For us, the worst part of this Benghazi incident (NEVER FORGET! WORSE THAN 9/11 AND WORLD WAR TWO AND STAR WARS EPISODES 1-3 COMBINED!) is that we have to hear what John Bolton thinks about anything at all. Unless we need a helpful primer in how to demand to be in an organization we loathe or how to grow a foolproof foodtrap mustache, we have no need of John Bolton thank you very much. We are both grateful to, and angry at, Media Matters. They watch John Bolton (and Fox News!) so we don’t have to, but then they write about it and we still have to talk about John Bolton (and Fox News!) and how Hillz is just faking that concussion so she doesn’t have to testify about our nation’s greatest overseas tragedy:
The Washington Post reported on December 15 that Clinton sustained a concussion after she fainted due to dehydration while at home a week prior. After the incident, the State Department explained that Clinton would have to postpone her testimony about the attack on Benghazi due to the concussion.
Following the State Department’s announcement, Fox News contributor John Bolton, appearing on On The Record, suggested Clinton was faking “diplomatic illness” to avoid testifying about Benghazi. The State Department’s Victoria Nuland lashed out at Bolton for his remarks, labeling them “wild speculation based on no information.”
Like the playground bullies they all are, after Bolton led the way, Fox News’ on-air “personalities” (we are using that term SO GODDAMN LOOSELY) had to pile on with even stupider jokes:
Co-host of Fox News’ The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle, accused Clinton of running “a duck and cover” after suffering the concussion. Co-host Greg Gutfeld went on to ask, “How can she get a concussion when she has been ducking everything [related to Benghazi]?”
Lameduck angerbear Allen West had to get in on the action too, showing up on Fox and Friends (which always sounds like a children’s show from yr Wonkette’s youth, but it is instead a modern day horrorshow) to share his incisive wit:
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
“I’m not a doctor, but it seems as though…the Secretary of State has come down with a case of Benghazi flu,” West said on “Fox and Friends.” “I think we have to get to the bottom of this. There’s still a very countless amount of unanswered questions.”
There are indeed “very countless” unanswered questions here, but most of them are about about why Fox people are being such dicks. Also, too, if Hillz had a grand plan to avoid testifying about Benghazi, is the most foolproof method a minor injury that pushes back the testimony approximately a week? Also, too, said minor injury required a giant string of prior incidents in order to happen:
“While suffering from a stomach virus, Secretary Clinton became dehydrated and fainted, sustaining a concussion,” State Department spokesman Philippe Reines said in a statement…
Clinton fell ill with a stomach virus last weekend and was forced to cancel a planned trip to the Middle East and North Africa. The virus also hit other members of her staff, who were returning with her from a European trip, and was described as uncomfortable, but not medically serious.
So let’s get this straight. Hillz faked a stomach virus, had her staff fake a stomach virus (or gave it to them because she has no soul and killed Vince Foster), then faked her fainting so that she could cry “concussion!” and avoid debunking conservative nonsense about Benghazi? What the hell kind of Rube Goldberg scheme is this supposed to be?
Jesus. This is like being stuck at Christmas dinner until the end of time, your racist uncle sitting next to you regaling you with his “edgy” humor intermingled with conspiracy theories.