he blue himselfNewport Beach yacht owners are having the most massively petulant sad because — with their silt-filled harbor undredged since World War II and their seawalls crumbling — the City Council has to raise money to pay for its at-risk infrastructure. This means the yacht owners will no longer be able to pay … wait for it … one hundred dollars a year for their slip rental. For their triple-decker yachts.

But this has been a stressful season here along the tranquil waterfront lined with multimillion-dollar homes.

An increase in city rental fees for residential docks that protrude over public tidelands created a furor when it was approved last week by the City Council.

It also prompted a call to boycott the boat parade and festival of lights by a group calling itself “Stop the Dock Tax.”

“It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people,” organization Chairman Bob McCaffrey wrote to the city. “This year, we are turning off our lights and withdrawing our boats in protest of the massive new dock tax we expect the City Council to levy.”

Bob McCaffrey is going to take his Christmas parade and go home! Where he will not put up lights for the birth of our lord and savior, the baby Jesus! Because someone somewhere needs him to pay for the thing he’s been getting for almost free! Why does the Newport Beach City Council hate Christ?

The city’s five-year plan for the harbor calls for $29 million in long-overdue maintenance. Its silt-filled channels haven’t been fully dredged since the Great Depression. Ancient, leaky sea walls protecting neighborhoods need to be repaired or replaced.

“We have the makings of a perfect storm like they did on the East Coast” during Superstorm Sandy,” said Chris Miller, the city’s harbor resources manager. “The sea walls are nearing the end of their useful life.”

How will these individuals that own multimillion-dollar homes on the ocean ever afford up to $3,200 per year to dock their fancy yacht-boats? How will you plebes live without holiday smiles?

Play us out, Kevin Drum:

No matter how well they do—and the rich have done very, very well over the past few decades—their blood boils at the thought of contributing so much as an extra dime to public coffers, even if the money is specifically earmarked to improve their own communities.

We know where they could find some money.

[Los Angeles Times/Mother Jones]

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  • snowpointsecret

    Okay, say they block the seawall getting built and a hurricane comes in. Then they lose the much more expensive yachts. I have a feeling these people inherited their money, since they show a total lack of ability to think ahead.

  • UnholyMoses

    The desire the rich have to take away the last crumbs from the poor is stronger than any envy the poor have had for the excesses of the rich.

  • It totally blows being rich this year.

    • LesBontemps

      Nevertheless, I wouldn't mind having the opportunity to weep softly into my Perrier Jouet while the house staff prepares foie gras and filet mignon.

      • miss_grundy

        As long as I could play with all my Apple toys, my big screen tv, and knowing I make more in interest than I will ever need…that would more than satisfy me. I'm really lusting for an iPad 4 and the mini iPad and trying to win both through every giveaway I can find…

    • They should gift the money to the more deserving. Like me.

      I'll share, don't worry.

  • Lizzietish81

    You know who else refused to pay for his own shit?

    • snowpointsecret

      Mitt Romney?

    • eggsacklywright

      Piero Manzoni?

      • Gleem McShineys

        "Can it, buddy!"

    • mrpuma2u

      Oliver Cromwell?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        A curse upon him

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          Traditional Irish Coffee recipe begins "You start with coffee as black as Cromwell's heart…."

      • Negropolis

        Speaking of the devil, why is it still a debate in England about whether or not he was a dictator?

    • Thomas Crapper?

    • Negropolis

      Herbert Hoover?

    • memzilla

      Every teenager who's ever been, or will be, born on the planet?

    • The wedding guests at Cana?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That cheap fucking cousin of mine?

    • Woody Allen at the San Marcos deli in Bananas?

    • SorosBot

      Minnie the Moocher?

    • Callyson

      Four-times bankrupt Donald Trump?

    • HelmutNewton

      All of them, Katie!

    • TribecaMike

      Bob Cratchit?

  • How many yachts
    Could a boycott cott
    If a boycott could cott yachts?

    Other'n that, I got nothin'

    • fatbob54

      There once was a rich prick from Newport
      Who was representative of his cohort
      He wouldn’t pay for his mooring
      If it meant taxes soaring
      So Newport turned into No Port

  • PuckStopsHere

    Maybe the could work an extra shift or two at MacDonalds on Christmas to make the money they will need to pay the tax.

  • And that's why…you never interview a petulant millionaire about a small, common-sense tax increase.

    • MOG2410

      Or use "common sense tax increase" when talking with them. heh.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    these people are being so dramatic it makes me want to set myself on fire

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      These people are being so dramatic it makes me want to set them on fire.


    • Lizzietish81

      That's counter productive you should set them on fire…

      with votes.

    • flipdraw

      Look at what the homosexuals have done to me, Michael.

      • Nibbler of Niblonia

        they couldn't just blow that out?

    • Goonemeritus

      My favorite line (from a Wonkette poster) on this subject was.

      “People who use hyperbolic political rhetoric to make a point are just like Hitler”

      • eggsacklywright

        Yeah, and all generalizations are wrong.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Could you do it down on the Newport waterfront, you know, for the excitement and sparkle, now that the bazillionaires are sulking in their mansions?

    • not that Dewey


    • athirson

      The idle rich need something to do with themselves. It gets boring sitting at the dock of the bay, wasting time

    • CindynEncinitas

      This has set the conversation at the Balboa Bay Club on FIRE! The vitriol! The outrage! The spitting and cursing! The insolence! The indignant dashing of the shrimp fork to the floor! They are savaging their wait staff and valets! You will rue the day, petty functionaries. RUE THE DAY!

  • Negropolis

    Wait, so you're telling me they are taking their boats and going home?

    • DahBoner

      You should see the dollies and dishes on those things. Everything is nailed down.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    there's always money in the dock tax

  • eggsacklywright

    Well. I'm taking my yacht and going home. Nyah.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sitting on the (unrepaired) dock of the bay
      watching the yachts sail away…

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    How about if they donate all that money they're saving on the boat parade and decorations.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      But that's for the community. The extra tax goes through a wormhole in space directly to the Kremlin in 1966.

    • CindynEncinitas

      To what? They are doing the boat parade for the enjoyment of OTHERS!

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    where once there was a yacht, now…there is…..nacht! heyyyyyy!

  • stefanbc

    So I have to pay $165 per month to park my Honda in a garage in Long Beach but James Van Smitheringcock the IV only has to drop a c-note to have his floating cocaine palace safely interred in the Newport Docks?

    This is make me so upset that I'm gonna stop selling his wife those Mexican diet pills she loves so much.

    • GhostBuggy

      Yes, but how many jerbs have you created?

    • An_Outhouse

      Don't punish her, just raise the price.

  • OzoneTom

    These NewPorsche Beach moochers are causing me to revisit my earlier view that rising sea levels are an entirely bad thing.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    they should just sail their yachts to portugal, down ol south america way

  • Disassembly

    Nothing brings the baby Jesus a bigger smile than an opulently decorated yacht.

    • PubOption

      Camel. Eye of needle. Socialism!

  • MOG2410

    Was out there on business two weeks ago, walking around Balboa Island, signs on almost every dock – Stop the Dock Tax!!! Background – massive, CA-style Christmasa decorations, wine bottles opening and the low chuckling of the rich.

    • mrpuma2u

      Were they home made signs? Or perhaps signs that were made professionally, and might have cost more than, say, oh, a hundred dollars???

      • MOG2410

        Home-made??? heh, not a chance. Nicely done by some poor slob in Irvine, no doubt.

  • Goonemeritus

    When will the tyranny of making people pay for the services they receive end.

  • DahBoner

    “It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people,”

    You people are lucky they even decorate their multi-million dollar boats for you bastards…

    • fatbob54

      They're not smiling with you, they're smiling at you. While they're sharpening their machetes. With votes.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Yeah…but I bet having proper flood control and strong seawalls will bring smiles to a lot more.

    • bikerlaureate

      $3100 increase / 999,000 smiles = who the fsck do you think you're kidding, Bob McCaffery?

  • eggsacklywright

    So, some dock-sucking will ensue?

    • GhostBuggy

      Yes, just before the rear admiral gets there.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    they don't mind losing their tripple-decker yacht to a hurricane because they've got a quadruple-decker's worth of insurance on it

  • Jus_Wonderin

    No Christmas Smiles for the common folk. Well, unless they want to pay for it. Why do the wealthy feel so entitled?

  • HRH_Maddie

    How dare you make me pay a fair rate for a service I need and use!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Yacht to Somalia, assholes. And I hope the pirates get you.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They should just buy surplus assault landing craft and convert them to yachts. Then they could just park on any old beach they wanted.

  • HRH_Maddie

    I guess these guys are the 47% Romney was talking about.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So…The rich yacht owners expect people who won't get any tangible benefits to pay for the infrastructure repairs that would make their boat docking a more pleasant experience.

    What a bunch of fucking crybabies. I miss the old days, when the Emperor could proscribe familes and confiscate their assets, for the Empire.

    • NellCote71

      And cut off their heads. With votes, of course.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people,” organization Chairman Bob McCaffrey wrote to the city. “This year, we are turning off our lights and withdrawing our boats in protest of the massive new dock tax we expect the City Council to levy.”

    It bears repeating, but somewhere, a queen is sorely missing her drama.

  • mrpuma2u

    Typical elite class, sponging off of the gubmint they allegedly despise.

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    This would never happen in Galt's Gulch.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hope that guy didn't get his anchor scratched.

    • glasspusher


    • fatbob54

      The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.

  • prommie

    Everybody knows the game is rigged. You have to be a fucking sucker to keep playing a crooked game. What the fuck have I wasted my life for?

  • carlgt1

    wow, just when I thought I couldn't hate Orange County RepugliKKKans even more – from screaming at kids & parents at a mosque; to the sanctimonious fat hypocrite Rick Warren's zillion dollar church, now this!

    • Fucking O.C. and their "white people's problems."
      I just came back from Mexico. Wait till they find out there are no footrests on the planes in business class!

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Don't forget the TBN scandal and TV preachers buying $100,000 motorhome for their dogs.

      • CindynEncinitas

        We'll all just have to console ourselves by marveling at the million Christmas lights in the TBN parking lot. Holy. Shit.

  • LibertyLover

    Sweet Baby Jesus! That's some fine whiny ass titty baby complaining!

  • GhostBuggy

    We don't need your yacht dock scene, ya freak bitch!

  • SorosBot

    Come on now, the town's poor and middle class are supposed to pay for amenities used by the very rich. Haven't we learned anything from our sports stadiums?

    • Back in the day, we called that sort of arrangement, "feudalism". Nowadays, though, we understand that the REAL road to serfdom is universal health care and a system of progressive taxation. Or, apparently, luxury taxes to fund the preservation of said luxuries, or really, any taxation for the rich at all.

      • SorosBot

        In wingut-land, avoiding feudalism somehow destroys freedom, and is actually fascism, which is the same thing as communist. No it doesn't make any sense; but then it's not supposed to.

        • Thing is, paying for the shit you, yourself, use isn't even an "economic system", per se. Most of the time, it's just called civilization.

  • larrykat

    $100?!? Fuck I paid $800 per summer 10 years ago for my pontoon boat on a lake in Wisconsin.

    • fatbob54

      It's an outrage!. You should stop amusing the locals by boycotting the opening of Walleye season this year!

      • larrykat

        Your knowledge of Wisconsin fishing is suspicious, Fat Bob. But I just might do that – my war cry will be "White Bass only!"

  • Baconzgood

    Jesus! We had a cabin cruser on the Mon River when I was a kid and we paied way over 100 a month. Bitchy Rich ass holes.

  • SorosBot

    Those poor rich people did so much working, hiring groups of undocumented immigrants below minimum wage to decorate their yachts for them.

  • Poindexter718

    City ought to privatize the boat dock concession; let the invisible hand of the market bitch-slap these yachties.

    • DocChaos

      I'd prefer a free market solution without the middle-man – just auction dock slips every year.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I'd go just to watch. Maybe carry a sign – "VICTORY! WE STOPPED THE DOCK TAX!"

    • OneYieldRegular

      You'll be able to have your yacht valet parked by an actual Romney for only $800.

  • larrykat

    If they really wanted to entertain millions they could take their yachts offshore and all take turns jumping overboard.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      They're good Republicans. I'm sure they wouldn't mind paying fees that cover dredging, sea wall repair, and a healthy profit for the shareholders.

  • TootsStansbury

    Fuck you richies (someone who pays for a slip). Let the harbor silt up and go to hell.

    • Bingo. Let's see them run their boats around, showing off their little holiday lights on sand bars.

    • rickmaci

      Actually, if left to nature, that part of the coast line would return to a wetlands and we would have a far superior protective barrier from storm surges.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hundred bucks won't even get you a three hour tour.

    • I can get an around-the-world for that in some neighborhoods in Brooklyn.

      But it doesn't include a tip. Or a visit to the free clinic afterwards.

  • memzilla

    O/T, but yes, Sen. Inouye will be buried at Punchbowl.

  • Negropolis

    This whole habor can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Jizz at Newport.

  • Every now and then a story comes along that put's the problems of the world in perspective. This isn't that story. Fuckin' whiners.

  • Let bears pay the Bear Tax! I pay the Homer tax.

  • Estproph

    Why can't the Bermuda Triangle extend to Newport Beach?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Time to sink their ships, with "votes" made of canon balls.

  • Severen13

    ***“It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people,” organization Chairman Bob McCaffrey wrote to the city. “This year, we are turning off our lights and withdrawing our boats in protest of the massive new dock tax we expect the City Council to levy.”***

    Dear Bob,


    Love and kisses,
    The City Council

    • CindynEncinitas

      They spend thousands of dollars decorating homes that are situated behind gates guarded by armed security and really, how many lights can you cram onto a boat, any boat. And anyway this money comes from what line item in their household budget?

  • PubOption

    If you can dock your boat somewhere else, and pay less, then move your boat. If not the free market has spoken.

  • DesertTed

    The probably just want a little Socialism thrown their way by having the Federal Government pay for it.

  • second_gen

    Bought a boat once. It came with a "complimentary discount" on 1 year at the Yacht club in which the original owner docked it. That was the WORST 1 year of our lives. Made us hate the boat. Snobby bastards. The next year, we put in at the municipal marina for 1/4 the cost. Much nicer people. Plus, our tiny little 30 footer was akin to us parking a house trailer in the suburbs.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Once on the train from Milan to Venice, I shared a compartment with a American yacht appurtenance salesman who was on his way to a convention. I asked him what kind of boat a yacht appurtenance salesman had, and he told me "None; if it floats, flies, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it."

      • BerkeleyBear

        Definition of a yacht – a hole in the water you throw money at.

        Seriously, the higher end you go the more absurd the upkeep gets. Buy a fucking fiberglass low end boat and it lasts forever – high end beautiful sail craft, by comparison, rotting from the day it is made.

        • second_gen

          Two greatest days in a boat owner's life.

          1. The day they buy it.

          2. The day they sell it.

          So glad I don't have that money pit anymore. :)

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Still waiting for these fuckheads to just go Galt already.

  • MacRaith

    And how many of those yachts are registered in the Caymans, allowing their owners to dodge paying any property tax on them?

  • Let em keep the dock deal, but let's stop using tax dollars to guarantee their home insurance for those multi-million dollar oceanfront homes.

  • It's a slippery slope because basically every dollar any of us earn is the by-product of drug money laundering X prostitution to the power of Somalian warlord child armies. So yeah if you benignly agree to pay a higher fees, it's pretty much an invitation to the poors to gather en masse for some cool throat slitting parties. Party on Garth!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder where Wonkette poster C Thurston Howell III is. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this.

    • glasspusher

      Really. Maybe it hits too close to home and he is sobbing and/or laughing too hard to comment.

  • Better get used to coughing up some dough, rich people.

  • christianmuslin

    The docking tax, is that the same as slip rental? In Washington, DC it used to be $100 per foot based on boat, yacht, length. Maybe it is time to bring those Somalian pirates over here so we don't have to sail all the way over there.

  • Negropolis

    First, they came for the Yacht owners, and I said nothing, because I'll never own a yacht…

  • Wadisay

    Next week, the Newport Beach Tea Party, where they dress up in tuxes and top hats and throw Mexican dwarfs overboard.

  • Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea.

  • What's wrong with using eminent domain to confiscate one of the rich mothrerfucker's houses, sell it and use that to pay for the seawall and dredging? Hell, if they can take middle class people's houses so they can build a mall, then they can fuck with the rich too.

  • LACorvus

    Oh, Oscar, you really don't care!

  • freakishlywrong

    What's "Yachttie" for "guillotine", mateys?

    • TootsStansbury

      Hang them from the yardarm of course.

    • fatbob54

      Well, there's "keel hauling" and "walking the plank" .

  • mavenmaven

    Take your undockable boat on a three hour tour, Thurston.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Newport Beach should just be glad that the Stop the Dock Tax organization chairman isn't Emilio Largo. Fuckin' Disco Volante has the best slip in the marina, and Largo and his other organization don't take no shit.

  • glasspusher

    Not putting up christmas lights as a bargaining chip. Now that's rich!

  • DixvilleCrotch

    They could run a maudlin ad asking for donations…

    "For just 30 cents a day, less than the cost of a Werther's Original, you can help a needy yacht owner this holiday season…"

  • Toomush_Infer

    Having sat on a Harbor Commission for 5 years once, I remember the only constant thought I had the entire mental cement duration – Screw the Rich…

  • I<3Radio

    I've said this before and I'll say it again: The super rich are the cheapest, most whiny and paranoid lot among us.

  • Aridzona

    Boat elevators would be a prudent and cost effective solution.

  • TristramBlandy

    There's always money in the banana stand.

  • bikerlaureate

    Does that tax apply to those using the VIP entrance to the harbor?

  • It's been said many times, many ways… FUCK THE RICH WELFARE ASSHOLES.

  • Mojopo

    The approach is all wrong. You have to make the payments seem exclusive. Those who cannot pay must be made to look like they can't afford to pay. Don't invite people to the seawall club and then see what happens.

  • An_Outhouse

    I have a shit filled cess pool where they can park their boats for free. Contact me: stinky at fecalpit dot net

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    HahHaha, have you been to Newport Beach? The women there are ageless in the same way a lump of polystyrene is ageless- that is, their lips, breasts, and cheekbones will live on long after humanity is a distant memory. And have you been to Fashion Island, their "destination mall"? If you've ever doubted consumerism is a religion in the United States, a quick trip to this garish temple of overpriced garbage will clear that up for you right quick.

    In short, this doesn't surprise me one bit.

  • Lucky Dockees!!

  • rickmaci

    Let them eat quiche!

  • ttommyunger

    “It costs us thousands of dollars to voluntarily decorate our homes and boats to bring holiday smiles to nearly 1 million people…” You see, simply paying one's taxes does not qualify as "conspicuous consumption" in the game of "my holiday light dick is bigger than your holiday light dick" game. I would classify these people as whiny cunts, but that would be an insult to perfectly useful cunts everywhere.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Scrooge McStingey's deserve only milk and a cheese sandwich.

  • Biff

    Fucking boat people, man…

  • athirson

    Never a torpedo-armed submarine around when you need one.

  • Darthhippy

    There is always money in a banana stand.

  • It's hardly worth being rich anymore. If it wasn't for being able to buy whatever I wanted, live in a verdant, crime free suburb or a Michigan Ave. condo with armed doormen, enjoy the finest health care available anywhere and have politicians clamoring to cut my taxes and do my bidding, I might give it all up.

  • MiniMencken

    Oh, this is the Orange County, California Newport? Orly Taitz's county? Nothing to look at here, folks. Just move it along.

  • jethrotoll

    If this passes, the yacht-owners might as well take out an ad in I'm Poor Magazine.

  • zhenjiu

    I visited Newport with a friend from Providence years ago; we went there on a whim. It happened to be the annual regatta, and the blue bloods were out in full force with parasols (!!!), top-siders, Izod shirts and New England lock jawed speech patterns. I swear I saw a pair of penny loafers with Krugerrands inserted! Buffy, I nearly tossed my cookies!!!

  • GeneralLerong

    Maybe those dolphins the Navy's trained could do a practice underwater demolition.

    "They overhead someone say there wouldn't be holiday lights, and they went stone cold fucking nuts!!"

  • TribecaMike

    Keelhaul the well-heeled.

  • docterry6973

    I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had to pay more than $100 per year to moor his yacht.

    Actually I have shoes.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I have to wonder how many of these rich fucks actually take their yachts out of the slip. If it's anything like Shilshole in Seattle probably not too many, these are just expensive floating party barges.

  • shawnthesheep

    I was born in Newport Beach and lived many years in OC, though my family was far from rich. I attended Corona Del Mar High School while living in the only trailer park in Newport Beach.

    I had a friend named Woody (I shit you not) who was originally from AZ. His family came out one year for the holidays, and they invited me out on their boat for the Newport Harbor Christmas boat parade. What I did not know is that their boat was a pontoon boat. It was awesome. Surrounded by multi-milliion dollar gin palaces on a fucking pontoon boat. The looks of snobbery were delicious. A true Beverly Hillbillies experience.

    These Newport Beach fascists are awful. How dare anyone actually expect them to be responsible for covering the infrastructure costs associated with their hobby.

  • jello_mold

    What cheese goes best with a nouveau white whine?

  • Nostrildamus

    Look, you don't get to the point of owning a yacht if you pay for stuff.

  • NinjaCat_Baba

    Rrrrr, these Yachts Pirrate Newporrrt Beach can't be pirrrates anymore. Don't pay morrre than 100 doubloons. Just sail to Somalia, they will fit in just rrright. Rrrrrr

  • notanncoulter

    My new response to EVERY story now:
    Oh for fuck's sake!

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