today in dicks

Daily Caller Gets Journalistic Scoop Of The Century: Obama’s Signature Looks Like A Dick!

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Oh good lurd
Sup, Daily Caller? Anything important happening in the world this week? No? That’s too bad, but at least it makes room among your pixels for this SHATTERING expose: Barack Obama’s signature, if you turn it sideways and then randomly add another line to it, LOOKS LIKE A DICK!

Good one, Daily Caller entertainment editor Taylor Bigler! But is it more or less clever than your previous shocking expose, “Kate’s Middle Is Gonna Weigh A Ton”? It is less clever, of course, there being a fine line between … haha, just kidding, there is no line between Taylor Bigler and stupid.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    You know who else resembles a dick?

    • hagajim

      See below.

      • JustPixelz

        Rick Scott
        Dick Cheney (it's right in his name which is kind of a clue)
        Louis Gohmert
        Dick Armey (it's right in his name)
        Sarah Palin™
        Also Hannity too.

    • Lizzietish81


      • Goonemeritus

        I’m guessing you slept through anatomy class or only dated people made of clay.

    • chicken_thief

      Dangling Participle?

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      Ken Mehlman?

    • mrpuma2u

      Pretty much everyone writing for the Daily Caller?

    • Rebootably_Joe

      Tucker Carlson? I mean, it's kinda uncanny.

    • SexySmurf

      Dann Florek?

    • not that Dewey


    • freakishlywrong

      Boner? (John).

    • thatsitfortheother1

      This guy:


      • StillGoinGreen

        HEY!!!, I'm with This guy —— > !

    • Botlrokit

      Mitch McConnell (uncircumcised)

      • BlueMonkeh

        oh, god, no, gross….

      • HouseOfTheBlueLights

        Can't. Un. See.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Any two-dimensional cut out doll–you know, the kind writers for the Daily Caller fap to before they start their work.

    • Callyson

      Mike Huckabee?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Dan Senor's nose?

    • nicnack74


    • Biff


    • RadioBitchFace

      Gun nuts?

    • gullywompr

      My dick?

  • hagajim

    Tucker would know first hand what a dick looks like up close – because he is one and he likes 'em.

    • Meathamper

      "I suck cock and I like it! Yummy yummy yummy"

  • One_who_wanders

    I guess we know what they have on their minds. What are they, twelve?

    • Gayer_Than_Thou

      I'm going to refuse to understand how the President's signature looks like a dick until one of the straight guys at the Daily Caller explains the similarity to me. In loving detail.

  • redarmyzombie


  • veritass

    I see two blue dicks. One of them is Obama's edited signature. The other is wearing a colorful shirt.

  • Chow Yun Flat

    Follow Taylor on Twitter

    I wouldn't follow her twitter with the President's signature.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Have you ever seen Barack Obama's signature *on weed*?

  • RadioBitchFace

    And it's a big one too.

  • NothingMissing

    Couldn’t be. It’s way too small.

  • petforest

    When I turn sideways, my dick looks like____________.

    • paxromanaclef


    • chicken_thief

      The profile of a dick?

    • HRH_Maddie

      This would make an excellent Cards Against Humanity black card.

    • Sparky

      Flat Stanley when he turns sideways?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …a festooned Trollop?

    • ProgressiveInga

      …something I ordered from Good Vibrations?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      ..a drone.

    • MoeDeLawn

      From straight on it's kind of Ø

  • gullywompr

    Obama's signature SO BIG…

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Huge, throbbing signature…

      • Veritas78

        So veiny…

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      It's twoo!

  • Barbara_

    I noticed the government socialist takeover of my breakfast this morning. No matter which way I spun my bowl of Cherrios around, my cereal spelled "O" for Obama.

    Don't even get me started on what the FLOTUS did to my favorite "melts in your mouth and not your hands" candy. I see her monogram all over them now.

    • chicken_thief

      The sumbitch has taken over my bagels also, too!!!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That Cheerio thing works with Froot Loops, too. I don't know what that means.

      • NothingMissing

        It means Obama’s position is now fully evolved.

      • starfanglednut

        Teh gheyz are for Obama, obvs.

    • JustPixelz

      I still can't eat those candies because of the Ws imprinted on them.

      • NothingMissing

        They really do leave an unpleasant aftertaste.

    • Biff

      Those are actually "dubyas."

    • Chet Kincaid_

      I can't even stand the spelling of "Omaha" any more, thanks to that damned Kenyan!11!11

  • Chow Yun Flat

    This is your brain.

    This is your brain on The Daily Caller.

  • ManchuCandidate

    It's still bigger than whatever the Daily Caller's got.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Penis envy is strong over there,

      Besides, how many of us men would not try and make our signature look like a big dick if we only had the right set of letters to work with?

  • Sue4466

    "I know you are, but what am I?"

  • freakishlywrong

    Well, when you're an asshole, everything looks like a dick.

    • emmelemm

      Or a piece of shit.

  • LesBontemps

    Bam. Journamalism. The DC will take its Pulitzer now.

  • edgydrifter

    Takes one to know one.

  • NothingMissing

    That little emanation from the top adds a nice touch, too. Let’s call it the “Other People’s Money Shot”.

  • Lizzietish81

    Someone's jealous. Even Obama's signature is manlier.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It looks more like a two-headed dildo. Carlson must be seeing starbursts!

  • asterixaverni

    Is Taylor Bigler 11 years old?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The fourteen year old in me approves of this post.

  • AlterNewt


  • SayItWithWookies

    Shhhh — nobody tell Taylor about the Washington Monument, okay?

  • ChillBill

    Taylor found her own article easy to a masturbate to.

  • BornInATrailer

    So, wait, they added the top line?

    • Chet Kincaid_

      I know. It doesn't look like a dick unless you add a line to it to make it look like a dick.

      • BornInATrailer

        I'd take a pic of her, photoshop on a cock and twit it to her. But, thankfully, I do not care enough/am not that bored.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Wait a minute, the POTUS with the MOSTUS just got more interesting.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever.

  • JustPixelz

    What a coincidence! My avatar resembles a dick. (If you squint a certain way and hold a picture of a dick in front of your eyes.)

    • Lizzietish81

      Shit, is it one of those magic eye things? Can never get those to work.

      • JustPixelz

        A magic one eye! [rimshot!]
        Try moving it back and forth. [rimshot!]
        I'll bet you didn't see that coming. [rimshot!]

        Thanks everyone. I'll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.

        • emmelemm

          I laughed, I'm not proud.

  • coolhandnuke

    And handsome Joe's signature, when turned sideways, looks like a bitchin' Camaro.

  • Rebootably_Joe

    You should see what Weedlord Bonerhitler's signature looks like sideways.

  • SexySmurf

    That explains why Obama begins every bill signing with, "Excuse me while I whip this out."

    • Lizzietish81

      And ends it with a cigarette.

  • chicken_thief

    Shouldn't she be having a baby or something instead of drawing cocks on napkins?

    • sullivanst

      Only after she's brought me my damn sammich!

  • proudgrampa

    Daily Caller is obviously run by a bunch of 12-year olds.

    I can just picture them in a circle, jerking off and giggling.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I reckon ol' Taylor there is the pivot man. Even if he's a girl.

  • JustPixelz

    Anyone who wants to turn my dick sideways and add a line to it … please proceed.

  • NothingMissing

    Nobody had to strain that hard to see something prurient in Bush’s signature.

  • prommie

    Alright then, whose vagina is that over there, underneath them dentata panties?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Look. I was young and needed the money. Don't judge me.

    • Chet Kincaid_


      (I keed. He's a dick, too.)

  • Not_So_Much

    Fuck those guys. (with votes…and, uh, signatures)

  • not that Dewey

    What's the matter? Did the Daily Caller already run out of ways to justify murdering children?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Daily Caller, so edgy. I suppose that will get a big larf from your Hoveround ridden demographic, who have not seen their own dicks for years.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Know what else? The guy that was president after LBJ? His name was Dick. Ha ha!!

    • CrunchyKnee

      Heheh, you said BJ and Dick!

  • Poindexter718

    Sometimes the signature of the most-powerful-man-in-the-world-who-is-black-and-is-not-and-never-will-be-Tucker Carlson is just the signature of the most-powerful-man-in-the-world-who-is-black-and-is-not-and-never-will-be-Tucker Carlson.

    • Redgyal

      Somewhere in that long sentence is the key to their anxiety.

  • sullivanst

    Wow, Daily Callgirl is being more mature than usual today.

    • Biff

      Yeah–where's the poop jokes?

      • sullivanst

        Fart! Ha ha ha ha!

  • Beowoof

    And with every bill he signs he either shoves up a republican's ass or crams it down their throat. Happy thought.

  • Beowoof

    And Tucker Carlson who is a huge dick spotted this. Well takes one to know one.

    • Oblios_Cap

      spotted dick? Are you British?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This is actually a map of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Look it up. You will concur.

  • BaldarTFlagass
  • NothingMissing

    There’d be more of a resemblance if it were written in black ink.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Damn! You beat me to it!

  • coolhandnuke

    President Obama's signature is so big, it takes two secretaries to hold the pen when he signs legislation.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Finally, the right wing discovers dick jokes.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's the next step in the evolution of a sense of humor. They already do fart jokes and black people jokes, though not of the funny variety. Several hundred thousand years hence, the conservatives may even get irony/sarcasm/subtlety.

  • MissTaken

    I'm glad the Daily Caller really got their hands on this. Sometimes they just give you the shaft with their reporting, but this time DC really grabbed a hold of the story and didn't let go until every precious drop was squeezed out.

    • SorosBot

      It was a lot of hard reporting, and they made sure that story wasn't limp.

  • TootsStansbury

    And if you turn the signature backward does it say "Paul is dead"?

    • NothingMissing

      No, it says “Ron Paul is right.”

      • ProgressiveInga

        "Ronald Reagan"

  • Rebootably_Joe

    Hahaha, it's funny, because the Daily Caller thinks that it's somehow more credible than 4chan.

  • DahBoner

    The first rule of Taylor Bigler is no one talks about Taylor Bigler…

  • NothingMissing

    That proves it: The pen is indeed mightier…

  • Edith_Prickly

    This is what passes for entertainment among all 25 Daily Caller readers.

  • mavenmaven

    I wonder what Michelle's signature resembles to these people.

    • NothingMissing

      Just a big “O”.

  • Lizzietish81

    Oh I get it. If you look closely you see that the signature is circumcised, thus proving that Obama is a sekrit Muslim!

  • NothingMissing

    It’s the space shuttle! And remember, Reagan and George W. Bush couldn’t always keep theirs up.

  • viennawoods13

    Oh for fuck's sake. Grow up.

    • Chet Kincaid_

      Wonkette Libel!!

  • cousinitt

    So BIGler is the "Entertainment" editor, eh? Must be. She certainly knows her way around a signature.

  • NothingMissing

    And the “B” neatly forms the appropriate parts. How’s that for an acrostic!

  • el_donaldo

    I dunno, guys. Dick jokes is kinda Wonkette's main beat. Is the Daily Caller trying to get on our good side?

  • Chet Kincaid_

    Wow. That says a LOT about Daily Caller. (Seriously, I just yelled "WHAT?!" at my computer, I'm sure to the delight of my coworkers.)

  • Tommmcatt_Again


  • PopeEdgardo

    Jesus, and I thought the people on Wonkette had an infantile obsession with the naughty bits.

  • Chet Kincaid_

    That's funny, all I see is the Man Of La Mancha.

  • Biff

    What, no auto-pen(is) jokes?

  • DickWharfinger

    Daily Caller=radical yell=all yard lice=a clear dilly

  • gurukalehuru

    I'm calling her Bigler Dickler, because I think it sounds funnier than stupid bitch.

  • sean_p

    The position of the balls makes it look like a dick seen from below at rest on a glass coffee table.

    • Veritas78

      Regrettably, I'll have to take your word for it!

      • sean_p

        I can do better than that, what's your number?

  • rickmaci

    Daily Caller Chick needs to take a night class on flying craft design because THAT does not look like a space shuttle.

  • Grokenstein

    And what does Tucker's mouth look like? And when you put the two together…
    I just gave my own sex drive a sad.

  • a_pink_poodle

    My God…

  • jethrotoll

    The most pathetic part of this is that they've altered his signature so that it looks like a penis.

    This is his real signature:

    And by "pathetic" I mean gay.

    • vtxmcrider

      "His initial "B" and "O" are about six times the size of his following letters, a sign all by itself that his hubris is massive."

      That hubris is what keeps Michelle smiling and the rest of us fantasizing.

    • docterry6973

      Interesting little article by a handwriting 'expert', as if there is such a thing, drawing numerous conclusions about Obama's personality, most unflattering, based on his examination of ONE SIGNATURE, evidently on a computer screen. Now there is some useful analysis, bucko!

  • NinjaCat_Baba

    Taylor 'Dickler' Bigler acts like a dick when reporting the news and the Daily Caller is a dick for editing President Obama's signature. Basically the employees at the Daily Caller are bunch of dicks.

  • Trinket

    Erm. I thought we all noticed this in junior high. Which we attended with Barry.

  • Noah_Hegemon

    "Yeah, and it's deep, too."

  • ttommyunger

    I've got your signature right here, Taylor.