There was a pretty bad shooting on Friday, and the only thing anybody can talk about is Why It Happened. Logical folk (i.e. us) have been saying it probably had something to do with guns and mental health, but people who don’t want that to be true have been saying there isn’t any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it.

In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is lucky because they do not have any.

The gun-massacre by the guy with seriously questionable mental health was not exacerbated by guns or mental health care, see, it was abortion pills, obviously. Also to blame: children who do not bum-rush gunmen, because they’re stupid. Also, courtesy of Mensa Brain-Astronaut Glenn Beck: Fisher-Price toys. DEFINITELY NOT GUNS.

But there is more. There is sooo much more, and it was decided by Tea Party Nation, so you know it’s real, and not a petty, steaming pile of Puritanical extremist propaganda that travels so far afield from the issues at hand that one can’t help but wonder what they think the issues actually are. Tell us, Tea Party Brain Timothy Birdnow, what are we to do, to stay not dead?

Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too.

Yes. Guns are not the problem, leaving the house is the problem. That’s where they shoot people! And teach evolution!

Back Right to Work legislation for the public sector. Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

There was a shooting! DESTROY UNIONS. This is a real thing. This is a serious thought. Why, Birdnow? What is the “this” we will “never see the end of”? Why are unions so bad?

There was a time when teachers actually spanked children; now a teacher is in peril if he verbally chastises a bad kid.

Ah, cool. Destroy the unions, they are preventing children from being beaten in public, and this is causing school shootings. Next tip:

Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.

Not guns, mind you. “Bad behavior.” Like what?

If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

Again, a polite reminder that this is a real thing that people believe with their brains. The way to prevent mass shootings is to tell people to pull up their pants, because if we stop putting up with bad behavior, people will magically stop using murder machines to murder.

(Also, about that car stereo thing: A man in Florida (of course) confronted some teens about their loud stereo. They started arguing with him, so he killed one of them with… wait for it… A GUN.)

Also, the problem is not that people with certain conditions lose the ability to reason between right and wrong, the problem is that weenie liberals WON’T TEACH ‘EM:

The idea of restoring standards of right and wrong never occur to anyone on the Left. Last night on television a reporter referred to the shooter’s “damaged mind and broken soul” as if he were somehow a VICTIM! In the old days we would not call this anything but a heinous crime, a horrible mass murder of innocent children.

Translation: “You know what I miss? The days where we didn’t understand mental illness and just electrocuted people. We should do that still. Fuck ’em. Let’s get mad.”

The next one is a doozy:

Work to devolve power back to the parents, the local officials, and the communities. A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here… As an FBI profiler said on television last night, he undoubtedly felt powerless and sought to remedy that. Why does a twenty year old feel powerless? He could leave his mother’s home at any time at his age. He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location.

(Just to make sure you’re following: The implication here is that a man shot up a school because of a centralized government.)

He has been coddled all his life, given free rein to indulge his senses but not to face the responsibilities that freedom necessitates. He was an eternal juvenile, a child who was not allowed to grow up. He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality.

Progressives made this young man feel helpless. It’s only logical! If we were more focused on states’ rights, he would have felt magnificent, and free, and would have been not as shooty. Again, IT WAS NOT GUNS OR MENTAL HEALTH. REALLY. IT WASN’T.

On to the most logical cause of shootings:

Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet.

There is it! There’s the money quote. Obviously slutty thoughts cause shootings. NOT GUNS.

There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Taking a quiet pause for “overstimulated glands” causing shootings.

[I]t has traditionally been understood that a sexually robust individual will fight harder and more aggressively… Even if they were to live promiscuously (a very bad thing for society) they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

Titanic volume! Look how slutty kids are these days. No wonder they’re shooting people! They aren’t having enough sex! (Also: If they do have enough sex, that is “a very bad thing for society.” In case you were thinking we could get through any argument without some slut-shaming.)

The only answer is to follow the other societal coping mechanism, which is to tone down the sexual stimulation, encourage chastity and modesty.

OK. OK this blog post has to stop. It’s too much. It is too much stupid. The next item on the list is how Trayvon Martin probably got himself shot because of marijuana, and after that… oh. Oh man here comes another blockquote:

Support the creation of local organizations to act as “neighborhood watch” for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

I can’t feel my legs. It’s too much. The room is spinning. School shootings happen because there are not random, armed civilians at the door. And the only people against this would be unions.

I have to stop. I can’t write anymore. It hurts. My face hurts, what’s wrong with my hands…

10.Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer.

OH GOD. STOP WITH THE BLOCKQUOTES. It hurts, it hurts. We get it, it wasn’t guns. It was anything but guns. Literally anything. Does anyone have an inhaler?
[Tea Party Nation via ThinkProgress]

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  • Baconzgood

    I don't think I wanna read this…..

    Edit: I was right….please put LOL kitties up again.

    • Whatever

      At this point, I think a permanent Kitten's installation is required.

  • viennawoods13

    Fuck. You. Assholes.

    • Why are libs so obsessed with sex with that part of the anatomy?

      • vtxmcrider

        Because it tastes good.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Spanky, you old poopyhead! Hey, remember how you said this?

        "I think libs are desperate because they are beginning to realize that Barry will be out of a job in January and he'll be taking a lot of Dem politicians away from their offices with him."

        Remember? It's right there on your archive page!

        • Chichikovovich

          Spanky is Dick Morris! No, wait, he's Karl Rove! … Um, no, wait: George Will!, No, um…..

      • VodkaGoGo

        Ha! That's fucking rich. Liberals think consenting adults should be able to fuck whoever they want to fuck while cons like you want to legislate what women do with there own vaginas. Not even abortions, you assholes want to make it the law of the land that birthcontrol is for whores.

      • redarmyzombie

        Hey, WE'RE not the ones getting caught having diaper sex with prostitutes here, bub!

      • Lizzietish81

        Wait, this isn't sarcasm? This is a real live conservative?

        *pokes it with a stick*

        • Doktor Zoom

          This is "Spanky2B," a troll from the days when Breitbart also used IntenseDebate and when we had a downvote option. He's the guy with multiple identities who used to spend literally hours voting down every single comment on Wonkette. Your guess as to why he's back now is as good as any.

    • Biff


      • viennawoods13

        I'm just lucky I guess.

        • Biff


  • Barbara_

    "Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

    Sorry, everyone should have some smut in their lives now and then.

    • commiegirl99

      I thought the reason the MOOSLEMS are so killy was because they are sexually repressed? These people really can't make up their minds, can they?

      • Barbara_

        Mooslems won't allow the tingling in their sexy parts to cause their toes to curl like bacon. You know, pork and all.

        • Stop it Barb, I'm going to get a cramp in my calf.

          • Barbara_

            I have faith in you Trampndirtdown.

      • Biff


    • GhostBuggy

      Yes, but in airport men's room stalls or Congressional page dorms, as God intended.

    • bibliotequetress

      If your looking at smut, that's at least one hand that can't hold a gun.

      • littlebigdaddy

        And if you are well-endowed, two.

        • bibliotequetress

          That's one way of weeding out the not-hanging-low-enough fruit: "Tell me, is there anything you cannot do while aiming your Glock at the paper silhouette of Osama bin Laden? … Hmmm?"

  • It should be noted that by all accounts, Adam Lanza was never in any kind of trouble as a kid. Never busted for torturing animals, breaking into houses, being a crazed juvie delinquent in general. Nor was he known as a bully in school. So the whole "bring discipline back to the schools" shtick…yeah, not so much.

    • stefanbc

      Well it's never like giving an adult authority figure free access to touch your kid has ever resulted in a horrible unintended consequence or anything

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, it's not like he was running around and shaving people's heads like Mitt Romney or torturing and killing dogs like Mike Huckabee's son David. Plus he wasn't a piggy little adolescent fatty, which is more than David Huckabee can say.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      Right…I read that in school he was quiet, timid and wierd. But he didn't have any 'bad behavior' (by the way, is anyone but me noting the not so subtle shot at white racist stereotypes of young black kids in the description?) to speak of so uh, extra discipline wouldn't work (and I think this guy probably goes to BDSM clubs on the side…it's my gut reaction whenever I read an evangelical churchy espousing corporal punishment). By all accounts this kid would not have fit any of the cookie-cutter bullshit this idea is speaking about….so, uh if he doesn't fit your diagnosis, lord hillbilly, why in this fucking earth would you think your bullshit non-fixes would affect him? Oh yeah…I forgot the kicker…churchin'. By the way….there is a society which fits this inbreds ideal description…and no Saudis have EVER blown up buildings and killed thousands of people now have they?

      • sullivanst

        by the way, is anyone but me noting the not so subtle shot at white racist stereotypes of young black kids in the description?

        Yes, it's just you, now pull your pants up you delinquent, or I'll have to send you to confession and tell the priest he must touch you any way he sees fit; that'll set you straight in society!

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer illiterate, too.


    • littlebigdaddy

      Adam Lanza was indeed homeschooled.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      functionally RE-tarded would be apt as well….and he was homeschooled because he was FUCKING wierd you dipshit redneck fuckface…oh, sorry, couldn't help myself.

  • OurHoboSenator

    I refuse to believe this is real and not satire. PLEASE??

  • Hammiepants

    I call bullshit. If porn was that lethal, I'd be totes dead right now.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      yeah…so would every other well adjusted adult…it always mystifies me when these Re-tards pile on Saudi Arabia…I mean it's their fucking dream society…you get corporal punishment for looking at porn and female prostitutes get stoned to death. Oh and one of the (many) causal diagnoses for Saudi's being so prone to terrorism and other odd, extreme behavior? chastity and modesty…no sex and no fun makes Hamid a dull boy. It's like the 12th century puked these morons up and we need to find a way to build a time machine to send them back.

      • sewollef

        And…… we've got the Taliban in Pakistan killing Polio inoculation workers because they believe it to be a "christian/western/American/insert your own enemy here", plot against Islam.

        Common thread? Religion and [lack of] education.

        Both of which have for millennia, slaughtered, maimed and held back progress. Even in modern times…. as in Pope Pius XII's 'refusal' to take a stand against Hitler, or as I read it, the Catholic Church's collaboration with the Nazi regime's slaughter of Jews, socialists, trade unionists, atheists and gypsies.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    something something something Israel something Bill Ayers something something ACORN. I think that covers everything.

    • BENGHAZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • memzilla

        Saul Alinsky!

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          It was teh teleprompterz what did it

          • I<3Radio

            STOP PRE-EMPTERING MY NFL!!1!1!

      • SorosBot

        FAST AND FURIOUS!!@!!!!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Socialisms! Muzlins! They gonna talk away everyones gunz!! Time to teach yur kids to shoot when the govmint comes a knokin!!!

      • An_Outhouse

        "shoot the irs man"

        – guy on cnn (eric eric)

    • Callyson

      Gays, Obamacare, working moms and teaching evolution in schools.

      /also, too

  • Crank_Tango

    Homeschooling: if it worked for Nancy Lanza, it can work for you too.

    • Fun w/ Cthulhu

      Ok CT, good line BUT…


      As a secular home schooling parent I need to stand up again. Shootings aren't due to home schooling – I think we all know that. It is easy to conflate anything out of the ordinary with the shooter because shooting children is out of the ordinary.

      In general public education works for the middle 90% of the population. We home-schooled because the school system could not and would not meet my kid's needs. My wife's life and mine to a lesser extent were overwhelmingly changed when we took on the massive responsibility of educating our own children.

      It has been almost 10 years since they started high school and while their paths through post secondary education haven't been traditional, I'm proud to say that they are independent, well educated and thoughtful young men.


      • Crank_Tango

        Word. I trust that smart people will do what is right for their kids, but these idiots…Sent from my iPhone

      • Yes, of course: Competent, motivated, devoted people can homeschool and produce well-educated children.

        But in that sense, at least, dear Tentacled One, you represent the 1 percent. Congratulations.

      • Negropolis

        I do hope you realize that as a secular homeschooling parent you are the huge exception to the rule. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that most homeschooling parents are paranoid Evangelicals.

      • Redgyal

        I think the comment was in response to the fact that the writer was claiming homeschooling as a remedy. It did not work for Ms. Lanza.

  • If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

    And God help those teens if they are dark-skinned while walking home from 7-Eleven with a bottle of iced tea and a bag of Skittles. THOSE CHILDREN SHOULD BE TAKEN OUT WITH ALL SPEED.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      no shit…especially the whole, "if George Zimmerman was standing in the door"…he fucking went there. Yes and if Adam Lanza was packing a gun in front of the door children would probably be afraid too…the connection? both of them are psychotic murderers….why not just take any monster and use them? Heydrich! Why not just pick any despicable, murdering scumbag there teabagger? I don't know how these people can piss me off any more on a day to day basis than they already do but somehow one of these KKK fucks figures out a way to do it…fuck you, Mr. Birdshit.

      • redarmyzombie

        "If John Wayne Gacy was standing in the *HUUUURK*…"

        Sorry…that may have been out of line…and now I need to clean off my keyboard again…

  • edgydrifter

    We have to stop being sorry and start being angry.

    Seriously? This nation needs more anger like space needs more vacuum. America is a perpetual-anger machine.

    • bikerlaureate

      Fear almost always morphs into anger.

      But naturally we're not angry enough, at total strangers who don't behave the way we think they should…

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

    I will give one million dollars to anyone who can translate this into non-r3tard for me.

    Don't worry where I'll get a million dollars. You'll get it, that's all you need to know.

    • Biff

      Asshats already want to defund skools, so just where will the money come from to pay yet another classification of employee?

      • LocalGirlMakesGoo

        It will come from tax breaks, obviously.

        • Biff

          Of course, I forgot that!

    • Veritas78

      Yeah, that stopped me, too. And I even have an app which translates Tard into English.

    • Crank_Tango

      Um. Well, my translation got deleted by the administrator, so that should tell you something.

    • tabouley

      I'm sorry, that sentence is "tard" all the way, and has no English equivalent.
      I don't think George Zimmerman has anything to recommend him, as far as defending children from harm.
      As for myself, I am "tard" of this nonsense.

      • Fuck Toad

        He is a proven expert in shooting children, so according to the ancient maxim of "set a thief to catch a thief…"

    • Apparently, instead of the inadequate "card reader" security system at the Newtown school, our schools should be guarded by neighborhood militias made up of the likes of George Zimmerman.

      I am not planning to quit my job, but I would like the million in a lump sum, please.

      • Tequila Mockingbird

        Done. I'll post a money order, third class, from Siberia. Might take awhile to get there, due to the holiday rush and all.

        • zippy_w_pinhead

          While I understand what they're trying to say (like Barbara Billingsley, I speak jive), I really have to wonder at the wisdom of putting the guy who got his ass kicked by an unarmed teenager and had to shoot him while laying flat on his back and getting his head pounded into the curb in charge of protecting my kids from a maniac armed with an assault weapon…

    • jello_mold

      Not fully versed in tard…something about fapping to a gun catalog.

    • Negropolis

      I had to read it twice, myself, but the crazy-speak translation is that not only was Zimmerman a great protector but a bad-ass we should all be emulating, which is so disgusting that I have no more vomit to offer.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    They forgot to blame the reverse vampires.

    • snowpointsecret

      The sparkly kind, I assume.

  • Biff

    The killer's mother was a doomsday prepper and gun nut, just like the rest of us progressive libruls? Got it.

  • emmelemm

    Overstimulated glands. Really. SMDH.

    "Naughty bits, engorged and tingling…"

  • stefanbc

    I am going to smoke a blunt and furiously masturbate the memory of this stupid fucking article right out of my head.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      One then the other, please. We've had quite enough senseless tragedy around here lately.

  • coolhandnuke

    I am working on getting the patent for a device that operates much like an alcohol breath analyzer in a car that won't allow it to start if detects booze. It's a testosterone, alcohol, stupidity and anger sensitive registering device that attaches to all weapons and renders it impotent if the owner blows into it and exceeds the accepted levels of alcohol, stupidity, testosterone etc.

    • emmelemm

      Here's where I thought you were going: a testosterone/stupidity/etc. device that attaches to your computer and won't let you log in if you reach critical levels of douchbaggery. But yours works too.

      • coolhandnuke

        I had the same idea years back for the computer sensor you mention. There should be an application created for cell phones that would do the same thing to prevent drunken, angry texting, sexting and calling. But then again, I am a firm adherent to Free Will, so I'm just spinning Science Fiction.

    • Biff

      But then they won't have the freedom to blow their own head off! FREEDOM!

      • The Pope haz a confused about that.

    • HarryButtle

      Just between you and me, I suggest a device that simply renders the weapon impotent, regardless of who or what blows into the mouthpiece. You can tell the wingnuts the same thing you told us, but when they go all shooty, their guns just won't work.

    • Mandorlin

      Isn't the fear of being rendered impotent what drives them to get the gun in the first place?

      (Seriously, though, I remember years back when safety advocates proposed a child-safety lock on guns, similar to the child proof caps on medicine. The NRA pitched a royal fit, because FREEDOM! or something…)

  • There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

    Um. Masturbation? Has Jocelyn Elders had the answers all along?


      So blame Egon Schielle then!

    • sewollef

      "…. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands."

      That quote right there sounds like a Danielle Steele novel about unrequited love. This guy's plagiarized her book [any book from her, since I believe they're all about Unrequited Love].

      Expect a lawsuit any day now.

  • Blunderthing

    You can't bitch-slap society into being polite. I've tried.

  • LotsOfRats

    Home-schooled dude lived in a progressive bureaucratic centralized nightmare run from a far-away location?

    And how many overstimulated over-sexed internetters are really 'wandering the Earth?' I can't be bothered to wander the house as long as I've got a mini-fridge and trucker's buddy at the computer desk.

  • Baconzgood

    I don't understand. I went to Catholic school as a kid….but the pope is the anti christ…I was beaten with rosary beads because left handed people are "sinister" and had to learn to write with my (w)right hand -pun intenede–so if I was beaten buy nuns in a private school and the pope is the anti christ…and I've didn't do..uh….wait met me get my flow chart out….I'm a catholic that doesn't agree with abortion or the dearh pen. …but I believe in america and love this country….I like helping poor…

    • Baconzgood

      FUCK IT!! They locked out the NHL players. That's all that matters now. It sucks seeing people going to hell in a hand basket and no hockey. At I understand hockey….people that don't play hockey I don't understand.

      • Well, if those stupid hockey playerz didn't belong to a UNION and would just allow the owners to OWN them, As God Intended, you could have all the hockey you want. Your good hockey players would probably only be able to play for a year before they got hurt to death because: No equipment and no referees (waste of $). But at least someone would be skating around the Thunderdome and shooting pucks. Birds gotta sing, bees gotta fly, and owners gotta own. Capisce?

  • bikerlaureate

    Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

    There must be a reason why Timothy Birdnow's words resonate with… well, any adult. I'm just not xenophobic enough to see it.

    • I wonder who taught him how to rite so purdy.

  • memzilla

    A man in Florida (of course) confronted some teens about their loud stereo. They started arguing with him, so he killed one of them with… wait for it… A GUN.

    Part of Florida's (Can't) Stand Your Sound laws.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Just more proof that loud stereos cause shootings.

  • gullywompr

    "Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

    Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea…

    • TootsStansbury

      I never understood this one. I've known kids who say they aren't allowed to watch a movie that might have some boobies in it but violence? No problemo.

    • Gleem McShineys

      I thought that response only applied to running full speed at the danger.

      Which means we should all be hyper-sexualized orgy-monsters starring in our own church-community pornos?

      • gullywompr

        "I thought that response only applied to running full speed at the danger."

        I'm making it a thing. It should be applied whenever some derp makes a statement that runs full speed at stupidity.

        • sewollef

          It's a new meme. And I'm all for it. Can we make it an acronym though?

          As in: WIW.WPDI.IHNI

          Nah, let's just spell it out.

    • My sons taught me some about porn and computers (and teenage boys–it's inevitable, and you pretty much ignore it, although you say nice things about better if not the sort that really degrades women or anyone else). And one taught me this: if all the porn was taken off the interwebs, the 'net would collapse down to one single website, the name of which would be BRINGBACKTHEPORN.

  • snowpointsecret

    It's fun to be endlessly blamed for horrific actions of others because you think with logic and aren't completely like them, isn't it?

  • GemlikeFlame

    Radicals in the classroom like this one? They're probably right, that one is likely the local Greenpeace chapter president. Why does the Tea Party hate the elderly?

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    I blame the general decline of this country on the following: radical teachers, unions, sex, Muslim presidents, vegans, abortion on demand, Journey's Escape album, taxes, illegal immigrants, gun control, rush hour traffic, bad sushi, hoodies, loud stereos, the Lost finale, crow's feet, Rachel Maddow's hairstylist, affirmative action, and Gangnam Style.

    • HarryButtle

      I've been trying to warn the world about the dangers of Steve Perry for decades, but would anybody listen to me? No, they just keep singing "Don't Stop Believin'" and playing with fire.

      • Tequila Mockingbird

        "Don't Stop Believin" is the Douchebag Anthem. Walk into any preppie bar and play that fucking song, and like a conch call, drunk douchebags will stand up, pop their collars, and pump their Livestrong-braceleted fists into the air and scream "JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRRRL" like it was their life support system.

        Also, there is no such place as "South Detroit."

        Also, Steve Perry is such a mondo-douche that in 2007 they replaced him with a Youtube amateur from the Philippines who didn't speak English.

    • Pragmatist2

      Yeah. But in what order?

    • finallyhappy

      I accept the Lost Finale and Gangnam Style plus The youtube video of Call me maybe also Ellen Degeneres/JCP

    • jello_mold

      You forgot small dog owners.

      • Hey, jello!
        What's that supposed to mean?! Huh?!
        What have you got against the little Napoleons?

    • Negropolis

      'Twas the Lost finale what do it, I tell you. I love how they take the two most mysterious and complicated characters in the series, Jacob and the Smoke Monster/MIB, and wrap up their entire history in about a single episode that creates more questions than it answers. What an awesome series destroyed by a forced ending. It's like the creators knew they'd veered to far from their idea during the whole time-traveling bullshit, threw their hands up in the air during the last season, and said "fuck it, we'll do it live."

  • dadanarchistmk2

    As a historian (no really I am), can I point out that there were dozens and dozens of regimes that were toppled by trade unions, and no regimes that were toppled by a bunch of gomers with a gun fetish?

    So if you're really against tyranny, put down the gun and pick up a union card.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Indeed. Do you know who else felt unions were a problem? Hitler. Yeah, fucking Hitler, you can read all about it in Shirer's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.

  • Biff

    Homeschooling seems to have worked out well for this Adam Lanza fellow, didn't it? I can't wait to hear about the inappropriate touching by his hot mom, teacher next.

    • Stevola

      Shot for teacher.

      I'm sorry.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        He didn't feel tard-y.

  • The next time some asks, "why isn't Obama coming down super hard on gun control right now," your answer is in the post above. Anything he proposes is going to have to be implemented without driving the already insane loons in this country appreciably more insane. Because–keep in mind–they currently have guns and God Himself has told them personally that if anything happens they don't like, they have permission to start shooting.

    • I live in Arizona and I have instructed my entire family not to discuss this issue outside the house for the exact reason you state. I'm totes not kidding. In fact, if ANY gun control legislation comes up for Congressional debate, let alone is passed, I will be absent for awhile from my local Democratic group. It meets in the public library and anyone can walk in.

      While Bush was still president, one of our community volunteer projects was cleaning litter off a local road. The organizer of the program wanted to put a sign up on the road saying the local Dem club kept the street clean but we said no. We were afraid the sign would be used for target practice and the neighborhood is populated. They didn't argue with us.

      • That is really crazy that you have to live in fear of expressing an idea in your own neighborhood like that — very disturbing.

        • A lot of things in Arizona are really crazy. I keep saying it's getting better, and it IS, noticeably to me since moving here. But it only takes one Jared Loughner.

    • gullywompr

      Here's the thing – for all of their bravado, when (and I don't mean if) these bans start to come, the vast, vast majority of them will voluntarily turn the munitions in, all by themselves, because they are too much of a pussy to do the prison time that will come with the bans if they don't.

      • Yep, they'll fight for their "values", as long as there's no discomfort involved.

  • DaSandman

    What can't the right wing terrorist point their guns at each other and shoot if they like it so much? Keep it all in the family so to speak. An interbred sub literate family but families come in all shapes and sizes.

    At the end of the day I would refocus on the same issues. Namely THE 20 DEAD SIX YEAR OLDS.

    How do we fix that?

    • finallyhappy

      I don't know. I mean, I know about political action and doing good deeds and being nice and all that has been written- but I have done that already for many years and these tiny kids were murdered anyway. So if someone comes up with something to do besides calling my politicians and supporting gun control/bans- let me know. I've marched, I've sung and chanted(we rallied outside the NRA for when it was in DC- maybe we got them to move to VA), been to vigils- I would hope for a better world for my young adult kids but I think the end of the world by the sun exploding is fine too.

  • Always remember to be white and afraid.

  • MissTaken

    I blame hemorrhoids. And gay marriage.

    • Stevola

      One leads to the other.

  • Barrelhse

    Stand yer Ground!
    Kids jumping line? Eat lead, skum.

  • gullywompr

    Adam Lanza didn't jump ahead in line.
    He didn't bother his neighbors.
    He didn't blare his car stereo.
    He wasn't foul-mouthed.
    He didn't wear pants down around his ass.

    But he did know how to fire a gun.

    He was the Tea Party's poster child.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      He wasn't a bully, like Mitt Romney was.
      He didn't shave anyone's head, like Mitt Romney did.
      He didn't torture and kill a dog, like David Huckabee, Mike Huckabee's son did either.

  • HarryButtle

    Astounding that THESE FUCKTARDS are fighting progress in gun control (because FREEDUM) as well as fighting progress on mental health care reform (because SOCIALIZM).

  • MissNancyPriss

    I don't want to feel Christmas hate.

    • Barrelhse

      War is Hell.

    • finallyhappy

      I can- I'm Jewish so it isn't Christmas hate for me.

  • DocChaos

    After all that I can't believe he forgot to blame the Jews.

  • christianmuslin

    Retiring in a foreign country where private ownership of guns is not encouraged becomes more appealing by the fucking hour.

    • Fun w/ Cthulhu

      Canada-stan is hiring, come on up.

  • SorosBot

    "Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry."

    But people are already doing so by calling out and being at the NRA which is responsible for this tragedy.

    • And here I was thinking that the TeaBagNation was already insanely angry….

      • Biff

        Angrily insane, is how I see them.

  • Unions, loud music and sluts sounds like a party, as long as you leave out the unions.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      There's some hotties in the teachers' union. Plus, if you do something wrong they make you do it again.

    • red_kira

      Drat! You beat me to it!

      Note to self: gotta spend less time working, more time on Wonkette!

    • Barrelhse

      But isn't the Whole Chorus Line at Minski's in a union?

    • jello_mold

      I have a backgammon set.

    • Negropolis

      Silly, unions bring the booze. What do you think they do at their locals to unwind after work?

  • e_z

    I am starting to believe the Zombie Apocolypse started several years ago. The question I have is did it happen and cause the Teabaggers to be so brain dead or was the dead brains of the Teabaggers just a vector for the virus?

    • TootsStansbury

      I feel exactly the same way. There has to be SOMETHING that broke so many people's brains.

      • Zango Crudmonger

        I suspect having a blah POTUS fried the remaining neurons.

  • LibrarianX

    I blame Charo.

    • AlterNewt

      Why not?

    • emmelemm

      Koochie koochie!

  • SorosBot

    "Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

    SECOND AMENDMENT (or at least our misinterpretation of it that ignores the "well-regulated militia" part) GOOD, FIRST AMENDMENT BAD.

    • I'm always wondering why the FREEDUM doesn't apply there. I guess the answer is "Hollywood." There's a fine line between Baggers and Libertarians and I often can't see it.

  • I like how one of the Grandmas in the TeaBagNation comments calls Alan West "Adam West", other than that, fuck those people with a rusty cement mixer.

    • finallyhappy

      I saw Adam West this year- he is not bad looking but Burt Ward is enormous- however, he does good work with abandoned dogs so I forgive him(unless he has been stealing food from the dogs)

  • mavenmaven

    All these mentions of Trayvon, and the car case, hip hop pants, etc, so that you understand that in some way, it was all because of the Blacks.

  • rocktonsam

    Dear teabaggers,

    do yourselves a big fat favor and shut the fuck up forever.



    • pdiddycornchips

      No, don't. Please continue to be the face of the new Republican Party. The Tea Party has done what no Democrat has been able to do for three decades. Create a coalition of not crazy voters ready to stand in line for six hours to vote against wingnuttery.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I'm amazed that such a small group of people can harbor so much stupidity.

    • gullywompr

      Are you? Are you really?

  • Sue4466

    Isn't a neighborhood watch an organized group of neighbors pooling resources and looking out for each other a bit commie, just like unions?

  • red_kira

    Unions, loud stereos, and slutz? They've been to one of my parties?

  • Severen13

    ***Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet.***

    Yeah, seeing Sookie and Bill do the horizontal mambo on "True Blood" makes me want to mow down several dozen 1st graders too. Wait…..what?

  • I<3Radio

    It's child labor laws, obvs.
    Well, that and poor "target acquisition."

  • Fight to keep "2nd Amendment Rights" (I.e. assault weapons widely vailable on the streets), then blame Liberals when shit hits the fan.

    This generation of old angry assholes can't. die soon enough.

    • Unfortunately, I don't think all those yahoos posting on Yahoo are old.

  • There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

    Oh my God, that was laugh out loud funny!

    • Rotundo_

      Even more so if one pauses to reflect on the following: The writer was dead serious while composing this, and earnestly believes it in his heart to be gods' honest truth. One has this mental image of him sitting in his mother's basement watching the kids next door and see him imagine them with swollen genitals and ravenous looks in their eyes while he sits in his cheeto stained undies pondering his inadequacies.

    • miss_grundy

      That sounds something like one of the nuns in my boarding school would say. Are you sure this article isn't from The Onion? If not, this is one sad, stupid white boy…..

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "…they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands." I think the fucker who wrote that has been watching "Night of the Living Dead" too many times. Somebody ship him a copy of "Bambi."

  • owhatever

    Target acquisition and Safety Course This Saturday. Gunowners are invited to stand in a circle and open fire. No restrictions. Last law-abiding citizen left standing wins an awesome Smithyglockcolt shootin' iron. The losers … well, they're losers now, aren't they? Screw 'em.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Birdnow says whatnow?

    Anyway you can pull up my droopy pants when you pry them from my cold dead hands.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You can have my buns when you pry them from my cold dead hands!

  • pdiddycornchips

    "Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive."

    Uh, George Zimmerman shot an unarmed kid. Were he to encounter a determined gunman with a semi automatic weapon my guess is he would have shit his pants and run the other way

  • Goonemeritus

    “Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.”

    I agree I would drive to The NRA headquarters and really give them a strong talking to except for the fact that they are so heavily armed.

  • So young men are "wandering the earth" looking for pussy, like Caine in "Kung Fu"? Which Zen-ish koans and aphorisms will unlock the Silken Treasure?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      What is the sound of one hand fapping?

    • Barrelhse

      "I can lick my eyebrows."

    • coolhandnuke

      Carradine's eternal quest for quim ended in the silk trade region. His wandering never ceased even though he thought he had met the treasure of his life on the Kill Bill set. The treasure/ wife just happens to be my first cousin.

      • Biff

        I hope he left her a rich widow, at least.

    • TribecaMike
  • I think it's pretty safe to say that Teabaggers are the stupidest group of fucking morans (sic) ever and that 95% of whatever they say is going to be useless. I want to say shitty, but shit is useful. Most of these imbeciles are not.

  • chascates

    The entire Bush Doctrine is now applicable to schools. "Be afraid, be very afraid. You're either with us or against us. Shoot first and let the next administration clean up the mess."

  • faceshaker

    I think it's laughable that all the right-wing sites like the Tea Party Nation site linked to in this article either have no place for reader comments or require those who want to comment to join the organization. What are those Tea Party Nation weenies afraid of? Someone taking issue with, say, their overbearing and insensitive attitude towards those of us with mental health issues?

    They say the most insane among us appear to be the most sane. In psychiatric literature, those are called psychopaths, and Tea Party Nation is full of psychopaths.

    • They appear to be afraid of EVERYTHING.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Re: saggy pants

    Bun Control is what we need.
    Gun control is tyranny.

  • kingofmeh

    I'm not a big fan of censorship for any reason, and I'm not suggesting that any magazine be banned. Still, isn't it a little bizarre that i can go to my local grocery store and get 15 varieties of gun porn, with moodily-lit combat shotguns and tactical handguns and AR-15s on the cover, but they put a big black cover over Cosmopolitan because somebody might see cleavage?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Those aren't the magazines that cause problems. It's the ones that hold thirty rounds and up that cause problems.

      • kingofmeh

        well, yeah, and luckily that seems to be one reform which almost every sane person can agree on.

        my comment was more a reflection on how much we have internalized and normalized the really weird aspects of gun culture, rather than claiming that the (paper) magazines caused problems. really, it's one thing to say you need a pistol for self-protection; it's another thing to fetishize guns openly and publicly in the way the magazines do.

        if i were to buy a gun for self-protection, it would be in the same spirit in which i buy jumper cables for my car; i'd stow it away safely, hope i never needed to use it, and probably try not to think about it more than was required. i'd never buy a glossy magazine of jumper cables. we as a nation just have a very strange relationship to guns.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Hold it. I'll respond to your comment as soon as I finish fapping to the latest issue of Guns and Ammo magazine. You should see the centerfold!!!

        • Negropolis

          my comment was more a reflection on how much we have internalized and normalized the really weird aspects of gun culture, rather than claiming that the (paper) magazines caused problems.

          This. I totally got what you were saying. The irony is jarring.

    • That's of a piece. I mean, some part of me still can't fully accept that we live in a culture that's more than a bit conflicted. Where to be caught in the act of singing along to the car stereo at a stoplight is a cause of social derision and shame but, judging by what seems at least one in ten drivers on the road, A-OK to pick your nose in public like it was a hobby.

  • BarackMyWorld

    How did we get from complaining about government power and groupthink at the beginning to advocating government censorship and telling people what not to do with their bodies at the end? Is there an explanation for that doesnt involve the word "derp"?

    • The line separating freedom and oppression is ever-changing with this crowd. Sometimes I don't think THEY know where it is. It took TEN TV seasons for the Half-a-Man to figure out that the program he stars in is smutty.

      • sullivanst

        They know exactly where it is. It's where they say it is, because they said so and shut up that's why.

    • sullivanst

      Sure there is. It goes "derpy derpy derpderp". See, I didn't use "derp".

  • dadanarchistmk2

    Also too:

    I'm pretty sure more sluts would help solve at least part of this shoot-down-the-innocents problem. If you are too busy getting nasty with a hot piece of male/female/other ass, are you really going to feel the strong urge to mow down your co-workers/classmates/neighbors?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    George Carlin had the answer. Mandatory 24/7 dancing! If everyone is dancing all the time, nobody is going to get mad enough to shoot up a school, and what shooting does take place is going to be very poorly aimed.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Post needs a sound track…….with CLEAVAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    [i.e. not Robert Johnson]

    Julie London – Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

  • Doktor Zoom

    I love how the Party of Personal Responsibility explains that a guy murdered 26 people because other people had abortions, belonged to unions, and watched porn.

  • An_Outhouse

    adam lanza had droopy drawers?

  • docterry6973

    "Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet."

    How about 'restrict the violence in movies, television, on the internet'. Of course not. That would be socialist.

    Also, I wonder if I am over-stimulating my glands. That could be bad.

  • No end to stupid.

  • TootsStansbury

    oops! I said that word that starts with a "T".

    I am *almost* as sick over the reactions to this horror as I am with the actual event. Dang, now I lost my train of thought; I'll pretend it was elegant.

    What a bunch of morans these tea party assholes are.

    OT – Fuck you John Boner.

  • Schmegeg

    "nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind."

    OK I will give them this one.

    But keep your hands off my Fisher Price Toys

  • An_Outhouse

    tea party nation found this very easy to maturbate to, while they were writing it.

  • mbobier

    "We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing."

    Consider it done! Except that it's aimed at you, Tea Party Nation.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "people who don’t want that to be true have been saying there isn’t any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it. In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is lucky because they do not have any."

    The parallels to climate change denial, intelligent design, creationism, and general Bibble-thumping and exshepshunalizm, are striking. It should come as no surprise that the same dunderheads consistently subscribe to most, if not all, of these delusions.

  • chascates

    From a RawStory article: ‘Stand your ground’ cited in shooting of whiny Little Caesars Pizza customer
    A Florida man is using the state’s “stand your ground” law as a defense after he shot a customer who was complaining about slow service at a St. Petersburg Little Caesars Pizza restaurant.
    Randall White, 49, was in line waiting for his pizza on Sunday when he began complaining that he wasn’t being served fast enough. According to the Tampa Bay Times, 52-year-old Michael Jock was also in line and scolded White for whining.
    The two began arguing and it eventually “became a shoving match,” police spokesperson Mike Puetz said.
    After White allegedly raised his fist, Jock pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver and fired a shot into the man’s torso. A second shot also hit White in the torso. One round became lodged in the restaurant wall.
    When police arrived, Jock told them that the shooting had been justified under Florida’s “stand your ground” law, which says that gun owners do not have a “duty to retreat.”

    • jello_mold

      Again with the pizza!!!!!

    • not that Dewey

      Shooting Shooting.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Dude shoulda called his order in.

    • sullivanst

      Since the shooter claimed SYG, this will go down in the NRA's statistics books as a "defensive gun use" that successfully averted a crime.

  • mbobier

    "He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality."

    Actually, he lived in A HOUSE FULL OF GUNS!

  • Jerri

    Anyone ever feel like they're living in a John Waters movie but the only ones in on it are nuts like these tea party folks? They're just such living cartoons.

    Unfortunately, I know they're real.

  • chascates

    Fox’s Gretchen Carlson Breaks Down Asking Guest If Children Killed Will Remember Shootings ‘In Heaven’

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh for fuck's sake. OK, typing that up tonight. Thanks. I mean, it's nauseating and exploitative, but thanks for calling attention to it. (We need to call out evil, don't we?)

      • chascates

        Here's something I find more ominous. I'm watching a PBS special on the development of religious freedom during colonial times and I'm shocked, SHOCKED to find this description while the following person spoke:

        Cokie Roberts,
        author, historian

        • Doktor Zoom

          Oooh, thanks for the heads up! Just turned it on! If you haven't read Steven Waldman's Founding Faith, which goes over similar territory, it is as awesome as awesome gets.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          She has supposedly written a couple of books about the wives and other women of the "Founding Fathers," so I guess that's where the "historian" comes from. She wasn't a history major and has no other history credentials. She's the ultimate Washington insider-dweeb of whom it was said, "She doesn't understand ordinary people."

          When Cokie comes on NPR I usually find an excuse to get away from the radio.

          • chascates

            My favorite Cokie Joke:
            Dick Cheney is caught red-handed setting kittens on fire and throwing them on homeless veterans. The first words out of Cokie Roberts: "But the Democrats . . . "

    • Dashboard Buddha

      My facepalm was so strong after reading just the headline that my hand passed through my head and went on to comfort the forehead of the puppy sitting in a little girl's laps as she sang songs to her unicorn behind me.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Oh, your Fox News Show
      won't get you into heaven

    • Biff

      The guest was neurosurgeon Dr. Eben Alexander, author of Proof of Heaven, which details his own near-death experience in which he was brain-dead for a week…

      A week, you say? Please proceed…

    • Lizzietish81

      Fuckin A. And sad story time…

      Back in middle school, I had a friend, she was my best friend. Like me she came from a family that was always on the edge, though moreso than mine (my dad, for all his faults, is a fucking work horse and had a union job, her dad wanted to be an actor and her mother worked retail jobs) eventually I outgrew her, she never escaped the townie culture while I went to college and became a professional.

      A couple of years ago, I had learned that she had been found dead in a building in Boston.

      I connected wtih her mother on facebook, mostly because I wanted to keep on tabs about the funeral arrangements. I never found out.

      Her mother had apparently been "Born again" (though my sister claims she was before I knew them too) and amid all the usual pro life crap, she was going on about how her daughter was "with the lord", and reading that made me angry.

      Her daughter was dead, likely of a drug overdose. She was never encouraged to make something better of herself. She was never helped with school work, she was never supported intellectually or even emotionally. I'm always hearing of "bad choices" and her life was a series of bad choices, but they were often the only ones she had. She was forever to be a statistic, one of "those people" who made bad decisions and who was never going to be anything more than another dead girl from a poor background.

      And she was going on about Jesus. I wanted to rail at her. If she had been a better mother, if she had left her worthless husband, taken charge of her childrens' lives, pushed them to be something more than the class they were born into maybe she would still be alive.

      Instead she was praising Jesus.

      Fuck that shit.

      I hadn't been Christian for a long time, but the way people talk about God calling home Angels to be in his loving embrace pisses me off. Its a cheap comfort. These children and their teachers died in terror. They were taken out before they had a chance to really live. They're not "sitting on Jesus' lap" they're fucking dead.

      And like my friend's mother, these fucknuts at Faux news are partially responsible. They've pushed the Republican agenda, they cultivated the gun rage of the tea party, they've fed us bullshit about "freedom", they feed the victim mentality of the fascist pseudo Christian mother fuckers who cling to their guns as something God gave them himself and they have the gall to try to comfort themselves with images of little children with wings.

      Fuck you Gretchen. You get no comfort, you should feel fucking guilty as shit.

  • ChrisM2011

    I bet the progressives didn't take him on the shooting range…

  • Gleem McShineys

    There HAS to be a better explanation than "people believe" this shit "with their brains."

  • So does this guy now take the title of Dumbest Person on the Internet, or are we still giving it to the douche who runs Protein Wisdom? Because I have to tell you guys, now that Editrix has introduced me to the comedy stylings of Jeff Goldstein, I can't get enough of him. He's hilarious. Like the unholy rage baby of Michelle Malkin and a lump of elephant shit.

  • HelmutNewton

    "Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too."

    Yeah, homeschool! Just like Adam Lanza! And….oops! Nevermind…

  • Does anyone have an inhaler?

    Rebecca probably has some acid, check with her.

  • finallyhappy

    I am older but volunteer with even older people. Generally politics doesn't come up -despite this particular place being in DC. However, one of the ladies today was going on about violent video games as the reason for this. Normally, I would say nothing when someone says something dumb and go to my "job" Today I said "NO- all we know is that this guy had access to real guns and murdered a lot of children and adults" She started again "But we know it desensitizes young men…." I said- "we know nothing about this guy- except he had GUNS AND MURDERED people"(yes, raised my voice). Then I left the room to get where I had to go.

    • Guppy

      The product placement dollars paid by gun manufacturers to have their products featured prominently in video games (and movies and television shows) doesn't exactly help your cause.

      • sullivanst

        However the fact that ever since the first realistic (relatively speaking, for its time) shooting game was released in 1992, violent crime rates have been falling not rising, does. There's not just a lack of correlation to support the proposition that these games cause violence, there's a negative correlation, most likely mere coincidence but still very strong evidence that there is no significant causitive linkage whereby more games cause more violence.

        Is there any evidence that Nancy Lanza played games with such product placements? Because she's the one that bought the guns…

    • gullywompr

      I'm glad you said it. He didn't need computer-generated guns to play with, he had real ones.

    • vtxmcrider

      Did you Stand Your Ground and shoot her before leaving the room?

    • TribecaMike

      Oh, those quaint old timers and their imaginary studies. God bless 'em.

    • Negropolis

      I know exactly what you mean. I'm so on edge, right now, I had to tell a young relative not to talk to me about the gun issue. He comes in having never had a gun permit talking about he had to make it down to city hall to get a gun permit "before they take the guns away." No, he didn't really need a gun, but it's his right, damnit, and they are taking it away. I'm so glad these types of folks are so few and far between in my life and community, but it jarred me. I raised my voice and everything, told him he could never talk to me about the gun issue, anymore.

  • jello_mold

    Sounds like somebody needs a good fuck.

    • gullywompr

      Well, I think you've being a little forward, but OK. Should I bring my car around, or would you rather take yours?

      • jello_mold

        How dare you suggest such a thing?! SF is a transit-first city.

        • gullywompr

          Kinky. OK, I'm in. Bartender, check please!

          • jello_mold

            Plenty of time for another drink while the valet brings out the hoveround.

          • gullywompr

            All right. Barkeep, two more Ensure™, please.

          • jello_mold

            Make mine a tall.

          • gullywompr

            I'm 6' 2".

          • jello_mold

            Driver, keep the change.

  • KathrynSane

    "A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here…He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location."

    You know, I was kinda expecting a Kafka reference until I remembered what I was actually reading.

  • Not sure how video games desensitize young men and waging an eternal war, now in it's 12th year, does not desensitize them.
    The American people are so desensitized to war and official murder (real war, not the pixels on the screen version) that we are not even supposed to talk about which countries our leaders and tax monies are currently murdering children in.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      This. We've drones killing children. Often it seems.

  • miss_grundy

    I had to stop reading the article because it made me want to punch my laptop and I can't do that because I don't have the money to buy another one right now. I thought the red states were the ones that did all the porn watching and went for the kinky sex with prostitutes. No??? Anyway, is there any way we can exile Tea Party Nation to the Devil's Triangle, because I would be totally all right with that. Thank you and good night.

  • Guppy

    Why does a twenty year old feel powerless?

    Not enough guns.

  • Guppy

    they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

    Shoot loads, not lead!

  • mosjef

    Flouridation of the water supply is sapping our precious bodily fluids. Begin the launch sequence.

  • Negropolis

    OT: Oh happy day…

    Snyder's popularity plummets after right to work; he remains positive

    Lansing — Republican Gov. Rick Snyder's popularity has plummeted since he made Michigan the 24th right-to-work state last week, according to a new poll conducted by a national firm released Tuesday.

    A survey by North Carolina-based Public Policy Polling found Snyder's approval rating among likely voters is 38 percent while 56 percent disapprove of his performance as the state's chief executive.

    Snyder's approval rating has plunged 28 percentage points since the weekend before the Nov. 6 election when PPP last surveyed, said Tom Jensen, director of Public Policy Polling.

    "Snyder is now one of the most unpopular governors in the country and it's a pretty traumatic reversal," Jensen said Tuesday.

    PPP's poll found 41 percent of likely voters support the right-to-work law while 51 percent oppose it.

    Along with this, he also trails EVERY Dem in potential match-ups, even ones with name recognition in the 20's. What a stupid fucking move.

    • Biff

      I'm guessing he's now a made man, and won't have to worry about another term. He's done what the overlords paid him to do.

      • Negropolis

        He's certainly hurt any Republican that has to run in 2014, even if it's not him, though. The very first question Dems will pose to the Republican primary candidate if he or she supported Snyder signing Right to Work, and they'll inevitably have to say yes to win their party's nomination.

        You know, at the state level, Michigan's been largely purple switching out Democratic and Republican governors, but only electing Republican governors that weren't evangelicals and/or didn't attack unions. Snyder crossed the flashy red warning sign. He finally broke the wall, and maybe he's finally ruined the state GOP brand fora generation. So, long as they stayed away from such blatant union busting, Michigian gave them a chance. That's over.

        • Biff

          The damage inflicted so swiftly by not just your Snyder, but also Walker and Scott, and that guy in Ohio sure tried hard too, reminds me of one asshole with an assault rifle, ya know? After 2008, I didn't think their party could ever be taken seriously again. Teabaggers sure proved me wrong…

  • not that Dewey

    At least none of these TeaParty types is bitter, clinging to their guns and religion. That could be trouble.

  • jello_mold

    Snark off. To those "represented" by any of these teabaggin' gohmerts, I wish for you ongoing mass quantities of pure ornery cussedness to fight the good fight. Not worth a whole lot to say "thinking of you and hope you are hangin' in" but I do, a lot. Snark on.

  • Sassomatic

    Mommy, why is that man being attacked by baby pigs?

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    The real problem with kids today is that they haven't been bullied enough (and the bullies should be carrying guns).

  • Sassomatic

    "He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location."

    Well if by "centralized location" you mean the Koch Brothers' lair deep beneath the crust of the earth, which is guarded by giant Ann Coulter dragons and surrounded by a moat of hot semen, then I can get see what he's getting at.

    Also maybe male power is defined in our society in terms of violence.

    • chascates

      Sounds like a Kafka novel.

  • Wow, Tea Party Nation finally published Birdnow's piece? He submitted this in 1928.

  • Negropolis

    I am comforted to know that these folks are increasingly the fringe, and were pushed even further to the fringe on that fateful Friday. There has to be good from this, there just has to be.

    You can sense them desperately groping int the dark. They seem to instinctively know that this time is different, that their president has cut them so much slack as for it to be almost criminal. They can feel the winds changing, and maybe, just maybe, this is their swan song.

    • gullywompr

      I find no comfort in their fringiness, but yes – there is palpable resolution in the air. We simply have no choice but to try to put a halt to this.

      • Negropolis

        There is already stuff happening that would have never happened after a shooting. The investment firm pulling out of Bushmaster, I think. The Republican governor of Michigan vetoing a gun expansion bill. The NRA going on a virtual blackout in social media for a week. Sporting goods stores taking down gun displays and stopping sales of certain rifles. Most Republicans keeping their fucking mouths shut for once and even some calling for change.

        Somethng is really changing, but we have to strike while the iron is heart.

        • VodkaGoGo

          This is it, this is the turning point in this fight. All the violence in the last few decades has been easier to brush under the rug but 20 little kids? No fucking way will the public ignore that.

        • BoroPrimorac

          That gun expansion bill in Michigan was not signed into law because the Newtown massacre made the issue politically sticky. Give it a few months and republicans will try to pass the same, exact bill.

          • gullywompr

            Lamestream media will be on them like white on rice next time. They are in a pickle.

          • Negropolis

            I'm sure they will try, and that's the operative word: try. It's not going to pass the House, and in the off chance that it does, Snyder has made it clear that he's done paying off his baggers. They sent him over 200 bills in this lameduck session. He doesn't owe them shit, anymore And, the only reason that many bills got to his desk this late in the session to begin with is because they shed seats in November. They knew half the shit they passed wouldn't have passed next session even with their majority.

          • BoroPrimorac

            I don't think Snyder's crazy because the baggers have been pushing him further to the right. I think Snyder is an extreme right winger who gets a pass because he has that tough nerd crap going for him.

          • Negropolis

            While I don't for a second believe him to be a moderate, I think it's equally ridiculous for anyone who knows anything about the politics, here, to group him with the fringe right.

            He will draw my eternal ire because he's a coward, but he's not a bagger. Right to Work passed because the Kochs and Devos threatened to primary him and oust the (moderatish) Senate Majority Leader. Had Snyder been a bagger, he'd have passed the voter supression laws he vetoed a few months back and he'd have passed the gun expansion and he wouldn't be pushing like no other governor in the country – Democrat or Republican – for transit/amtrak spending.

            I despise Rick for many reasons, and would vote his double-crossing coward ass out in a hot minute, but it ain't because he's a bagger. He's not a true believer, he's an amoral rich-guy Republican. The statements he put out on Right to Work before he signed it damned-near look like Al Queda hostage videos. This guy got roled by Big Money and we all have to suffer because of his cowardice and weakness to stand up to his crazies.

  • Negropolis

    BTW, I'm going to keep saying it because it keeps coming up, but I'm a bit annoyed at folks avoiding the gun issue to constantly try and pawn this off evenly or even mostly on mental health. I'd venture a guess that folks with mental illness are probably less likely than the general population to commit violent acts with guns, and are certainly more likely than the general population to hurt themselves with guns. I also highly doubt that America has the worst stats when it comes to both the prevalence of mental illness and the treatment of it, or even anywhere near the worst stigma against those with mental illness despite conventional wisdom about "mean" Americans.

    We need greater access to and parity in what we spend on mental health, but I hope this doesn't cloud the real issue, here, which is, plain and simple, the sheer amount and ease of access of handguns. If even we can prevent those with diagnosed mental illnesses getting access to firearms, I'd bet that they contribute a very small amount to our overall homicide count, and more important, less as a percentage than the general populace.

    If I am wrong, and they do commit a dispproptionate amount of general homicides and mass shootings, I won't at all be too proud to eat my words, but I'm more worried about the 'sane' folks who kill their spouses every day with these things when domestic situations escalate. I know even after this tragedy that it's not popular to say, but we need to focus primarily on cutting down on the number of guns in circulation, period.

    • Biff

      My own guess is that the mentally ill are more likely to be victims of gun violence than perpetrators.

    • gullywompr

      Just keep reminding them what the medical examiner cited as the cause of death in each of the victims – massive trauma due to multiple gunshot wounds. Guns killed them, it's a science fact.

    • finallyhappy

      At least for people with aspergers and autism that is true. Young adults on the spectrum are more likely to be the victims of crime than perform an act of violence. My son is on the spectrum and at the many meetings,social events, get togethers over the years, most of these guys or young women cannot drive, have poor motor skills so they couldn't load or shoot a gun or figure out how to steal one(my son and other guys have had things taken from them- but they don't fight back- and in the DC metro area- probably a very good idea). But it is so nice that some moron decided to make claims about the murderer leading other morons to post horrible things about people with autism on Facebook.

  • Troglodeity

    I'll give up my filthy underwear when you pry it from my cold, dead pimply behind.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Ok, that's it. I'm fed the fuck up with the gun rights people. For too damned long gun rights have been this sacred untouchable subject where liberals just let it go like the argument is lost. But fuck that, the gun nuts can't claim to own the moral high ground anymore and now is the time to step on their throats. I knew the Giffords shooting wouldnt change a damn thing. I knew Trayvon Martin, the Aurora shooting, Wisconsin and even last weeks OTHER shooting in Oregon would change anything but this, this, 20 six or seven year old kids, this is too much. This is the gun lobbys Waterloo. The GOP refused to recognize the changing demographics in the election and they're making the same mistake on this issue, SHIT IS DIFFERENT NOW MOTHERFUCKERS.

    Sorry, I'm flat out ranting and also flat out of snark. I just really want to scream. I read a comment elsewhere saying its a childish reaction to insist on tighter gun control and I pretty much lost my shit over it. The gun pro gun crowd (who actually calls themselves 'pro gun' without a hint of irony, wtf is that?) has had a seat at the grown up table and taken seriously for so long that no one even notices that all they bring to the table are more fucking guns.

    • jello_mold

      We are up against a resolute enemy: politicians pulling 6 figures with no real job skills.

      • VodkaGoGo

        It doesnt matter. Politicians are pragmatists (even Boehner) at heart and this bag of outrage over gun fuckery is open and there is no closing it. Think about gay marriage, there will absolutely never be a democratic candidate for the whitehouse who isn't in favor of gay marriage. Think about weed. My mother used to think smoking weed was the same as shooting pcp directly into my pituitary gland. Now she thinks it should be legal and easier to get than alcohol. People change and my one last hope for America is that politicians actually do have to answer to the public. Most of the time we feel powerless but when something big enough happens to wake up the low info voters, heads start rolling and washington starts listening.

      • sullivanst

        Which is why it's important to remember that the NRA's "success" in elections is predicated almost entirely on their support being thrown overwhelmingly behind incumbents. Bloomberg's money was far more successful at effectuating change this cycle than the NRA.

        Remember as well, there are a number of common-ground regulations that are supported by a majority of NRA members. Politicians should be more fearful of their voters reaction if they oppose requiring background checks on gun-show sales, for example.

        The fact that reelection is the top priority for almost every Congresscritter is something we can use.

  • LibertyLover

    10.Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer.

    More wars are started over religion than over any other reason. I pray constantly that this isn't so, but it doesn't change anything.

  • jello_mold

    RWs are too dense for satire, can we pretend they got punked, pomo-style?

    Teabagger word salad reminded me of this (thank you Eric R at "In 1996, Alan Sokal submitted an article to Social Text entitled "Transgressing the Boundaries: Toward a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity." If that title means little to you, that's OK because the article was, in fact, nonsense. It was part of an elaborate hoax and parody that Sokal was perpetrating on those who subscribe to "epistemic relativism," i.e., the belief that modern science is nothing more than myth, a "social construction…""

    But fuck me because IRONY that's exactly what the teabaggers think. Is this the mythical place where the left is exactly like the right?!

    Getting…dizzy, must lie down now. Where's my tall ensure ™?

    • gullywompr

      I'll be in in a sec, just warming up the oils…

  • TribecaMike

    Only last week they were blaming all of society's ills on The Ventures Play the Batman Theme album.

  • no outlet for their overstimulated glands

    Not exactly, since most teenagers are rutting like gibbons whenever they have a chance.

  • Warpde

    This whole situation is sooooo fucked up I can't even make fun of it.
    :( :(

  • Trinket

    I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like "Just how far have the Koch brothers rammed their fists up this puppet's ass?" and on the other, I'm like "OMG whatever it is you nutbuckets think you're doing, please oh please just KEEP DOING IT at least until the midterm elections."

  • VodkaGoGo

    I meant to add this to my last comment but my sister called and it was too late to edit: What enrages me so much about that comment I referenced is the assumption that being pro gun is somehow the respectable, adult, very serious point of view, like it's a given that you'll agree with it. It's kind of like when some random stranger tries to tell you about jesus at a bus stop or worse, when a fellow caucasian assumes its totally cool to refer to black people with the N word, just because you're white and must also be a racist. It's the assumption of moral superiority that drives me crazy. It's the exact same arrogance on abortion and gay marriage. Sorry wingnut, most people dont actually agree with you, your opinion is actually pretty fucking repulsive to the majority of people.

    Also too, I think the gun penis people are really shitting on the teachers who hid kids in the library and the bathrooms and also the teachers who very likely died getting between the shooter and the students. What would you do in that situation? I think about my neice that is that age and I think Ive lIved a good life, without a thought I'd throw myself in front of her. Hell, I'd probably do it for the regular wonkette crew too.

    • not that Dewey

      I was talking to my daughter's kindergarten teacher on Monday morning about all this. She, like me, had avoided watching the news all weekend; knew enough to know that it was horrible and didn't need to know a whole lot more. She urged me to speak to the principal, to ask the school not to say anything about Sandy Hook to other young kids who didn't already know about it. She may seem like a gentle kindergarten teacher, but I have no doubt that she would be one of those heroic teachers who would sacrifice themselves to save the children in a case like that. So yes, fuck you, anyone who shits on teachers, and who ever called them pampered, overpaid thugs. It turns out, they are our last line of defense.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Also also too. I'm going to check out from Wonkette for a while and just watch videos of kitty cats riding roombas. All the cray cray from the last few weeks has drained me and on top of that I have a tumor in my lymph node in my throat, I find out tomorrow if it's benign or not. I want to be clear that you guys are the funniest, smartest people on the internet. Love you guys.

    • jello_mold

      Very sorry to hear that. I hope you get good news.

    • not that Dewey

      Hey, Vodka — take care. We'll be here, in one form or another, when you're ready. I am a firm proponent of Novocaine for the Soul, particularly in the form of kitties. All this politics and squabbling and reading about how low and stupid humanity can be is highly toxic, and there is no choice sometimes except to get away from it. I hope the break helps you.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I'm an atheist so I know it sounds weird to ask but pray for me? Or think good thoughts?Im terrified Dok, I'm only 33 and my hair just turned grey in the last 2 months. I'm terrifiedً.

    • Doktor Zoom

      You've got a whole bunch of secularists and even some theists wishing you well here. Keep us updated, and stay as positive as your circumstances allow.

      Hoping it's good news! Srsly, let us know here either way. We do support pretty good for a bunch of degenerates and buttsex-joke-makers.

    • redarmyzombie


      Speaking as a fellow atheist, I will definitely pray that our lord Pazuzu watch over you and drive away all other evils.

      I'd also pray to Cthulhu, but all he'd do is eat us all in the ensuing madness.

    • redarmyzombie

      In all seriousness though, we will be thinking about you, and I really, really, really do hope it does turn out to be benign.

      • VodkaGoGo

        Thank you. I can't emphasize enough how much it helps to have understanding people on my side. I beat cancer when I was 16 and I'm going to beat it again.

    • finallyhappy

      I'll pray for you-I am not sure what I believe in but I pray with some very serious, good(in that I mean doing good for others in life) people at my synagogue and if there is a God and all- I bet these people are listened to by him/her/them. I wish you a Refuah Shelemah- a complete recovery

  • BathroomGoblin

    He left out transfats. These mass shootings didnt happen when we had ample transfats in our diet. I think if you were to examine the lunchroom at Columbine, nary a hydrogenated oil to be found! Case closed. Thanks Obama.

  • redarmyzombie


    Do you think…do you think Cthulhu might be starting to rise from the ocean to inflict madness upon us all? It's the only thing that makes sense…

  • DahBoner

    Shorter Tea Party: Ignore that giant elephant over there. SQUIRREL!!!

  • petforest

    Shorter Timothy Birdnow:
    "Help! I'm stuck in the 1950's and can't get out!"

  • Negropolis

    Random thought, but isn't it something more than odd that we've decided that you can't shout "fire!" in a crowded theater – you know, a regulation on the first amendment – but it's completely acceptable in some communities to bring your gun to a crowded theater? Our priorities are all fucked up. It seems that it's alright to talk about and then introduce and pass regulations for other rights, but when it comes to the second there is often pushback to any regulation. I mean, along with the recent vetoed concealed carry expansion in my state, there were also proposals that failed, thank god, to destroy gun registries this after we witnessed a serial freeway shooter a few months back who will help be convincted by the fact that he was on the registry. The NRA pushed like hell with an unholy strength on that specific issue, even in the legislature, and failed, and this was a few weeks before Sandy Hook. So maybe there is hope.

    You know, I hope that with the federal push, there are pushes at the state level, because that's where a lot of this craziness happens.

    • chascates

      If someone does shout 'fire' in a crowded theater these days concealed carry holders will naturally stand up and start firing away.

    • sullivanst

      Crazy thing is, they probably also want to outlaw someone truthfully shouting "gun" in a crowded theater, at least until Friday.

  • mycofiend

    Somewhere I saw the phrase 30-kid clip. It needs to be used over and over and over. 30-kid clip, 50-kid clip, what sizes the ghastly things come in…personalize it too. 30-grandchild clip, 50-grandchild clip. 30-toddler clip. 50-kindergartner clip. 30-teacher clip. 50-teacher's aide clip. 30-cop clip. 50-pregnant woman clip. 30-estranged wife and kids clip. 50 co-workers clip.
    Aw shite, what a world what a world.

    • not that Dewey

      I'm sorry you had to see that. And I'm sorry you made me have to see it.

      See, there's someone out there, some paranoid maladjusted gun nut, that would think that is cool, for whom that would be a selling point. That's how sick people are.

  • chascates

    Finally! World Nut Daily gets to the root cause of these tragedies:
    Psych meds linked to 90% of school shootings
    Expert: Psychiatric drugs likely cause of Lanza's extreme violence

    Get rid of those murderous psychiatric drugs and problem solved!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “Bad behavior.” Like what?

    Getting sushi and not paying?

    • Lizzietish81

      Sushi?! That sounds kinda forren.

  • NellCote71

    Wait, wait. Finally, she speaks, our national political philosopher/scholar:

    "Those who let themselves be terribly disappointed in political leaders as they ignore real problems, aided along with a complicit media bombarding us with irrelevant distractions in order to avoid facing the reality of a fallen culture, should know those distractions are to hide from a finger pointing to the main contributors to much of our problem."
    More at Huffington Post.

    • sullivanst

      With that trademark word soup, you don't even need attribution.

  • sullivanst

    Why does a twenty year old feel powerless?

    Clearly, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with mental illness combined with a paranoid "prepper" mother buying into the insane catastrophic mythology spread by right wing organizations who believe that ensuring universal access to healthcare (with mental health equality provisions!) is communist nazism and any attempt to mitigate the severe adverse effects human behavior is having on our planet is paving the way for a New World Order wherein the Secretary-General of the UN becomes some Big Brother-like figure.

    There's absolutely no way it could ever be anything like that.

  • ElPinche

    A teabagger central commenter has now connected this whole thing to LIBOR. All we need now is a squatch call.

  • ElPinche

    Tea Party Nation still around? I thought it was reduced to a KKK meeting on Thursdays with Dick Armey making barbecue.

  • I do feel the need to point out that the Newsmax-esque auto-ad that is displaying for this particular post is entitled "37 things you should hoard", and it seems to have a photo of some sort of Doomsday Prepper, brandishing a rifle.

    Stay classy, shitty Newsmax-esque auto-ad, stay classy.

    (ETA: I totes understand that Mama -and possibly, even the writers- needs to Get Paid, and so I am not criticizing the concepts of ads per se, I just really feel the need to harp on this particular one.)

  • You know, as stupid as I think the strong version of the "violence in media causes mass murder" argument, as argued by the likes of my namesake and also the late Jack Thompson, is, I do have to give them credit for at least staying in vaguely the right ballpark, instead of deciding that the REAL culprit was all the SEX in the media.

    Of course, these are the people who think that mass shootings with assault weapons prove that we need more assault weapons and fewer unions (wtf?), so perhaps coherent logic is a bridge too far.

  • ttommyunger

    Nope. The problem is that fully one-third of our population would read this drek and salivate in complete agreement with every dog-whistle, innuendo and false equivalency therein, that's the problem.

  • Wait! The mentally ill kid that shot and killed those people was white. How come the kids was are suppose to "call out" are obviously black?

    Oh, I get it, the prick is a racist! Makes sense now.

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