Guess where this was. No, guess! Did you guess? YAY you WIN because it was of course in Florida, the state that has decided to outsource the use of lethal force to its people (unless they are wearing hoodies, we assume).
Police said the incident unfolded about 4 p.m. inside [a] Little Caesars…after Randall White, 49, got mad about [the] service…ThisĀ ”prompted them to exchange words and it became a shoving match,” said police spokesman Mike Puetz.
White raised a fist. Jock, a concealed-weapons permit holder, pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver.
He fired one round, hitting White in the lower torso. The men grappled and the gun fired again, hitting White in roughly the same spot, police said.
How do you get a concealed carry permit in Florida, you might be wondering. Do they just give them out to any asshole? Yes, kind of, so long as the asshole is a US Citizen, has never been charged with felony, been arrested for drunk and disorderly, renounced his citizenship, or been caught beating his wife.
For the purposes of critical analysis, we can maybe compare the stringency of this background check to those required in Japan, where gun license applicants must pass a mental health exam and account for every round used at target practice or while hunting. And! You have to attend an all-day class, pass a written exam, pass an exam at a shooting range class, and pass a background check for criminal behavior AND association with criminal and extremist groups. When you finally get your new gun, you have to tell the police where in your home you’re keeping it, store it separately from the ammo, and take that safety class again in three years.
Also too, here is my favorite part of the Little Caesar’s shootout story:
After the shooting, both men went outside and waited for police.
Were they still fighting? Was the one guy — the one who was shot TWICE in the stomach — was he bleeding all over the place? Was it like when you’re a kid and you and your siblings are like WHEN MOM GETS HOME I’M GONNA TELL, or whatever? This is the part where we could have used more detail. Anyway, the police determined that “stand your ground” didn’t apply here, and arrested the shooter.
Which is sad, because shooting people who are yelling in pizza joints is exactly what the Tea Party Nation says you are supposed to do, to stop gun violence.
{ 201 comments }
Eating Little Caesar's pizza or taking a few bullets – I dunno, tough call…
Apparently neither is good for the gut.
At least it's better than the shit made at Domino's or Papa John's, and not owned by hate-filled wingnut bigots.
But the hate makes it taste good.
Or maybe it's the trans-fats.
16" with onion, pepperoni and extra bile, please"
The pizza is shite, but Illitch seems to be a stand up guy. Although a little nutty for willingly owning that many Detroit based sports teams.
But the Tigers and Red Wings are actually pretty good teams and valuable brands. Now, why the Ford family doesn't just fold the Lions organization is beyond me.
Both cause leakage from a hole in the body.
YOU'LL TAKE MY CRAZY BREAD FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.
They're cold and dead because I'm shopping at Kmart.
Well, it seems that Stand Your Ground could have been invoked only if the guy was trying to cut in line.
Or if the one with a hole in him was blah, wearing a hoodie, and packing Skittles.
Would you like extra lead on your pizza?
Florida's "stand your ground law" says people are not required to retreat before using deadly force.
1. Oh, for fuck's sake.
2. Every expert on self defense will tell you that the first thing to do is to back away from a confrontation before it escalates.
3. OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Euro-faggy experts, maybe – not good red-blooded 'Murkin experts – they say "Bring it on!!"
If only those little tykes in CT had charged their attacker…..
The duty to retreat was always part of self-defense. Until the NRA decided Americans needed more legal reasons to shoot each other. What the fuck that has to do with the Second Amendment is beyond me. (just kidding. it has nothing to do with the Constitution's big number 2.)
Bang-a!! Bang-a!!
with
votesbullets"After the shooting, both men went outside and waited for police."
Did they get their pizzas?
30 calibre or less!
Did they get their pizzas?
Exactly. This is such a half-arsed story. How did it end? Did Randall get his pizza and was it Jock who served him [along with the lead surprise]? Did they make friends and share while waiting for the coppers?
There is so much left to know. Damn.
And did the cops
a) Arrest the shooter
b) Arrest the guy who was gutshot
c) Eat the pizzas
??
"And this is why normal people aren't allowed to carry weapons."
-J. Walter Weatherman'ed
What's that got to with this story — or with any Florida shooting?
"I'm a gonna shoot open yer gut an' git mah pizza back!"
Next you libtards will be calling for a ban on pizza! (Seriously, fighting over shitty pizza…?)
I would never fight over shitty pizza- now whole wheat thin crust with ripe pears and gorgonzola- yes, i would exchange a few sharp words about that
Papa John released a statement that he would have to pass along the cost of ammunition to restaurant patrons.
Domino's once tried "30 minutes or it's target practice," but test trials had to be stopped.
Because most people picked target practice.
So those spots on the logo are bullet holes. It all makes sense now.
Apparently many people there are dicks, just like the shape of the state.
*ahem* Speaking as a native, I like to think there are exceptions.
And please bear in mind that our government has been corrupt and incompetent since 1565 – we have way more shit to deal with than most of y'all do.
"Many people"
Yep, there are still a few exceptions, agreed.
*purrs*
I transplanted from the left coast eight years ago, but I tell you why the "many people" really fits. More than anywhere else I've been, in the South or Midwest or wherever, there's generally a more defiant pride in being a dick here in central FL.
A few adorable exceptions.
Well said, kitty
I try to tell people there are exceptions in Arizona, where I live, but they don't usually believe me.
¿Quién es más macho? ¿Rick Scott o Jan Brewer?
Brewer. Scott is a creampuff, motivated entirely by spite, greed, and arrogance.
I believe Homer called it "America's wang".
Google "Map Filth, B. Kliban."
And this is what the schools with guns would turn into. Little Johnny shooting little Billy because they got into a fight over who got to pull little Sally's hair.
Are the kids that into that kind of kink that young? Damn, I missed out in school!
I said NO ANCHOVIES!
Nobody wants to come up in the hills anymore.
Is it too much, dear friends?
No anchovies? You've got the wrong number. I spell my name "Danger"…
There's no such thing as half an anchovy pizza.
My God. That bowling ball. It's my WIFE!!
"…so I did, only to be left holding the anchovies in more ways than one."
So………..shove a Union guy and he hits you = Hitler
shove a pizza customer and he shoots you = Jesus.
So………..shove a Union guy and he hits you = Hitler
shove a pizza customer and he shoots you = Reagan
fixed.
Everyone knows Jesus gave us the "Stand your Ground" law in the 10 Commandments of the Constitution.
Also, too, he loved him some S&W .357 action. No Euro pussy 9mm shit for Jeebs!
OT
Mrs. weejee would like the Lame Stream to get on the alt text wagon. She said the Wonkette Editors have spoiled her forever, and ever amen, thus making the Lame Stream even more annoying that it would be otherwise. Waaaah, too, also.
Hopefully, got that right or I'm in deep doo doo.
"weejee has not yet written a personal description."
May I suggest an appropriate starting place?
Don't you think that entire post would be a bit long?
I cannot tell you how many times I've hovered my little cursor over pics on MSNBC and felt that pang of disappointment at missing my little alt-text. This is why I assume Jim Newell runs the lamestream.
BalderT has shamed me into putting an alt-text on my pig. Not sure if the pig likes that though. We'll have to see what happens.
Well, if your avatar is anything like my avatar, it will let you know it's preference tonight, while you are asleep.
Very cute.
And I see you've got new alt.text yourself!
While we are off topic, we need to schedule another Seattle get together of the Wonketerriate, if for no other reason than to drink.
That is all.
I'll be at the Latona tonight, BTW.
I may have to go to Seattle for training sometime next year (possibly February) . If you have a get together while I am there, first round is on me.
Gutshot! Gutshot! (Sorry, I couldn't help it and I am a horrible person.)
"You have to attend an all-day class, pass a written exam, pass an exam at a shooting range class, and pass a background check for criminal behavior AND association with criminal and extremist groups."
Well, that'll never work in America. They think Idaho militia is an extremist group!
"When you finally get your new gun, you have to tell the police where in your home you’re keeping it, store it separately from the ammo"
AW HELL NO. What if a Government Negro Squad comes in their Blah helicopters to take my daughter to a rapebortion death panel? This is why Japan's part of Communist Russia now! UAAVURURIIIIINUZU!!!
"It's colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups pulling a number-four trap up a hill in the dead of winter in the middle of a snowstorm with a mouthful of porcipine quills."
I don't think this is what Little Caesars meant by "hot and ready."
I think I know what your avatar means by that…
I mean, *dang*…
If only we could have armed the cartoon caricature of Caesar, this could have been prevented. Et tu, Randall?
That's it. This entire fucking nation needs to be on the receiving end of an Ativan enema.
This has been your crash course in American Exceptionalism.
I can help with that as I have a bottle of ativan- but I do not want to have to shove it in anyone's ass.
Waste of perfectly good ativan, if you ask me.
and/or shipped to Afghanistan.
My mind reflexively fills in the missing detail that these choads were blaring at each other each from his own respective hoverround, then motorized themselves out the door to wait for the police.
ALthough a quick chase around the fast food joint on said wheels I wouldn't object to either, to make the comedic value of this story complete~
Preferably involving "Yaketty Sax".
I didn't expect to see someone who quite so literally and angry White man.
How do you know he's … oh, right. They arrested the shooter.
And so it fucking well begins. Or wait, no – and so it fucking well CONTINUES.
See, an armed society is a polite society! Hey, wait a minute, doesn't that slogan presume everyone will be polite because they are scared shitless that everyone around them is packing heat and will cap their ass if they get out of line? Kinda like how, white people who get lost on Martin Luther King Boulevard tend to be very very quiet and polite, and hardly ever get all racist, because, well, they are too busy shitting their pants? Hey, that does not sound like a pleasant way to live at all. Huh, who would think, that a conservative pro-gun slogan would really be so fucking god damned stupid as fuck?
A polite, jumpy and paranoid society is more likely.
I shop places where I am often the only white person – frequently in places where everyone else is probably a first generation immigrant-except for the kids. I feel so much better there than in any Walmart ever. I have not been in a Walmart for some time but the ones along or right off of route 40 In Maryland and Delaware scared me. And the worse person in America today is that whiter than White piece of shit Huckabee
I dunno, the guy who was shot twice and then waited for police? Sounds like he's pretty badass.
"You shot me, man, but I'm bleedin' cool…"
“All bad precedents begin as justifiable measures”
–Julius Caeser
dude would know.
Next time, dude should call for delivery.
Lives in a redlined neighborhood, maybe?
Guns aren't the solution to the Little Ceasar's problem. Arson is the solution to the Little Ceasar's problem.
Guns aren't the solution to the Little Ceasars problem. Arson is the solution to the Little Ceasars problem.
ā« when the moon hits your eye… ā«
ā« like a big pizza pie
bullets will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling
That's Florida ā«
ā«…When you stagger down the street
With a pool of blood at your feet, you're in Florida…ā«
ā«.. 'Scuse-a me can't you see
that black boy in hood-ie
just shoot him…
Stand your ground
Shoot your rounds
Guilty never found
It's Florida… ā«
ā« … like a .38 slug….ā«
ā« … that's a mortuary….ā«
ā¬"When the moon hits your eye
like-a big o'er-sized guy
in screen's co-o-orner-é~" ā¬
ā« like a round in your thigh… ā«
When you're swimming up a creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray.
ā« Babydaddy 1-2-3
Deny paternity
That's a-Maury! ā«
ā« When you're standing in line
and you shoot some guy's spine
That's amoral ā«
I shot a man in Tampa, just to watch him shut up about the late pizza already.
When I think of Little Caesar's, I hang my head and cry…
This what guns are good for: why run the risk of a black eye or a broken bone when a couple of rounds to the stomach allows one to appear in public with no explaining to do to the boss, girlfriend or priest as to "what happened to you"?
I wonder if the entrance wounds were square?
That's D-troit style za…
Just like they are at White Castle.
I don't see why Jock can't claim he was standing his ground. There is no duty to retreat in Florida, and this is obviously a good idea all around.
I'd say that this about sums it up. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/12/18/1171208/…
Florida will issue concealed weapons permits to anyone who "has never been charged with felony, … or been caught beating his wife". Having those as two separate categories is rather disturbing, since shouldn't beating your wife be a fucking felony already?
Not if she was asking for it.
And let's be honest, aren't they always?
I was gonna say, "Depends on how bad she botched the sammich," but yeah, what you said.
Stand Your Wife!
"How do you get a concealed carry permit in Florida, you might be wondering. Do they just give them out to any asshole?"
Well…when that's all you've got, who else are you going to give them to?
"In Japan blah blah blah gun safety blah."
Yeah, but you can buy bad whiskey, airbrushed porn, and samurai swords out of vending machines on the street 24/7.
Now those are things worth getting in a fight over! No wonder their gun laws are so strict!
Doubt anybody was killed over airbrushed porn – but haven't fact-checked that…
Now imagine this scene played out in every school, and you have the Conservative answer to gun violence.
If only White had bumrushed the guy with the run like that dimwit Megan McArdle suggested.
Bad pizza is not the answer to guns, my friend.
Hope they didn't bust out the front window glass, what a mess that would be.
Getting shot in the stomach over a fight at a pizza restaurant. Some call it horrible, even stupid. I call it American exceptionalism.
"I wish to complain"
"BLAM! This is for arguments. Complaints are down the hall. Please try not to bleed on the floor."
Japan also registers swords, and will take you to jail for having unregistered one, even cheapie souvenir samurai swords. No kidding.
from the story, it sounds like the gunman was the one doing hte shoving, waiting for a chance to shoot the guy. What an asshole.
Well, what's the point of owning a gun if you can't use it push people around?
This reminds me of that time, in my town, when someone didn't get their 99 cent taco order right at taco bell, the guy raged, ran his car through the entrance, and then drove to his home in my neighborhood. They found him by following a trail of leaking oil.
They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru! They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you're not gonna turn around and go back, they don't care.
Was the oil from the Chalupas or the car?
My parents response to the Newtown shooting was to go out and buy handguns, then sign up for classes to get concealed carry permits, for safety.
They also want to start training my 12 year old sister to use firearms. I've tried to fight this insanity for as long as I can, my own mother refers to me -humorously she thinks- as "that damn liberal." I don't know what to do anymore.
I hope that at least they buy your sister one of those Hello Kitty pink assault rifles. Only because they don't make a My Little Pony brand. Yet.
I would say "Move to Wisconsin!" but we have concealed carry now too, which makes me really nervous. I prefer to know which morons (or cops, hopefully not commingled) are packing.
I grew up in Wis. I haven't lived there in 20 years, but I still love the place. What the fuck has happened there? 20 years ago if you would have told me that Scott Walker would be governor and his fascist policies would have the support they do, I would have laughed in your face!
One more thing… When did the Cheese-heads start considering jobs at Walmart, Cabelas, and Bass Pro Shop to be the jobs of the future? Talk about "Diminished Expectations!" Fucksakes! I can just hear the conversations around the dinner table:
Son: "Pa, when I grow up I'm fixing to use my edjamacation and work for Walmart my whole life."
Father: "Boy, you make yer mama/sister and me so proud a ya!"
STAND YER GROUND!!!!
(Not shot 'em, of course, but with logic. )
Put yourself up for adoption.
Shoot them all in their sleep — with votes?
Wow, turns out they call it Crazy Bread for a reason….
Concealed carry classes in Florida typically last a half day, lunch included. Shooting the guy next to you – optional but encouraged.
Thanks assholes from Tallahassee, for passing stand your ground laws and turning daily life in Florida into a Quentin Tarantino flick. .
THIS. This is why there shouldn't be concealed weapons, or weapons PERIOD. Some moron at a pizza place readies a fist and the other moron SHOOTS A BULLET. For fucks sake!!
"Well, what'd you think I got the permit FOR?!"
The customer is always soft in the middle.
Hey Botlrokit, I've just been to your name sake – Bottle Rocket in Manhattan, round the corner from my office on West 19th St.
Got me a nice Ramsay Pinot Noir and a Champagne for Christmas dinner.
I am traveling to NYC in June, and this place is now officially on the itinerary. Thanks!!
MOMMA MIA THATS A SPICY MEATHEAD
Please, sweet baby jesus, let this have been a legal firearm purchase.
Since the cops did not charge him with possession of an illegal weapon, I think it's safe to assume this.
It's a good thing someone with a concealed weapon was on the scene, or this scuffle could have really escalated.
Bet *these* employees can't wait to volunscarily work the counter on Christmas Day, when absolutely NO ONE of the looney stripe will be out populating the fast food haunts at all, no sir
Just people like this. And Jews.
The gutshot guy had little seizures?
Would any wonkette blame me if I moved to Ecuador?
Would any wonkette help me move to Ecuador?
Oh here we go, a fucking pizza story again.
Can we have some ponies and fairies please… I'm putting on weight just reading these stories?
Wait. Whaa…. the hell you say? Someone was shot while waiting for a Little Caesar's pizza? See, that's why I don't go to chain pizza joints. The crust is never right and you have to shoot someone. Anyone.
I once ordered a pizza from a Figaro's. Good thing I don't own a gun.
Owning a gun should be made at least as difficult as adopting a newborn (correction, non-blah newborn). BT/DT etc. I often say that if people had to jump through as many hoops as adoptive parents do, the world's population would be 7 million instead of 7 billion. So I say make future gun owners have to deal with social workers, have background checks, have friends, relatives and employers write letters about what a great person they are, and especially have a SW come and inspect their home to make sure it is safe to own and keep a gun there. That in itself ends up being a waiting period of several months.
Remember, guns don't kill people. But people who shouldn't be let near a gun end up killing a lot of people. Oh yeah, and $5 a bullet.
Guns don't kill Little Caesars pizza patrons, Little Caesars pizza kills Little Caesars pizza patrons.
Except for the ones killed by guns.
Cholesterol damage?
Tthe pizza kills people too, but slowly.
If only the other guy had been armed. Then we would have had two guys shot in the stomach at a Little Caesars
I think you may have stumbled onto the cure for America's teabagger infestation…
See, non-zero-sum strategy works best!!!
So much for "an armed society is a polite society".
A polite society doesn't require armed citizens.
And that stupid saying basically claims that, in an armed society, people will be extra-polite out of fear some stupid asshole will just shoot them if they get pissed off. That's not exactly the sort of society I, or any sane person, would want to live in, to say the least.
Honestly, living your life in constant terror of being murdered for saying the wrong thing or looking at someone the wrong way doesn't sound an awful lot like the "liberty" all those guns are supposed to be defending, either.
In fact, it kind of sounds like the opposite; but then, these are the people who think "tyranny" is having to pay taxes.
Unfortunately, that's how I live. I've seen folks throw trash out of their cars, and it's too risky to say anything though I'm screaming in sad. I've been thinking about this in the last year or two, and it really makes me sad. :(
"After the shooting, both men went outside and waited for police."
Well, dude probably has a huge gut and the projectiles got lodged in the fat before reaching any vital organs.
Chris Rock was right. Tax bullets enough so that they cost 5k. No one could afford to Stand Their Fucking Ground.
"I got lucky," he said. "To me, that stand your ground rule … people are twisting it. He's twisting it. I walked in to get a pizza and I got shot … I'm hoping the law prevails. We'll see."
Marco Rubio sponsored stand your ground and fat Jeb signed it into law.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/03/26/1077839/…
9mm automatic—don't leave home without it.
I won't have what he's having.
I want to know what the chit-chat was while waiting for the cops.
Bleed here often? If you say it was an accident, I'll throw in free cheesy bread? Do you want to fill out a customer satisfaction card? You can win a Wal-Mart gift card if you do. Your pizza is up now, asshole! I would imagine it was relatively cordial since he only shot the guy twice *in* the store, and didn't finish him off outside.
"The cops will be here in 30 minutes or the ER visit is free"
Discussing the merits of a 9mm vs. a .45?
"….or been caught beating his wife."
I thought they gave medals for that in FL.
Nothing good can happen in a pizza joint after 2PM.
I have been to Florida. Some people there could have a clip emptied into their stomachs and still make it home for Three's Company reruns.
Are you sure that this wasn't part of their "30 Minutes or Less or Shoot Us in Our Dicks" promotion?
I would never admit Little Caesar's was "my ground" even if it was.
I would never take a gun to Little Caesars because if I had to eat that crap I'd want to shoot myself.
If he's white, he'll be acquitted.
If the color fits, you must aquit.
Ah – but what color was the victim?
We in Texas used to thank God for Mississippi. Now it's because of Florida.
Taking two in the Five-Zone and walking away from it? Now that's impressive. The rest of the story? Well shit, it IS Florida.
I wouldn't want to be megan mcardle's delivery boy.
Well, you made it so funny sounding, the whole business. Florida, just a bunch of Mr Watsons'.
Floriduh: where the customer is always far right.
This is the truth – my sis and I went to a wake tonight. In the funeral home entrance – a framed sign – "By state law – food and beverages are not allowed in the funeral home."
Looked at her and said 'yea, but you can bring a concealed weapon."
"Sick," she said.
I think that millions of blah people in Florida should start lining up, every day, to request an application for a concealed carry permit. Just to fuck with those fine white citizens of that fine, fine state.
America's problem isn't guns; the problem is men. We need comprehensive man control.
Like General McAuliffe said during the Battle of The Bulge… http://www.vegkitchen.com/wp-content/uploads/2004…
What are the odds of a hillbilly being armed buying shitty pizza and being a legal expert all at the same time? Wow.
Yes Geraldo, your question?
Geraldo – Was the victim wearing a hoodie? The one that was shot.
Who among us hasn't wanted to shoot a whiny customer in the gut? Twice?
Comments on this entry are closed.