it's the final countdown

Order Your Wonket Nonsense Tonight If You Want It In Time For XXX-Mas

Dog and tiny hat not includedHey lazy. Whatcha doin’? Bein’ lazy? Forgetting to buy shit for all the people you love? Well you are in luck, because the post office informs us that if we get them your packages by tomorrow morning, your sorry ass will have presents under your heathen, Jesus-less, responsible-for-Newtown “holiday tree.” (Also, WE WILL EVEN WRAP THEM, oddly and kind of home-madey, in two colors of tissue paper, with ribbon! If you pay us to.) Right. So. Go here. The end. [WonketteBazaar]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

67 comments

      1. el_donaldo

        Then I want to trade my current puppy for one of those poopless dogs. It's amazing how often and HOW MUCH a puppy poops. It's friggin non-stop.

  1. AnAmericanInTO

    I already have my new "Old Handsome Joe" mug and, thanks to my inability to use a computer correctly, I became Besties with our dear Editrix in the process.

    So, buy some Wonkette crap and you can be Besties with her, too!

    1. MegPasadena

      That's right! I sent a package to Kansas City last Friday, and as checked today, it is now still sitting at our local (LA) sorting location.

    1. commiegirl99

      Scroll alllll the way down, and then it says "choose an option". Once you choose an option, you can add it to the cart.

      Sorry it is so lame.

    1. DahBoner

      Wonkette condom holders?

      Already I tire of my cheap Chinese holder with the pictures of babies and TUITION IS EXPENSIVE…

  2. jolpaj

    For serious. I click the item and it shows me a picture, and then I click cart and it says my cart is empty. My wife needs an old handsome Joe mug.

    1. TootsStansbury

      It isn't easy. You have to hunt around for small light colored text not quite at the bottom of the page.

    2. commiegirl99

      It is so much money! But the shipping for the mugs is ridiculous. I actually lose money on each one.

      So you scroll alllllll the way down, and it says "choose an option," and once you "choose an option," it lets you put it in the cart.

      1. kingofmeh

        having purchased a mug, this is true! there is a bonafide postage stamp for $8.80 or so on my box, which i think is kinda sad.

  3. kckitty

    I wanted to order a commie girl tank top, but do NOT wear a size small, as I have huge boobs, but YOU SAID only small is available, so cry.

  4. BornInATrailer

    Holy Crap that was one expensive mug. Good thing I am not a savvy consumer. It better come packed in a protective bed of spotted owl feathers with that shipping charge.

  5. not that Dewey

    How do you know so much about the Wonkette Store? Are you like the bookkeeper or Mafia Enforcer or something?

  6. SheriffRoscoe

    Might I suggest some xmas specials next year? How about booze and firearms. Example: Buy a handgun and you'll throw in a bottle of our favorite brown liquor. VALUE.

  7. DahBoner

    That dog looks very familar. I thinked she winked at me once on match.com.

    "Athletic & Toned"???

    Ha! Cut back on the kibbles, baby…

  8. commiegirl99

    The shipping will be back down to normal — $7.99 — after Christmas, when I don't have to overnight stuff. (I still lose money on each shipping. Which is why the poor people who are just buying underwear get screwed, to subsidize all the coffee mugs.)

  9. docterry6973

    I ordered a red baseball cap because Phillies, but I don't care when it gets here because I am at war with Christmas.

  10. docterry6973

    I continue to be distressed by the vagina dentata panties, even though I am thinking of ordering a pair. For Mrs. Docterry. In case I did not make that clear.

Comments are closed.