Welcome home HaidlSometimes people die and it is very, very sad. Sometimes people die, and they are Don Haidl. Haidl was assistant sheriff in Orange County, California, when his son and several of said son’s buddies videotaped themselves gang-raping passed-out 16-year-old acquaintance Jane Doe on a pool table, with a snapple bottle, a pool cue, and a lit cigarette. Assistant Sheriff Haidl then used some portion of his hundreds of millions of dollars (from government contracts, of course) to finance a defense that would accuse Jane Doe of raping the boys.

(We were in the courtroom when a defense witness “doctor” watched the videotape and narrated it for the court: “As you can see, Jane Doe is drinking a beer and so is clearly not unconscious.” Later, lying prone on the pool table, she peed herself; the doctor said she was acting because earlier she had moved her hand.) Fliers with her face were put up around her neighborhood, seeking “information.” The defense — the first time — was successful; for a time, the younger Haidl and his buddies went free.

Justice eventually prevailed and Greg Haidl did real time; Jane Doe, despite the odds, got her shit together and is living a good and solid life. Haidl’s boss, corrupt, grifty, Editrix-pal and Orange County Sheriff Mike Carona is still in prison in Colorado somewhere, we think. And now Don Haidl is dead at 61. Universe, moral arc, justice, etc.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • sullivanst

    Another one for the list of graves on which to urinate.

  • OzoneTom

    C'mon, we all know that Jane Doe was just doing it to get those free whore-pills.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, he must have really loved that boy of his…


    • He probably wished he was there for the gang rape. "You know son, back in my day, we just buried the bitch in the woods–none of this legal nonsense.."

  • decentcitizen

    So many graves, so little pee.

    • BlueStateLibel

      You need to bring a six pack with you, that always helps.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      I'm saving all of mine for two names: Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh. I might even make another (guh) trip to Wyoming just to piss on it. Limbaugh…I imagine he'll probably enclose himself in a brass statue of his fat ass blabbing into a microphone in which case I'll buy a dog just to piss on it…I was thinking of adding Romney to the list until he lost.

  • Hammiepants

    Good, fuck him, I hope it was super-painful.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did Haidl sue the girl for damages to the pool table felt?

    • sullivanst

      Also for bogarting that cigarette.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And "lipping" it, making the filter all soggy?

  • Something there is that does not love a douchebag.

  • "Dad of the Decade"? Joe Walsh libel!

  • Good.

  • Can we please call it Haidl now, instead of Hades, so as not to offend our Hellenic underworld brethren?

  • Beetagger

    Men's bodies have a way of shutting down when bad things (like rape) happen to them or their loved ones. It's science.

    • CommieDad

      Men's bodies brains have a way of shutting down when bad things (like rape) happen to are done by them or their loved ones. It's science.


      Oh shit! I just got your snark. Sorry.

  • Disassembly

    If you love someone, set him free by accusing his rape victim.

  • chicken_thief

    When I was a kid, me and my friends used to keep a video camera on hand just in case some unconscious slut tried to rape us, too.

  • Callyson

    It's not right to speak ill of the dead…usually. Good fucking riddance.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Not to be confused with John Hadl, NFL quarterback of 1960s-70s, who is still alive and only was ever accused of some minor NCAA rules violations at Kansas back in the 1980s..

  • AlterNewt

    He will be missed. (He will not be missed.)

    • sullivanst

      6' of dirt does rather impair the aim…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That's OK, I'll bring a backhoe, a keg of beer, and a women's rugby team.

        • Sounds like the best sort of party.

        • sullivanst

          True story: my sister played hooker for our school's girls' rugby team.

          • One_who_wanders

            'cause I'd support a hooker, and you'd support a hooker
            we'd all support a hooker together
            we'd be alright in the middle of the night
            supporting a hooker together

            (Former Prop)

        • Sparky

          I'll bring Lasix for everyone!

  • SnarkOff

    Haidl's son will no doubt become president someday.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Let's hope that young Haidl got all the ass rapey love he deserved while in the slammer.

    • CommieDad

      No one should be raped (except with votes). It's cruel, and unusual. Instead, let's hope he had voluntary relations with a large man, which, unfortunately resulted in permanent damage to his scrotum.

  • hell…hitler…pineapples shoved up ass…it works

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My stupid boss says I have to come to work tomorrow, even though the world is gonna end.

    • MissTaken

      My team is having our holiday luncheon at a yummy Catalan bistro tomorrow. I hope the end of the world waits until after lunch is over.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        My company is having a holiday party in mid January because for some reason venues are cheaper.

    • Naked_Bunny

      The world can end on your own damned time.

  • MissTaken

    “As you can see, Jane Doe is drinking a beer and so is clearly not unconscious.” Later, lying prone on the pool table, she peed herself; the doctor said she was acting because earlier she had moved her hand.

    I see Allen West has been practicing his expert doctoring skills in the OC as well as on Fox News.

    • FakaktaSouth

      That same doctor also said "only a consciously willing asshole will accept the slightest intrusion" and I thought, you know, what with how womens are able to shut down their rapey parts at will, or accept things only when wide awake, how can rape be a crime anyway? It's like we are just making something out of nothing all the time – how could it ever even be possible to rape a person in the first place? We are so lucky.

      • CommieDad

        Let me guess, said doctor is a chiropractor? If he is an OB, he should lose his license.

        • FakaktaSouth

          I would think even a chiropractor should know how involuntarily flexible sphincters can be, no? And no matter what kind of doc, I think this particular "consciously willing asshole" was evil and happy to be getting paid to say that shit.

  • BlueStateLibel

    The stress of being an evil monster finally got to him.

  • Say, you think Greg Haidl was given a lot of hooch in prison and then re-created his movie, only this time as the willing participant, as his defense claimed victim?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Glad to see that fucktardery really knows no state boundaries, no matter how much we all bag on FL, TX, AZ, MS, AL, AR, SC, etc etc.

  • Baconzgood

    HOLEY FUCKING SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH FUCKING PEOPLE???????!!!?? This rapey story gavez Baconz the hard core sadz! As soon as the Lil' Lady comes home tonight I'm going to give her a great big hug and tell her how much I love and respect her as a person.

    Fucking a that shit is fucking fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up beyond anything.

    • SoBeach

      Stories like this are even worse when you have a 16 year old daughter.

    • Redgyal

      On behalf of women everywhere, thank you Baconz

  • Listen, most of the OC ought to be annexed to Arizona.

  • Next story, please, life is too awful.

  • prommie

    Why are we born only to suffer and die?

    • docterry6973

      Because God loves us.

      • prommie

        I thought it was because He has self-esteem issues, and needed someone to worship Him?

        • Naked_Bunny

          That's what love is, isn't it?

        • No. According to any sensible monotheism, God doesn't need anything from us. The point is what we need from God. (Some would say "nothing", and good luck to 'em.)

    • gingerland62

      Were you raised Catholic too?

  • Wow — those linked articles make OC sound like Macon County with money. And political connections — apparently Don Haidl wangled himself a Dubya appointment to some security panel after 9/11 too — I guess Dubya had an affinity for corrupt, connected dads who use their influence to keep their criminally wayward sons out of jail.

  • Mahousu

    Haidl's not dead; he's just acting.

    • LibertyLover

      Yep. Saw his hand move.

      • sullivanst

        Darn you!

  • DahBoner

    As a former resident of a beautiful SoCal beach town, it always seemed odd to me that such "progressive" folks tolerate Law Enforcement Officers who are basically Nazis….

    • Negropolis

      Forget it, Boner. It's Orange County Town.

  • Jaramillo is out of custody, but only after serving both state and federal prison stints that would have been longer if he hadn't ratted out Carona. Haidl, who was caught writing off his son's legal defense as a fraudulent tax deduction, made out the best; after agreeing to surreptitiously wear a government body wire to record Carona discussing coverup efforts, he avoided prison and today enjoys mansion life in Las Vegas and Newport Coast. […]
    One night between the first hung-jury trial in 2004 and the second successful one in 2006, a female neighbor who looks like Doe was ambushed and severely beaten in the face and head with a rock. The assault abruptly ended, and the mysterious man fled after the victim yelled, "I'm not [Doe's first name]!"

    Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, something tells me the death was not from natural causes.

    • docterry6973

      We can but pray.

  • rickmaci

    As I read this story in the morning newspaper, my atheist soul was secretly hoping there really is a hell.

    • Giveusabob

      If only Der Krampus came for adults too.

    • docterry6973

      Me too, but with my luck I'll end up 3 circles below Haidl because I didn't go to church enough.

      • rickmaci

        Dibs on the spot by the steam vent.

    • oenspiek

      A great writer's words sometimes cheer me in cases like this: "You have led the most evil of lives. I should kill you with the utmost terror and pain — but it is sufficient that you die." (Jack Vance, from The Killing Machine.)

  • Goonemeritus

    I love these Christmas stories where everything works out in the end.

  • Radiotherapy

    For once, I wish she was armed.

  • feminazipenishrinker

    Like I said when Breitbart died: the world got slightly less shitty.

    I hope it hurt and that people you love are suffering, asshole.

  • Lizzietish81

    Its a Christmas Miracle!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "today enjoys mansion life in Las Vegas and Newport Coast."

    WTF? How much does "assistant sheriff" pay? And that must be a West Coast term, because in a real state we call that position "Depiddy Shehrf."

  • LibertyLover

    Just goes to show you that if given a choice between doing a wrong thing and doing the right thing, that the right thing is definitely the way to go, unless of course, it involves doing the wrong thing for the right reason.

    Peeing on this man's grave would definitely be the wrong thing for the right reason.

  • Callyson

    Also–people like Haidl are the ones who yammer about how horrors like Newtown happen because parents have stopped holding their kids responsible for their actions.


  • Antispandex

    People will say Karma, Goes around comes around, vengeance is mine saith the Lord sorts of things, but I say it's too soon for that kind of talk. This was just one of the parents. None of the spawn who took such delight in this evil, have left the planet…yet.

  • The doctor in this case must have had the same training as Bill Frist when he diagnosed Terri Schiavo by watching tape.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That shit they put that girl through sounds like a floor show I once saw in Bangkok.

  • Estproph

    Shame he had to die before he was buried.

    • DahBoner


    • Lascauxcaveman


    • Negropolis

      Shit just got really REAL.

  • hominidx

    The comments on the article are, unsurprisingly, a garden of earthly cumpuppetry.

  • TribecaMike

    OT, but Newt Gingrich says he now accepts the "reality" of gay marriage. Are those divorce bells I hear ringing?

    • BornInATrailer

      I find it amazing that the fat philandering toad has the stones to say the word marriage let alone opine on any aspect of the institution.

    • Mz Lindsey's heart just skipped a beat.

  • Severen13

    Good riddance to bad trash.

  • CommieDad

    with votes.

    • larrykat

      Too edgy I guess.

  • TootsStansbury

    Hopefully this guy will wake up in his next life as a tapeworm.

    • not that Dewey

      Free room and board? That's too good for him. He should be a carrion-eater, in the desert, where life sucks from beginning to end.

  • Botlrokit

    Goodbye, dick.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Your move, Karl Rove.

    • TootsStansbury

      Heh heh heh.

  • beefhardcake

    I have no snark.

    As much as I hate dancing on graves, this man won't be missed and I'm glad he's not using our communal oxygen anymore.

  • Amazing and quite lovely that the victim has been able recover so well from the year's long ordeal she was put through by these assholes and is now helping others who have suffered in the same way.

    I imagine Don Haidl spending his next life–about 10,000 years of it–as part of a wall that dogs pee on. Then he may be reincarnated as pebble. After a few hundred reincarnations he might get all the was to being a parasite in the gut of a mosquito.

    • docterry6973

      I hope he is re-incarnated as a septic tank.

  • That's right, Zuzu – every time a horrible, rapey old scumbag dies, a demon gets its wings.

    It's A Wonderful Death!

  • Spider-Jerk

    Here's hoping the mortician forged all the work papers and took a personal day, causing Haidl to _literally_ stink worse than shit and leave a slime trail at the funeral.

  • Naked_Bunny

    What does the photo of a Wonkette drinking party have to do with the story?

  • mavenmaven

    Hopefully the mortician did the right thing and buried the jackass with a bottle up his rectum.

  • Theywontlisten

    Death is on a roll..Rock on Grim Reaper, Rock on

  • docterry6973

    Please, Editrix, tell us that this bum and his rapey son were and are spat upon by every person they meet, every day, forever.

    I will like that even it it isn't true.

  • Sent to my 16 and 17 year olds who think that I am an idiot in my concerns

  • ttommyunger

    Things are looking up, death-wise.

  • Negropolis

    I often say I feel that I need to vomit, but this time it almost actually happened. I remember vaguely hearing about this, but reading the details, again, made me ill.

    Stay kkklassy, Orange County.

Previous articleConcussion-Gate: Hillary Clinton Perpetrates America’s Most Nefarious Coverup
Next articleOrder Your Wonket Nonsense Tonight If You Want It In Time For XXX-Mas