TODAY IN DICKS  11:35 am December 18, 2012

Daily Caller Gets Journalistic Scoop Of The Century: Obama’s Signature Looks Like A Dick!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oh good lurd
Sup, Daily Caller? Anything important happening in the world this week? No? That’s too bad, but at least it makes room among your pixels for this SHATTERING expose: Barack Obama’s signature, if you turn it sideways and then randomly add another line to it, LOOKS LIKE A DICK!

Good one, Daily Caller entertainment editor Taylor Bigler! But is it more or less clever than your previous shocking expose, “Kate’s Middle Is Gonna Weigh A Ton”? It is less clever, of course, there being a fine line between … haha, just kidding, there is no line between Taylor Bigler and stupid.

[DailyCaller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 152 comments }

Tequila Mockingbird December 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

You know who else resembles a dick?

hagajim December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

See below.

JustPixelz December 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

Rick Scott
Dick Cheney (it's right in his name which is kind of a clue)
Hannity
Louis Gohmert
Dick Armey (it's right in his name)
Sarah Palin™
Also Hannity too.

Lizzietish81 December 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

Gumby?

Goonemeritus December 18, 2012 at 11:56 am

I’m guessing you slept through anatomy class or only dated people made of clay.

chicken_thief December 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

Dangling Participle?

Kid_Charlemagne December 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

Ken Mehlman?

mrpuma2u December 18, 2012 at 11:43 am

Pretty much everyone writing for the Daily Caller?

Rebootably_Joe December 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

Tucker Carlson? I mean, it's kinda uncanny.

SexySmurf December 18, 2012 at 11:46 am

Dann Florek?

not that Dewey December 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

Nixon?

freakishlywrong December 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

Boner? (John).

thatsitfortheother1 December 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

This guy:

——>

StillGoinGreen December 18, 2012 at 12:31 pm

HEY!!!, I'm with This guy —— > !

Botlrokit December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

Mitch McConnell (uncircumcised)

BlueMonkeh December 18, 2012 at 12:53 pm

oh, god, no, gross….

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Can't. Un. See.

Dudleydidwrong December 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Any two-dimensional cut out doll–you know, the kind writers for the Daily Caller fap to before they start their work.

Callyson December 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Mike Huckabee?

ProgressiveInga December 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Dan Senor's nose?

nicnack74 December 18, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Hitler!

Biff December 18, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Floriduh?

RadioBitchFace December 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Gun nuts?

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

My dick?

hagajim December 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

Tucker would know first hand what a dick looks like up close – because he is one and he likes 'em.

Meathamper December 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"I suck cock and I like it! Yummy yummy yummy"

One_who_wanders December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

I guess we know what they have on their minds. What are they, twelve?

Gayer_Than_Thou December 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I'm going to refuse to understand how the President's signature looks like a dick until one of the straight guys at the Daily Caller explains the similarity to me. In loving detail.

redarmyzombie December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

…..
Seriously?

veritass December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

I see two blue dicks. One of them is Obama's edited signature. The other is wearing a colorful shirt.

Chow Yun Flat December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Follow Taylor on Twitter

I wouldn't follow her twitter with the President's signature.

HRH_Maddie December 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Have you ever seen Barack Obama's signature *on weed*?

RadioBitchFace December 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

And it's a big one too.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

Couldn’t be. It’s way too small.

petforest December 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

When I turn sideways, my dick looks like____________.

paxromanaclef December 18, 2012 at 11:47 am

Obama?

chicken_thief December 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

The profile of a dick?

HRH_Maddie December 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

This would make an excellent Cards Against Humanity black card.

Sparky December 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Flat Stanley when he turns sideways?

AngryBlakGuy December 18, 2012 at 12:06 pm

…a festooned Trollop?

ProgressiveInga December 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

…something I ordered from Good Vibrations?

Native_of_SL_UT December 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

..a drone.

MoeDeLawn December 18, 2012 at 3:15 pm

From straight on it's kind of Ø

gullywompr December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

Obama's signature SO BIG…

thatsitfortheother1 December 18, 2012 at 11:55 am

Huge, throbbing signature…

Veritas78 December 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

So veiny…

WhatTheHolyHeck December 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm

It's twoo!

Barbara_ December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

I noticed the government socialist takeover of my breakfast this morning. No matter which way I spun my bowl of Cherrios around, my cereal spelled "O" for Obama.

Don't even get me started on what the FLOTUS did to my favorite "melts in your mouth and not your hands" candy. I see her monogram all over them now.

chicken_thief December 18, 2012 at 11:43 am

The sumbitch has taken over my bagels also, too!!!!

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:46 am

That Cheerio thing works with Froot Loops, too. I don't know what that means.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm

It means Obama’s position is now fully evolved.

starfanglednut December 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Teh gheyz are for Obama, obvs.

JustPixelz December 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I still can't eat those candies because of the Ws imprinted on them.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm

They really do leave an unpleasant aftertaste.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Those are actually "dubyas."

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I can't even stand the spelling of "Omaha" any more, thanks to that damned Kenyan!11!11

Chow Yun Flat December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

This is your brain.

This is your brain on The Daily Caller.

ManchuCandidate December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

It's still bigger than whatever the Daily Caller's got.

Native_of_SL_UT December 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Penis envy is strong over there,

Besides, how many of us men would not try and make our signature look like a big dick if we only had the right set of letters to work with?

Sue4466 December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

"I know you are, but what am I?"

freakishlywrong December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

Well, when you're an asshole, everything looks like a dick.

emmelemm December 18, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Or a piece of shit.

LesBontemps December 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

Bam. Journamalism. The DC will take its Pulitzer now.

edgydrifter December 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

Takes one to know one.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

That little emanation from the top adds a nice touch, too. Let’s call it the “Other People’s Money Shot”.

Lizzietish81 December 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

Someone's jealous. Even Obama's signature is manlier.

Oblios_Cap December 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

It looks more like a two-headed dildo. Carlson must be seeing starbursts!

asterixaverni December 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

Is Taylor Bigler 11 years old?

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

The fourteen year old in me approves of this post.

AlterNewt December 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

What?

SayItWithWookies December 18, 2012 at 11:43 am

Shhhh — nobody tell Taylor about the Washington Monument, okay?

ChillBill December 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

Taylor found her own article easy to a masturbate to.

BornInATrailer December 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

So, wait, they added the top line?

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I know. It doesn't look like a dick unless you add a line to it to make it look like a dick.

BornInATrailer December 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I'd take a pic of her, photoshop on a cock and twit it to her. But, thankfully, I do not care enough/am not that bored.

NorthStarSpanx December 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

Wait a minute, the POTUS with the MOSTUS just got more interesting.

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

Dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever.

JustPixelz December 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

What a coincidence! My avatar resembles a dick. (If you squint a certain way and hold a picture of a dick in front of your eyes.)

Lizzietish81 December 18, 2012 at 11:47 am

Shit, is it one of those magic eye things? Can never get those to work.

JustPixelz December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

A magic one eye! [rimshot!]
Try moving it back and forth. [rimshot!]
I'll bet you didn't see that coming. [rimshot!]

Thanks everyone. I'll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.

emmelemm December 18, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I laughed, I'm not proud.

coolhandnuke December 18, 2012 at 11:47 am

And handsome Joe's signature, when turned sideways, looks like a bitchin' Camaro.

Rebootably_Joe December 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

You should see what Weedlord Bonerhitler's signature looks like sideways.

SexySmurf December 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

That explains why Obama begins every bill signing with, "Excuse me while I whip this out."

Lizzietish81 December 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

And ends it with a cigarette.

chicken_thief December 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

Shouldn't she be having a baby or something instead of drawing cocks on napkins?

sullivanst December 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

Only after she's brought me my damn sammich!

proudgrampa December 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

Daily Caller is obviously run by a bunch of 12-year olds.

I can just picture them in a circle, jerking off and giggling.

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

I reckon ol' Taylor there is the pivot man. Even if he's a girl.

JustPixelz December 18, 2012 at 11:49 am

Anyone who wants to turn my dick sideways and add a line to it … please proceed.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 11:49 am

Nobody had to strain that hard to see something prurient in Bush’s signature.

prommie December 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

Alright then, whose vagina is that over there, underneath them dentata panties?

FakaktaSouth December 18, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Look. I was young and needed the money. Don't judge me.

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Newell's?

(I keed. He's a dick, too.)

Not_So_Much December 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

Fuck those guys. (with votes…and, uh, signatures)

not that Dewey December 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

What's the matter? Did the Daily Caller already run out of ways to justify murdering children?

CrunchyKnee December 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Daily Caller, so edgy. I suppose that will get a big larf from your Hoveround ridden demographic, who have not seen their own dicks for years.

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Know what else? The guy that was president after LBJ? His name was Dick. Ha ha!!

CrunchyKnee December 18, 2012 at 11:53 am

Heheh, you said BJ and Dick!

Poindexter718 December 18, 2012 at 11:53 am

Sometimes the signature of the most-powerful-man-in-the-world-who-is-black-and-is-not-and-never-will-be-Tucker Carlson is just the signature of the most-powerful-man-in-the-world-who-is-black-and-is-not-and-never-will-be-Tucker Carlson.

Redgyal December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

Somewhere in that long sentence is the key to their anxiety.

sullivanst December 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

Wow, Daily Callgirl is being more mature than usual today.

Biff December 18, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Yeah–where's the poop jokes?

sullivanst December 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Fart! Ha ha ha ha!

Beowoof December 18, 2012 at 11:55 am

And with every bill he signs he either shoves up a republican's ass or crams it down their throat. Happy thought.

Beowoof December 18, 2012 at 11:56 am

And Tucker Carlson who is a huge dick spotted this. Well takes one to know one.

Oblios_Cap December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

spotted dick? Are you British?

Jus_Wonderin December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

This is actually a map of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Look it up. You will concur.

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 11:59 am

Your move, Jackie Treehorn.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 11:59 am

There’d be more of a resemblance if it were written in black ink.

Wile E. Quixote December 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Damn! You beat me to it!

coolhandnuke December 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

President Obama's signature is so big, it takes two secretaries to hold the pen when he signs legislation.

thatsitfortheother1 December 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Finally, the right wing discovers dick jokes.

BaldarTFlagass December 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's the next step in the evolution of a sense of humor. They already do fart jokes and black people jokes, though not of the funny variety. Several hundred thousand years hence, the conservatives may even get irony/sarcasm/subtlety.

MissTaken December 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I'm glad the Daily Caller really got their hands on this. Sometimes they just give you the shaft with their reporting, but this time DC really grabbed a hold of the story and didn't let go until every precious drop was squeezed out.

SorosBot December 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

It was a lot of hard reporting, and they made sure that story wasn't limp.

TootsStansbury December 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

And if you turn the signature backward does it say "Paul is dead"?

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

No, it says “Ron Paul is right.”

ProgressiveInga December 18, 2012 at 12:19 pm

"Ronald Reagan"

Rebootably_Joe December 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Hahaha, it's funny, because the Daily Caller thinks that it's somehow more credible than 4chan.

DahBoner December 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

The first rule of Taylor Bigler is no one talks about Taylor Bigler…

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:05 pm

That proves it: The pen is indeed mightier…

Edith_Prickly December 18, 2012 at 12:08 pm

This is what passes for entertainment among all 25 Daily Caller readers.

mavenmaven December 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I wonder what Michelle's signature resembles to these people.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Just a big “O”.

Lizzietish81 December 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Oh I get it. If you look closely you see that the signature is circumcised, thus proving that Obama is a sekrit Muslim!

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It’s the space shuttle! And remember, Reagan and George W. Bush couldn’t always keep theirs up.

viennawoods13 December 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. Grow up.

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Wonkette Libel!!

cousinitt December 18, 2012 at 12:19 pm

So BIGler is the "Entertainment" editor, eh? Must be. She certainly knows her way around a signature.

NothingMissing December 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

And the “B” neatly forms the appropriate parts. How’s that for an acrostic!

el_donaldo December 18, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I dunno, guys. Dick jokes is kinda Wonkette's main beat. Is the Daily Caller trying to get on our good side?

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Wow. That says a LOT about Daily Caller. (Seriously, I just yelled "WHAT?!" at my computer, I'm sure to the delight of my coworkers.)

Tommmcatt_Again December 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

(fapfapfapfap…)

PopeEdgardo December 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Jesus, and I thought the people on Wonkette had an infantile obsession with the naughty bits.

Chet Kincaid_ December 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That's funny, all I see is the Man Of La Mancha.
http://www.poorwilliam.net/pix/man_of_la_mancha-p

Biff December 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm

What, no auto-pen(is) jokes?

DickWharfinger December 18, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Daily Caller=radical yell=all yard lice=a clear dilly

gurukalehuru December 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I'm calling her Bigler Dickler, because I think it sounds funnier than stupid bitch.

sean_p December 18, 2012 at 1:50 pm

The position of the balls makes it look like a dick seen from below at rest on a glass coffee table.

Veritas78 December 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Regrettably, I'll have to take your word for it!

sean_p December 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I can do better than that, what's your number?

rickmaci December 18, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Daily Caller Chick needs to take a night class on flying craft design because THAT does not look like a space shuttle.

Grokenstein December 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And what does Tucker's mouth look like? And when you put the two together…
…Aw.
I just gave my own sex drive a sad.

a_pink_poodle December 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

My God…

jethrotoll December 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The most pathetic part of this is that they've altered his signature so that it looks like a penis.

This is his real signature:
http://www.americanthinker.com/2012/02/barack_oba

And by "pathetic" I mean gay.

vtxmcrider December 18, 2012 at 10:53 pm

"His initial "B" and "O" are about six times the size of his following letters, a sign all by itself that his hubris is massive."

That hubris is what keeps Michelle smiling and the rest of us fantasizing.

docterry6973 December 19, 2012 at 8:57 am

Interesting little article by a handwriting 'expert', as if there is such a thing, drawing numerous conclusions about Obama's personality, most unflattering, based on his examination of ONE SIGNATURE, evidently on a computer screen. Now there is some useful analysis, bucko!

NinjaCat_Baba December 18, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Taylor 'Dickler' Bigler acts like a dick when reporting the news and the Daily Caller is a dick for editing President Obama's signature. Basically the employees at the Daily Caller are bunch of dicks.

Trinket December 19, 2012 at 1:28 am

Erm. I thought we all noticed this in junior high. Which we attended with Barry.

Noah_Hegemon December 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

"Yeah, and it's deep, too."

ttommyunger December 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I've got your signature right here, Taylor.

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