayans were correct, no?

HempDogbane December 21, 2012 at 9:13 am

Boehner (Logout)

Loch_Nessosaur December 21, 2012 at 9:15 am

We the 1% of the Feudal States of America need more moniez to build more private prisons and private workhouses to contain you, the riffraff, from walking on our lawns. Unless, of course, you have a mower.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2012 at 9:15 am

This post, it's like reading The Economist, except with snark.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

But no Big Mac Index so we know how really strong our dollar is.

beefhardcake December 21, 2012 at 9:17 am

President Obama, wherever he is and whatever he's doing, has got to be snickering like Nelson Muntz right now.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2012 at 9:18 am

"Rep. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), on his way to see [Sen. Daniel] Inouye’s casket,"

I hope they have a guard there to make sure he doesn't defile the corpse.

coolhandnuke December 21, 2012 at 9:19 am

Even Boehner's driver–Toonces–is ignoring Agent Orange when he says "step on it."

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2012 at 9:20 am

Somebody tell that baby that there is no spoon.

Goonemeritus December 21, 2012 at 9:21 am

Even Republicans can no longer work with Republicans. I propose we replace the House of Representatives with a Magic 8 Ball, I’m not saying it would always be more rational but at least those things are decisive.

LesBontemps December 21, 2012 at 10:07 am

"Reply hazy, try again."

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Speaker hazy and GOP crazy, try again"

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Not entirely prepared to agree with you there, Goonie.
I used to have a Magic 8 Ball, and it turned out to be right a surprising amount of the time. The same cannot be said for the Repubs.

Oblios_Cap December 21, 2012 at 9:21 am

I'm glad we all survived the Mayapocalypse.

I Feel fine!

LesBontemps December 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

It's early in the day yet.

Oblios_Cap December 21, 2012 at 10:40 am

Debbie Downer!

Doktor Zoom December 21, 2012 at 10:19 am

BEST. SONG. EVER.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

I hate it, and the Billy Joel one too! Start the fire and burn them both!

Beowoof December 21, 2012 at 9:22 am

You know I have some doubts about the business acumen of the republican party. Someone should have noticed by now that you have to get some revenue. I mean most business people know that you cannot become profitable by just cutting expenses. Oh wait, never mind, corporate America hasn't figured this part out yet so I guess their minions in the republican party haven't figured it out yet.

NDeeeZ December 21, 2012 at 9:24 am

In defense of the blah man, last year Boner negotiated a settlement raising the debt ceiling, strolled back across the street, and couldn't deliver his own party to HIS agreed upon solution
Tell me again why you would, and how you would enter into negotiations with him?

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:24 am

Never would it happen, but I'd love to see nothing more than for Boner to be tossed out on his ass next month. Worst. Speaker. Ever. He makes like Denny Hastert look like a master of the House.

He's got the tiger by the tail, eventually, it's going to bite back. This is what you get for enabling the tea party. Ride the whirlwind, motherfucker.

memzilla December 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

I think this negotiation charade is a power play by Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan to replace Boehner.

Redgyal December 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

Why bother? Either one will fail. This is a case of hubris and ignorance being mistaken for courage and intelligence.

Guppy December 21, 2012 at 10:09 am

To our knowledge, Boehner has not yet turned a blind eye to sexual abuse of minors, or at least not specific examples of it.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

As ordinary vote rules go getting a majority of the Republican Caucus to vote against the great orange may be difficult. But the Caucus Rules are not House Rules and caucuses usually vote on a 50% plus one OF MEMBERS PRESENT. Thus there is a likelihood that a caucus call to choose a Majority Party Leader can occur with dozens, perhaps scores, of Republican Congress members absent merely because they do not want to enter the next session with a vote for the great orange if he loses or a vote against him if he wins.

The rumor around last night that Canter was doing his whip work by threatening tea bagers with loosing not only seniority on their favorite committees, but the committee position itself should cause a rather severe backlash.

To the winner goes the spoils, but last night there were no winners and, "in the tunnels uptown The rats own dream guns him down as shots echo down them hallways in the Night."

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:52 am

The thing is, whoever will be Speaker needs a majority of the House, not a majority of the GOP caucus. So any alternative candidate would have to bridge the same yawning insanity, since Nancy and the Dems aren't stupid enough to help Cantor or anyone else evil.

Now, what I wish could happen in this scenario (and would in a parliamentary system where the GOP admitted it was about 4 fragmentary parties and the Dems at least 2) would be a center left coalition where the core Dems pick off the small group of centrist Republicans in return for minor cabinet posts and/or policy concessions. But that would require self-awareness and giving a shit about the future of this country rather than their own skin, something the GOP as a whole seems to lack these days.

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Considering that the two replacements I've seen suggested for him are Eric Cantor and Mitch McConnell, it could be worse. They're both loathsome, but Cantor isn't a blithering incompetent.

Oblios_Cap December 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

both sides have also turned it into a big game of chicken, for Leverage, because, again, they are assholes.

So… you're blaming it all on actor212?

iburl December 21, 2012 at 10:42 am

I assume the game of chicken is why Rep. Virginia Foxx was carrying a plate of Chick-Fil-A.

Oblios_Cap December 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

I was attempting to make a Leverage joke.

BaldarTFlagass December 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

Any truth to the rumor that Nic Cage will be playing the part of Boehner in the upcoming film "Leaving Los Beltway"?

TootsStansbury December 21, 2012 at 9:26 am

Lunatics

Giveusabob December 21, 2012 at 10:00 am

I actually think the soon-to-be standard refrain "I have no clue" best sums up the cognitive state of the Congressbums involved.

memzilla December 21, 2012 at 9:28 am

I agree with Paul Krugman, the power of the Rethuglian Loonitocracy needs to be broken. With extreme votes.

docterry6973 December 21, 2012 at 9:32 am

Morning Joe interviewed a Teabagger congressman this morning, and he said he would not vote for any tax increase, ever, because we must cut spending. Amazingly, no one asked him what spending he wanted to cut and I wish someone would. The congressman should be forced to tell his district that we must protect defense spending and cut medicaid and medicare. He really should.

Joe did wonder if the congressman ever took a civics class to learn how government works, but of course the congressman does not want the government to work. He wants the government to be drowned in a bathtub.

And so it goes.

johnnyzhivago December 21, 2012 at 9:33 am

How will this affect Sarah Palin?

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

She will get older and uglier.

Which now becomes my standard answer to the question.

Botlrokit December 21, 2012 at 9:35 am

Hey, guys, don't beat yourself up. We had a good run, and bridges fall down all the time, so no big deal…

FakaktaSouth December 21, 2012 at 9:36 am

Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) would only say “Im doing good”

No shit man, short selling America while having these incompetent assholes run the show makes Eric's investments do really, really good. He ain't lying.

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Wow, Cantor is so made of fail that even his grammar sucks.

"I'm doing good"?
He sounds like my Cousin Garlic from Jersey City.

prommie December 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

I think its time to start firing on Fort Sumter. Its the only logical thing to do at this point.

FakaktaSouth December 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

It's odd how something like logistics can change a person's opinion on such. I am with you. Let's start that shit up again but this time, to push folks out instead of trying to keep em in – what was the North fighting so hard to keep anyway? I still can't quite figure that out.

LesBontemps December 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

We were anticipating you.

prommie December 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

Awww, that was the sweetest thing to say!

prommie December 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

Ah ha, so, this time, its time to start firing FROM Fort Sumter?

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

What would that great and wise Republican leader, Daniel Day Lewis, counsel us to do at this grave moment in American history? Perhaps a long-winded and amusing anecdote about George Washington and a British toilet would be instructive. Just keep Sally Field from rushing in with another one of her mad scenes.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'm going to move down to the Ancestral Home in Macon, GA and declare myself President of the Black Belt Confederacy, incorporating all Negro Counties and College Towns south of the Ohio River. We shall enforce this secession with a well-regulated black militia. Any white folks in our territories will be free to leave once they have worked off their accumulated generational debt; we'll call it "indentured servitude" so it doesn't sound too revenge-y.

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

Boner forgot to take his Plan B, and now he's pregnant with Fail and he can't abort it, you know, 'cause Tea Party Jeebus or some shit.

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:43 am

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), a key Boehner ally, emerged from the Speaker’s office suite carrying a plate of Chick-Fil-A.

Of course she was, bless her heart. Her and her wonky eye.

MayanRadio December 21, 2012 at 10:23 am

Well, they were playing chicken.

superdave December 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

I believe they were playing hide the drumstick.

GoodDogThor December 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

Here's a theory: Boehner's orangeness is a result of 1/64 Mayan ancestry. He's been bullshitting the whole time, expecting the apocalypse today.

Bartleby64 December 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

Plan B does not prevent pregnancies. Or stupidity.

DahBoner December 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

To-Maya is the First Day of the Waste of your Life

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

You say "To-Maya,"
I say "To-Mahyah."

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

Time to send the military states' already weak economies back into the shitter. This is what you're voting for, baggers.

You want a revolution? Well, you're getting a recession, and you'll like it.

Sequestration: It's what's your dinner…in fact, it's all that you'll eat.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

Sequestration: It's the other white meat. And it's going to be damn lean.

Baconzgood December 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

Maybe we should think about getting a king or somthing. At least until this tea party thing blows over.

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 9:56 am

I could settle for a perpetual Bill Pullman Independence Day presidency.

shelwood46 December 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

But not a Bill Pullman 1600 Penn presidency.

Rufus T. Firefly December 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Maybe England will take us back?

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 9:57 am

Maybe he drunk-dialed Bammy last night crying; "I love you, man"! (a girl can dream).

Negropolis December 21, 2012 at 10:05 am

After my schaden was freuded, I just had the more horrible feeling of dread realizing that we just had an election, and we're stuck with this Republican House for the next two years. **shivers**

Surely, there must be a dozen or so Republicans we can peel off to have a functioning House on a least a few votes, right? Oh god, I'm having a panic attack.

James Michael Curley December 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

Unfortunately, Nate "The Oracle" says the likelihood of getting a non-Republican majority in the House in 2014 is exceedingly slim.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

You can't just neglect that shit through several election cycles and expect to magically make it up in one. If I were Howard Dean, I would be yelling "Yeargh!!!" in frustration every day.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

You're just now realizing all of that?!

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

The problem is that in the House, the power of the speaker to call votes is almost absolute. So Dems doing the heavy lifting only happens if the speaker is someone willing to cross his own party for the good of the country. Good luck finding that in the GOP today.

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

What does it say about these assholes that cutting meals on wheels and food stamps is considered a "sweetener"? Christian fuckers, all of em'

TootsStansbury December 21, 2012 at 10:28 am

It says they are mean, selfish assholes.

comrad_darkness December 21, 2012 at 1:03 pm

It's important to have your sermon victims as downtrodden and desperate as possible.

coolhandnuke December 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

It's the end of the world
and Grover knows it
And I feel fine

MayanRadio December 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

All this over a 3.6% marginal tax hike on the people who can afford it. Fuck 'em, I say JUMP.

christianmuslin December 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

Is it too late to take a vote as to whether we might be better off if the world actually does end today? Also, how does one dress for the end of the world event, boxers or briefs?

freakishlywrong December 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

Duhh..commando. Chaaaa.

redarmyzombie December 21, 2012 at 10:58 am

Full-body latex, of course!

eggsacklywright December 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

Wish the media would start calling it a fiscal bluff instead of a cliff. Because that's what it is, a great big bluff.

Misty Malarky December 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

bearperney December 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Intergalactic freeway, coming through!

starfanglednut December 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

My understanding of economics is tenuous at best, but what if Hopey just sits back and lets us go over the cliff? The economic collapse wouldn't happen right away, and then all he'd have to do is propose a tax cut for those making under $250,000 per year. The republicans would look like complete assholes if they refuse, and for refusing to compromise when they had the chance. We'd have a decent chance at the house I'd 2014. Would the cuts to social programs be irreversible at that point? Would the market crash? Smarter wonketeers explain please.

starfanglednut December 21, 2012 at 10:37 am

Best. Gif. Ever. Also too.

docterry6973 December 21, 2012 at 11:32 am

Babies are neat. Maybe we need more guns for daycare workers and obstetric nurses, just in case.

Oblios_Cap December 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

The cliff is more of a media invention than actual thing. just because the deadline passes doesn't mean that gloom & doom will immediately occur or that Lucifer will rise from the Pit of Hell. There would be time to reach an "accommodation" before too much damage would be done. In fact, Krugman has been preaching that Bamz should let the deadline pass and go over the cliff to pressure the GOP jackasses and get a better deal.

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:56 am

Yep, and the irony is that the GOP's perceived leverage (other than some hazy idea the public will blame the President, which not passing Plan B shot to hell) – the debt ceiling – is immediately weakened because the expiring tax cuts give Treasury more projected revenues to put off hitting the ceiling.

ibwilliamsi December 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

Let it expire then fix it.

LibrarianX December 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

"Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), a key Boehner ally, emerged from the Speaker's office suite carrying a plate of Chick-Fil-A…"

Foxx – too busy to comment, was instead planning to fling chicken bones at Congressional staffers, while screaming and berating them.

LibrarianX December 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

Staffers (speaking anonymously – to ensure their safety) report that this is a Holiday Ritual for Rep. Foxx (R-N.C.). No additional information was available.

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Chik-fil-a got no bones – but plenty of greasy skin for flinging at subordinates.

shelwood46 December 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Also too, pickles.

ibwilliamsi December 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

"This House moment of failure brought to you by The Heritage Foundation, a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries."

Chow Yun Flat December 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

Once again the Speaker of the House shows the dignified, effective leadership the nation has come to expect.

Veritas78 December 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

So this week Boner cancels a vote on his own bill. Was it last week that McConnell filibustered his own bill in the Senate? I'm seeing a pattern here.

Chet Kincaid_ December 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Wonkette Art Department (Dok): Hope you're getting that gif of the final seconds of "Thelma & Louise" ready.

BerkeleyBear December 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

What is being missed here is that these fucks in the GOP actually voted to shift the sequester to almost 100 percent domestic cuts, in a vote Boehner gave the TP to gain support for Plan B, and then refused to raise any revenue. So the Southern Party (because let's be honest) is on record that their pork back home industrial welfare is the only kind that matters, and the middle class and poor can all go fuck themselves. Combined with lax gun control standards this suddenly makes Les Miz start feeling like a blueprint and not an overly sentimental musical. And we have conclusive proof that Boehner couldn't negotiate with a cranky 4 year old – you don't give them dessert then ask them to finish their vegetables, dumbass.

comrad_darkness December 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"Mr. Cantor, do you have the votes?"

Cantor: "I'm fine . . . how are you?"

Benny December 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I want a baby just like that.

lulzmonger December 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

THELMA & LOUISE FINALE OR GTFO.

Rufus T. Firefly December 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This gif totally wins the Internet.

comrad_darkness December 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Congress reminds me of a drunk from what I think is a Twilight Zone episode. He took a "cure" pill that turned out to be a parasite that lived on alcohol and as soon as the guy inevitably slipped up and drank, this thing hatched and ate him from the inside. The guy was so sure he could be good, later, some time later.

Except in this case, Congress knew the pill was a fucking monster that would do that.

tessiee December 21, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"because it is projected to send the country back into a recession."

"Back into a recession"? "BACK into a recession"?
AHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA!! HAHAHAARRRRGGGHHH!

ttommyunger December 21, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Everybody can see Barry's Four Aces, why does Boner continue to try to bluff? We all know he is holding a pair of Deuces in one hand and his tiny peen in the other.

joeyblau December 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

It's the top .19% that pay the bills around here young lady!!

HistoriCat December 21, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Never bring logic to a hate fight.

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