Equivalencies: NOLA School District Embraces Evolution; Tenn. Preacher Says It Caused School Shootings

  Q: Are We Not Men? A: We are DEVO

Teach the Controversy!In the one step forward, one step back department, we have the heartening news that the school board for Orleans Parish, Louisiana, has voted to explicitly bar schools from teaching creationism or adopting “revisionist” history standards. On the other hand, a Tennessee pastor told his church last Sunday that mass shootings are the inevitable result of “government schools” which are nothing more than “mind-control centers” teaching little more than “junk about evolution” and “how to be a homo.” Still, the pastor is not (yet) running a school district, so maybe America came out slightly ahead on this one.

The rules in Orleans Parish explicitly reply to revised Texas history standards, which insist that Joseph McCarthy was fully justified in seeing commies everywhere and that emphasize the contributions of Phyllis Schlafly and the National Rifle Association to American freedom. The new rules state:

“No history textbook shall be approved which has been adjusted in accordance with the State of Texas revisionist guidelines nor shall any science textbook be approved which presents creationism or intelligent design as science or scientific theories,”

Further, a second rule bars teachers from adding creationism to the classroom on their own initiative:

“No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach any aspect of religious faith as science or in a science class,” it reads. “No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach creationism or intelligent design in classes designated as science classes.”

So there you have some happy news! And now, your Dok Zoom sings the blues: In Fayetteville, Tennessee, pastor Sam Morris of Old Paths Baptist Church had a very serious explanation as to why someone might shoot 26 people with a semiautomatic rifle:

“We get all up in arms about 20 children being shot in a day care but we don’t give one good-glory rip about the 4,000 that were removed violently from the wombs of their mothers [in abortion procedures] the same day,” he explained. “I believe they use children and Christmas and all that to pull on our heart strings about gun control. That’s what it’s all about.”

Because obviously, mass shootings are never about guns or mental health. Nothing new there. So, Pastor Morris, what else led to this massacre?

“Why do you still send your kids to the governmental schools?” the pastor asked the congregation. “What’s behind this shooting that we saw on Dec. 14 in Newtown, Connecticut and the other one’s like it? What’s going on. Well, number one, deception… I got news for you, when you kicked God out of schools, you’re going to be judged for that.”

Morris insisted that “humanism” in schools taught Lanza that he was God and “he can just go blow away anybody he wants.”

Yes, we remember the day they went over that. It was in You Are God 101. We took turns practicing our maniacal laughter, too. Morris then went on to explain why even the very act of biological classification is of the Devil:

“When I got in high school, man, I started learning all this kingdom, phylum stuff, all this junk about evolution,” he recalled. “And I want to tell you what evolution teaches — here’s the bottom line — that you’re an animal. That’s what it teaches. So, you’re an animal, you can act like an animal. Amen.”

Got that? he just out-Broun’d Paul Broun himself!

“So, here you are, you’re an animal and you’re a god! So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to your parents, we can teach you how to be a homo! But we’re definitely not going to teach you about the word of God! Amen.”

We are almost starting to think he didn’t pay especially close notes in school. That is almost certainly it. Or maybe we were the ones not paying attention, but we are pretty sure we’d have remembered being told that we were animal-gods. (Your Doktor Zoom would want to be Coyote the Trickster, because fun!)

Pastor Morris closed with a rousing defense of Christian homeschooling and carrying a gun at all time:

“They think homeschoolers are a bunch of crazies, man. But I’m going to tell you something, I’ve never seen a police officer or a metal detector at a home school. Never. Amen. Now, there’s plenty of guns at my home school. Amen. I guarantee you we’re not going to have a mass shooting at any of the schools that are represented in this building today. I guarantee you, if there is a shooting, it won’t last very long. Amen.”

Say, Pastor Morris? You know who else was a homeschooler with plenty of guns in her home? Yeah, Nancy Lanza. Amen.

Gluttons for audio punishment can listen to Pastor Morris’s rant at RawStory.

[ThinkProgress / RawStory]

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter and even on Tumblr. And if you’d like to be an animal god, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter, also, too.

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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279 comments

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      ♬ ♪ But when you talk about destruct-shuh-uuhhn/
      Don't you know that you can count me out.
      ♬ ♪

  1. finallyhappy

    so this pastor is a horrible know nothing bastard -and yet there are people who hired him to be the pastor and listen to him – ever?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Most of these hucksters independent ministers don't get hired by anybody. They rent out some cheap building and try to attract simple-minded bigots and sheeple to chip into the donation plate. The more fire, brimstone, blaming-of-others and dog whistles they can cram into one sermon (and the higher the volume at which it's delivered), the better the haul.

      If they're successful, they eventually move into a more churchlike building at some point. If they're *really* successful, they become Rick Warren and sorta-kinda mainstream their sermons to have broader appeal.

      1. BadKitty904

        I suspect that some of our Northern brethren don't necessary understand the Southern concept of "religion as entertainment"…

        1. HistoriCat

          Don't they assign Huckleberry Finn in school any more? I mean, you would be hard-pressed to find a better description of this scam than the Dauphin's sermonizing in that book.

      2. Negropolis

        Well, a lot of them hope to be hired by a church. They travel around by invitation or look for openings. A lot of these guys are looking for easy gigs; they don't want to have to build a congregations. I'd say most of them want to skip that part.

  2. DaRooster

    So… wasn't Katrina an Act of God? What did this preacher do to deserve that… a trip to Thailand?

    1. BadKitty904

      ♫ Birds do it, bees do it,
      Even Communist Chinese do it,
      Let's do it, let's fall in loooove… ♪

  3. Joshua Norton

    the 4,000 that were removed violently from the wombs of their mothers

    Like they give a real rat's ass about "abortion". They're more interested in "die for having sex, slut".

    Wingnut logic: Fetuses are sacred. Real live children are target practice.

    1. BadKitty904

      Strange how so few of 'em adopt kids, if they're all *that* hell-fire concerned about children's welfare…

      1. MegPasadena

        "Strange how so few of 'em adopt kids,…"

        I suppose this is a good thing, I mean, for the kids, no?

      2. SorosBot

        But most of the kids in the foster system who need but don't get adoption have skin too dark for the wingnuts.

    2. PopeEdgardo

      Babies are God's way of punishing you for the sin of having sex. That's why abortion is so heinous – you're trying to get out of jail free (which, if I remember my New Testament, is a form of socialism).

    1. sewollef

      I'm unfamiliar with teh vernacular here:

      one good-glory rip

      How much is that in Ameros and how many can you get to the kilogram [sorry, I'm European... I know, it's my fault]?

  4. SorosBot

    Why does the pastor decry "deception" deception in school, then advocating teaching lies to children as fact?

  5. Maman

    So the town that is known for being perpetually drunk is pro-science and the sober, man of the clothe is nuts. God bless, America!

  6. coolhandnuke

    The Texas schoolbooks are so riddled with holes, I doubt they will provide adequate protection to stop an assassins' bullets.

  7. SexySmurf

    Over the last week, I've heard everybody and everything blamed for the shooting in Newtown EXCEPT Adam Lanza. Apparently Adam Lanza is the only person not responsible for shooting the people he shot.

    1. OzoneTom

      Yep, it is amazing how the wingnut's favorite hobby-horsesponies are exactly the things they blame instead of a nut-case wielding a hoard of lethal weapons — to murder a bunch of women and children.

      No one can explain it.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        No one can explain it.

        Speaking of O'Reilly and the tides… Anypony who questions that the sun and moon rise and set at the behest of Princess Celestia and her sister, Princess Luna, is immediately imprisoned. It's Equestria's dirty little secret.

          1. SorosBot

            No, Twilight Sparkle is just the name of the main Pony; it's got nothing to do with the sparkly Mormon vampires.

          2. Doktor Zoom

            Really! I mean, sure, I'm a 50 year old man talking about a cartoon for little girls, but at least I have a bit of taste.

  8. Not_So_Much

    I keep hoping my junk will evolve, but so far nothing. Maybe I should go buy a gun like a real man.

  9. Joshua Norton

    When I got in high school, man, I started learning all this kingdom, phylum stuff, all this junk about evolution

    Spoken like any true dumb-ass who got "F" in biology.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      “When I got in high school, man, …”

      I think the dumb-ass meant to say:
      “When I got high in school, man, …”

    2. PsycWench

      "Spoken like any true dumb-ass who got "F" in biology and immediately blamed it on the subject material

      Completed that for you.

    3. BaldarTFlagass

      "We're not in Junior High any more. We're freshmen. We're in the big time now… where the girls will be puttin' out all the time."

  10. Pope_Ratzo

    The American public school system has done a horrible job of teaching me to be a homo.

    I keep trying and trying but I just can't seem to get it right.

    1. fatbob54

      Good point, back in the 70's anybody who was even rumored to be a homo was beaten up in the shower after gym. By manly jocks who were definitely NOT GAY!

  11. CrunchyKnee

    So, I went and clicked on that church link, for freedom and was immediately yelled at:

    "An Old-Fashioned, UNAFFILIATED, unregistered, PRINCIPLED, Historic Baptist Church which still holds to the old-line faith of the Word of God as our early Christian forefathers did!"

    Tell me more about these early christian forefathers, padre douchetardio.

    Oh, and props for the Devo alt text.

    1. PopeEdgardo

      Yes, I believe the Rev. Dr. Douchtardio is well known for his monograph tracing the influence of the “Fons vitae” of Avicebrol on Scotus's doctrine of materia primo-prima.

    2. Negropolis

      In other words "We ain't not whorish Papists or even those watered down Mainliners. We worship American Jesus, but not that Mormonish bullshit Missouri Jesus. Fuck it. We whorship what I tell you to worship, ya' hear?"

  12. elviouslyqueer

    So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to your parents, we can teach you how to be a homo!

    Wait. Nobody told me there was a class on this. *has a retroactive sad*

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I dunno, all the kids in my daughters HS drama club are nerds and straights, not a rebellious druggie in the bunch. Okay, at least ONE of them may be a homo, but he's a clean cut, straight-A, Jr. ROTC kinda guy.

        1. Wile E. Quixote

          Hey. I was in school plays, sang in concert choir and was on the debate team in high school and I like showtunes. I will have you know that despite all of these pernicious stereotypes, and the fact that I love the Pet Shop Boys and went to their last two concerts in Seattle that I'm not gay, my date for those concerts is, but not me!

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      If there's a class on how to be a homo could straight guys audit it so we could learn how to dance and dress stylishly?

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, but then think about how the saying "those who can't do, teach" would work out in this situation. Plus you'd probably end up with one of the football coaches teaching this class because they weren't qualified to teach anything else, and would you really want that?

  13. savethispatient

    But if we outlaw government schools, then only outlaws will have schooling.

    PS: Well done to Orleans Parish, I couldn't have phrased those rules any better.

  14. irregularJuan

    I can barely read this pastor since he keeps adding Amen to the end of every sentence, Amen is added once you finish you prayer and that's it! not use it as a coma.

    1. Negropolis

      I've head this used a lot in preaching in the South. They do, indeed, use it as a filler. It's a mass and perpetual affirmation to keep the congregation actively following you. Needless to say it's annnoying an uncomfortable as hell if you don't want to play along with the paster…and that's the point.

      1. bobbert

        Well, it means "so be it", or something like that, so using it as sort of a cheerleading device in a prayer or a sermon or a scripture reading is at least syntactically coherent.

        But this fool has no sense at all of how to use it. He's using it like "full stop".

        1. Negropolis

          Like I said, I've heard it used this way before, and somtimes in the very same breath, they'll use it as an inquisition after a paragraph or so to see if you're listening.

  15. Secluded Compound

    Coyote once made elk livers into a vagina to trick the fox into fucking him. That's all I remember about the Coyote stories.

    That and finding the book and a stash of weed at my friend's hippie parents house.

    1. SorosBot

      But then Coyote got rocket-propelled shoes to catch up with Roadrunner, but shot off the side of a cliff, stood in midair for a bit, then looked down and fell down, down, down until he hit the ground with a puff of smoke.

  16. FlownOver

    “And I want to tell you what evolution teaches — here’s the bottom line — that you’re an animal. That’s what it teaches. So, you’re an animal, you can act like an animal. Amen.”

    …unlike Pastor Morris, who is clearly from the plant kingdom. One of the mosses, most likely – maybe a turnip when he's really in high-functioning mode.

    1. Rotundo_

      The good reverend would more likely be a fungus, since plants produce oxygen and sequester carbon (both of which we could use more of about now). And a turnip is far more useful than he could ever dream of being. Now one of those fungal species that decays wood and breaks it down into soil would be a bit too useful to apply, so maybe he is one of the tinea types that cause athlete's foot or crotch rot. Those are pretty useless…

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      I was thinking of pond scum, but maybe that's too high a reach for Morris.

      (Wasn't Morris a cat? Those who believe in reincarnation, could it be that Morris the cat has come back as…Nah. Not a chance.)

    3. Naked_Bunny

      I can see how the Christian belief that you're a hopeless sinner who deserves to be tortured forever by demons if you don't suck the cock of an invisible space lich would be more inspiring.

  17. Goonemeritus

    a Tennessee pastor told his church last Sunday that mass shootings are the inevitable result of “government schools” which are nothing more than “mind-control centers”

    And Churches aren’t, thanks to the mind control practiced by my church I can’t truly enjoy red meat during Lent , I have denied myself access to half the world’s potential sex partners and I have one hell of a bingo habit.

          1. GemlikeFlame

            Everything but the foxes, they's vulpes, the rest are canis. Different number of chromosomes, I think.

            Edit: Vulpes are also canidae, but not canis. Still don't think they can interbreed, though.

        1. PopeEdgardo

          New Yorker cartoon – cat addresing dog: "I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god"

    1. TribecaMike

      According to Wikipedia– yeah, right — "the [Incan] god Xolotl made the Xoloitzcuintli [aka The Mexican Hairless] from a sliver of the Bone of Life from which all mankind was made. Xolotl gave this gift to Man with the instruction to guard it with his life and in exchange it would guide Man through the dangers of Mictlan, the world of Death, toward the Evening Star in the Heavens. Some people in Mexico continue to believe this breed has healing qualities."

  18. noodlesalad

    Do you ever get the feeling that Lincoln's ghost might sometimes have to repeat "We got rid of slavery, it was worth it. We got rid of slavery. It was worth it, it was worth it," a whole bunch while watching these assholes?

  19. Antispandex

    Well, I see now! It's because we kicked God out of school. Easy fix, we could start to teach the kiddies the Hindu stuff, or the Buddhism, or if they are Christians, the Catholic kind. I'm sure every Protestant minister in the country would be fine with that. Amiright?

  20. Baconzgood

    In other news New Orleans changed its motto. It now sais "The Parish of Orleans. Yeah…we should probally be in The North"

    1. docterry6973

      In fairness, the Big Easy does have its own, ah, traditions of government that might not fit in anywhere else except Louisiana.

    1. not that Dewey

      A primer on crawling through mine shafts would be nice. And an overview of what their responsibilities at the munitions factory will be.

  21. IceCreamEmpress

    I am suing my school district because they never taught me to be a homo. I had to learn it on the streetcorner from the other kids, and that's not right.

    1. Misty Malarky

      That's pretty much the conclusion I've come to since the response to any horrible event like this is always seems to be "Kids don't pray in school any more so God let a bunch of 'em die. Oh and abortion".

      Whatta dick hole.

  22. BlueStateLibel

    And yet, Adam Lanza's Mom pulled him out of school and home-schooled him. Explain. Also, that is the funniest My Little Pony illustration ever.

          1. gullywompr

            Ya know Chet, I can actually answer that question. How pathetic is that?

            Cutting to the chase – they're all female, except the dragon. It's a comment on the character's personalities, which I'm ashamed to admit, I'm now familiar with, thanks to being indoctrinated by Dok's equine agenda.

          2. Doktor Zoom

            The central characters are all females (It's a show and product for girls, after all), though there are a fair number of male ponies as well.

            Possibly worth mentioning: MLP pretty much turns what Katha Pollitt called the "Smurfette Principle" on its head — here's a popular show where it's pretty much a safe assumption that any background character is going to be female.

            Oh, and one of the occasional male characters? Dr Whooves.

            In addition to all the feministy stuff, this really is a show made by nerds.

  23. poorgradstudent

    You know, as much as I'd like to give some credit to the "Both sides are just as bad!" crowd, you really don't see liberals blaming killing sprees on women not having access to abortions or on intolerance of gays.

  24. bikerlaureate

    I’ve never seen a police officer or a metal detector at a home school.

    Conclusive proof, even for you scoffers, that whatever Sam Morris hasn't personally witnessed is UNPOSSIBLE.

  25. Callyson

    “government schools” which are nothing more than “mind-control centers” teaching little more than “junk about evolution” and “how to be a homo.”

    Dammit, Mom always said I'd regret the classes that I cut out of…

  26. Callyson

    “Why do you still send your kids to the governmental schools?” the pastor asked the congregation.

    The pastor went on to say "Because we could really use your tuition dollars…"

    /FFS

  27. TribecaMike

    Bit o' trivia: Many Old Paths Gospel churches are aligned with the teachings of The Gospel Standard , a "Strict Baptist" magazine first published in 1835. The current editor of The Gospel Standard is B.A. Ramsbottom.

  28. PopeEdgardo

    I'm so old we didn't have homo classes. That's why there were so few homos in those days. Also, we wore an onion on our belts to ward them off.

  29. Barrelhse

    I have a sneaking suspicion that our dear 'Rod Flash' here is going to be opening a for-profit private "school."

  30. mbobier

    Old Paths' website lists the church as "old-fashioned, unaffiliated, unregistered." In other words, it's a Baptist church that can preach any nonsense it likes because it is not responsible to any denomination — or, apparently, at all.

    This reminds me of a church sign I saw in California that advertised the church in question as "Independent. Fundamental. Conservative." When I told our pastor about this, he wryly noted, "That tells you all you need to know about that church."

    1. bobbert

      As far as I can tell, the website also doesn't tell you where the hell the church is located.

      Also, this:

      "Recently, our Pastor was convicted concerning his baptism and ordination. He was Scripturally baptized, ordained, and sent-out on 9/18/2011 by Toronto Baptist Church, Toronto, ON."

      Can anybody tell me what the hell that means?

      1. Doktor Zoom

        I've never seen it used this way, but I think "convicted" here means "convinced" or "confirmed" or something like that. I am not completely up with fundie lingo.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          The word was used a lot in my fundie upbringing. It is used to mean both the things you are really convinced of, and the acknowledgement of your culpability/sin/weakness. There's lots of Google on "conviction in the Bible", here's one:
          http://www.studylight.org/dic/hbd/view.cgi?number

          EDIT: Actually, this sense of the word is not specifically Biblical/Fundie, it's the second definition in the Apple built-in dictionary:

          2 a firmly held belief or opinion: his conviction that the death was no accident | she takes pride in stating her political convictions.
          • the quality of showing that one is firmly convinced of what one believes or says: his voice lacked conviction.

          I guess the unusual thing is going to "convicted" as a verb for that general meaning, instead of just using "convinced."

    1. subsum

      What a pathetic poor little thing this pastor dude. He can't even bring himself to use some red-blooded profanity when pretending to be pissed. If he has to repress himself with this just imagine his facial expression when actually farting or, better yet, having an orgasm. Not a pretty sight, I'm sure.

  31. mavenmaven

    …You kicked God out of the schools, and now He's gonna shoot his way back in, riding on the back of a dinosaur…

  32. SayItWithWookies

    “And I want to tell you what evolution teaches — here’s the bottom line — that you’re an animal. That’s what it teaches. So, you’re an animal, you can act like an animal. Amen.”

    Methinks Pastor Dumbass is afraid that, as an animal rather than a specially created extra-taxonomic image of The LORD, he'll have to come up with his own morals and practices rather than the ones allegedly handed down in his stupid book.

    And while most social animals could easily manage to make some simple rules allowing them to live together more or less harmoniously, if not better than the random jumble of Thou Shalt Nots Dumbass uses, in his case I understand his anxiety.

  33. voodooeconomics

    I am not sure about the subject of this thread..I had 4 scotch on the rocks and tomorrow is the 21st,,fuck man

    1. Mittaplasia

      This will be the 3rd "end of the world" this year, but, just in case, I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet.

  34. DustyBowlBlues

    “So, here you are, you’re an animal and you’re a god! So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to your parents, we can teach you how to be a homo! "

    I was totally cheated! None of the above were offered at my high school. Who would think that an institution named after U.S. Grant could be such a, yes, there is no other word for it, FAIL.

    1. bobbert

      Damn, I was all the way out of the Air Force before I figured out how to rebel to my parents, and by then it was kinda pointless.

      And, honestly, I could have used some more instruction about sex, but I was younger then.

  35. Wile E. Quixote

    Every time some fucktard like this Sam Morris, or Mike Huckabee or Bryan Fischer or any of the Jesus-squeezin Christoid crowd opens his mouth I'm reminded of these quotes from Robert A. Heinlein's If This Goes On…., a novel about a future where America has become a brutal Christoid theocracy.

    I believe very strongly in freedom of religion-but I think that that freedom is best expressed as freedom to keep quiet. From my point of view, a great deal of openly expressed piety is insufferable conceit.

    Not every case-I've known the good and the humble and the devout. But how about the man who claims to know what the Great Architect is thinking? The man who claims to be privy to His Inner Plans? It strikes me as sacrilegious conceit of the worst sort-this character probably has never been any closer to His Trestle Board than you or I. But it makes him feel good to claim to be on chummy terms with the Almighty, it builds his ego, and lets him lay down the law to you and me. Pfui! Along comes a knothead with a loud voice, an I.Q. around 90, hair in his ears, dirty underwear, and a lot of ambition. He's too lazy to be a farmer, too stupid to be an engineer, too unreliable to be a banker-but, brother, can he pray! After a while he has gathered around him other knotheads who don't have his vivid imagination and self-assurance but like the idea of having a direct line to Omnipotence.

    …the nice thing about citing God as an authority is that you can prove anything you set out to prove. It's just a matter of selecting the proper postulates, then insisting that your postulates are 'inspired.' Then no one can possibly prove that you are wrong."

  36. DustyBowlBlues

    I assume the Rwingers will create a remarkably convoluted and illogical conspiracy linking the Democrats, Satan and the shooter. It sounds as if it won't be long until they're there.

    1. chascates

      I tried posting a link to 'Adam Lanza had a Satan worshiping page' but either Intense Debate or Rebecca's comment nannybot didn't like it.

    2. not that Dewey

      Terry posted the aptly titled "The Craziest Theory of the Connecticut Shooting Yet". I don't know about Satan, but it's one of the more convoluted and illogical conspiracies I've seen in a LONG time. Your intuition is quite good.

  37. Negropolis

    …I guarantee you we’re not going to have a mass shooting at any of the schools that are represented in this building today. I guarantee you, if there is a shooting, it won’t last very long. Amen.”

    I can guarantee you that, too, because, first off all, you're probably homeschooling a single child, so, you know, no "mass shooting." And on the other hand, you'll probably be the one doing the shooting of your child.

    Lies, every last one of them, lies from the pit of hell.

    1. fatbob54

      As a former Masshole he's rich enough to represent Mass, and he's as dreamy as Scott Brown, but I'm afraid that having a washed up actor turn to politics would cause mass fainting in the republican party….

  38. Negropolis

    I'm not a Masshole, but they could elect a bowl of steaming chowder so long as they don't let Senator Stapledick back in. And, to be honest, I thought the president had learned from poaching Senate seats for his cabinet.

  39. MayanRadio

    Are we all dead yet?
    I think I just felt a magnetic field shift.
    Oh wait, that was the cabbage and sausage I had for dinner….waiting….

  40. Barrelhse

    Anyone know which time zone the world will end in? Cause I've got about 4 min.

    Edit: Still here at :09, but if it's anything like the Rapture I'd expect that.

    Good news for Harold Camping.

  41. cousinitt

    I have to admit, homeschooling sex education keeps it in the family.

    "OK Bobby, Cindy, time for dinner!"

    "Coming, Mom!"

  42. BTWBFDIMHO

    Amazel Alleinad
    para el q preguntaba los horarios acà va:
    06:30 – Apertura del Fin
    07:00 – Lluvia de meteoritos
    08:30 – Llegada del primer tsunami
    10:00 – Bienvenida de los ovnis
    10:30 – flashmob baile de ovnis al estilo de Gangnam
    11:36 – Comienzo de la Destrucción (subtitulada en varios idiomas.)
    12:00 – Eclipse y la alineación de todos los planetas del sistema solar.
    12:00-14:00 – ALMUERZO

    14:15 – Inversión de polos magnéticos de la Tierra
    15:00 – Super calentamiento Global
    16:30 – Inicio de la aniquilación de los terrícolas
    17:00 – Arjona
    18:00 – Revelación de los alienígenas residentes en la tierra

    19:00 – ONCECITA LIVIANA

    20:00 – Reapertura del túnel entre el Taj Mahal y Machu Picchu

    21:00 – PIZZA NAPOLI

    22:00 – Revelación del amigo secreto
    23:00 – Brindis
    23:30 – Fin del Mundo.

    18 minutes ago near Montevideo, Uruguay ·

      1. BTWBFDIMHO

        19:30 – The President declares NRA a terrorist organization.
        20:00 – The President bans NASCAR and sends the cars to CHINA to be transformed into solar panels.

  43. Nowisallthereis

    So we are animals? Seems that the only other choice would be that we are plants. Maybe the pastor has chlorophyll for brains, but I don't.

  44. chascates

    Maya Expert: The 'End Of Times' Is Our Idea, Not The Ancients' http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/12/20/16

    Which is obvious since the Mayans rarely performed human sacrifices (preferring animal sacrifice and human blood-letting) as gifts to their gods whereas we Americans champion a religion where the unrestrained ownership, accumulation, and use of high powered firearms is crucial.

  45. GoodDogThor

    "I got news for you, when you kicked God out of schools, you’re going to be judged for that.”

    …in a positive light by the rest of the civilized world.

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