Hey lazy. Whatcha doin’? Bein’ lazy? Forgetting to buy shit for all the people you love? Well you are in luck, because the post office informs us that if we get them your packages by tomorrow morning, your sorry ass will have presents under your heathen, Jesus-less, responsible-for-Newtown “holiday tree.” (Also, WE WILL EVEN WRAP THEM, oddly and kind of home-madey, in two colors of tissue paper, with ribbon! If you pay us to.) Right. So. Go here. The end. [WonketteBazaar]
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN 2:30 pm December 20, 2012
Order Your Wonket Nonsense Tonight If You Want It In Time For XXX-Mas
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 67 comments }
I'll take one of the dogs wearing the Wonkette hat…and the hat too I guess.
I'm not lazy. I've been sick!
Sharight, like the rest of us are normal…
I give to family and friends as I do here: in comments.
What no Wonkette cats?
Damn pussies…
No pussy for you! Ever!
You're not going to wrap them using a newspaper comics section? That's really home-madey.
Y'know, I've heard of Teacup Yorkies, but I do believe that's the first one I've ever actually seen.
How do they poop?
They don't. They are poopless dogs.
Then I want to trade my current puppy for one of those poopless dogs. It's amazing how often and HOW MUCH a puppy poops. It's friggin non-stop.
I'm Dreaming of a Talking Camel Toe, just like the one's I used to know…
What's the point? The world's ending tomorrow.
Precisely! Editrix gets your money and doesn't have to ship a thing! And gets the rest of time to spend it on hookers and blow!
But what about the apocamlypsis? Do you promise to get it delivered before the Mayans kill us all because they were too lazy to draw up a calendar past 2012?
Do you have ornaments for my Festivus Tree?
I don't know if you can hang them from your pole, but she's got a couple of nice globes…
TreeNutz™
I already have my new "Old Handsome Joe" mug and, thanks to my inability to use a computer correctly, I became Besties with our dear Editrix in the process.
So, buy some Wonkette crap and you can be Besties with her, too!
I was considering getting into Bestiality…wait no, uh…
OT, but I understand that miniature donkeys make wonderful pets.
Disclaimer: USPS Priority Mail is NOT a guaranteed service.
That's right! I sent a package to Kansas City last Friday, and as checked today, it is now still sitting at our local (LA) sorting location.
Where do I buy the Special Edition Wonkette AK-47?
Is the "I was carrying it ironically" defense valid in most jurisdictions?
Wonkette even ships shit to MISSISSIPPI. Woo hoo!
I confuse easily. How do I put things in the cart?
Scroll alllll the way down, and then it says "choose an option". Once you choose an option, you can add it to the cart.
Sorry it is so lame.
That's OK – Amazon had problems their first year too.
When are the Wonkette roach clips going on sale?
Or the Wonkette wine koozies.
That's so gay.
Wonkette condom holders?
Already I tire of my cheap Chinese holder with the pictures of babies and TUITION IS EXPENSIVE…
If I buy something will you get rid of that fucking hoarding ad up top?
Only if you promise to never throw it away.
For serious. I click the item and it shows me a picture, and then I click cart and it says my cart is empty. My wife needs an old handsome Joe mug.
It isn't easy. You have to hunt around for small light colored text not quite at the bottom of the page.
It is so much money! But the shipping for the mugs is ridiculous. I actually lose money on each one.
So you scroll alllllll the way down, and it says "choose an option," and once you "choose an option," it lets you put it in the cart.
having purchased a mug, this is true! there is a bonafide postage stamp for $8.80 or so on my box, which i think is kinda sad.
Your wife needs two old handsome Joe mugs, dammit!
Hey, try posting something on Wonkville and see what that gets you!
Is XXX-Mas the day we all get a porn star under the tree? I can't wait!
How much is that doggy in the window?
Order stuff so you can get the awesome confirmation message!
I wanted to order a commie girl tank top, but do NOT wear a size small, as I have huge boobs, but YOU SAID only small is available, so cry.
Uh, how huge?
Mmm, obligatory "pics or it didn't happen".
oh great. this means mom know what size we are.
Holy Crap that was one expensive mug. Good thing I am not a savvy consumer. It better come packed in a protective bed of spotted owl feathers with that shipping charge.
How do you know so much about the Wonkette Store? Are you like the bookkeeper or Mafia Enforcer or something?
This guy sure asks a lotta questions. You a cop?
I am 'Lady Mobster'. The cop is on my payroll.
Rats. I was hoping to see the cats-eye glasses sporting logo in the discount bin.
Might I suggest some xmas specials next year? How about booze and firearms. Example: Buy a handgun and you'll throw in a bottle of our favorite brown liquor. VALUE.
That dog looks very familar. I thinked she winked at me once on match.com.
"Athletic & Toned"???
Ha! Cut back on the kibbles, baby…
The shipping will be back down to normal — $7.99 — after Christmas, when I don't have to overnight stuff. (I still lose money on each shipping. Which is why the poor people who are just buying underwear get screwed, to subsidize all the coffee mugs.)
spotted owl feathers
Q. You know who *else* "spotted an owl??
A. no one, lately
Can't you at least try?
Please?
I ordered a red baseball cap because Phillies, but I don't care when it gets here because I am at war with Christmas.
Merry Armageddon!
HowTF did you know I was lazy?
The Intertubes are llike that.
I check out the wonkete store for the articles.
Of clothing.
Waiting for the Rush Limbaugh Oxi-tab Pez dispenser….For the 'Ritus.
I continue to be distressed by the vagina dentata panties, even though I am thinking of ordering a pair. For Mrs. Docterry. In case I did not make that clear.
i bought something but i did not have a coupon.
Lionel Hutz will be unwrapping me from a Wonkette tshirt and dentata panties on Christmas morning!
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