islamic south carolina sealAnyone here from SOUTH CAROLINA? Yes? Maybe you can explain to us why your state is so crazy, possibly as crazy as Florida (or at least, coming at a close second):

South Carolina state Rep. Bill Chumley last week pre-filed a bill for the upcoming legislative session that would criminalize implementation of President Barack Obama’s 2010 healthcare reform law.

If his bill becomes law, any state official caught enforcing the healthcare law would be guilty of a misdemeanor and “must be fined not more than one thousand dollars or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.”

That’s just for STATE officials.

Any federal employee or contractor enforcing the law “is guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, must be fined not more than five thousand dollars, or imprisoned not more than five years, or both,” the bill proposes.

But don’t you worry, this is all on the up-and-up because of the Constitution, which lawmakers are sworn to protect and uphold (when convenient and in their perceived best interests, that is):

“I think we’re within our rights to do this,” [State Representative Bill] Chumley explained toU.S. News. “It’s an obligation, I swore an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect the people.”

It’s always fun when a self-identified “farmer” decides to dive into Constitutional jurisprudence! Chumley also thinks, apparently, that protection of the Constitution and the people involves rejecting the FDA Food Safety Modernization Act , limiting punitive damages awarded to plaintiffs in lawsuits, allowing hunting and fishing without a license on father’s day, and freeing employers from the burden of informing employees of their rights. Constitutional law — it’s so easy, anyone can do it!

Among the items in the healthcare law that irk Chumley are the individual health insurance mandate, “the establishment of 150 or so more agencies,” “the addition of many thousand new IRS agents,” and “home visits to come out and see how you’re living.”

If that were happening, that would irk us as well. But it is not happening, but that doesn’t matter since Republicans are apparently entitled to their own versions of life, the universe and everything. Good luck, South Carolina, with getting health care in 2013 because it seems like you’ll need it.

[US News]

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  • littlebigdaddy

    Marbury v. Madison, beatches!

    • sullivanst

      Supremacy Clause, morans!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I think this guy is acting pursuant to the Stupidity Clause.

    • memzilla
      • Sherman v. The State of Georgia

        • Negropolis

          This is a case I hope for the sake of South Carolina that they don't want to relitigate.

    • Fine, you wanna play? Lose your medicaid funding and listen to your hospitals bitch.

      • sullivanst

        Not sure the hospitals would be shrieking all that loudly, they don't make any profit off of Medicaid services; it's the state treasurer that'd be bursting eardrums.

        • But they get paid for services that they will mostly likely have to provide anyway.

          • sullivanst

            Good point, looks like their existing uncompensated care fund would vanish along with Medicaid, and likely the Medically Indigent Assistance Program along with it.

            Although, I would point out the services provided would be different. Instead of treating cancer, they'd be providing palliative care to dying patients. Instead of managing blood glucose levels, they'd be reviving people from ketoacidosis comas and amputating gangrenous feet.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey SC! You can't circumvent Federal Law with your own local laws.

      Only WA can do that. (Well, CO, too.)

      • On the other hand, WA and CO haven't passed laws threatening to jail officials for enforcing the law. Nullification is an iffy legal proposition in the best cases where there's the possibility of benign neglect, but making it a criminal act to enforce or execute federal law is definitely an entirely different level of derp.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I know; I was just teasing. Some states just have to lead the way to make the Feds eventually change their minds. SC, U R DOIN IT RONG.

    • GeneralLerong

      Was that the warm-up for an Ali v. Frazier match?

  • OzoneTom

    Because, when it comes to the constitution, the US Supreme Court doesn't know what it is talking about. Can a whole state be charged with contempt of court?

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      I don't want to point any fingers or anything, but there was that decision in a case that rhymed with Clitizens Shoenited.

    • Spider-Jerk

      With this court? The goddamn jackass might have a point.

      Even broken cuckoo-clocks, etc.

  • SorosBot

    It's a great day in South Carolina! Unless you're a government official doing your job to help the state''s citizens, that is.

  • stefanbc

    "Chumley" sounds like the name of terrible Bear bar in Long Beach

    • Chumley's is the name of a great (former) speakeasy in the west Villaghe in NYC, however.

    • Not_So_Much

      I liked his work with 'Tennessee Tuxedo'. This shite, not so much.

    • WIDTAP

      Isn't he the slow one on "Pawn Stars"?

  • glasspusher

    Shouldn't they also hold their breath until Obamacare is overturned, on principle?

  • glasspusher

    OT but where's our Bork obituary post? I'd like to show firsthand how liberal elites are contributing to the moral decay of this country.

    • where's our Bork obituary post?

      Honestly, son, did you leave your mommyblog goggles at home.

      • glasspusher

        Hah! I am at home with a killer cold.I would hope that a fine mommyblog like this one that condones and encourages buttsechs would want to give a proper sendoff to a guy who clearly thought that wimmunz, poors and blahs should know their place.Also.

        • bikerlaureate

          Well, you quit smoking a long while back. What did you expect?

          • glasspusher

            Yeah, if you can call “having two cigarettes in your teens and that's it”, quitting smoking, yeah, I quit.

    • Respitetini
      • glasspusher

        We can all laugh now.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Let's not keep Borking the guy, now that he is dead.

      Let's just ignore him, please, instead.

      • glasspusher

        He was trying to Bork us right up to the end, being the judicial advisor to Romney's campaign. Yeesh!…as I tell my son, conservatives are people who think the world always was exactly like it was when they were a kid…

        • malsperanza

          Or rather: exactly like it was on that TV show they watched when they were a kid.

          • glasspusher

            That could explain why they were so hard on the beaver last night.

    • GeneralLerong

      Hey, maybe Scalia will be next!

      Then we can say God Is Telling Us Something.

      That God would be interested in originalism seems a bit odd…but not out of character, actually.

    • not that Dewey
  • Goonemeritus

    Why the fuck did we fight to keep these guys in the Union?

    • glasspusher

      At least we outlawed slavery in the process. Seems they've just moved it to include all poors.

    • flipdraw

      Indeed. Can we retroactively encourage them to form their own country? East Texas, anyone?

    • shelwood46

      So Stephen Colbert would be born an American?

    • GeneralLerong

      We like to torture them. With votes.

  • If it was the White Supremacy Clause, they would know it better

  • docterry6973

    Will America, at any point, get sick of listening to these idiots? Never mind, I know the answer.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Chumley? No Tennessee Tuxedo?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Duh, *gee* Tennessee…!


      • Oblios_Cap

        They need to go see Mr. Whoopie

    • You are probably too young to remember that Tennessee was outed as a known Communist by Chumley in front of HUAC. He has never been back in politics since.

  • Poindexter718

    Farmers practicing Constitutional law? I thought you had to have a dentistry license to do that.

    • You're right! Farmers have to limit themselves to foreign treaties!

    • sullivanst

      Somebody got all excited when they heard about how the Farmers worte teh Consittution in teh frist palce.

    • Barrelhse

      "The Constitutional Law scholar in the dell,…"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Or a fake Opthalmology certification.

    • MadBamaJama

      Not a license. A learner's permit will do just fine.

    • LesBontemps

      Real estate license works too, apparently.

    • kittensdontlie

      Constitutional law isn't brain surgery(–which I am practicing on myself right now! It really is that easy)!!1!

  • SorosBot

    “It’s an obligation, I swore an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect the people.”

    Um, then why you trying to pass a law that blatantly violates the Constitution? The text is pretty clear, states cannot invalidate Federal laws:

    "This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wait .. he has to read it?

  • hagajim

    Why does South Carolina keep insisting on seceding, and more importantly, when are we gonna let the dumb fucks do it?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wish these fuckers would stop being so silly.

  • poorgradstudent

    I read crap like this and all I can think is "OMG you fuckers are just lucky they're not making you accept real government-run health care like everyone else in the industrialized world."

  • "Hello, It's a HATE Day* to be in South Carolina!"

    *is there any other kind of day, in SC?

  • I say we let them secede. Parting gift: all the Confederate flags you can stock up in your double wides.

  • FakaktaSouth

    “I think we’re within our rights to do this,”

    And I think there should be a standard, baseline, necessary intelligence quotient for anyone running for office. See what we get for thinking? Jack shit.

    • SorosBot

      And, as with "thinking" the Universe is only 6,000 years old, global warming does not exist, or that the Earth is flat, what one thinks doesn't matter; the fact is that states are not within their right to do this.

      • FakaktaSouth

        This guy does make me question my own beliefs in evolution however. And hell NO they can't do this, but when the fuck has understanding words and laws and what the Constitution said ever mattered when you are trying to take a stand against the black guy's socialism that isn't?

  • athirson

    Isn't being in SC the same thing as being in jail anyway?

    • Weenus299

      For the most part, yes.

      • I will second that. Not that I have been in jail but I can learn from the experiences of others.

    • basically….

      Signed, transplanted NY'er trying to escape…

  • To go with South Carolina's new Senator, Haley's Bobbitt Comet Tim Scott, the Palmetto State is having quite a week. Arizona, hey Arizona, if you snooze you lose.

  • "Chumley". Sounds legit.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If you turn the state seal of SC upside down and squint your eyes a little, it kinda looks like a dick, with a couple of balls and an untrimmed bush.

    —Taylor Bigler.

    • Dogless_Heathen

      Even better, it looks black.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    your move, Arizona

  • memzilla

    South Carolina: "Too small to be a country, too big to be an insane asylum."

    — South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster, 1860
    (and the only SC gummint official to vote against secession)

    • Weenus299

      Not McMaster, James L. Pettigru. There are a damn lot of people, native Sandlappers, who feel the same way.

      • memzilla

        Ah stand corrected, suh.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Just. fucking. SECEDE. already.

    And take Texas and Florida with you.

    • BadKitty904


      • elviouslyqueer

        Darling, you can join me in Louisiana. The political insanity is a bit off-putting, but the food is phenomenal.

        • BadKitty904

          Hmm. You may have a point – I've only been to NO once, but the "scenery" was pretty spectacular, esp. around Tulane. Plus the "gospel sing-along" at Sunday brunch at that one bar was fun as dammit!

        • Negropolis

          New Orleans is probably the one city in the South that totally makes up for it being in the Bible Belt. Thoses French, Spanish and Creoles new how to build themselves a city.

  • Rep Bill Chumley (R-Tennessee Tuxedo), you mean

  • Callyson

    South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, also a Republican, has made no public statement on the bill. Chumley said he has seen Haley just once since setting up his study group and "didn't want to bother her with this."

    Gee, I wonder why…possibly because even she would have had the "bitch, please" reaction…


  • BaldarTFlagass

    ANIMIS OPIBUSQUE PARATI means "Prepared in mind and resources."
    Not so much, I think.

    • Weenus299



      meaning "As I breathe, I hope" (for all the fools to fucking go to school down here and learn what they're supposed to do.

  • chascates

    Lynching is too good for them and South Carolina knows lynching.

  • PopeEdgardo

    SC led the way out of the Union and they haven't really accepted the outcome of that little adventure even yet. Time to bring back Reconstruction and this time not leave until it takes.

  • Barrelhse

    Chumley, you're just going to have to SUCK IT this time.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm stuck at the Raleigh North Carolina airport for 3 hours and it is just too close to this kind of stupid for me to be sober. Can any NC Wonketteers out there recommend a good local beverage(s) I can get at the airport?

    • Barrelhse

      Don't drink the water- I think it makes them "that way."

    • I don't know where you're originally from but I always make sure to pick up some Blenheim's Ginger Ale when road-tripping the Carolina's.
      For fermented beverages, I guess you'll require input from an actual NC resident wonketteer, unless that one Asheville brewery distributes far as Raleigh..

      /I spent 8 of my youngest years in SC, and to this day have many other friends who hail from NC; do not worry about the stoopid cooties, there is a difference between the two states even if not perceptible to the untrained eye~

  • Pragmatist2

    Isn't "Chumley" the dumb guy on Pawn Stars?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Whereas, the assumption of power that the federal government has made by enacting the "Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act" interferes with the right of the people of the State of South Carolina to regulate health care as they see fit and makes a mockery of James Madison's assurance in Federalist #45 that the "powers delegated" to the federal government are "few and defined", while those of the states are "numerous and indefinite".

    Oh noes! Obamacare is mocking South Carolina. THIS WILL NOT STAND.

    • I clearly missed the thing where the Federalist Papers were not merely persuasion pieces that tell us what a couple of the framers were thinking -or at least willing to cop to having in mind in order to convince certain states to ratify the Constition- but rather, the binding legal document upon which our nation was founded.

    • LesBontemps

      Oh noes! Obamacare is mocking South Carolina.

      Why not? Everyone else does.

  • “It’s an obligation, I swore an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect the people.”


    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, give him a break. He swore to 'uphold' The Constitution, not to actually understand The Constitution.

      He's from SC; he's doing the best he can.

  • snowpointsecret

    “I think we’re within our rights to do this,” [State Representative Bill] Chumley explained to U.S. News. “It’s an obligation, I swore an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect the people.”

    Even the Supreme Court thinks that's a joke.

    • BadKitty904

      "I think" – um, isn't this what the taxpayers of SC are paying you to KNOW?

  • trondant

    There's a reason that place is called "the Bad Carolina". Many, come to think of it.

    • GlowneyHouse

      After our last gubernatorial election here in NC, I fear it's a race to the bottom. Art Pope will see to that.

    • EdBradly7

      I moved to Minnesota in 1972 and in 1997 I accepted a position as an Executive on loan to a consortium if Independent Telco's based 60 miles south of Charlotte These guts are at least three years behind the rest of the country. Anyway the first thing I was told was the people in South Carolina still didn't wear shoes. Needless to say they weren't that far off the mark..

  • When the next major hurricane inevitably hits SC, will they arrest any feds giving assistance?

  • memzilla

    South Carolina, the Crazy As A Palmetto Bug State.

  • Barrelhse

    "My name is Max Yasgur, and I'm a Constitutional Law Scholar."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "All you hippies get off my lawn!"

    • TribecaMike

      "Don't take the brown cow pies, man."

  • DahBoner

    Republican Farmer: Feed all the seed corn to the fattest hogs, who will then poop out jobs.

  • glasspusher

    Hey SC, wanna fire on Ft. Sumter again? Double or nothing?

  • mormos

    What a Southerner is, and what he is supposed to do, other than rebel, nobody knows.

  • “home visits to come out and see how you’re living.”
    Yup, back in pioneer days, the doc would try to make what they called a "housecall" and be greeted by a bullet.

  • Rebel Without An Exemption Clause

    • Barrelhse

      Chumley hasn't even got a Santa fucking Claus.

    • BadKitty904

      Rebel Without a Clue

  • Oblios_Cap

    And Lindsay Graham isn't gay.

    • flipdraw

      You know, I realize he's a bit swishy. But if I get a vote, I don't want him or Mr Michelle Bachmann in my camp, thank you very much. Reminds me of a Buddy Cole quote: "I know Liberace's gay. I just don't want him to be!"

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh honey, the membership committee will make damn sure that Sistren Graham and Bachmann don't get to be part of our club. Worry you not.

    • EdBradly7

      You mean "STILL NOT GAY" not that there is anything wrong with that.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Any federal employee or contractor enforcing the law “is guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, must be fined not more than five thousand dollars, or imprisoned not more than five years, or both,”

    You know, for a culture that just can't get over the fact that they lost that war against the federal government 150 years ago, they certainly seem to have no qualms about sticking their dicks in that hornet's nest once again.

  • feminazipenishrinker

    Thank you, dear leaders, for working hard to protect us from the tyranny of healthcare while defending the rights of lunatics to gun down little kids while they make macaroni necklaces and learn to read.

    America. Fuck yeah.

    • StillGoinGreen

      Now that you put it that way… Jesus, I'm depressed.

  • feminazipenishrinker

    My stupid asshole teabagger state rep wants this in Wisconsin, also, too.

    • feminazipenishrinker

      I'll report myself to The Department of Redundancy Department for using the phrase "stupid asshole teabagger".

  • StillGoinGreen

    Texas: Oh Fuck! South Carolina is catching us!
    Florida: Well, what the fuck are we gonna do about it?
    Texas: I dunno, but hangin' chads and shootin' coyotes ain't gonna cut it this time!
    Florida: You think there's time to abolish poor people before Baby Jesus' birthday?
    Texas: Maybe, I'll call Arizona.

  • glasspusher

    42- yeah, I got that reference. Do you think Chumley got it?

  • Tommy1733

    Ooh, ooh, I wanna try making a Constitution Law too. Here goes: "From now on, anyone caught engaged in unlawful sexual congress must be banished."

  • prommie

    South Carolina has al;ways been home to the angriest, dumbest, redneck white trash in the south. Fort Sumter is a real place. In South Carolina. I have been addressed by strangers as "yankee" in South Carolina, the only place that ever happened to me.

    • But you were probably trolling them by calling them "Cletus" or something.

      • prommie

        Oh hell no, I was very gracious and actually I was expressing my surprise and admiration that they were familiar with reading and writing when out comes the "Yankee" slur.

    • malsperanza

      When I was doing hard time working temporarily on a project in Columbia,SC pretty much everyone I met began their conversations this way:

      "You know, Sherman burned Columbia…" (accompanied by a gracious and welcoming smile)

      After a few weeks of this, I began answering, "Sherman? General Sherman? Yeah, we have a statue of him at home (NYC) entirely coated in gold."

      The obsession with the Waugh, together with the endless Jew jokes, did get me down after a while. OTOH, excellent mustard-based BBQ.

  • Wouldn't it be easier to simply make it a crime to vote for the Black guy?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Do we need to go General Sherman on them, again? Do those cannonball marks on the statehouse mean anything, y'all?

    • Is a bitch going to make us bounce the rubble of Fort Sumter again?!

  • Oh please, some southern elected official, get your ridiculous state government to commit treason, so we can crush you.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I'd like to pass a law outlawing South Carolina. Trust me, it's totally constitutional.

  • BadKitty904

    This all sounds kinda familiar. Kinda like "We, therefore, the people of the State of South Carolina, in convention assembled, do declare and ordain and it is hereby declared and ordained, that the several acts and parts of acts of the Congress of the United States…are null, void, and no law, nor binding upon this State, its officers or citizens…"

  • Lot_49

    Maybe they'll also have a law allowing citizens' enforcement, with guns. So, watch out, USPS letter carriers in Charleston and whatever other "cities" are in South Carolina. Delivering that piece of mail from HHS might be a felony! Justice will be swift.

    WTF is the matter w/these people?

  • pdiddycornchips

    Why can't the feds refuse to send South Carolina federal dollars until they comply with the law? No highway money, no fed dollars for first responders, no fed money for schools, and especially no fed money for farmers. It's all a big game until those tooth-less hicks realize they won't be getting that subsidy check.

  • wileywitch

    If the U.S. government doesn't have a military plan to deal with secession, then they should not only make one; but should carry out exercises in which the military practices moving all of their equipment and soldiers from states that toy with the idea of succession. Let everyone in that state watch the tanks rolling out, and the jets flying out, and carriers full of soldiers waving goodbye so they can get a really good look at what they're dealing with while watching sales drop in their local economies.

  • Severen13

    So Chumley wants to make enforcing a law against the law.

    I love America!

  • Weenus299

    Guys, we can't even fire people who fucked up election-running in Richland County. We elect dipshit governors, can't understand anything because we're stupid, and we have no hope for improving because after the textile mills abandoned us, we have nothing better to do than get snakebit and wander around pretty beaches hoping to drown.

    • Barrelhse

      I liked the one yesterday when we got all horny and then wandered aimlessly.

  • southernboyman

    Will I get better healthcare in the slammer?

  • christianmuslin

    I wish somone would figure out what this nutcase costs taxpayers in advocating this nonsense and his opponent in the next election reminds voters.

  • PinkoPopulist

    Every once in awhile I doubt my fitness to one day realize my dream of holding political office. Then you guys go and post something like this, and my self-confidence is restored. Thanks Wonkette!

  • MLite

    Dear Sir,
    As a former resident of the Great State of South Carolina (too small for a Republic, too large for an insane asylum), I take issue with your insinuation that Florida can hold a candle to the craziness of the Palmetto state. I'd challenge you to a duel if the Federal Government hadn't banned such civility.

  • Noitzie

    What's this "as crazy as Florida" nonsense? Everyone knows that the triumvirate of crazy politics in the US is 1) Florida, 2) Texas, and 3) Arizona. South Carolina is, at best, fourth.

    • Barrelhse

      Or forethkin.

  • Barrelhse

    I thought Mayberry was in NORTH Carolina.

  • I am not *from* SC but I currently live here. At least until the inevitable happens and we are free to move our residence elsewhere.

    There are many lovely, intelligent, pleasant people here. I am sad to say that there are also many who are ignorant, redneck, crazy-as-a-loon dipshits. I seems that the latter outnumber the former.

    • Weenus299

      I may be both.

  • RalphCrown

    Ooh, ooh, my turn! I'm prefiling a bill that makes it illegal for asswipes to prefile unconstitutional time-wasting bills. The penalty is having to ride an amusement park train being driven by Andre Bauer, and then having to read Gov. Haley's memoir out loud.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Would everyone south of Maryland please just secede already?

  • lochnessmonster

    I thought Chumley lived in Vegas and worked in a Pawn shop with his family…

  • Wile E. Quixote

    My father used to travel to Charleston, SC for business at the navy base there. Once, when asked by someone how he liked Charleston he remarked that it was a great pity that the Union Army didn't have nuclear weapons during the Civil War.

  • ttommyunger

    All this primarily because the President is near.

  • Negropolis

    In South Carolina, Sharia isn't a type of law, but a popular feminine name in Charleston.

    It's time to merge South Carolina into Georgia or some shit. No one will have lost any. You know, I'm surprised the sentence for promoting Obamacare is jail and/or a fine. I thought it would be a duel. Y'all remember the last time South Carolina wanted to duel against the United States government…?

  • Negropolis

    How did nullification work the first time, South Carocrazy?

    BTW, totally OT, but who in the hell is that South Carolina Congressman so pale and thin he looks like a character in one of the Twilight movies?

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