WORD VOMIT  6:10 pm December 18, 2012

Tea Party Nation Knows What Causes Shootings: Unions, Loud Stereos and Sluts

by Rich Abdill

There was a pretty bad shooting on Friday, and the only thing anybody can talk about is Why It Happened. Logical folk (i.e. us) have been saying it probably had something to do with guns and mental health, but people who don’t want that to be true have been saying there isn’t any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it.

In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is lucky because they do not have any.

The gun-massacre by the guy with seriously questionable mental health was not exacerbated by guns or mental health care, see, it was abortion pills, obviously. Also to blame: children who do not bum-rush gunmen, because they’re stupid. Also, courtesy of Mensa Brain-Astronaut Glenn Beck: Fisher-Price toys. DEFINITELY NOT GUNS.

But there is more. There is sooo much more, and it was decided by Tea Party Nation, so you know it’s real, and not a petty, steaming pile of Puritanical extremist propaganda that travels so far afield from the issues at hand that one can’t help but wonder what they think the issues actually are. Tell us, Tea Party Brain Timothy Birdnow, what are we to do, to stay not dead?

Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too.

Yes. Guns are not the problem, leaving the house is the problem. That’s where they shoot people! And teach evolution!

Back Right to Work legislation for the public sector. Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

There was a shooting! DESTROY UNIONS. This is a real thing. This is a serious thought. Why, Birdnow? What is the “this” we will “never see the end of”? Why are unions so bad?

There was a time when teachers actually spanked children; now a teacher is in peril if he verbally chastises a bad kid.

Ah, cool. Destroy the unions, they are preventing children from being beaten in public, and this is causing school shootings. Next tip:

Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.

Not guns, mind you. “Bad behavior.” Like what?

If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

Again, a polite reminder that this is a real thing that people believe with their brains. The way to prevent mass shootings is to tell people to pull up their pants, because if we stop putting up with bad behavior, people will magically stop using murder machines to murder.

(Also, about that car stereo thing: A man in Florida (of course) confronted some teens about their loud stereo. They started arguing with him, so he killed one of them with… wait for it… A GUN.)

Also, the problem is not that people with certain conditions lose the ability to reason between right and wrong, the problem is that weenie liberals WON’T TEACH ‘EM:

The idea of restoring standards of right and wrong never occur to anyone on the Left. Last night on television a reporter referred to the shooter’s “damaged mind and broken soul” as if he were somehow a VICTIM! In the old days we would not call this anything but a heinous crime, a horrible mass murder of innocent children.

Translation: “You know what I miss? The days where we didn’t understand mental illness and just electrocuted people. We should do that still. Fuck ‘em. Let’s get mad.”

The next one is a doozy:

Work to devolve power back to the parents, the local officials, and the communities. A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here… As an FBI profiler said on television last night, he undoubtedly felt powerless and sought to remedy that. Why does a twenty year old feel powerless? He could leave his mother’s home at any time at his age. He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location.

(Just to make sure you’re following: The implication here is that a man shot up a school because of a centralized government.)

He has been coddled all his life, given free rein to indulge his senses but not to face the responsibilities that freedom necessitates. He was an eternal juvenile, a child who was not allowed to grow up. He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality.

Progressives made this young man feel helpless. It’s only logical! If we were more focused on states’ rights, he would have felt magnificent, and free, and would have been not as shooty. Again, IT WAS NOT GUNS OR MENTAL HEALTH. REALLY. IT WASN’T.

On to the most logical cause of shootings:

Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet.

There is it! There’s the money quote. Obviously slutty thoughts cause shootings. NOT GUNS.

There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Taking a quiet pause for “overstimulated glands” causing shootings.

[I]t has traditionally been understood that a sexually robust individual will fight harder and more aggressively… Even if they were to live promiscuously (a very bad thing for society) they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

Titanic volume! Look how slutty kids are these days. No wonder they’re shooting people! They aren’t having enough sex! (Also: If they do have enough sex, that is “a very bad thing for society.” In case you were thinking we could get through any argument without some slut-shaming.)

The only answer is to follow the other societal coping mechanism, which is to tone down the sexual stimulation, encourage chastity and modesty.

OK. OK this blog post has to stop. It’s too much. It is too much stupid. The next item on the list is how Trayvon Martin probably got himself shot because of marijuana, and after that… oh. Oh man here comes another blockquote:

Support the creation of local organizations to act as “neighborhood watch” for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

I can’t feel my legs. It’s too much. The room is spinning. School shootings happen because there are not random, armed civilians at the door. And the only people against this would be unions.

I have to stop. I can’t write anymore. It hurts. My face hurts, what’s wrong with my hands…

10.Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer.

OH GOD. STOP WITH THE BLOCKQUOTES. It hurts, it hurts. We get it, it wasn’t guns. It was anything but guns. Literally anything. Does anyone have an inhaler?
[Tea Party Nation via ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 328 comments }

Baconzgood December 18, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I don't think I wanna read this…..

Edit: I was right….please put LOL kitties up again.

Whatever December 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

At this point, I think a permanent Kitten's installation is required.

viennawoods13 December 18, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Fuck. You. Assholes.

B@rr¥ §µçk§ December 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Why are libs so obsessed with sex with that part of the anatomy?

vtxmcrider December 18, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Because it tastes good.

Doktor Zoom December 18, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Spanky, you old poopyhead! Hey, remember how you said this?

"I think libs are desperate because they are beginning to realize that Barry will be out of a job in January and he'll be taking a lot of Dem politicians away from their offices with him."

Remember? It's right there on your archive page!

Chichikovovich December 18, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Spanky is Dick Morris! No, wait, he's Karl Rove! … Um, no, wait: George Will!, No, um…..

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 2:33 am

Ha! That's fucking rich. Liberals think consenting adults should be able to fuck whoever they want to fuck while cons like you want to legislate what women do with there own vaginas. Not even abortions, you assholes want to make it the law of the land that birthcontrol is for whores.

redarmyzombie December 19, 2012 at 5:02 am

Hey, WE'RE not the ones getting caught having diaper sex with prostitutes here, bub!

Lizzietish81 December 19, 2012 at 8:26 am

Wait, this isn't sarcasm? This is a real live conservative?

*pokes it with a stick*

Doktor Zoom December 19, 2012 at 8:52 am

This is "Spanky2B," a troll from the days when Breitbart also used IntenseDebate and when we had a downvote option. He's the guy with multiple identities who used to spend literally hours voting down every single comment on Wonkette. Your guess as to why he's back now is as good as any.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 9:41 pm

wOW, YOU BROUGHT sPANKY BACK, AWESOME!

viennawoods13 December 18, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I'm just lucky I guess.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 11:11 pm

#winning!

Barbara_ December 18, 2012 at 6:14 pm

"Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

Sorry, everyone should have some smut in their lives now and then.

commiegirl99 December 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I thought the reason the MOOSLEMS are so killy was because they are sexually repressed? These people really can't make up their minds, can they?

Barbara_ December 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Mooslems won't allow the tingling in their sexy parts to cause their toes to curl like bacon. You know, pork and all.

trampndirtdown December 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Stop it Barb, I'm going to get a cramp in my calf.

Barbara_ December 18, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I have faith in you Trampndirtdown.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 9:40 pm

THEY HATE US FOR OUR FREEEEDUMBS!!1!!

GhostBuggy December 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Yes, but in airport men's room stalls or Congressional page dorms, as God intended.

bibliotequetress December 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm

If your looking at smut, that's at least one hand that can't hold a gun.

littlebigdaddy December 18, 2012 at 7:38 pm

And if you are well-endowed, two.

bibliotequetress December 18, 2012 at 7:54 pm

That's one way of weeding out the not-hanging-low-enough fruit: "Tell me, is there anything you cannot do while aiming your Glock at the paper silhouette of Osama bin Laden? … Hmmm?"

imissopus December 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

It should be noted that by all accounts, Adam Lanza was never in any kind of trouble as a kid. Never busted for torturing animals, breaking into houses, being a crazed juvie delinquent in general. Nor was he known as a bully in school. So the whole "bring discipline back to the schools" shtick…yeah, not so much.

stefanbc December 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Well it's never like giving an adult authority figure free access to touch your kid has ever resulted in a horrible unintended consequence or anything

Wile E. Quixote December 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Yeah, it's not like he was running around and shaving people's heads like Mitt Romney or torturing and killing dogs like Mike Huckabee's son David. Plus he wasn't a piggy little adolescent fatty, which is more than David Huckabee can say.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Right…I read that in school he was quiet, timid and wierd. But he didn't have any 'bad behavior' (by the way, is anyone but me noting the not so subtle shot at white racist stereotypes of young black kids in the description?) to speak of so uh, extra discipline wouldn't work (and I think this guy probably goes to BDSM clubs on the side…it's my gut reaction whenever I read an evangelical churchy espousing corporal punishment). By all accounts this kid would not have fit any of the cookie-cutter bullshit this idea is speaking about….so, uh if he doesn't fit your diagnosis, lord hillbilly, why in this fucking earth would you think your bullshit non-fixes would affect him? Oh yeah…I forgot the kicker…churchin'. By the way….there is a society which fits this inbreds ideal description…and no Saudis have EVER blown up buildings and killed thousands of people now have they?

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 8:28 am

by the way, is anyone but me noting the not so subtle shot at white racist stereotypes of young black kids in the description?

Yes, it's just you, now pull your pants up you delinquent, or I'll have to send you to confession and tell the priest he must touch you any way he sees fit; that'll set you straight in society!

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer illiterate, too.

FTFY.

littlebigdaddy December 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Adam Lanza was indeed homeschooled.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 18, 2012 at 11:29 pm

functionally RE-tarded would be apt as well….and he was homeschooled because he was FUCKING wierd you dipshit redneck fuckface…oh, sorry, couldn't help myself.

OurHoboSenator December 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I refuse to believe this is real and not satire. PLEASE??

Hammiepants December 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I call bullshit. If porn was that lethal, I'd be totes dead right now.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 18, 2012 at 11:32 pm

yeah…so would every other well adjusted adult…it always mystifies me when these Re-tards pile on Saudi Arabia…I mean it's their fucking dream society…you get corporal punishment for looking at porn and female prostitutes get stoned to death. Oh and one of the (many) causal diagnoses for Saudi's being so prone to terrorism and other odd, extreme behavior? chastity and modesty…no sex and no fun makes Hamid a dull boy. It's like the 12th century puked these morons up and we need to find a way to build a time machine to send them back.

sewollef December 19, 2012 at 8:35 am

And…… we've got the Taliban in Pakistan killing Polio inoculation workers because they believe it to be a "christian/western/American/insert your own enemy here", plot against Islam.

Common thread? Religion and [lack of] education.

Both of which have for millennia, slaughtered, maimed and held back progress. Even in modern times…. as in Pope Pius XII's 'refusal' to take a stand against Hitler, or as I read it, the Catholic Church's collaboration with the Nazi regime's slaughter of Jews, socialists, trade unionists, atheists and gypsies.

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

something something something Israel something Bill Ayers something something ACORN. I think that covers everything.

imissopus December 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

BENGHAZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

memzilla December 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Saul Alinsky!

SuspectedDemocrat December 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

It was teh teleprompterz what did it

I<3Radio December 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

STOP PRE-EMPTERING MY NFL!!1!1!

SorosBot December 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

FAST AND FURIOUS!!@!!!!

Butch_Wagstaff December 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Socialisms! Muzlins! They gonna talk away everyones gunz!! Time to teach yur kids to shoot when the govmint comes a knokin!!!

An_Outhouse December 18, 2012 at 8:06 pm

"shoot the irs man"

- guy on cnn (eric eric)

Callyson December 18, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Gays, Obamacare, working moms and teaching evolution in schools.

/also, too
/FFS

Crank_Tango December 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Homeschooling: if it worked for Nancy Lanza, it can work for you too.

Fun w/ Cthulhu December 18, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Ok CT, good line BUT…

SNARK OFF

As a secular home schooling parent I need to stand up again. Shootings aren't due to home schooling – I think we all know that. It is easy to conflate anything out of the ordinary with the shooter because shooting children is out of the ordinary.

In general public education works for the middle 90% of the population. We home-schooled because the school system could not and would not meet my kid's needs. My wife's life and mine to a lesser extent were overwhelmingly changed when we took on the massive responsibility of educating our own children.

It has been almost 10 years since they started high school and while their paths through post secondary education haven't been traditional, I'm proud to say that they are independent, well educated and thoughtful young men.

RESUME SNARK

Crank_Tango December 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Word. I trust that smart people will do what is right for their kids, but these idiots…Sent from my iPhone

slowhansolo December 18, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Yes, of course: Competent, motivated, devoted people can homeschool and produce well-educated children.

But in that sense, at least, dear Tentacled One, you represent the 1 percent. Congratulations.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:05 am

I do hope you realize that as a secular homeschooling parent you are the huge exception to the rule. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that most homeschooling parents are paranoid Evangelicals.

Redgyal December 19, 2012 at 7:33 am

I think the comment was in response to the fact that the writer was claiming homeschooling as a remedy. It did not work for Ms. Lanza.

imissopus December 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

And God help those teens if they are dark-skinned while walking home from 7-Eleven with a bottle of iced tea and a bag of Skittles. THOSE CHILDREN SHOULD BE TAKEN OUT WITH ALL SPEED.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 18, 2012 at 11:37 pm

no shit…especially the whole, "if George Zimmerman was standing in the door"…he fucking went there. Yes and if Adam Lanza was packing a gun in front of the door children would probably be afraid too…the connection? both of them are psychotic murderers….why not just take any monster and use them? Heydrich! Why not just pick any despicable, murdering scumbag there teabagger? I don't know how these people can piss me off any more on a day to day basis than they already do but somehow one of these KKK fucks figures out a way to do it…fuck you, Mr. Birdshit.

redarmyzombie December 19, 2012 at 5:09 am

"If John Wayne Gacy was standing in the *HUUUURK*…"

Sorry…that may have been out of line…and now I need to clean off my keyboard again…

edgydrifter December 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

We have to stop being sorry and start being angry.

Seriously? This nation needs more anger like space needs more vacuum. America is a perpetual-anger machine.

bikerlaureate December 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Fear almost always morphs into anger.

But naturally we're not angry enough, at total strangers who don't behave the way we think they should…

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

I will give one million dollars to anyone who can translate this into non-r3tard for me.

Don't worry where I'll get a million dollars. You'll get it, that's all you need to know.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Asshats already want to defund skools, so just where will the money come from to pay yet another classification of employee?

LocalGirlMakesGoo December 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

It will come from tax breaks, obviously.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Of course, I forgot that!

Veritas78 December 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Yeah, that stopped me, too. And I even have an app which translates Tard into English.

Crank_Tango December 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Um. Well, my translation got deleted by the administrator, so that should tell you something.

tabouley December 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I'm sorry, that sentence is "tard" all the way, and has no English equivalent.
I don't think George Zimmerman has anything to recommend him, as far as defending children from harm.
As for myself, I am "tard" of this nonsense.

Fuck Toad December 19, 2012 at 12:20 am

He is a proven expert in shooting children, so according to the ancient maxim of "set a thief to catch a thief…"

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Apparently, instead of the inadequate "card reader" security system at the Newtown school, our schools should be guarded by neighborhood militias made up of the likes of George Zimmerman.

I am not planning to quit my job, but I would like the million in a lump sum, please.

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Done. I'll post a money order, third class, from Siberia. Might take awhile to get there, due to the holiday rush and all.

zippy_w_pinhead December 18, 2012 at 8:32 pm

While I understand what they're trying to say (like Barbara Billingsley, I speak jive), I really have to wonder at the wisdom of putting the guy who got his ass kicked by an unarmed teenager and had to shoot him while laying flat on his back and getting his head pounded into the curb in charge of protecting my kids from a maniac armed with an assault weapon…

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Not fully versed in tard…something about fapping to a gun catalog.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:07 am

I had to read it twice, myself, but the crazy-speak translation is that not only was Zimmerman a great protector but a bad-ass we should all be emulating, which is so disgusting that I have no more vomit to offer.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

They forgot to blame the reverse vampires.

snowpointsecret December 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

The sparkly kind, I assume.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

The killer's mother was a doomsday prepper and gun nut, just like the rest of us progressive libruls? Got it.

emmelemm December 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Overstimulated glands. Really. SMDH.

"Naughty bits, engorged and tingling…"

stefanbc December 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I am going to smoke a blunt and furiously masturbate the memory of this stupid fucking article right out of my head.

Tio_Doidinho December 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

One then the other, please. We've had quite enough senseless tragedy around here lately.

coolhandnuke December 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I am working on getting the patent for a device that operates much like an alcohol breath analyzer in a car that won't allow it to start if detects booze. It's a testosterone, alcohol, stupidity and anger sensitive registering device that attaches to all weapons and renders it impotent if the owner blows into it and exceeds the accepted levels of alcohol, stupidity, testosterone etc.

emmelemm December 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Here's where I thought you were going: a testosterone/stupidity/etc. device that attaches to your computer and won't let you log in if you reach critical levels of douchbaggery. But yours works too.

coolhandnuke December 18, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I had the same idea years back for the computer sensor you mention. There should be an application created for cell phones that would do the same thing to prevent drunken, angry texting, sexting and calling. But then again, I am a firm adherent to Free Will, so I'm just spinning Science Fiction.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

But then they won't have the freedom to blow their own head off! FREEDOM!

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The Pope haz a confused about that.

HarryButtle December 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Just between you and me, I suggest a device that simply renders the weapon impotent, regardless of who or what blows into the mouthpiece. You can tell the wingnuts the same thing you told us, but when they go all shooty, their guns just won't work.

Mandorlin December 19, 2012 at 12:56 am

Isn't the fear of being rendered impotent what drives them to get the gun in the first place?

(Seriously, though, I remember years back when safety advocates proposed a child-safety lock on guns, similar to the child proof caps on medicine. The NRA pitched a royal fit, because FREEDOM! or something…)

boobookitteh December 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Um. Masturbation? Has Jocelyn Elders had the answers all along?

BTWBFDIMHO December 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

So blame Egon Schielle then!

sewollef December 19, 2012 at 8:54 am

"…. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands."

That quote right there sounds like a Danielle Steele novel about unrequited love. This guy's plagiarized her book [any book from her, since I believe they're all about Unrequited Love].

Expect a lawsuit any day now.

Blunderthing December 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

You can't bitch-slap society into being polite. I've tried.

LotsOfRats December 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Home-schooled dude lived in a progressive bureaucratic centralized nightmare run from a far-away location?

And how many overstimulated over-sexed internetters are really 'wandering the Earth?' I can't be bothered to wander the house as long as I've got a mini-fridge and trucker's buddy at the computer desk.

Baconzgood December 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I don't understand. I went to Catholic school as a kid….but the pope is the anti christ…I was beaten with rosary beads because left handed people are "sinister" and had to learn to write with my (w)right hand -pun intenede–so if I was beaten buy nuns in a private school and the pope is the anti christ…and I've didn't do..uh….wait met me get my flow chart out….I'm a catholic that doesn't agree with abortion or the dearh pen. …but I believe in america and love this country….I like helping poor…

Baconzgood December 18, 2012 at 6:30 pm

FUCK IT!! They locked out the NHL players. That's all that matters now. It sucks seeing people going to hell in a hand basket and no hockey. At I understand hockey….people that don't play hockey I don't understand.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Well, if those stupid hockey playerz didn't belong to a UNION and would just allow the owners to OWN them, As God Intended, you could have all the hockey you want. Your good hockey players would probably only be able to play for a year before they got hurt to death because: No equipment and no referees (waste of $). But at least someone would be skating around the Thunderdome and shooting pucks. Birds gotta sing, bees gotta fly, and owners gotta own. Capisce?

bikerlaureate December 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

There must be a reason why Timothy Birdnow's words resonate with… well, any adult. I'm just not xenophobic enough to see it.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I wonder who taught him how to rite so purdy.

memzilla December 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

A man in Florida (of course) confronted some teens about their loud stereo. They started arguing with him, so he killed one of them with… wait for it… A GUN.

Part of Florida's (Can't) Stand Your Sound laws.

SuspectedDemocrat December 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Just more proof that loud stereos cause shootings.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

"Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea…

TootsStansbury December 18, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I never understood this one. I've known kids who say they aren't allowed to watch a movie that might have some boobies in it but violence? No problemo.

Gleem McShineys December 18, 2012 at 8:15 pm

I thought that response only applied to running full speed at the danger.

Which means we should all be hyper-sexualized orgy-monsters starring in our own church-community pornos?

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 8:51 pm

"I thought that response only applied to running full speed at the danger."

I'm making it a thing. It should be applied whenever some derp makes a statement that runs full speed at stupidity.

sewollef December 19, 2012 at 8:57 am

It's a new meme. And I'm all for it. Can we make it an acronym though?

As in: WIW.WPDI.IHNI

Nah, let's just spell it out.

orygoon December 18, 2012 at 9:03 pm

My sons taught me some about porn and computers (and teenage boys–it's inevitable, and you pretty much ignore it, although you say nice things about better if not the sort that really degrades women or anyone else). And one taught me this: if all the porn was taken off the interwebs, the 'net would collapse down to one single website, the name of which would be BRINGBACKTHEPORN.

snowpointsecret December 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It's fun to be endlessly blamed for horrific actions of others because you think with logic and aren't completely like them, isn't it?

GemlikeFlame December 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Radicals in the classroom like this one? They're probably right, that one is likely the local Greenpeace chapter president. Why does the Tea Party hate the elderly?
http://www.archindy.org/criterion/local/2010/01-2

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I blame the general decline of this country on the following: radical teachers, unions, sex, Muslim presidents, vegans, abortion on demand, Journey's Escape album, taxes, illegal immigrants, gun control, rush hour traffic, bad sushi, hoodies, loud stereos, the Lost finale, crow's feet, Rachel Maddow's hairstylist, affirmative action, and Gangnam Style.

HarryButtle December 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I've been trying to warn the world about the dangers of Steve Perry for decades, but would anybody listen to me? No, they just keep singing "Don't Stop Believin'" and playing with fire.

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 7:05 pm

"Don't Stop Believin" is the Douchebag Anthem. Walk into any preppie bar and play that fucking song, and like a conch call, drunk douchebags will stand up, pop their collars, and pump their Livestrong-braceleted fists into the air and scream "JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRRRL" like it was their life support system.

Also, there is no such place as "South Detroit."

Also, Steve Perry is such a mondo-douche that in 2007 they replaced him with a Youtube amateur from the Philippines who didn't speak English.

Pragmatist2 December 18, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Yeah. But in what order?

finallyhappy December 18, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I accept the Lost Finale and Gangnam Style plus The youtube video of Call me maybe also Ellen Degeneres/JCP

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm

You forgot small dog owners.

DemmeFatale December 19, 2012 at 12:26 am

Hey, jello!
What's that supposed to mean?! Huh?!
What have you got against the little Napoleons?

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:10 am

'Twas the Lost finale what do it, I tell you. I love how they take the two most mysterious and complicated characters in the series, Jacob and the Smoke Monster/MIB, and wrap up their entire history in about a single episode that creates more questions than it answers. What an awesome series destroyed by a forced ending. It's like the creators knew they'd veered to far from their idea during the whole time-traveling bullshit, threw their hands up in the air during the last season, and said "fuck it, we'll do it live."

dadanarchistmk2 December 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

As a historian (no really I am), can I point out that there were dozens and dozens of regimes that were toppled by trade unions, and no regimes that were toppled by a bunch of gomers with a gun fetish?

So if you're really against tyranny, put down the gun and pick up a union card.

Wile E. Quixote December 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Indeed. Do you know who else felt unions were a problem? Hitler. Yeah, fucking Hitler, you can read all about it in Shirer's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Homeschooling seems to have worked out well for this Adam Lanza fellow, didn't it? I can't wait to hear about the inappropriate touching by his hot mom, teacher next.

Stevola December 19, 2012 at 7:56 am

Shot for teacher.

I'm sorry.

BaldarTFlagass December 19, 2012 at 8:46 am

He didn't feel tard-y.

La_Cieca December 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

The next time some asks, "why isn't Obama coming down super hard on gun control right now," your answer is in the post above. Anything he proposes is going to have to be implemented without driving the already insane loons in this country appreciably more insane. Because–keep in mind–they currently have guns and God Himself has told them personally that if anything happens they don't like, they have permission to start shooting.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I live in Arizona and I have instructed my entire family not to discuss this issue outside the house for the exact reason you state. I'm totes not kidding. In fact, if ANY gun control legislation comes up for Congressional debate, let alone is passed, I will be absent for awhile from my local Democratic group. It meets in the public library and anyone can walk in.

While Bush was still president, one of our community volunteer projects was cleaning litter off a local road. The organizer of the program wanted to put a sign up on the road saying the local Dem club kept the street clean but we said no. We were afraid the sign would be used for target practice and the neighborhood is populated. They didn't argue with us.

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 8:25 pm

That is really crazy that you have to live in fear of expressing an idea in your own neighborhood like that — very disturbing.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 11:44 pm

A lot of things in Arizona are really crazy. I keep saying it's getting better, and it IS, noticeably to me since moving here. But it only takes one Jared Loughner.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Here's the thing – for all of their bravado, when (and I don't mean if) these bans start to come, the vast, vast majority of them will voluntarily turn the munitions in, all by themselves, because they are too much of a pussy to do the prison time that will come with the bans if they don't.

starfanglednut December 18, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Yep, they'll fight for their "values", as long as there's no discomfort involved.

DaSandman December 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

What can't the right wing terrorist point their guns at each other and shoot if they like it so much? Keep it all in the family so to speak. An interbred sub literate family but families come in all shapes and sizes.

At the end of the day I would refocus on the same issues. Namely THE 20 DEAD SIX YEAR OLDS.

How do we fix that?

finallyhappy December 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I don't know. I mean, I know about political action and doing good deeds and being nice and all that has been written- but I have done that already for many years and these tiny kids were murdered anyway. So if someone comes up with something to do besides calling my politicians and supporting gun control/bans- let me know. I've marched, I've sung and chanted(we rallied outside the NRA for when it was in DC- maybe we got them to move to VA), been to vigils- I would hope for a better world for my young adult kids but I think the end of the world by the sun exploding is fine too.

smokefilledroommate December 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Always remember to be white and afraid.

MissTaken December 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I blame hemorrhoids. And gay marriage.

Stevola December 19, 2012 at 7:58 am

One leads to the other.

Barrelhse December 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Stand yer Ground!
Kids jumping line? Eat lead, skum.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Adam Lanza didn't jump ahead in line.
He didn't bother his neighbors.
He didn't blare his car stereo.
He wasn't foul-mouthed.
He didn't wear pants down around his ass.

But he did know how to fire a gun.

He was the Tea Party's poster child.

Wile E. Quixote December 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm

He wasn't a bully, like Mitt Romney was.
He didn't shave anyone's head, like Mitt Romney did.
He didn't torture and kill a dog, like David Huckabee, Mike Huckabee's son did either.

HarryButtle December 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Astounding that THESE FUCKTARDS are fighting progress in gun control (because FREEDUM) as well as fighting progress on mental health care reform (because SOCIALIZM).

MissNancyPriss December 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I don't want to feel Christmas hate.

Barrelhse December 18, 2012 at 7:41 pm

War is Hell.

finallyhappy December 18, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I can- I'm Jewish so it isn't Christmas hate for me.

DocChaos December 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

After all that I can't believe he forgot to blame the Jews.

christianmuslin December 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Retiring in a foreign country where private ownership of guns is not encouraged becomes more appealing by the fucking hour.

Fun w/ Cthulhu December 18, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Canada-stan is hiring, come on up.

SorosBot December 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

"Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry."

But people are already doing so by calling out and being at the NRA which is responsible for this tragedy.

iburl December 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

And here I was thinking that the TeaBagNation was already insanely angry….

Biff December 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Angrily insane, is how I see them.

johnnyzhivago December 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Unions, loud music and sluts sounds like a party, as long as you leave out the unions.

SuspectedDemocrat December 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

There's some hotties in the teachers' union. Plus, if you do something wrong they make you do it again.

red_kira December 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Drat! You beat me to it!

Note to self: gotta spend less time working, more time on Wonkette!

Barrelhse December 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

But isn't the Whole Chorus Line at Minski's in a union?

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I have a backgammon set.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:15 am

Silly, unions bring the booze. What do you think they do at their locals to unwind after work?

e_z December 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I am starting to believe the Zombie Apocolypse started several years ago. The question I have is did it happen and cause the Teabaggers to be so brain dead or was the dead brains of the Teabaggers just a vector for the virus?

TootsStansbury December 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I feel exactly the same way. There has to be SOMETHING that broke so many people's brains.

Zango Crudmonger December 18, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I suspect having a blah POTUS fried the remaining neurons.

LibrarianX December 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I blame Charo.

AlterNewt December 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Why not?

emmelemm December 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Koochie koochie!

SorosBot December 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

"Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

SECOND AMENDMENT (or at least our misinterpretation of it that ignores the "well-regulated militia" part) GOOD, FIRST AMENDMENT BAD.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I'm always wondering why the FREEDUM doesn't apply there. I guess the answer is "Hollywood." There's a fine line between Baggers and Libertarians and I often can't see it.

iburl December 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I like how one of the Grandmas in the TeaBagNation comments calls Alan West "Adam West", other than that, fuck those people with a rusty cement mixer.

finallyhappy December 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I saw Adam West this year- he is not bad looking but Burt Ward is enormous- however, he does good work with abandoned dogs so I forgive him(unless he has been stealing food from the dogs)

mavenmaven December 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

All these mentions of Trayvon, and the car case, hip hop pants, etc, so that you understand that in some way, it was all because of the Blacks.

rocktonsam December 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Dear teabaggers,

do yourselves a big fat favor and shut the fuck up forever.

Signed,

Everyone

pdiddycornchips December 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

No, don't. Please continue to be the face of the new Republican Party. The Tea Party has done what no Democrat has been able to do for three decades. Create a coalition of not crazy voters ready to stand in line for six hours to vote against wingnuttery.

Buzz Feedback December 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I'm amazed that such a small group of people can harbor so much stupidity.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Are you? Are you really?

Sue4466 December 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Isn't a neighborhood watch an organized group of neighbors pooling resources and looking out for each other a bit commie, just like unions?

red_kira December 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Unions, loud stereos, and slutz? They've been to one of my parties?

Severen13 December 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm

***Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet.***

Yeah, seeing Sookie and Bill do the horizontal mambo on "True Blood" makes me want to mow down several dozen 1st graders too. Wait…..what?

I<3Radio December 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

It's child labor laws, obvs.
Well, that and poor "target acquisition."

ChillBill December 18, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Fight to keep "2nd Amendment Rights" (I.e. assault weapons widely vailable on the streets), then blame Liberals when shit hits the fan.

This generation of old angry assholes can't. die soon enough.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Unfortunately, I don't think all those yahoos posting on Yahoo are old.

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 6:54 pm

There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Oh my God, that was laugh out loud funny!

Rotundo_ December 18, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Even more so if one pauses to reflect on the following: The writer was dead serious while composing this, and earnestly believes it in his heart to be gods' honest truth. One has this mental image of him sitting in his mother's basement watching the kids next door and see him imagine them with swollen genitals and ravenous looks in their eyes while he sits in his cheeto stained undies pondering his inadequacies.

miss_grundy December 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

That sounds something like one of the nuns in my boarding school would say. Are you sure this article isn't from The Onion? If not, this is one sad, stupid white boy…..

Dudleydidwrong December 18, 2012 at 9:55 pm

"…they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands." I think the fucker who wrote that has been watching "Night of the Living Dead" too many times. Somebody ship him a copy of "Bambi."

owhatever December 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Target acquisition and Safety Course This Saturday. Gunowners are invited to stand in a circle and open fire. No restrictions. Last law-abiding citizen left standing wins an awesome Smithyglockcolt shootin' iron. The losers … well, they're losers now, aren't they? Screw 'em.

DixvilleCrotch December 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Birdnow says whatnow?

Anyway you can pull up my droopy pants when you pry them from my cold dead hands.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

You can have my buns when you pry them from my cold dead hands!

pdiddycornchips December 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

"Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive."

Uh, George Zimmerman shot an unarmed kid. Were he to encounter a determined gunman with a semi automatic weapon my guess is he would have shit his pants and run the other way

Goonemeritus December 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

“Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.”

I agree I would drive to The NRA headquarters and really give them a strong talking to except for the fact that they are so heavily armed.

SuspectedDemocrat December 18, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Well, there is going to be a candle-light vigil at the home of Bushmaster's corporate owner
http://www.meetup.com/New-Yorkers-for-Sensible-Gu

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 7:06 pm

So young men are "wandering the earth" looking for pussy, like Caine in "Kung Fu"? Which Zen-ish koans and aphorisms will unlock the Silken Treasure?

Mittens Howell, III December 18, 2012 at 7:11 pm

What is the sound of one hand fapping?

Barrelhse December 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm

"I can lick my eyebrows."

coolhandnuke December 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Carradine's eternal quest for quim ended in the silk trade region. His wandering never ceased even though he thought he had met the treasure of his life on the Kill Bill set. The treasure/ wife just happens to be my first cousin.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I hope he left her a rich widow, at least.

TribecaMike December 18, 2012 at 10:55 pm
ManchuCandidate December 18, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I think it's pretty safe to say that Teabaggers are the stupidest group of fucking morans (sic) ever and that 95% of whatever they say is going to be useless. I want to say shitty, but shit is useful. Most of these imbeciles are not.

chascates December 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

The entire Bush Doctrine is now applicable to schools. "Be afraid, be very afraid. You're either with us or against us. Shoot first and let the next administration clean up the mess."

faceshaker December 18, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I think it's laughable that all the right-wing sites like the Tea Party Nation site linked to in this article either have no place for reader comments or require those who want to comment to join the organization. What are those Tea Party Nation weenies afraid of? Someone taking issue with, say, their overbearing and insensitive attitude towards those of us with mental health issues?

They say the most insane among us appear to be the most sane. In psychiatric literature, those are called psychopaths, and Tea Party Nation is full of psychopaths.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 8:02 pm

They appear to be afraid of EVERYTHING.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 18, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Re: saggy pants

Bun Control is what we need.
Gun control is tyranny.

kingofmeh December 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I'm not a big fan of censorship for any reason, and I'm not suggesting that any magazine be banned. Still, isn't it a little bizarre that i can go to my local grocery store and get 15 varieties of gun porn, with moodily-lit combat shotguns and tactical handguns and AR-15s on the cover, but they put a big black cover over Cosmopolitan because somebody might see cleavage?

Doktor Zoom December 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Those aren't the magazines that cause problems. It's the ones that hold thirty rounds and up that cause problems.

kingofmeh December 18, 2012 at 8:40 pm

well, yeah, and luckily that seems to be one reform which almost every sane person can agree on.

my comment was more a reflection on how much we have internalized and normalized the really weird aspects of gun culture, rather than claiming that the (paper) magazines caused problems. really, it's one thing to say you need a pistol for self-protection; it's another thing to fetishize guns openly and publicly in the way the magazines do.

if i were to buy a gun for self-protection, it would be in the same spirit in which i buy jumper cables for my car; i'd stow it away safely, hope i never needed to use it, and probably try not to think about it more than was required. i'd never buy a glossy magazine of jumper cables. we as a nation just have a very strange relationship to guns.

Dudleydidwrong December 18, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Hold it. I'll respond to your comment as soon as I finish fapping to the latest issue of Guns and Ammo magazine. You should see the centerfold!!!

Biff December 18, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Dillon Precision knows what you want!

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:18 am

my comment was more a reflection on how much we have internalized and normalized the really weird aspects of gun culture, rather than claiming that the (paper) magazines caused problems.

This. I totally got what you were saying. The irony is jarring.

MilwaukeeKent December 19, 2012 at 12:02 am

That's of a piece. I mean, some part of me still can't fully accept that we live in a culture that's more than a bit conflicted. Where to be caught in the act of singing along to the car stereo at a stoplight is a cause of social derision and shame but, judging by what seems at least one in ten drivers on the road, A-OK to pick your nose in public like it was a hobby.

BarackMyWorld December 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

How did we get from complaining about government power and groupthink at the beginning to advocating government censorship and telling people what not to do with their bodies at the end? Is there an explanation for that doesnt involve the word "derp"?

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 8:11 pm

The line separating freedom and oppression is ever-changing with this crowd. Sometimes I don't think THEY know where it is. It took TEN TV seasons for the Half-a-Man to figure out that the program he stars in is smutty.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 8:38 am

They know exactly where it is. It's where they say it is, because they said so and shut up that's why.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 8:38 am

Sure there is. It goes "derpy derpy derpderp". See, I didn't use "derp".

dadanarchistmk2 December 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Also too:

I'm pretty sure more sluts would help solve at least part of this shoot-down-the-innocents problem. If you are too busy getting nasty with a hot piece of male/female/other ass, are you really going to feel the strong urge to mow down your co-workers/classmates/neighbors?

SuspectedDemocrat December 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

George Carlin had the answer. Mandatory 24/7 dancing! If everyone is dancing all the time, nobody is going to get mad enough to shoot up a school, and what shooting does take place is going to be very poorly aimed.

Blueb4sinrise December 18, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Post needs a sound track…….with CLEAVAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[i.e. not Robert Johnson]

Julie London – Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Barrelhse December 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Blueb4sinrise December 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Not surprisingly, I have seen that video previously.
[and I say that 'Roll 'em Pete' was the first rock and roll song]

PubOption December 18, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Not much cleavage, unless you count Zal Cleminson's jumpsuit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JvHroG3u5E

Blueb4sinrise December 18, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Yeah, but they were a lotta fun!!!!

I<3Radio December 18, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Doktor Zoom December 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I love how the Party of Personal Responsibility explains that a guy murdered 26 people because other people had abortions, belonged to unions, and watched porn.

An_Outhouse December 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm

adam lanza had droopy drawers?

docterry6973 December 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

How about 'restrict the violence in movies, television, on the internet'. Of course not. That would be socialist.

Also, I wonder if I am over-stimulating my glands. That could be bad.

Caradeloca December 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

No end to stupid.
ffs

TootsStansbury December 18, 2012 at 7:44 pm

oops! I said that word that starts with a "T".

I am *almost* as sick over the reactions to this horror as I am with the actual event. Dang, now I lost my train of thought; I'll pretend it was elegant.

What a bunch of morans these tea party assholes are.

OT – Fuck you John Boner.

Schmegeg December 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm

"nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind."

OK I will give them this one.

But keep your hands off my Fisher Price Toys

An_Outhouse December 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

tea party nation found this very easy to maturbate to, while they were writing it.

mbobier December 18, 2012 at 7:52 pm

"We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing."

Consider it done! Except that it's aimed at you, Tea Party Nation.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"people who don’t want that to be true have been saying there isn’t any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it. In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is lucky because they do not have any."

The parallels to climate change denial, intelligent design, creationism, and general Bibble-thumping and exshepshunalizm, are striking. It should come as no surprise that the same dunderheads consistently subscribe to most, if not all, of these delusions.

chascates December 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

From a RawStory article: ‘Stand your ground’ cited in shooting of whiny Little Caesars Pizza customer
A Florida man is using the state’s “stand your ground” law as a defense after he shot a customer who was complaining about slow service at a St. Petersburg Little Caesars Pizza restaurant.
Randall White, 49, was in line waiting for his pizza on Sunday when he began complaining that he wasn’t being served fast enough. According to the Tampa Bay Times, 52-year-old Michael Jock was also in line and scolded White for whining.
The two began arguing and it eventually “became a shoving match,” police spokesperson Mike Puetz said.
After White allegedly raised his fist, Jock pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver and fired a shot into the man’s torso. A second shot also hit White in the torso. One round became lodged in the restaurant wall.
When police arrived, Jock told them that the shooting had been justified under Florida’s “stand your ground” law, which says that gun owners do not have a “duty to retreat.”

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Again with the pizza!!!!!

not that Dewey December 19, 2012 at 8:00 am

Shooting Shooting.

BaldarTFlagass December 19, 2012 at 8:45 am

Dude shoulda called his order in.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 9:17 am

Since the shooter claimed SYG, this will go down in the NRA's statistics books as a "defensive gun use" that successfully averted a crime.

mbobier December 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

"He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality."

Actually, he lived in A HOUSE FULL OF GUNS!

Jerri December 18, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Anyone ever feel like they're living in a John Waters movie but the only ones in on it are nuts like these tea party folks? They're just such living cartoons.

Unfortunately, I know they're real.

chascates December 18, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Fox’s Gretchen Carlson Breaks Down Asking Guest If Children Killed Will Remember Shootings ‘In Heaven’ http://www.mediaite.com/tv/foxs-gretchen-carlson-

Doktor Zoom December 18, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. OK, typing that up tonight. Thanks. I mean, it's nauseating and exploitative, but thanks for calling attention to it. (We need to call out evil, don't we?)

chascates December 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Here's something I find more ominous. I'm watching a PBS special on the development of religious freedom during colonial times and I'm shocked, SHOCKED to find this description while the following person spoke:

Cokie Roberts,
author, historian

Doktor Zoom December 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Oooh, thanks for the heads up! Just turned it on! If you haven't read Steven Waldman's Founding Faith, which goes over similar territory, it is as awesome as awesome gets.

Dudleydidwrong December 18, 2012 at 10:14 pm

She has supposedly written a couple of books about the wives and other women of the "Founding Fathers," so I guess that's where the "historian" comes from. She wasn't a history major and has no other history credentials. She's the ultimate Washington insider-dweeb of whom it was said, "She doesn't understand ordinary people."

When Cokie comes on NPR I usually find an excuse to get away from the radio.

chascates December 18, 2012 at 10:49 pm

My favorite Cokie Joke:
Dick Cheney is caught red-handed setting kittens on fire and throwing them on homeless veterans. The first words out of Cokie Roberts: "But the Democrats . . . "

Dashboard Buddha December 18, 2012 at 8:27 pm

My facepalm was so strong after reading just the headline that my hand passed through my head and went on to comfort the forehead of the puppy sitting in a little girl's laps as she sang songs to her unicorn behind me.

Blueb4sinrise December 18, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Oh, your Fox News Show
won't get you into heaven
anymore

Biff December 18, 2012 at 11:07 pm

The guest was neurosurgeon Dr. Eben Alexander, author of Proof of Heaven, which details his own near-death experience in which he was brain-dead for a week…

A week, you say? Please proceed…

Lizzietish81 December 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

Fuckin A. And sad story time…

Back in middle school, I had a friend, she was my best friend. Like me she came from a family that was always on the edge, though moreso than mine (my dad, for all his faults, is a fucking work horse and had a union job, her dad wanted to be an actor and her mother worked retail jobs) eventually I outgrew her, she never escaped the townie culture while I went to college and became a professional.

A couple of years ago, I had learned that she had been found dead in a building in Boston.

I connected wtih her mother on facebook, mostly because I wanted to keep on tabs about the funeral arrangements. I never found out.

Her mother had apparently been "Born again" (though my sister claims she was before I knew them too) and amid all the usual pro life crap, she was going on about how her daughter was "with the lord", and reading that made me angry.

Her daughter was dead, likely of a drug overdose. She was never encouraged to make something better of herself. She was never helped with school work, she was never supported intellectually or even emotionally. I'm always hearing of "bad choices" and her life was a series of bad choices, but they were often the only ones she had. She was forever to be a statistic, one of "those people" who made bad decisions and who was never going to be anything more than another dead girl from a poor background.

And she was going on about Jesus. I wanted to rail at her. If she had been a better mother, if she had left her worthless husband, taken charge of her childrens' lives, pushed them to be something more than the class they were born into maybe she would still be alive.

Instead she was praising Jesus.

Fuck that shit.

I hadn't been Christian for a long time, but the way people talk about God calling home Angels to be in his loving embrace pisses me off. Its a cheap comfort. These children and their teachers died in terror. They were taken out before they had a chance to really live. They're not "sitting on Jesus' lap" they're fucking dead.

And like my friend's mother, these fucknuts at Faux news are partially responsible. They've pushed the Republican agenda, they cultivated the gun rage of the tea party, they've fed us bullshit about "freedom", they feed the victim mentality of the fascist pseudo Christian mother fuckers who cling to their guns as something God gave them himself and they have the gall to try to comfort themselves with images of little children with wings.

Fuck you Gretchen. You get no comfort, you should feel fucking guilty as shit.

ChrisM2011 December 18, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I bet the progressives didn't take him on the shooting range…

Gleem McShineys December 18, 2012 at 8:46 pm

There HAS to be a better explanation than "people believe" this shit "with their brains."

imissopus December 18, 2012 at 8:47 pm

So does this guy now take the title of Dumbest Person on the Internet, or are we still giving it to the douche who runs Protein Wisdom? Because I have to tell you guys, now that Editrix has introduced me to the comedy stylings of Jeff Goldstein, I can't get enough of him. He's hilarious. Like the unholy rage baby of Michelle Malkin and a lump of elephant shit.

HelmutNewton December 18, 2012 at 8:49 pm

"Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too."

Yeah, homeschool! Just like Adam Lanza! And….oops! Nevermind…

Sharkey December 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Does anyone have an inhaler?

Rebecca probably has some acid, check with her.

finallyhappy December 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I am older but volunteer with even older people. Generally politics doesn't come up -despite this particular place being in DC. However, one of the ladies today was going on about violent video games as the reason for this. Normally, I would say nothing when someone says something dumb and go to my "job" Today I said "NO- all we know is that this guy had access to real guns and murdered a lot of children and adults" She started again "But we know it desensitizes young men…." I said- "we know nothing about this guy- except he had GUNS AND MURDERED people"(yes, raised my voice). Then I left the room to get where I had to go.

Guppy December 18, 2012 at 9:40 pm

The product placement dollars paid by gun manufacturers to have their products featured prominently in video games (and movies and television shows) doesn't exactly help your cause.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 8:50 am

However the fact that ever since the first realistic (relatively speaking, for its time) shooting game was released in 1992, violent crime rates have been falling not rising, does. There's not just a lack of correlation to support the proposition that these games cause violence, there's a negative correlation, most likely mere coincidence but still very strong evidence that there is no significant causitive linkage whereby more games cause more violence.

Is there any evidence that Nancy Lanza played games with such product placements? Because she's the one that bought the guns…

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I'm glad you said it. He didn't need computer-generated guns to play with, he had real ones.

vtxmcrider December 18, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Did you Stand Your Ground and shoot her before leaving the room?

TribecaMike December 18, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Oh, those quaint old timers and their imaginary studies. God bless 'em.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:23 am

I know exactly what you mean. I'm so on edge, right now, I had to tell a young relative not to talk to me about the gun issue. He comes in having never had a gun permit talking about he had to make it down to city hall to get a gun permit "before they take the guns away." No, he didn't really need a gun, but it's his right, damnit, and they are taking it away. I'm so glad these types of folks are so few and far between in my life and community, but it jarred me. I raised my voice and everything, told him he could never talk to me about the gun issue, anymore.

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Sounds like somebody needs a good fuck.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Well, I think you've being a little forward, but OK. Should I bring my car around, or would you rather take yours?

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 10:48 pm

How dare you suggest such a thing?! SF is a transit-first city.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Kinky. OK, I'm in. Bartender, check please!

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Plenty of time for another drink while the valet brings out the hoveround.

KathrynSane December 18, 2012 at 9:13 pm

"A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here…He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location."

You know, I was kinda expecting a Kafka reference until I remembered what I was actually reading.

iburl December 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Not sure how video games desensitize young men and waging an eternal war, now in it's 12th year, does not desensitize them.
The American people are so desensitized to war and official murder (real war, not the pixels on the screen version) that we are not even supposed to talk about which countries our leaders and tax monies are currently murdering children in.

Zango Crudmonger December 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm

This. We've drones killing children. Often it seems.

miss_grundy December 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I had to stop reading the article because it made me want to punch my laptop and I can't do that because I don't have the money to buy another one right now. I thought the red states were the ones that did all the porn watching and went for the kinky sex with prostitutes. No??? Anyway, is there any way we can exile Tea Party Nation to the Devil's Triangle, because I would be totally all right with that. Thank you and good night.

Guppy December 18, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Why does a twenty year old feel powerless?

Not enough guns.

Guppy December 18, 2012 at 9:42 pm

they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

Shoot loads, not lead!

mosjef December 18, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Flouridation of the water supply is sapping our precious bodily fluids. Begin the launch sequence.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 10:22 pm

OT: Oh happy day…

Snyder's popularity plummets after right to work; he remains positive

Lansing — Republican Gov. Rick Snyder's popularity has plummeted since he made Michigan the 24th right-to-work state last week, according to a new poll conducted by a national firm released Tuesday.

A survey by North Carolina-based Public Policy Polling found Snyder's approval rating among likely voters is 38 percent while 56 percent disapprove of his performance as the state's chief executive.

Snyder's approval rating has plunged 28 percentage points since the weekend before the Nov. 6 election when PPP last surveyed, said Tom Jensen, director of Public Policy Polling.

"Snyder is now one of the most unpopular governors in the country and it's a pretty traumatic reversal," Jensen said Tuesday.

PPP's poll found 41 percent of likely voters support the right-to-work law while 51 percent oppose it.

Along with this, he also trails EVERY Dem in potential match-ups, even ones with name recognition in the 20's. What a stupid fucking move.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I'm guessing he's now a made man, and won't have to worry about another term. He's done what the overlords paid him to do.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:31 am

He's certainly hurt any Republican that has to run in 2014, even if it's not him, though. The very first question Dems will pose to the Republican primary candidate if he or she supported Snyder signing Right to Work, and they'll inevitably have to say yes to win their party's nomination.

You know, at the state level, Michigan's been largely purple switching out Democratic and Republican governors, but only electing Republican governors that weren't evangelicals and/or didn't attack unions. Snyder crossed the flashy red warning sign. He finally broke the wall, and maybe he's finally ruined the state GOP brand fora generation. So, long as they stayed away from such blatant union busting, Michigian gave them a chance. That's over.

Biff December 19, 2012 at 1:42 am

The damage inflicted so swiftly by not just your Snyder, but also Walker and Scott, and that guy in Ohio sure tried hard too, reminds me of one asshole with an assault rifle, ya know? After 2008, I didn't think their party could ever be taken seriously again. Teabaggers sure proved me wrong…

not that Dewey December 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm

At least none of these TeaParty types is bitter, clinging to their guns and religion. That could be trouble.

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Snark off. To those "represented" by any of these teabaggin' gohmerts, I wish for you ongoing mass quantities of pure ornery cussedness to fight the good fight. Not worth a whole lot to say "thinking of you and hope you are hangin' in" but I do, a lot. Snark on.

Sassomatic December 18, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Mommy, why is that man being attacked by baby pigs?

TavariousChinaSmith December 18, 2012 at 11:24 pm

The real problem with kids today is that they haven't been bullied enough (and the bullies should be carrying guns).

Sassomatic December 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm

"He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location."

Well if by "centralized location" you mean the Koch Brothers' lair deep beneath the crust of the earth, which is guarded by giant Ann Coulter dragons and surrounded by a moat of hot semen, then I can get see what he's getting at.

Also maybe male power is defined in our society in terms of violence.

chascates December 18, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Sounds like a Kafka novel.

MilwaukeeKent December 18, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Wow, Tea Party Nation finally published Birdnow's piece? He submitted this in 1928.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I am comforted to know that these folks are increasingly the fringe, and were pushed even further to the fringe on that fateful Friday. There has to be good from this, there just has to be.

You can sense them desperately groping int the dark. They seem to instinctively know that this time is different, that their president has cut them so much slack as for it to be almost criminal. They can feel the winds changing, and maybe, just maybe, this is their swan song.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I find no comfort in their fringiness, but yes – there is palpable resolution in the air. We simply have no choice but to try to put a halt to this.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:36 am

There is already stuff happening that would have never happened after a shooting. The investment firm pulling out of Bushmaster, I think. The Republican governor of Michigan vetoing a gun expansion bill. The NRA going on a virtual blackout in social media for a week. Sporting goods stores taking down gun displays and stopping sales of certain rifles. Most Republicans keeping their fucking mouths shut for once and even some calling for change.

Somethng is really changing, but we have to strike while the iron is heart.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 12:43 am

This is it, this is the turning point in this fight. All the violence in the last few decades has been easier to brush under the rug but 20 little kids? No fucking way will the public ignore that.

BoroPrimorac December 19, 2012 at 1:19 am

That gun expansion bill in Michigan was not signed into law because the Newtown massacre made the issue politically sticky. Give it a few months and republicans will try to pass the same, exact bill.

gullywompr December 19, 2012 at 1:25 am

Lamestream media will be on them like white on rice next time. They are in a pickle.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 2:50 am

I'm sure they will try, and that's the operative word: try. It's not going to pass the House, and in the off chance that it does, Snyder has made it clear that he's done paying off his baggers. They sent him over 200 bills in this lameduck session. He doesn't owe them shit, anymore And, the only reason that many bills got to his desk this late in the session to begin with is because they shed seats in November. They knew half the shit they passed wouldn't have passed next session even with their majority.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 12:01 am

BTW, I'm going to keep saying it because it keeps coming up, but I'm a bit annoyed at folks avoiding the gun issue to constantly try and pawn this off evenly or even mostly on mental health. I'd venture a guess that folks with mental illness are probably less likely than the general population to commit violent acts with guns, and are certainly more likely than the general population to hurt themselves with guns. I also highly doubt that America has the worst stats when it comes to both the prevalence of mental illness and the treatment of it, or even anywhere near the worst stigma against those with mental illness despite conventional wisdom about "mean" Americans.

We need greater access to and parity in what we spend on mental health, but I hope this doesn't cloud the real issue, here, which is, plain and simple, the sheer amount and ease of access of handguns. If even we can prevent those with diagnosed mental illnesses getting access to firearms, I'd bet that they contribute a very small amount to our overall homicide count, and more important, less as a percentage than the general populace.

If I am wrong, and they do commit a dispproptionate amount of general homicides and mass shootings, I won't at all be too proud to eat my words, but I'm more worried about the 'sane' folks who kill their spouses every day with these things when domestic situations escalate. I know even after this tragedy that it's not popular to say, but we need to focus primarily on cutting down on the number of guns in circulation, period.

Biff December 19, 2012 at 1:16 am

My own guess is that the mentally ill are more likely to be victims of gun violence than perpetrators.

gullywompr December 19, 2012 at 1:24 am

Just keep reminding them what the medical examiner cited as the cause of death in each of the victims – massive trauma due to multiple gunshot wounds. Guns killed them, it's a science fact.

finallyhappy December 19, 2012 at 7:55 am

At least for people with aspergers and autism that is true. Young adults on the spectrum are more likely to be the victims of crime than perform an act of violence. My son is on the spectrum and at the many meetings,social events, get togethers over the years, most of these guys or young women cannot drive, have poor motor skills so they couldn't load or shoot a gun or figure out how to steal one(my son and other guys have had things taken from them- but they don't fight back- and in the DC metro area- probably a very good idea). But it is so nice that some moron decided to make claims about the murderer leading other morons to post horrible things about people with autism on Facebook.

Troglodeity December 19, 2012 at 12:25 am

I'll give up my filthy underwear when you pry it from my cold, dead pimply behind.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 12:35 am

Ok, that's it. I'm fed the fuck up with the gun rights people. For too damned long gun rights have been this sacred untouchable subject where liberals just let it go like the argument is lost. But fuck that, the gun nuts can't claim to own the moral high ground anymore and now is the time to step on their throats. I knew the Giffords shooting wouldnt change a damn thing. I knew Trayvon Martin, the Aurora shooting, Wisconsin and even last weeks OTHER shooting in Oregon would change anything but this, this, 20 six or seven year old kids, this is too much. This is the gun lobbys Waterloo. The GOP refused to recognize the changing demographics in the election and they're making the same mistake on this issue, SHIT IS DIFFERENT NOW MOTHERFUCKERS.

Sorry, I'm flat out ranting and also flat out of snark. I just really want to scream. I read a comment elsewhere saying its a childish reaction to insist on tighter gun control and I pretty much lost my shit over it. The gun pro gun crowd (who actually calls themselves 'pro gun' without a hint of irony, wtf is that?) has had a seat at the grown up table and taken seriously for so long that no one even notices that all they bring to the table are more fucking guns.

jello_mold December 19, 2012 at 12:48 am

We are up against a resolute enemy: politicians pulling 6 figures with no real job skills.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 1:17 am

It doesnt matter. Politicians are pragmatists (even Boehner) at heart and this bag of outrage over gun fuckery is open and there is no closing it. Think about gay marriage, there will absolutely never be a democratic candidate for the whitehouse who isn't in favor of gay marriage. Think about weed. My mother used to think smoking weed was the same as shooting pcp directly into my pituitary gland. Now she thinks it should be legal and easier to get than alcohol. People change and my one last hope for America is that politicians actually do have to answer to the public. Most of the time we feel powerless but when something big enough happens to wake up the low info voters, heads start rolling and washington starts listening.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 9:02 am

Which is why it's important to remember that the NRA's "success" in elections is predicated almost entirely on their support being thrown overwhelmingly behind incumbents. Bloomberg's money was far more successful at effectuating change this cycle than the NRA.

Remember as well, there are a number of common-ground regulations that are supported by a majority of NRA members. Politicians should be more fearful of their voters reaction if they oppose requiring background checks on gun-show sales, for example.

The fact that reelection is the top priority for almost every Congresscritter is something we can use.

LibertyLover December 19, 2012 at 12:37 am

10.Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer.

More wars are started over religion than over any other reason. I pray constantly that this isn't so, but it doesn't change anything.

jello_mold December 19, 2012 at 12:37 am

RWs are too dense for satire, can we pretend they got punked, pomo-style?

Teabagger word salad reminded me of this (thank you Eric R at goodreads.com): "In 1996, Alan Sokal submitted an article to Social Text entitled "Transgressing the Boundaries: Toward a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity." If that title means little to you, that's OK because the article was, in fact, nonsense. It was part of an elaborate hoax and parody that Sokal was perpetrating on those who subscribe to "epistemic relativism," i.e., the belief that modern science is nothing more than myth, a "social construction…""

But fuck me because IRONY that's exactly what the teabaggers think. Is this the mythical place where the left is exactly like the right?!

Getting…dizzy, must lie down now. Where's my tall ensure ™?

gullywompr December 19, 2012 at 1:13 am

I'll be in in a sec, just warming up the oils…

TribecaMike December 19, 2012 at 12:56 am

Only last week they were blaming all of society's ills on The Ventures Play the Batman Theme album.

Chow Yun Flat December 19, 2012 at 1:11 am

no outlet for their overstimulated glands

Not exactly, since most teenagers are rutting like gibbons whenever they have a chance.

Warpde December 19, 2012 at 2:26 am

This whole situation is sooooo fucked up I can't even make fun of it.
:( :(

Trinket December 19, 2012 at 2:26 am

I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like "Just how far have the Koch brothers rammed their fists up this puppet's ass?" and on the other, I'm like "OMG whatever it is you nutbuckets think you're doing, please oh please just KEEP DOING IT at least until the midterm elections."

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 2:34 am

I meant to add this to my last comment but my sister called and it was too late to edit: What enrages me so much about that comment I referenced is the assumption that being pro gun is somehow the respectable, adult, very serious point of view, like it's a given that you'll agree with it. It's kind of like when some random stranger tries to tell you about jesus at a bus stop or worse, when a fellow caucasian assumes its totally cool to refer to black people with the N word, just because you're white and must also be a racist. It's the assumption of moral superiority that drives me crazy. It's the exact same arrogance on abortion and gay marriage. Sorry wingnut, most people dont actually agree with you, your opinion is actually pretty fucking repulsive to the majority of people.

Also too, I think the gun penis people are really shitting on the teachers who hid kids in the library and the bathrooms and also the teachers who very likely died getting between the shooter and the students. What would you do in that situation? I think about my neice that is that age and I think Ive lIved a good life, without a thought I'd throw myself in front of her. Hell, I'd probably do it for the regular wonkette crew too.

not that Dewey December 19, 2012 at 7:46 am

I was talking to my daughter's kindergarten teacher on Monday morning about all this. She, like me, had avoided watching the news all weekend; knew enough to know that it was horrible and didn't need to know a whole lot more. She urged me to speak to the principal, to ask the school not to say anything about Sandy Hook to other young kids who didn't already know about it. She may seem like a gentle kindergarten teacher, but I have no doubt that she would be one of those heroic teachers who would sacrifice themselves to save the children in a case like that. So yes, fuck you, anyone who shits on teachers, and who ever called them pampered, overpaid thugs. It turns out, they are our last line of defense.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 2:58 am

Also also too. I'm going to check out from Wonkette for a while and just watch videos of kitty cats riding roombas. All the cray cray from the last few weeks has drained me and on top of that I have a tumor in my lymph node in my throat, I find out tomorrow if it's benign or not. I want to be clear that you guys are the funniest, smartest people on the internet. Love you guys.

jello_mold December 19, 2012 at 7:37 am

Very sorry to hear that. I hope you get good news.

not that Dewey December 19, 2012 at 7:39 am

Hey, Vodka — take care. We'll be here, in one form or another, when you're ready. I am a firm proponent of Novocaine for the Soul, particularly in the form of kitties. All this politics and squabbling and reading about how low and stupid humanity can be is highly toxic, and there is no choice sometimes except to get away from it. I hope the break helps you.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 3:20 am

I'm an atheist so I know it sounds weird to ask but pray for me? Or think good thoughts?Im terrified Dok, I'm only 33 and my hair just turned grey in the last 2 months. I'm terrifiedً.

Doktor Zoom December 19, 2012 at 3:27 am

You've got a whole bunch of secularists and even some theists wishing you well here. Keep us updated, and stay as positive as your circumstances allow.

Hoping it's good news! Srsly, let us know here either way. We do support pretty good for a bunch of degenerates and buttsex-joke-makers.

redarmyzombie December 19, 2012 at 4:58 am

Vodka,

Speaking as a fellow atheist, I will definitely pray that our lord Pazuzu watch over you and drive away all other evils.

I'd also pray to Cthulhu, but all he'd do is eat us all in the ensuing madness.

redarmyzombie December 19, 2012 at 4:59 am

In all seriousness though, we will be thinking about you, and I really, really, really do hope it does turn out to be benign.

VodkaGoGo December 19, 2012 at 5:28 am

Thank you. I can't emphasize enough how much it helps to have understanding people on my side. I beat cancer when I was 16 and I'm going to beat it again.

finallyhappy December 19, 2012 at 7:58 am

I'll pray for you-I am not sure what I believe in but I pray with some very serious, good(in that I mean doing good for others in life) people at my synagogue and if there is a God and all- I bet these people are listened to by him/her/them. I wish you a Refuah Shelemah- a complete recovery

BathroomGoblin December 19, 2012 at 3:32 am

He left out transfats. These mass shootings didnt happen when we had ample transfats in our diet. I think if you were to examine the lunchroom at Columbine, nary a hydrogenated oil to be found! Case closed. Thanks Obama.

redarmyzombie December 19, 2012 at 4:33 am

Guys?

Do you think…do you think Cthulhu might be starting to rise from the ocean to inflict madness upon us all? It's the only thing that makes sense…

DahBoner December 19, 2012 at 6:34 am

Shorter Tea Party: Ignore that giant elephant over there. SQUIRREL!!!

petforest December 19, 2012 at 6:51 am

Shorter Timothy Birdnow:
"Help! I'm stuck in the 1950's and can't get out!"

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 7:13 am

Random thought, but isn't it something more than odd that we've decided that you can't shout "fire!" in a crowded theater – you know, a regulation on the first amendment – but it's completely acceptable in some communities to bring your gun to a crowded theater? Our priorities are all fucked up. It seems that it's alright to talk about and then introduce and pass regulations for other rights, but when it comes to the second there is often pushback to any regulation. I mean, along with the recent vetoed concealed carry expansion in my state, there were also proposals that failed, thank god, to destroy gun registries this after we witnessed a serial freeway shooter a few months back who will help be convincted by the fact that he was on the registry. The NRA pushed like hell with an unholy strength on that specific issue, even in the legislature, and failed, and this was a few weeks before Sandy Hook. So maybe there is hope.

You know, I hope that with the federal push, there are pushes at the state level, because that's where a lot of this craziness happens.

chascates December 19, 2012 at 8:07 am

If someone does shout 'fire' in a crowded theater these days concealed carry holders will naturally stand up and start firing away.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 9:19 am

Crazy thing is, they probably also want to outlaw someone truthfully shouting "gun" in a crowded theater, at least until Friday.

mycofiend December 19, 2012 at 7:49 am

Somewhere I saw the phrase 30-kid clip. It needs to be used over and over and over. 30-kid clip, 50-kid clip, what sizes the ghastly things come in…personalize it too. 30-grandchild clip, 50-grandchild clip. 30-toddler clip. 50-kindergartner clip. 30-teacher clip. 50-teacher's aide clip. 30-cop clip. 50-pregnant woman clip. 30-estranged wife and kids clip. 50 co-workers clip.
Aw shite, what a world what a world.

not that Dewey December 19, 2012 at 8:05 am

I'm sorry you had to see that. And I'm sorry you made me have to see it.

See, there's someone out there, some paranoid maladjusted gun nut, that would think that is cool, for whom that would be a selling point. That's how sick people are.

chascates December 19, 2012 at 8:08 am

Finally! World Nut Daily gets to the root cause of these tragedies:
Psych meds linked to 90% of school shootings
Expert: Psychiatric drugs likely cause of Lanza's extreme violence
http://www.wnd.com/2012/12/psych-meds-linked-to-9

Get rid of those murderous psychiatric drugs and problem solved!

BaldarTFlagass December 19, 2012 at 8:15 am

“Bad behavior.” Like what?

Getting sushi and not paying?

Lizzietish81 December 19, 2012 at 8:27 am

Sushi?! That sounds kinda forren.

NellCote71 December 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

Wait, wait. Finally, she speaks, our national political philosopher/scholar:

"Those who let themselves be terribly disappointed in political leaders as they ignore real problems, aided along with a complicit media bombarding us with irrelevant distractions in order to avoid facing the reality of a fallen culture, should know those distractions are to hide from a finger pointing to the main contributors to much of our problem."
More at Huffington Post.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 9:20 am

With that trademark word soup, you don't even need attribution.

sullivanst December 19, 2012 at 8:27 am

Why does a twenty year old feel powerless?

Clearly, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with mental illness combined with a paranoid "prepper" mother buying into the insane catastrophic mythology spread by right wing organizations who believe that ensuring universal access to healthcare (with mental health equality provisions!) is communist nazism and any attempt to mitigate the severe adverse effects human behavior is having on our planet is paving the way for a New World Order wherein the Secretary-General of the UN becomes some Big Brother-like figure.

There's absolutely no way it could ever be anything like that.

ElPinche December 19, 2012 at 8:38 am

A teabagger central commenter has now connected this whole thing to LIBOR. All we need now is a squatch call.

ElPinche December 19, 2012 at 8:43 am

Tea Party Nation still around? I thought it was reduced to a KKK meeting on Thursdays with Dick Armey making barbecue.

Rebootably_Joe December 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

I do feel the need to point out that the Newsmax-esque auto-ad that is displaying for this particular post is entitled "37 things you should hoard", and it seems to have a photo of some sort of Doomsday Prepper, brandishing a rifle.

Stay classy, shitty Newsmax-esque auto-ad, stay classy.

(ETA: I totes understand that Mama -and possibly, even the writers- needs to Get Paid, and so I am not criticizing the concepts of ads per se, I just really feel the need to harp on this particular one.)

Rebootably_Joe December 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

You know, as stupid as I think the strong version of the "violence in media causes mass murder" argument, as argued by the likes of my namesake and also the late Jack Thompson, is, I do have to give them credit for at least staying in vaguely the right ballpark, instead of deciding that the REAL culprit was all the SEX in the media.

Of course, these are the people who think that mass shootings with assault weapons prove that we need more assault weapons and fewer unions (wtf?), so perhaps coherent logic is a bridge too far.

ttommyunger December 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Nope. The problem is that fully one-third of our population would read this drek and salivate in complete agreement with every dog-whistle, innuendo and false equivalency therein, that's the problem.

outragedcitizen December 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Wait! The mentally ill kid that shot and killed those people was white. How come the kids was are suppose to "call out" are obviously black?

Oh, I get it, the prick is a racist! Makes sense now.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 11:18 pm

All right. Barkeep, two more Ensure™, please.

jello_mold December 18, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Make mine a tall.

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I'm 6' 2".

jello_mold December 19, 2012 at 12:40 am

Driver, keep the change.

BoroPrimorac December 19, 2012 at 3:22 am

I don't think Snyder's crazy because the baggers have been pushing him further to the right. I think Snyder is an extreme right winger who gets a pass because he has that tough nerd crap going for him.

Negropolis December 19, 2012 at 7:20 am

While I don't for a second believe him to be a moderate, I think it's equally ridiculous for anyone who knows anything about the politics, here, to group him with the fringe right.

He will draw my eternal ire because he's a coward, but he's not a bagger. Right to Work passed because the Kochs and Devos threatened to primary him and oust the (moderatish) Senate Majority Leader. Had Snyder been a bagger, he'd have passed the voter supression laws he vetoed a few months back and he'd have passed the gun expansion and he wouldn't be pushing like no other governor in the country – Democrat or Republican – for transit/amtrak spending.

I despise Rick for many reasons, and would vote his double-crossing coward ass out in a hot minute, but it ain't because he's a bagger. He's not a true believer, he's an amoral rich-guy Republican. The statements he put out on Right to Work before he signed it damned-near look like Al Queda hostage videos. This guy got roled by Big Money and we all have to suffer because of his cowardice and weakness to stand up to his crazies.

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