Wingnuts Furious At Jews, Jon Stewart, For Killing Christmas, Doing Newtown Massacre

  have you done your part to kill christmas today?

Sugartits or GTFOExcuse me, Jews, but how have you killed Christ/Christmas/little first graders today? Let us start with Burt Prelutsky, who apparently has written for the Timeses New York and Los Angeles, and yet now, sadly, is stuck writing about his fellow Jewishes killing Christmas in his marvelous journey “The Jewish Grinch Who Stole Christmas,” at WND.

Blah blah blah, Mel Gibson, It’s A Wonderful Life, assimilation

But the dirty little secret in America is that in spite of the occasional over-publicized rants by the likes of Mel Gibson and Michael Richards, anti-Semitism is no longer a problem in society; it’s been replaced by a rampant anti-Christianity. For example, much of the hatred spewed towards George W. Bush had far less to do with his policies than it did with his religion. As you may have noticed, they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names even though he’s kept Gitmo open, extended the Patriot Act and even used drones to kill American citizens. Could it be because they understand that he only attended church in order to get his political career off the ground?

These Jewish bigots voiced no concern when Bill Clinton or John Kerry made a big production out of showing up at black Baptist churches or posing with Rev. Jesse Jackson because, again, they understand that’s just politics. They only object to politicians attending church for religious reasons.

But what does going to black church have to do with killing Christmas? Well, because “ACLU”!

You may have noticed, though, that the ACLU is highly selective when it comes to religious intolerance. The same group of self-righteous shysters who, at the drop of a “Merry Christmas” will slap you with an injunction, will fight for the right of an American Indian to ingest peyote and a devout Islamic woman to appear veiled on her driver’s license.

I happen to despise bullies and bigots. I hate them when they represent the majority, but no less when, like too many Jews in America, they represent an infinitesimal minority.

I am getting the idea that these self-righteous secular Jews won’t be happy until they pull off their own version of the Spanish Inquisition, forcing Christians to either deny their faith and convert to agnosticism or suffer the consequences.

Also, something about the Santa Monica creche on public lands, and Rhode Island’s (HORRORS!) “holiday tree.” We don’t know, you could try to read it?

But the Jewish Grinch killing Christmas is only the beginning, as Joel Rosenberg picks up where Burt Prelutsky leaves off: Jon Stewart, known Jew, killed the children in Newtown.

The answer is as painful as it is simple: the further we turn away from God in our nation — the further we drive Him out of our society, out of our schools and courts, and out of our media, and out of our homes; or the more we give mere lip service to religion; the more men are ”holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power” (2 Timothy 3:5) — the worse things are getting. Consider just the cultural war against Jesus and Christmas that has been waged just in the last few days:

Fox News headline: “Holiday message: Atheists dub Jesus a ‘myth’ on Times Square billboard”
CNN column, “Have yourself a merry atheist Christmas“
AP article about the “War on Christmas”
Fox News story about a rapper singing about a “Gangbanger Jesus”
KTVA-TV (Alaska) story: “Atheists Wage War on Christmas in Anchorage: Anti-religion signs on People Mover buses”
Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart wages war on Christmas and mocks those who thinks he’s wrong [caution: obscene language]

WONKETTE WAR ON CHRISTMAS LIBEL! We guess Stewart’s was pretty good though. You can watch it over at Mediaite; Comedy Central’s Web 1.0 player fucks up our page.

[WND via LittleGreenFootballs / RightWingWatch]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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256 comments

      1. mrpuma2u

        Yeah, why aren't their pictures of jeebus looking like Yassir Arafat or Shimon Peres???? Omar Sharif if you need a fetching Semitic, but yeesh, that blond haired crap always threw me.

    1. doloras

      No lie, there used to be a school of thought that people from Galilee were actually Aryans who'd gotten lost somehow, and that therefore Jesus weren't no hook-nosed Red Sea Pedestrian. This was a very popular argument in, say, 1930s Germany.

  1. freakishlywrong

    So our Holy War is going to be against the hypocritical members of this twisted version of Christianity and the rest of us? Bring it, bitches.

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …that would be the equivalent of Juan Marquez FIST being persecuted by Manny Pacquiap's face in the 6th round!!!

    2. ButthurtWingers2012

      Up until Constantine institutionalized it (and rubbed out other sects which didn't believe Jesus was divine) Christians were more or less persecuted. The worst part is that these douchenozzles have absolutely no concept of actual religious persecution…these guys are just a bunch of whiney pussies…I can't really snark this, they annoy me too much.

  2. gullywompr

    Nobody expects the Jewish Inquisition!

    Except maybe Editrix, who knew that one of her commenters would say it. Thanks for the setup, Sugartits.

    1. ButthurtWingers2012

      Yeah…I was going to make a joke about calling editrix sugartits for being Jewish but she thought of everything with the nutter himself. Damn you……uh….uh….sugartits!

  3. johnnyzhivago

    The root of all this evil is Spongebob Squarepants. Ever see Spongbob put up a Christmas tree? Ever see Spongebob paraphernalia NOT around the site of a mass shooting?

    I rest my case.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    So Atheists = Jews per Mr. Prelutsky?

    No one could accuse the WND of being a magazine for thinking people.

      1. gullywompr

        I think you're trying to say "yarmulke", but it's cool, I had a lot of trouble spelling that word myself.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          I wonder if Jesus ever experienced any anxiety when he had to nail his mezuzah to the doorframe.

        2. StillGoinGreen

          Since I am an atheist and a newly minted Jew, it will take me some time to get the Yiddish down. However, I did research several jewish websites and here is what I found:

          "Yamaka is the Yiddish name for the skullcap or kippah (a round piece of cloth) worn by many Jews all the time, and all male Jews (and visiting non-Jews) at Jewish holy sites. The word Yamaka is derived from the Aramaic “yira malka” which means the awe of the king. The Hebrew name for head covering, kippah, in simple terms means dome. Other Yiddish terms for Yamaka include: yarmlke, yarmulke, yarmulka, yarmelke ( ???????). Orthodox Jews will wear a Yamaka all the time to fulfill the customary requirement for their head to be covered at all times out of respect for God. Some women also wear them in certain conservative communities at times of prayer."

          1. finallyhappy

            Yup, I always wear a kippah when I pray and a tallit(prayer shawl). I know a number of conservative Jewish men who wear kippahs all the time but I only wear mine during prayer- yes, I am a woman. Odd that in my synagogue, we ask even non-Jewish men to cover their heads but not women- and many women in my synagogue do not cover their heads

          2. doloras

            Yiddish is a great language. I admire the Jews who are keeping Yiddish culture going, in opposition to the Zionists who consider it a "ghetto language" and that every Jew should speak Hebrew.

  5. Estproph

    I thought the Mayans were planning on killing everything after tomorrow anyway. Why is Christmas special?

  6. actor212

    For example, much of the hatred spewed towards George W. Bush had far less to do with his policies than it did with his religion.

    Whoa. Even for Prelutsky, this is weapons-grade stoopid.

    Errrr, um, Burt? Considering many of his policies were based on his religion and his intolerance of a certain other religion, can we safely say that it wasn't too wrong to point that out about W?

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …under what religious edict does treating the economy like a cheap whore, invading a country that has a little over negative 100% to do with 911 and allowing one of the largest cities in the country to drown under hurricane Katrina, have to do with his religious convictions?!?!?

      1. WIDTAP

        The same one that tells these guys that they are the Chosen Ones – and yet another reason to hate the Jews for taking the moniker that by God-given rights (read cash) belongs to the Christian fundamentalists.

      2. tabouley

        Well, he did state that gourd told him to invade Iraq. Most Presidents take responsibility for actions of that sort, Bush palmed it off on someone else.
        That was reason enough to hate him, but there are other things to despise him for, if you need them.

    2. fatbob54

      Dubya did say his favorite philosopher was Jesus H. Christ, for Christ's sake. I mean Jesus, how stoopid do you have to be?

      And while we're on the topic, why should you never play hide and seek with Jesus?

      He peeks through the holes in his hands.

  7. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I plan on celebrating the birth of "our lord" by wearing my "I pound beers for Jesus" tshirt to the most crazy fundy church that I can find. And then maybe to the mormon one as well.

    1. actor212

      Oh, I was going to pay "Virgin" Mary to pretend that I helped her see the errors of her way, then baptise her and help her see God, at least four or five times in my ear.

      She likes big tips, too, so I got the present part covered as well.

    2. AngryBlakGuy

      …make sure that you flirt with the Fundy Church Pastors daughters. Because 9 times out of 10, they are the biggest whores in town! Just a word of advice, from someone who has been excommunicated(twice).

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I once converted a Mormon to homosexuality. I rank that achievement in the top three in my life.

    1. Estproph

      It's not that they never called him bad names, it's that, to WND, the names they called Obama weren't bad.

  8. Hammiepants

    So I guess this is the Airing of the Grievances with this guy? My money is on Stewart if it comes to the Feats of Strength.

  9. Oblios_Cap

    I'm actually buying my wife a St. Chris medal to replace one that she lost. It's cool, since the church de-canonized the poor fellow.

  10. gullywompr

    "As you may have noticed, they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names"

    Funny, now that you mention it, I can't recall anyone, ever, calling him anything bad at all…

    1. docterry6973

      The Right seems unable to see the difference between the government forcing people to practice your religion (ACLU opposes) and forcing people to stop practicing their own religion (ACLU opposes).

      It seems clear to me, unless someone thinks it is right for the government to impose your religion and right for the government to block my religion. Oh, wait.

    2. Negropolis

      The ACLU has done a lot of shit I don't instinctively like, so that sentence did strike me as insane.

  11. Ruhe

    So God let the children die because He's not allowed in public schools? Christians, please repeat that question to yourselves slowly until your heads explode. Look, I'm only parsing the terms as you yourselves have defined them: either God is an infinitely potent creator who seems generally uninterested in everything that's going on here in His creation or He is, as Jed Bartlett put it, a feckless thug.

    1. miss_grundy

      Huckabee is an asshole to say that the children died because you don't have prayers in public school. And of course no one in the media told him off by saying that there are kids from every religion attending public schools and while prayers aren't said out loud, it doesn't stop anyone from saying a silent one or having a moment of meditation. No, what killed those kids are assholes like Huckabee who want to tie themselves to their guns and can't understand that the only thing a gun does is exacerbate any situation that it is in. Someone cuts you off in traffic? Shot him/her. Someone takes the parking space you wanted at the mall? Shoot him/her. Someone walking in your neighborhood who isn't your skin color carrying an Arizona Iced Tea bottle and a pack of Skittles? Shoot! Why doesn't the media have the balls to point this out to this jerk? I guess we'll have to let Jon Stewart lecture this guy.

      1. viennawoods13

        Yeah, ordinarily I'd count on Jon to call out the assholes, but of course he's off until after the New Year.

    2. Tommmcatt_Again

      Not to get all apologisty, but there is a third option. God could be all good, but not all powerful. He might be bound to laws he put in place. He may even be able to change and grow, like the beings he created – so the old logic puzzle "Can God make a rock he cannot lift" might be answered by "yes- he would make the rock them learn to lift it".

      Not that I support any of the hogwash from the right- in fact, they'd consider the ideas I just put forth heretical, particularly the idea that God can change and grow. Just thought I'd demonstrate that some of us faithful are capable of nuance.

      1. doloras

        Or how about this – God DELIBERATELY lets humans do horrible things to one another because that's the only way they'll learn that actions have consequences.

    1. Lizzietish81

      Actually he makes me and my sister clarify that we were raised by United Methodists instead of just Methodists, because Bush is a Methodist, but not a United Methodist.

      Our church was also run by hippies, it was awesome.

  12. hagajim

    The sheer amount of hatred and self-loathing in these wingnuts must just be fucking exhausting. If they aren't as angry about every-fucking-thing as they appear, then it must take a tremendous amount of energy to froth themselves up into raging maniacal anger bears about something they really aren't angry about. Shit, just the thought of spending so much time raging has me exhausted. Take a fucking vacation wingnuts – and please, please, please stop with the War on Christmas bullshit. Thank you.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      I vaguely recall something about "turning the other cheek" that is a part of their "faith". I'm not sure anyof them knows what that means, though.

  13. SorosBot

    "The same group of self-righteous shysters who, at the drop of a “Merry Christmas” will slap you with an injunction"

    This has never happened, no one has ever filed a lawsuit over someone saying "Marry Christmas", in fact non-Christians have never complained about anyone saying that, you just make that shit up. Liar.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      That column is so idiotic, especially coming from a Jew, that I wonder if there is some possibility that WND was punked. Prelutsky's bio does say that he has been a "humor columnist." I can't believe he used "shyster", also!

  14. freakishlywrong

    Wait, how is this Jon Stewart's fault again? These assholes have logic as limber as Olympian gymnasts.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    "I happen to despise bullies and bigots."

    I just really enjoy behaving as one, as I tell you how fake the black guys are at their fake religioning and how GEORGE W BUSH's "religion" (spare me) never informed the shitty ass policies he himself called faith based initiatives and that he was always bragging about.

    Trust me, I know exactly why I hated W.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        "ex-drunk" – so says you. and fuck that guy – his 20million fundies against the gays, hell, that's a two-fer, no? I can hate his "religion" AND his "policy" that never was, after Dick's daughter had to be considered a "person" too.

  16. actor212

    fight for the right of an American Indian to ingest peyote

    Wait. What? Why is Prelutsky only giving us half the story? Like, an address, at least!

  17. Goonemeritus

    I personally won’t be satisfied until every nativity scene is replaced with a diorama depicting the evils of Capitalism and every Christmas tree is replaced with a state approved statue of Lenin.

    1. sewollef

      Speaking as a lapsed Trotskyist [!] personally, I would go for Rosa Luxemburg in preference to Mr Lenin. She sounded my kind of girl.

  18. Tequila Mockingbird

    As you may have noticed, they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names

    Srsly? Was this a grand exercise in irony, or have these wingnuts never been outside?

  19. SexySmurf

    When did Michael Richards go on an anti-Semitic rant? And to think, Jerry Seinfeld was nice enough to switch apartments with him after Kenny Rogers Roasters put up that neon sign.

      1. SorosBot

        Nah, Augustus was fine with them; it was Caligula who really started the problems between the occupying Romans and the Jews.

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    Of course the Jews are trying to destroy Christmas. They were traumatized as kids when the goyim kid down the street got a new bike, and there they are, playing with a fucking dreidel.

        1. finallyhappy

          Yeah, but God isn't his/her/their name- that's some English thing. I always thought it was funny that non-Jews think Yahweh is God's name because they think that is how to pronounce the placeholder word we have in Hebrew. The words we do say mean Lord(but it it also used for a human honorific), God- but that is the same word for pagan gods and there are some others but none are God's name because we don't know it(ok- I'll tell you the secret- It's Barry)

    1. Stevola

      I thought the point of saying the generic "God" was so we people wouldn't say "Jehovah"

      (*ducks stone*)

  21. BadKitty904

    "much of the hatred spewed towards George W. Bush had far less to do with his policies than it did with his religion"

    No, it's pretty obvious to those of us who are reality-based that most of the hatred spewed at Dubya was entirely due to his cretinous policies.

  22. SorosBot

    Dude, first off, what can you read people's minds or something? Where do you get off claiming that Obama and Clinton only attend church for political reasons, while Bush is all sincere about it?

    Second, as an atheist I have no issues with Bush's religion, or that of any other politician. What I have a problem with is politicians, like Bush, who try to force their religion on the rest of us. That's not hating them for their religion, but for what they actually do.

    1. BadKitty904

      "Where do you get off claiming that Obama and Clinton only attend church for political reasons, while Bush is all sincere about it?"

      It's obvious – he's paid by the word, not by the fact.

    1. Botlrokit

      No, blame Saul of Tarsus, and his goddamn moment of clarity. Had it not been for him, Jesus' fifteen minutes would have been over like paper in fire.

  23. prommie

    Will no one come up with a solution to this problem? If only there were some kind of final solution. . . .

    1. sewollef

      Thank you. You know that Ganesha is nothing more than a naked elephant in a dress dancing to old hippy tunes, right?

      I like him a lot.

  24. An_Outhouse

    I haven't received the Wonkette mug I ordered for a Christmas present yet. Tell your Jews to work faster and get that thing shipped, pronto.

  25. seppdecker

    Cautioning WND readers to "obscene language" is like going into a Wal-Mart-housed McDonald's and telling the customers to order their Angus burger without the cheese. Lost fucking cause.

  26. mrpuma2u

    Yeah war on XMAS blah blah, I work in downtown Chicago and to paraphrase Mr. Stewart, it looks like Santa's Reindeer barfed all over State street.

    1. Lizzietish81

      He said another time about Times Square "looking like Santa's Balls exploded"

      I love Jon Stewart.

  27. Ruhe

    "As you may have noticed…" "You may have noticed…"

    All these rhetorical tropes meant to flatter your audience, to congratulate them for already having had the insights that you, a professional writer, have had. "Why yes, Burt, you're right…I did notice that…" Well aren't you smart. It's too close to a compliment to refer to this sort of bull-shit stroke-fest as a "rant" or "screed". It's xtian porn of the hand-job variety.

    1. prommie

      There is a lot to be said for a good old-fashioned hand job. Its almost a lost art, with the kids these days progressing straight on to the blowjobs and assfucking and rainbow parties and jenkem huffing before they are out of 6th grade these days. There is a sorta like a Norman Rockwell nostalgic feel to getting a handjob.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            Well, I thought it was Riley Wags that came up with that phrase, but it didn't seem worth getting into an argument with Prommie about it.

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            As I recall, the painting involves a couch, groping teenage hands, and an 8 year old little brother leering over the back of the couch using a hairbrush as a radio announcer's microphone, to Biff & Trudy's consternation.

          2. BaldarTFlagass

            Probably the inspiration for the Frank Burns/Hot Lips scene in Altman's MASH movie. "Oooh, I love the Battling Bickersons!"

  28. arihaya

    Thank God !

    Some of us miss those good ole Jew-hating wingnuts since they started giving too much attentions to gays, unions, poors, women, Muslims, Left coast liberals, weed smokers, and Bo the Dog.

  29. ManchuCandidate

    Twas the night before Christmas, when all on the news
    Not a liebrul was stirring, except those darn Jews.
    The strawmen were tucked into the article with care,
    In hopes that US Amercia Jeebus soon would be there.

    The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of low taxes danced in their heads.
    And mamma in her ‘Snuggie, and I sobbingly fap,
    Had just settled our fat asses for a post dinner nap.

    When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

    1. ManchuCandidate

      The moon on the remains of the non existent snow
      Gave the smear of cow shit to objects below.
      When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
      But the Mad Max Interceptor, and clatter from bottles of beer.

      Driven by a crazy old fucker, so smashed and sick,
      I knew in a moment it must be Mel Gibson, that prick.
      More rapid insults than Sugar Tits they came,
      And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

      "Now Jew! now, K word! now, N words and Sand N words!
      On, Chinks! On, Commie fucks! on, on Liebruls and Kenyans!
      To the bottom of the ditch! off the side of the wall!
      Now crash away! crash away! crash away all!"

      1. ManchuCandidate

        As dry heaves that before the wild beer vomit fly,
        When he meets with a pedestrian, who bounces off and dies.
        So up to the drive way the drunkard he flew,
        With the car full of guns, and bottles of beer too.

        And then, for a moment, I thought it was a goof
        The shrieking and yelling about all those poofs.
        As I pulled out my gun, and was turning around,
        Through the window Mel Gibson came with a bound.

        He was dressed all in camo, from his head to his foot,
        And his clothes were all tarnished with ciggy ashes and soot.
        A bundle of guns he had flung on his back,
        And he looked like a intruder, just ready to shoot back.

        1. ManchuCandidate

          His face-how so wrinkled! his bitter mind so crazy!
          His thoughts were like turds, his insults was so lazy!
          The cig in his mouth was dangling just so low,
          And the drool from his chin was as white as the snow.

          The butt of his smoke he held tight in his teeth,
          And the crazy just encircled his head like a wreath.
          He had an old man's face and was quite loud and yelly,
          The thoughts he when he thought, were quite racist and smelly!

          He was ranting and nuts, a right winger's true self,
          And I cheered when I saw him, in spite of myself!
          A shot from his gun and a thump to my head,
          Soon let me know I had everything to dread.

          He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
          And shit in all the stockings, went to the corner for a jerk.
          And after fucking up the room, the stench hit my nose,
          And giving me the bird, out the door he goes!

          He ran to his car, drank six beers to wet his whistle,
          And away the cans flew as he drove over the thistle.
          But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
          "Fuck you non Christians!, I'm gonna fuck Sugar Tits all night!"

          As I lay bleeding and the darkness grew.
          I yelled at him, "But I not a Jew!"

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            A strong case for Manchu's induction into the Wonkette Hall of Fame, if there were one, could be made on the strength of this post alone.

  30. JustPixelz

    "…much of the hatred spewed towards George W. Bush had far less to do with his policies than it did with his religion"

    For the record I hated his policies. (Still do!) And I hated that he used his religion to justify those policies. In America the power of the king does not come from God.

  31. sullivanst

    We don’t know, you could try to read it?

    Nice try Becca, but coming so close to mention of the Inquisition, your attempt to lure us into torture is doomed to fail!

  32. bikerlaureate

    I happen to despise bullies and bigots.

    This, among the many easily disproven sentences here, most leads me to wonder if he was attempting satire.

  33. barto

    Yup, I was AOK with George starting two unnecessary wars – then I found out he was a fucking Christian. BASTARD!

  34. Rotundo_

    If Christmas were a *real* holiday, rather than a co-opted collection of various pagan winter solstice traditions, and if christians ever read the book they clutch and realized that it didn't happen in winter, let alone in December, there might be some reason to get all up in peoples faces for not respecting the holiday. The only reason there is a Christmas is that the early christians realized that nobody was going to stop getting loaded and feasting on the solstice and decided to just give up and go with it. If the wingers put as much effort into manufacturing toys as they do outrage, the whole fucking universe would have a little something under their tree (or altar to whatever deity or just in the mailbox) for all eternity.

  35. BaldarTFlagass

    "they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names even though he’s kept Gitmo open, extended the Patriot Act and even used drones to kill American citizens."

    But you guys keep calling him bad names, despite all this.

  36. smitallica

    Pssst, Burt.

    Um, if the point of your article is that anti-Semitism isn't a thing anymore, you probably shouldn't use the term "self-righteous shysters." Just FYI.

  37. freakishlywrong

    What an utterly charming holiday. As opposed to our soulless greed-fest. (I only donate now, no gifts).

    1. Lizzietish81

      I bought a grand total of four presents on ThinkGeek, less than fifty bucks.

      I spent over a hundred (in addition to my monthly contribution) for a special Amnesty International fund to protect women in other countries. Will probably give to the Heifer Fund too.

  38. SorosBot

    "the more men are ”holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power” (2 Timothy 3:5)"

    This guy claims to be Jewish. The three books of Timothy are in the New Testament, attributed to Paul. Um…

  39. prommie

    Fucking wingnuts being furious really is getting old, y'all want to hear whats got Old Prommie furious? Well, gather round children, its like this. At the end of each year Old Prommie has to give a presentation to his board of directors and more or less sum up what he's been doing to earn his bloated salary for the last year. And this year, Prommie's biggest activity has been giving instructional seminars on various legal compliance topics of a stultifyingly boring nature. To accompany the seminars, Prommie writes Compliance Pamphlets on each topic, then he puts together a power-point, and does a series of 2 and a half hour seminars. 100% of content, Prommie, 100% of performance, Prommie. But then comes the Board presentation, and my god, it is absolutely amazing how many people claim ownership of the Prommie seminar series (it made a lot of money).

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      2-1/2 hour seminars? Kill me now. I couldn't sit through a 2-1/2 hour PowerPoint presentation even if it was exclusively about porn and badass cars. I'm sure yours are great, though, Prommie.

      1. prommie

        You would not then be in the target audience for my 6-hours a day, 3 day courses? And they eat it up, because it is all delivered with the celebrated Prommie wit, I assure you.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          Well, if they're paying you and paying you well for it, it behooves them to be enthusiatic as a mothahfuckah.

        2. finallyhappy

          I don't know- I sat through a number of training courses in my former life- any of these on contract law or funding of state gov'ts? How about improper payments(I liked that title but it did not turn out to be interesting at all- I thought it was going to be about people who used money for hookers and porn- but no).

  40. sewollef

    Some people say that Jesus never existed.

    In some circles, it has even been bandied around that it is no coincidence that so-called christian festivals happen to fall on or near much older pagan festivals.

    It has even been argued that christianity itself is little more than an overly large Cargo Cult.

    I'm just sayin'…..

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Of course it's no coincidence, it enabled the "new" religion to slide into place literally on top of whatever was the old. Notice the way Christian and Islamic missionaries built their temples on the same spots where the displaced pagan ones stood, well before zoning laws.

    2. Lizzietish81

      I'm pretty sure the man existed.

      And once I was told that the church didn't know when he was born so they chose a date at random for his birthday that just happened to fall on the Winter Solstice when everyone else was having their party.

  41. SorosBot

    So a CNN column titled "Have yourself a merry atheist Christmas" is part of "the cultural war against Jesus and Christmas"? Really? What, is just acknowledging that atheists exist; and, oh yeah, many of us like to celebrate Christmas; somehow anti-Christian and anti-Christmas? What the holy fuck?

  42. BaldarTFlagass

    "Burt Prelutsky, who apparently has written for the Timeses New York and Los Angeles,and yet now, sadly, is stuck writing… at WND."

    He had to move on when those newspapers dropped the "Police Blotter" section.

  43. prommie

    They come out of the woodwork, to horn in on Prommie's work. The one what marketed it, the one what copied the handouts, the one that processed the payments. The one that overheard Prommie talking about it one day at lunch. The one that raised spurious alarms and questions about the program, and who soaked up much time and effort in having to teach said person enough to understand that these concerns and alarms were all in fact false, irrelevant, and based on ignorance, this one is of the belief that they are the savior of the program, for if not for the raising of these alarms so they could be "solved," disaster would have ensued. Prommie shakes head in disgust now.

  44. frostbitefalls

    The War on Christmas will not be won until all Americans are forced to eat Chinese food and go to the movies on December 25th. Bring it!

    1. Lizzietish81

      Years ago a Jewish friend of mine complained about how all these families were going to the movies on Christmas now. "It used to be OUR day to go!"

  45. iburl

    the dirty little secret in America is …anti-Semitism is no longer a problem in society.

    Dirty little secret? Like the Klan hoods that the WND writers wear every Saturday night?

  46. Beach_Bubba_Tex

    I liked it better when Christians didn't really celebrate Christmas. For some reason then they thought Easter was closer to the heart of their message.

  47. Lizzietish81

    If you ever get interested in Quabbalah you should check out the Chicken Quabalah written by this guy pretending to be a crazy Rabbi.

    One of the best lines is (paraphrased) "Its interesting how Christians are constantly exclaiming the name of our Lord while Jews hold it to be so sacred it cannot even be spelled out"
    http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Qabalah-Rabbi-Lamed

  48. Rebootably_Joe

    <stage whisper> PSSST! Burt Prelutsky! You're not actually supposed to admit that the whole "War on Christmas" thing is secretly about how you still hate the Jews!</stage whisper>

  49. imissopus

    Yes, NO ONE on the left has criticized Obama for "keeping Gitmo open" (closing it was blocked by GOP congressfolk, though in fairness all the prisoners likely would have been moved to a prison in the States) or for continuing the drone war or extending the Patriot Act or signing the NDAA or…I mean, I could find examples of folks on the left criticizing Obama for all these things if I spent about fifteen seconds on Google but the three minutes I've spent reading and typing is already more attention than this asshole deserves.

  50. criticaldragon

    The truth of the matter is, if Burt Prelutsky wasn't Jewish himself, people would accuse him of antisemitism for this. As it is, some Neo Nazis probably going to end up using what he wrote, to attack Jews. idiot.

    Anyway, It seems like the religious right will blame just about anyone who's not christian, ( or they don't regard as being christian ) for the so called war on Christmas. Its really stupid anyway, because the war on Christmas is a figment of their imagination.

  51. zippy_w_pinhead

    Funny thing is, if there really was a war, I'd have to say Christmas is winning. What used to be a one day holiday has turned into a month long event and just this year Christmas invaded Thanksgiving and annexed it. Look out Halloween, you're next…

      1. zippy_w_pinhead

        Well, if Christmas does end up marching across the calendar all the way to February 14th and invades it and wipes it out, we can go back to celebrating the St Valentine's Day massacre- Newsbusters be damned…

    1. criticaldragon

      Zippy_W_Pinhead,

      Don't worry when Halloween joins the war, Christmas will be doomed. It will be zombies, vampires and werewolves against a jolly old fat man and his elves. Guess who's going to win? LOL!

  52. valthemus

    Lordy help us! Hegemonic Christians have lost their iron grip on the culture!! People are actually acknowledging non-Christians exist!! And they're saying things and doing stuff and acting like they matter!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  53. Jennyjen798

    Oh I keep hearing how our lack of Gawd made Gawd angry so he decided to be a dick and send a madman to kill our childrens! Sounds like a shitty thing to do in my opinion. I kind of don't want to worship someone that fucked up and abusive. Just saying.

    Also, I had a coworker say well if you look statistically, we have more killings as we have become less religious over the last 40 years.

    Me: Yeah, I'm sure that has nothing to do with assault weapon ban lifted, reduced to o mental care, and increased weapon capacity of a gun with laws that make shooting someone less of a big deal. You know that also took place over the last 40 years. Plus I could say that statistically you're IQ is lower than the average worker, because statistics can say what I want with whatever information I decide to use to calculate them.

    Coworker: yeah but you can't stop these types of shootings…they're gonna happen no matter what gun bans are put in place.

    Me: riiiiight! Ok. /work

    1. Lizzietish81

      Actually violent crime has been on a steady decline for the last 40 years.

      Also…God sounds like a dick.

    2. zippy_w_pinhead

      Spree killings have been on the rise since the 1980's, which was also the advent of supply side economics- therefore Ronald Reagan is responsible for Sandy Hook

  54. tessiee

    "they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names even though he’s kept Gitmo open, extended the Patriot Act"

    I thought the wingnuts were all in favor of the Patriot Act, being such big patriots and all. At least, they were all in favor of it when Idiot boy Bush came up with the idea. I wonder what changed.

  55. Wile E. Quixote

    Whenever an article such as this one is published I know many of the Wonketeers who compose the Wonkettariat read it and think, "sure, the Jews killed Jesus, but what have they done for us lately?" Well I'm here to tell you. Jews invented modern comic books. Seriously, they fucking invented them, sure there were comic books available before the Jews came on the scene but it took Jewish writers and artists such as Stan Lee (Born Stanley Leiber), Jack Kirby (born Jacob Kurtzberg), Bob Kane (born Robert Kahn), Will Eisner, Julie Schwartz, Joe Schuster, Jerry Robinson (born Sherrill Robinson), Joe Simon (born Hymie Simon) and many others to show what the media could do. Oh, and the guys who ran the comic book companies were Jewish and mobbed up with Jewish mobsters.
    Jews also took a significant role in developing modern physics, the list of Jewish physicists who have made significant contributions is long and includes names such as Albert Einstein, Enrico Fermi, I.I. Rabi, Hans Bethe, David Bohm, Richard Feynmann, Lev Landau and Karl Schwarzschild.
    It was a couple of Jews who wiped out polio. Jonas Salk developed the killed-virus vaccine and Albert Sabin developed the live-virus vaccine (WND headline: Jews Develop Polio Vaccine: Destroy American Iron Lung Industry).
    So in addition to killing Jesus (and remember, if it weren't for capital punishment we wouldn't have Easter) the Jews also developed a significant and well-loved American art form that has enriched hundreds of millions of lives, developed the underpinnings for modern physics, thus enriching billions of lives, wiped out polio, thus enriching billions of lives and are now fighting in the War on Christmas. What can I say, Jews, they're awesome!

    1. finallyhappy

      I am one of those Jews who just does mediocre stuff but I am hoping to help save the world from the Zombie Apocalypse in the future

  56. Beowoof

    And I always thought that the following was true:

    Q: What do Jews do on Christmas?

    A: Hang around the cash register singing: What a Friend we have in Jesus.

    Or going for Chinese and a movie, I will check with my observant relatives.

    1. finallyhappy

      Chinese and a movie is true -although some people eat Indian or Thai as those restaurants are open on Christmas eve and day. We actually do this Christmas Eve

      1. Beowoof

        I know the Chinese and movie part is true, as my old girlfriend is Jewish. And the joke was always one of her favorites for mocking gentiles.

  57. ttommyunger

    Well, if everything isn't over tomorrow, at least Christmas will be over for another year in just five more days. What will the 'Tards be the victim of then? Anti-Assholery?

  58. Negropolis

    I never did get anti-Semitism, particularly here in the United States. They make up, what? Two percent of the population, tops, but they supposedly control the nation and the world? Really?

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