OH GOOD THIS AGAIN  2:32 pm December 17, 2012

Former Pizza Kingpin Does Not Want To Pay For Your Whore Pills

by Jeff Wattrick

Pizza Tigers Goes Rwwr!Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s Pizza, terrible baseball team owner, and a guy so Catholic that probably even the Pope thinks he needs to give it a rest, is very upset that this Obamacare thing will allow his employees to make their own health care decisions without his input. So, he’s suing. After all, Tom Monaghan knows what’s best. His decisions to let Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris sign elsewhere really paid off for the Tigers back in the late-1980s. His employees clearly need to rely Monaghan’s wisdom and judgement when making deeply personal medical decisions with their doctors.

Monaghan offers health insurance that excludes contraception and abortion for employees. The new federal law requires employers to offer insurance including contraception coverage or risk fines.

Monaghan says the law violates his rights, and is asking a judge to strike down the mandate. There are similar lawsuits pending nationwide.

What a fun legal precedent this could set! If the man who fired beloved old baseball announcer Ernie Harwell wins this case, he’ll be allowed to impose his moral values on employees through non-monetary compensation. It stands to reason that he could also impose his moral values on his employees through monetary compensation.

Eating meat on Fridays is, like your whore diaphragms and slut pills, “gravely immoral” so you should not be allowed to spend any of your Tom Monaghan paycheck on an end-of-the-week steak. It would violate Tom Monaghan’s rights.

You know what totally doesn’t violate anyone’s rights? The USDA’s “Dairy Management” program. They used your money to help Monaghan’s old company–he still owns the headquarters, Domino’s Farms, which is listed as a plaintiff in this lawsuit–put more cheese on their pizza shingles.

Then help arrived from an organization called Dairy Management. It teamed up with Domino’s to develop a new line of pizzas with 40 percent more cheese, and proceeded to devise and pay for a $12 million marketing campaign.

Consumers devoured the cheesier pizza, and sales soared by double digits. “This partnership is clearly working,” Brandon Solano, the Domino’s vice president for brand innovation, said in a statement to The New York Times.

But as healthy as this pizza has been for Domino’s, one slice contains as much as two-thirds of a day’s maximum recommended amount of saturated fat, which has been linked to heart disease and is high in calories.

Isn’t gluttony still kind of a sin? Apparently not. Government-subsidized pizza and its contribution to our national obseity problem are things the Founding Fathers clearly intended. Personal privacy for individuals making health care choices, not so much.

[WWJ Radio]

 

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{ 245 comments }

Come here a minute December 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Ernie Harwell made the rookie mistake of getting an abortion during the playoffs.

hagajim December 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I kind of thought the Tigers were the abortion in this years World Series, didn't they get underrug swept?

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

That was a pre-existing condition, in that Harwell pre-existed the Tigers.

snowpointsecret December 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Domino's is the new Papa John's is the new Applebee's is the new Red Lobster is the new Chick-Fil-A.

I'm getting dizzy.

northernbassist December 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I have to thank the CEOs of all these crappy places for giving me even more reasons to never, ever, eat there again.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Or wouldn't, if I could afford to.

kyeshinka December 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm

For me, it was the increased risk of diabetes and hundreds more hours in the gym per shrimp scampi entree. And giving my money to a bunch of right wing assholes was up there too.

FlownOver December 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Red Mobster/Oily Garden caved to public pressure and reversed course. Now if they could just get the goddam food right.

Callyson December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

And that's why I'm glad I learned how to cook.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Seriously!
I made spaghetti with gravy (a/k/a tomato sauce) last night. 2 bucks for the spaghetti, another buck and a half or so for the tomatoes and tomato sauce, and it works out to about 6 servings.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I'm gonna start posting recipes on the blog again …

Crank_Tango December 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I think we can all just eat costco pizza, and shop at costco, and get our abortions at costco.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

My only problem with this is the speculum check at the exit.

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

But would I have to buy my abortions in bulk?

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Well, you could get on the plan, you know, one a month, or something. For the low, low price of $11.99.

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Does that include a complimentary subscription to Good Housekeeping? You know we wimminz cant read books.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Ugh, I have a stomach ache.

cybermoe December 17, 2012 at 10:46 pm

When I got dizzy my Mom told me to eat something.

Spider-Jerk December 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm

"I'm getting dizzy."

That's just the all the saturated fat reducing the bloodflow to your brain.

hagajim December 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Just another example of a fine Christian type picking and choosing which sins are appropriate. I'm sure if he had founded Domino's IUD's he'd be fine with the new health care law.

hagajim December 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

They all pretty much suck.

Geminisunmars December 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Well, to be fair, not getting contraceptives can make you put on weight too.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

And make you crave things you'd never be caught dead eating, like Domino's pizza

Dr_Zoidberg December 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I guess I'll have to pay for my whore pills the old-fashioned way – by whoring!

Callyson December 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Just don't take Tom Monaghan as a client. Prostitutes have standards too, ya know…

mrblifil December 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

On the upside if he doesn't come within 45 minutes the pizza is free!

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Ewwwwwww!!

JustPixelz December 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Whoreders … new episodes start Tuesday on TLC.

HempDogbane December 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

My GF said just this morning "I pay for the birth control, you can pay for the Astroglide". She could maybe do some consulting for Monaghan.

One_who_wanders December 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I don't want to pay for our latest set of killing brown people wars but I am pretty sure I get to go to jail if I refuse to pay taxes based on this.

EatsBabyDingos December 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Tommy has the right to not have an abortion, but I'm willing to give him one anyway. Can I substitute a fire hydrant for a coat hanger?

Tommmcatt_Again December 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Use a traffic cone, easier to hose off.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Or just ram the fire hose up in there and be done with it.

The enema of my enemy is my friend.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"You get to drink from — THE FIRE HOSE!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXc5ltzKq3Y

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I say this every fucking time, but if your religious convictions prevent you from treating employees and customers with equal respect and dignity then you should not be in any kind of business.

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well put.

PuckStopsHere December 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I stopped eating Domino's when they switched their menu from Latin to English.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Greasiosae Domino.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

At which point, you could actually understand what they were passing off as "food"?

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Helpful hint: "Carpe diem" has nothing at all to do with fish.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 1:52 am

Damn Vatican II. It even ruined pizza.

DahBoner December 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Then help arrived from an organization called Dairy Management.…

Free Golf Calendars???

MissTaken December 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Most of the preggers ladies I've known have devoured many a pizza during their cravings. Just simple Marketing 101.

Tommmcatt_Again December 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I'm thinking maybe I'll just not patronize any national chain of any kind. This ensures that my moral standards are not compromised, and also apparently keeps me from funding wingnuttery.

Also, life is too short to eat shitty pizza.

sewollef December 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Let's start a "who's got the best pizza in the country" post.

Of course that excludes all the country except New York City and maybe, maybe…. Chicago. Amirite?

Ok, I'll go first:

Di Fara's pizza, run by Dominic DiMarco in Midwood, Brooklyn is the best pizza on the eastern seaboard.

Top that!

MissTaken December 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Bay Area: Zachary's

Yummy Chicago-style. Yum yum! And 100% employee-owned.

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

That place was good, yeah. Especially after so many years without any good Chicago-style places around; just a few shitty Uno's chain places and they were all way out in suburban malls.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

TOLD you you'd like it here, dood.

Tommmcatt_Again December 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Joe's Pizza out here in La-La Land. Mozzo Pizzaria if you want to pay about $60 a plate.

Rebootably_Joe December 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

YOU LIE!

-From the neighborhood of the actual original Patsy's.

snowpointsecret December 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

This thread is going to remind me that the most popular pizza here tastes like cardboard. And yes, even most of the non-chain stuff.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Old joke that I didn't really get until I moved away from the NYC metro area:
People in heaven talking about the people on the cloud next door:
"Their accents are terrible, and they keep complaining that the pizza here isn't as good"

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

You can *make* a better pizza at home than you'll ever get from Domino's!

jqheywood December 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Pacci in Silver Spring, MD, has a nice Neapolitan pizza, and Palermo's in Hamilton, NJ, has the best damn tomato pie I've ever had.

216stitches December 17, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Satchel's pizza in Gainesville FL. Mostly because he pays his employees a living wage w/benefits and only has one small pizza shop.

shelwood46 December 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I recently visited my mother in Alabama (I live in NJ). One night she insisted we get pizza for dinner, even though she admitted all the pizza choices were shitty (basically, chains or gas stations). We ended getting it from Dominos. I had cheesy bread and chicken nuggets, because I just couldn't.

EatsBabyDingos December 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Do I need pizza penicillin for my pizza shingles?

johnnyzhivago December 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Pizza Shingles sounds like a delicious new snack – individually wrapped Pizza product slices with a crispy outer crust and a tart, tangy taste!

snowpointsecret December 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

No, but you might need good home insurance in case the cheese starts oozing off the roof and into the rest of the house.

Oh wait, wrong shingles.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Say! You know what else gets served on a shingle?

ProgressiveInga December 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Mexicans?
Oh, wait. I thought you said who works hard laying shingles. My bad..

MosesInvests December 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Pizza interferon-it's a virus.

Sharkey December 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Pizza Insulin maybe too.

johnnymeatworth December 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Wow, it's almost like we're supposed to give our money to someone besides people that make shitty pizza….

johnnyzhivago December 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

What's wrong – you mean you don't consult your boss and/or your pizza shop owner on your health care questions?

PuckStopsHere December 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Murdering children with an assault rifle is against my religious beliefs, but you don't see me suing anybody.

PennyDreadful December 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This does spark an idea, though.

Gratuitous World December 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And if you don't know you're pregnant within 30 minutes or less, no abortions.
(your move, MI GOP)

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I think AZ has this wrapped up already.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

So lemme see….employer offers health insurance that basically dictates employee behavior off-hours, before any harm has come to the company reputation, like, I dunno, running up a $35,000 tab on the company credit card at a strip joint, and this is somehow "freedom"?

cousinitt December 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

A pie between your knees is all you needz to prevent pregnancy, hold the sausage.

MissTaken December 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Do I smell anchovies?

NellCote71 December 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

You bad. I like that in a person.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Another reason to keep one's knees together.

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Be careful when handling the sausage, so as to prevent any "juice" from getting on you.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"hold the sausage"

That's what HE said!
*ba dum tish*

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I think ID has just unilaterally decided I like your comments. I never even get to click on them any more without a finger-wagging "You already voted on that!"

Rebootably_Joe December 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Holding the sausage is also a sin, in Catholicism.

PubOption December 17, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Not for altar boys.

Guppy December 17, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Pizza pie, maybe. Cream pie, not so much.

Callyson December 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Monaghan says the law violates his rights

His right to…what, exactly? Because if there is one thing I am completely over, it is the wingnuts' yammering about how they should not have to pay for birth control. Excuse me, but access to contraception is a basic healthcare need that should be included in basic coverage in the first place, and would be if not for self righteous judgmental pricks like Tom Monaghan. Stop ripping us off in the name of your "right" to impose you particular version of religion upon us!

/FFS

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

His right to…what, exactly?

To not pay for free contraceptives, of course.

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm

His right to punish female employees for being slutty slut sluts, or what most people would call having a normal healthy sex life.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Granted that an awful lot of the GOP/right wingers seem to be closeted gheys, I don't think that they've thought this through very carefully.
I mean, "We don't want the wimmenfolks to have sex"? I don't think they'd be very happy if they got their wish.

PubOption December 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm

If it was claimed that the fetus was a demon, would he pay for an exorcism?

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 2:51 am

Snark off (which it is practically every day lately … sigh). Where did this numbnuts get legal standing in this case? In 1998 he sold majority ownership in Domino's to Bain Capital. Yeah, that one. For ONE BILLION clams. According to Wikipedia (I know, I know) he doesn't any longer even have an office in company HQ (a fake Frank Lloyd Wright building in Michigan).

After he got all that money, he read a C.S. Lewis book and supposedly had a vision about doing "good works," Catholic style. Which is not Gagnam style, sexy laideez.

Among those "good works": hanging around with Rick Santorum and founding Ave Maria University and Ave Maria Law School, which apparently are akin to Regent, Liberty, and Bob Jones, with an even weirder mother fixation. A graduate of Ave Maria Law School is lead counsel in the suit filed by something called the Thomas More Law Center (motto: Battle Ready to Defend America). In every press release I read about this case, Monaghan is identified as the FOUNDER of Domino's, not the owner or chief stockholder. So how is he being damaged?

Named as Defendants in the lawsuit are Kathleen Sebelius, Hilda Solis, Timothy Geithner (what the hell could he have to do with it), and their respective departments. Just in case you thought our tax dollars weren't being wasted on enough other crap. It won't cost Thomas More all that much because in addition to St. Monaghan's pizza dough, their website is soliciting for pro bono counsel to help with the law suit.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 8:27 pm

In the last graduating class from Ave Maria Law School, 11 (out of 23) flunked the state bar exam. By that measure, it's the worst law school on the planet, so I don't expect the next Clarence Darrow to emerge from the Thomas More Law Center.

I also have this comical image in my head of St. Thomas More, up there in heaven, complaining to God about this defamation of his reputation (he was a lawyer, after all): "Come on, you gotta do something about this!"

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Aww, that one extra grad had to sneak through to make it more than 50%. Better luck (to us) next year.

Roger_of_Arabia December 18, 2012 at 4:28 pm

If I'm a Jehovah's Witness business owner can I refuse pay for blood transfusions and can Christian Scientists only cover prayer and massages?

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yeah? Well what about my right to edible pizza? Jerk.

Botlrokit December 17, 2012 at 2:56 pm

You can eat it, but you might not digest it.

NellCote71 December 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

The right to edible pizza would cover all sorts of sins. Do I seen a 28th Amendment on the horizon, or does that fall under the "cruel and unusual" section of the 8th Amendment.

EatsBabyDingos December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

But little blue Boehner pills are okay

Stevola December 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Boner pills are blue, Boehner pills are orange

Exhausted66 December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Does Dominos only sell cheese pizzas on Fridays during Lent?

Oh that's right, morality is only job one when it cuts into profits. Gotcha.

emmelemm December 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Exactly. If he was really true to his convictions…

Beowoof December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Well Tommy I will not eat your pizza even when it is the only game in town. Although, where I live there are pizzerias run by real Italians who actually learned how to make it in Italy. The shit your peddling is like ketchup on a cracker.

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Hey Tom — I don't give a fuck about your religious beliefs and neither does the Constitution. And that's all the fuckin' sympathy I can muster for you and your sissyass religion today.

Mumbletypeg December 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

We're saving our 'sympathy' for religion til "Rapture 2012, Mayan Style" this Friday, right?
Drink specials — Solstice-inspired — film at eleven viewed from the bar at O'Toole's.
(Don't forget to bring your camera)~

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm

And Quetzalcoatl can eat his heart out. Oh, wait…

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

(rolls red eyes, hands Wooks the blowsha)

jqheywood December 17, 2012 at 5:10 pm

How, exactly, do you "hand" someone a "blowsha" ? http://tinyurl.com/c68h7qn

Botlrokit December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

With all the owners of these food companies getting all bent over these things they don't like, I have noticed something in my morality-driven abandonment of their products:

I'm losing weight, and getting healthier!

FlownOver December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

However much Joe Scarborough is no longer a dick, just add that much to this guy's dickitude.

LibertyLover December 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Dickishness can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change form.

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This bullshit again? Ugh. There is no "right" to force other people to abide by your own religious rules, assholes; and the rule against birth control is a religious rule, NOT a moral one; stop confusing the two.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 8:50 pm

It's the defining characteristic of religious nuts that the rules of their religion are "moral" rules, which everbody else is obliged to observe.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I thought the pizza guy was going to build the perfect city with perfect people living in it somewhere in Florida. Whatever happened to that?

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm
BigSkullF*ckingDog December 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm

According to that it is 3 feet above sea level, so at least they will all die in a flood soon.

JustPixelz December 17, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Seems almost like Biblical justice.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Looks kind of empty.
http://goo.gl/maps/yEka6

I drove the google man around the area. It looks like a ghost town only newer.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Seems the Catholics aren't flocking to Monaghan's religious paradise. Wonder why.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:31 am

Maybe this is why?

OR, even more creepily, maybe this is why.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:24 am

"The development of the town was made possible when the Florida legislature created the Ave Maria Stewardship Community District, a limited local government whose purpose is to provide community infrastructure, including community development systems, facilities, services, projects, and improvements."

I wonder how many millions he spread around to get that useful bit of legislation through. And how many taxpayer dollars are supporting his super-catholic "university" and fifth-rate law school.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 18, 2012 at 1:45 pm

He's expecting county police to take care of his crime problem and had the gall to suggest the taxpayers fund Jackson Labs' move to his "town."

PuckStopsHere December 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It's a fast-food pizza chain. How many employees do you think actually qualify for the company's health care benefit? Like, four?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

My understanding of the pizza delivery business, based upon porn, would lead me to believe that people delivering pizza are in constant need of birth control.

Rufus T. Firefly December 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I'm here to fix der Kabel.

WhatTheHolyHeck December 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Hey, asshole, I don't want to pay for your floppy dick pills either.

FlownOver December 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I don't want to pay for his quad-bypass or coral snake antivenin or anything else he needs. If he's so tight with Big G, Junior and Casper why should he need health care at all?

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"…Big G, Junior and Casper…." Now, that's FUNNY!

Reminds me of my shit-for-brains elderly mother saying it was fine for her to drive after a major seizure, even though it's against the law to drive for six months, and her doctors told her not to, because, you see, all she needs to do is to pray harder and she'll be fine. So you lousy, rotten kids and grandkids and your offers to drive her everywhere can go fuk yourselves. She's got a plastic Jeezuz on the dashboard to protect her ass and doesn't need her stinkin' family.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Maybe you should tell us where she drives, so we can be sure to, you know, avoid the area.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 2:53 am

Yeah! Why can't he just heal himself like Tim Tebow does.

What? He doesn't?

kittensdontlie December 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Gluttony….may happen in five ways: too soon, too expensively, too much, too eagerly, too daintily.—New Advent Encyclopedia

Starve the gey, feed the angels.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Too daintily?
Does that mean that when I'm separating my food into teensy little piles, and eating a teensy little bite of each, until everything is all gone and it comes out exactly, mathematically even; I'm sinning, in addition to annoying the fuck out of my dining companions?

kittensdontlie December 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Sorry to say, but yes. REPENT(or not).

Baconzgood December 17, 2012 at 2:52 pm

His pizza is lame.

CrunchyKnee December 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I prefer my pizza in non shingle form, created locally by some dude claiming to make "New York style" pizza in a small shop several blocks from my house. Yeah, the dude who delivers is a little sketchy, but I'm sure he makes a decent wage and doesn't get told where to buy his old lady's birth control, yo. Or that he can't smoke weed while making deliveries.

freakishlywrong December 17, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Monaghan says the law violates his rights
What "rights" would those be, fuckwit? The right to impose your religious beliefs on your employees?

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Yes.
See also, "war on Christmas".

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 2:53 am

Yes, on all six of the employees who actually HAVE health insurance.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:13 am

It's a least as important as his right to close Dominos Pizza shops on Sundays. Wait, what???

HRH_Maddie December 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I happily boycotted Walmart, Papa Johns and McDonald's because they are evil and their food is gross. But damnit, I love Dominos. This one will be hard.

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Learn to make your own. It's as easy as pie.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Hahaha … you're not kidding are you?

Of course not.

I actually make my own pizza, except once or twice a year I crave Zachary's deep-dish Chicago style.

Jus_Wonderin December 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

More of the butthurt CEOs???

mrblifil December 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm

In other news, the substance they blast into the stuffed crust ain't cheese…

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 2:54 am

It's artery plaque. Why waste good cheese?

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm

gawd-botherers violate my rights not be be pestered by them.

Blueb4sinrise December 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Dominos bullshitscum!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Eat some shitty goo to go.

mavenmaven December 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Why are all the fast food chain owners so creepy? Is there something inherently appealing to fascist types about bad food?

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

YES! Goddammit, yes, yes, yes! That's what I've been preaching for fucking years. There's a huge difference between taking the bounty of the Earth and using it to nourish the creatures that live thereon – and turning that beautiful bounty into "food product" that is fit for neither man nor beast nor particularly unpicky bacteria. Except maybe salmonella and E. coli. Eat sparingly of food that is prepared by someone you don't know. Food is love. People you don't know treat your food as a product. Someone who loves you teases your tastebuds, cares for your every cell's needs, nourishes your soul, with their food.

LibrarianX December 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The Christian Books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy forbid the consumption of the flesh of "unclean animals." Has Domino's stopped serving pork?

CrunchyKnee December 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

They are one of those pick and choose bible-readers – old testament says pork is bad, nah, ok because Jesus; old testament says the homosexuality is bad, Jesus who?

CalamityJames December 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm

No worries, it's not like any of that shit is real meat.

Roger_of_Arabia December 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

It's also an abomination, like homosexuality, to eat shrimp. Does he have shrimp pizza?

docterry6973 December 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Are the purveyors of hobo beans still good guys? 'Cause I gotta eat something.

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

He wants people to use the old-fashioned form of birth control; eating nothing but shitty chain pizza, insuring that they are too fat and greasy to be fuckable.

MissTaken December 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Does Pizza Perfume make you more, or less fuckable?

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Ew. That sounds even more stinky disgusting than Axe Body spray; I wouldn't want to sit next to someone wearing that on the train (though it would still be better than a super-stinky homeless guy with no shoes).

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Bacon. EV'body loves Teh Bacon.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I worked at Domino's to get through college, and we would consume some of the pizza late at night, because we were college students and it was a bit of a step up from salt-bomb ramen noodles. But it was a mostly a survival technique, like when Steve McQueen crushed a giant centipede in a cup of his own urine and consumed it in "Papillon."

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I'm not sure if it was worse than Pizza Hut; though we did have pasta of sorts.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

And salad, if I recall.

CrunchyKnee December 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Still sounds better than Dominoes "pizza."

FNMA December 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Is that also the "secret" ingredient in Domino's sauce?

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Wut, giant centipedes macerated in Steve McQueen's urine?

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Weedlord – you beat me to it!!

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

(Bows deeply) I live to serve, babycakes. (Hugs you)

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

*sigh*
So let's see, within the past week or two, Michigan (or more to the point, Michigan's hateful idiot of a governor) has passed a "right to work" law, a "right to carry guns everywhere" law, and now they're working on a "right to force your employees to get pregnant" law?
Dang, at least Florida has good beaches.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

MI's chicken gov has now said he is "rethinking" signing that "mandate guns in day-care centers" law.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 2:57 am

The GOTPees could save themselves all that rethinking if they'd just thing the first time.

Guppy December 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"Everywhere?" When Florida passed a "guns everywhere" law, the legislators were sure to install panic buttons in their offices.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 1:55 am

The "guns everywhere" bill has not be signed by the governor, yet, and he's seriously hinting that he won't sign it.

Tundra Grifter December 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Is there a discernable difference between eating a Domino's Pizza and eating the box it came in?

And does anyone else remember all those lawsuits over car accidents caused by his pizza delivery drivers trying to avoid taking more than 15 minutes and the customer getting the pie for free?

Rebootably_Joe December 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Is there a discernable difference between eating a Domino's Pizza and eating the box it came in?

Greasy corrugated cardboard is healthier for you.

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

The box is usually warmer.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

And has more cheese on it.

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Those lawsuits are why they no longer have the "30 minutes or free" policy. The way that worked is the company took the price of the pizzas from the delivery guy's pay if they were late; strangely that lead to a lot of them driving recklessly. Nobody could have predicted that!

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Also, Domino's is shitty pizza and always has been.

RadioBitchFace December 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

What, ketchup and glue on cardboard isn't to your tastes?

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

My grade school cafeteria used to serve "pizza" that was ketchup and white American cheese on half an english muffin, but at least they didn't try to take away the lunch ladies' insurance.

emmelemm December 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yeah! I remember that "pizza" from my own school days.

Dudleydidwrong December 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Herman Cain agrees.

(And so do I)

JustPixelz December 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

There are a lot of reasons why health insurance should be decoupled from employment. This is near the top of the list. In the decoupled world, the employee would get their insurance from any provider, perhaps keep the coverage they had from their old job. The employer can kick in some dough (pizza dough! get it?) to help they employees pay, but have NO SAY WHATSOEVER in the coverage.

PubOption December 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

And having a single-payer system with simplify things further.

kakotechnia December 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Strong talk from a fella whose company had to run a "we know our pizza sucks" ad campaign.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And made the giant leap to asking "Why does our pizza suck?" Such self-awareness is indeed rare.

pinkocommi December 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Of course, this asswipe doesn't recognize that paying people the current minimum wage , which is not enough to raise kids on with decent housing, health and dental care and a chance at a college education, has anything to do with people's willingness to have children. Just another example of Republicans loving fetuses, but fucking over people who have been born.

CrunchyKnee December 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Being a godless liberal myself, I was wondering if these fetus pizzas are readily available?

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

So, no "Avoid the Embrynoid" for his female employees.

asterixaverni December 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Tommyboy doesn't even own Domino's anymore… I think Bain bought it in the 90's or 00's. So what is he suing about?

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:01 am

I keep asking that question. He sold it to Bain in 1998 for approximately one BILLION dollars. Which he then spent founding the Supercatholic law school that is providing he lawyers for this case. Log rolling in our time, as Spy used to say.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

"V1agra? No problem, Sir!"
"Birth control? Get lost, slut!"
– This Modern World

godhatesmedotcom December 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

If the cost for providing healthcare by him for his employees is the same with or without contraception, he is a tyrant. And another example of why we need to separate healthcare from employment.

godhatesmedotcom December 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Just want to point out that the crust of his "pizza" is worse for heart health than the cheese.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:02 am

Bad pizza crust should be punishable by jail time.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

To be fair Monaghan is an EPIC level Christian douche so this all does make sense; what I'm waiting for is like with other 'conscience' cases this dildo will be found to have been covering contraception all along which he'll then rush to get rid of so he can sue. These idiots are about little more than forwarding the cause of the GOP and until this became a manufactured controversy to attempt to legally defeat Obama care they probably couldn't give a shit about what the health plans offered so long as they are cheap.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:05 am

I live to read the friend of the court brief by Rick Santorum. And if we ask Santa, maybe we'll get one from Oily Taint, too. It's about time those two discharges got together on something. Why shouldn't it be bad pizza-related?

rocktonsam December 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Whore pills. Perfect!

In a text to my girlfriend…

Me- Did you take your whore pill this morning, I want sex tonight?

Her-Fuck you!

Yes, fuck you indeed

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yes! Yes, fuck you, too! Good morning, my friends and neighbors! FUCK YOU, TOO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chdtqy5uns0

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I've always thought that it you really wanted to diss someone, you would say "unfuk you" instead of "fuk you" because fukkin's usually a good thing and therefore, you wish for them to be deprived of it.

It's akin to people saying, "I could care less" which implies there is still caring left; however, if one says "I couldn't care less" it implies there is no caring at all – it packs a bigger zinger, if that's your objective.

Class dismissed.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:03 am

"I couldn't care less" is the original expression. How it became such a completely stupid statement is a mystery to me. I mean, how do you even make that mistake in the first place? The fact that it spread everywhere, with nobody noticing that it's stupid, is mind-boggling.

An_Outhouse December 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Authoritarian strong man takes his orders from a guy in a dress.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

If I'm to understand correctly:
No birth control, because babbies.
No abortion, because babbies.
No maternity leave, because fuck the babbies.
No day care, because fuck the babbies.
Guns everywhere, because fuck the babbies.

So that's [does math], two AGAINST and three FOR letting the human race die out?

Rebootably_Joe December 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

You forgot let's No action on climate change, because fuck the babbies.

In other words, Supermajority!

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Hey, you're good at this math shit.

valthemus December 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"You mean I'm mega-rich and I still can't do whatever I want and maintain absolute control over the lives of peasants? THIS COUNTRY'S GOING TO HELL!!!"

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:07 am

He got slave-master delusions as the "owner" of baseball players.

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

"I'm docking employees' paychecks for the amount of money they'd be likely to spend on pork and shellfish" — said no Jewish employer, ever

Rebootably_Joe December 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

On the other hand, so said every Muslim employer, ever, in Pamela Gellar's fevered booze-dreams.

RadioBitchFace December 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I heard that afterbirth makes a great little personal pan pizza.

Geminisunmars December 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

OK, I'm not taking his side, but what kind of unAmericun thing is that, that he even provides health benefits?

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:10 am

Good point. I have yet to read anywhere how many employees are the beneficiaries of his largess.

LibertyLover December 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I am running out of Pizza vendors to buy from. I guess I will have to cook my own pizzas from here on out.

LibertyLover December 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Why are Pizza Barons such dicks?

Wile E. Quixote December 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Could someone explain to me again why anyone who isn't some sort of deranged, schizophrenic retard should care about how a bunch of child-molesting old queers in black robes interpret the contents of a book that was written down by a bunch of shit-ignorant desert savages two thousand years ago?

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 4:43 pm

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them that paint is wet and they have to touch it to be sure." — George Carlin

Wile E. Quixote December 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

You know what totally doesn’t violate anyone’s rights? The USDA’s “Dairy Management” program. They used your money to help Monaghan’s old company–he still owns the headquarters, Domino’s Farms, which is listed as a plaintiff in this lawsuit–put more cheese on their pizza shingles.

Remember, when conservatives like Tom Monaghan get down on their knees and wrap their lips around a big, greasy government cock and suck like there's no tomorrow it's totally not gay.

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

WTF is it with crazy, greedy fukheads owning pizza companies? First it was Godfather's (Herman Cain), then Papa John's, and now Domino's. Glad I know how to make my own pizza; it's waaaay cheaper and waaaay more awesome!!

tessiee December 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"Then help arrived from an organization called Dairy Management"

I like this.
I like it a LOT.
Unemployment Office [on phone]: Fuck you, Tessie; no munniez for you.
Me [hanging up phone]: Shit. NOW what am I supposed to do? [looking out window] What the hell is that?
Ice cream truck with neon "Dairy Management" logo comes tearing around the corner with jingly music playing double time, and screeches to a halt in front of my house.
Campy Eddie Izzard type cow in a pink tutu, rhinestone tiara, gauzy wings, and high heels minces up the walkway.
Me: Who are YOU?
Cow: I'm your Dairy Godmother, bitch! [squirts milk from udder in my face; hits me with wand with sparkly star on end] MOOYAH!!
Dairy Godmother runs back to ice cream truck, which takes off with squealing brakes, on to next emergency.

Dudleydidwrong December 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Uh, about this "squirts milk from udder in my face…" When does that truck show up?

(Oh, crap! You said "Eddie Izzard type cow…" Forget it. I've dealt with enough cow udders, and now I'm udderly confused. Is this on Youtubez?)

pdiddycornchips December 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

It would stand to reason that eating a pizza from any of the well known nationally advertised chains is bad for your health, bad for women, and bad for the country. Stop it right now,

shelwood46 December 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Also, bad for the reputation of pizza as an edible.

rickmaci December 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Sheesh. Now I need to find a new place that delivers pizza.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:13 am

Move to Pittsburgh. You are never more than 100 yards from a family-owned pizza joint. Ya want delivery? They'll just walk it over.

Biff December 17, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I want 40% moar gummint cedar cheese on my pizza!

valgal2342 December 17, 2012 at 4:21 pm

WTF is it with the Pizza guys?

Schmegeg December 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I resolve to never eat his shitty pizza ever. and so far so good. Maybe their personal pan pizza could double as a diaphragm

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm

So you can't get pepperoni on your Domino's pizza on a Friday, right? Right?

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:13 am

Bingo!!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 10:41 am

And they're closed on Sundays, of course.

(PubOption beat me to it…)

Walkinwiddaking December 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm

"Monaghan says the law violates his rights, and is asking a judge to strike down the mandate. There are similar lawsuits pending nationwide."

Maybe I should have used this tactic back in the early 90's when I thought my rights were violated when I thought I was buying pizza instead of a piece of burnt cardboard shmeared with ketchup from a local Dominos.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 5:44 pm

So, Monaghan pays employee, employee buys contraceptives with Monaghan's money, no problem.
Pay insurance company, insurance company buys contraceptives with pooled money from thousands of customers, VIOLATION OF RELIGULOUS FREEDUMBS!!!!!

Monaghan is such an asshat, it's really a shame I can't reduce my patronage below its present nonexistent level. My only hope is that he spends millions on this boneheaded lawsuit.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:17 am

The Thomas More Law Center is providing the lead counsel and it is soliciting on its webpage for pro bono assistant attorneys. Why pay for something you can get for free? Rick Santorum isn't doing anything these days either. He will probably help.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:08 am

A billionaire wants pro bono legal beagles to help him out. That's rich.

PubOption December 17, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Isn't there something in the bible about working on Sundays?

christianmuslin December 17, 2012 at 6:28 pm

The Morman Marriotts have no problem selling iced cola flavored soda, alcohol, or providing for gambling in states where it is legal, even though all of these are against their religion. One of Egypts main exports is pork and we know those that subscribe to the Islamitic faith do not eat pork. But when it comes to an employer providing decent health care to employees they balk. Oh, I get it. The one brings in revenue while the other may add to expenses. How silly of me!

jello_mold December 17, 2012 at 7:22 pm

What the fuck is it with pizza and rightwingers anyway? Pizza and I have gotten along all these years yet you don't see me turn into a raving nutbag.

NinjaCat_Baba December 17, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Cheeser Pizza, Cheeser CEO, thier pizza really sucks!

cybermoe December 17, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I'll have extra sausage on mine Tom.

ttommyunger December 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm

You know, if these rich fucks paid more in taxes they wouldn't have so much discretionary income to piss away on attorneys and frivolous law suits. Am I getting through? Rich fucks need to pay more in taxes, they have way too much extra money!

fuflans December 18, 2012 at 12:28 am

meh. domino's has been on the boycott list (because of this asshat) since like 1978.

also, the pizza is an absolute abortion.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2012 at 3:19 am

I've never even tasted Domino's pizza because NARAL told me not to when I was but a young pup. Is it as bad as Pizza Hut (which I have tasted but since boycotted)?

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 1:45 am

I love when Tom wanted to expand Ave Maria College (now University) in suburban Ann Arbor, the township told his ass to take a hike. The guy wanted to put up a crucifix 25-stories tall on the campus. You know, because 24-stories just wouldn't be enough.

BTW, if you want to support another Detroit-based pizza magnate, buy Little Caesars. Their owners give to mostly Democratic causes and candidates. Sure, their pizza is even worse than Tom's, but it's a social alternative. lol

Biel_ze_Bubba December 18, 2012 at 7:11 am

I believe he packed up, and moved his whole Jesus Circus to Floriduh, where religious nutters are as thick as mosquitoes.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 8:20 am

Yep, Ann Arbor Township told him he could go fuck himself with his 25-story crucifix, basically, so he took his ball and went down to the swamp.

nanooknw December 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

What is it with these Pizza guys? Here's another place where I will never go again.
I'm sure we could put him out of business in a few weeks. Just go out for a better
pizza.

Roger_of_Arabia December 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Does this mean that Jehovah's Witnesses don't have to pay for blood transfusions and the Christian Science Monitor only has to pay for prayers and massages?

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Giovanni's on Lawrence in Sunnyvale- but the guys who run it are from Brooklyn and NJ.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 6:02 pm

But in Uganda it refers to TheNobleWeed. Also, jaguar, because "it sneaks up on you."

Weedlord BonerHitler December 17, 2012 at 6:09 pm

For you laydeez we haz zee AudioBooks! In ze voice of your Lord & Master!

Sorry. Watching bad movies wiv teh fake Frainch ack-sontz.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 18, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Dear ghod, Biely. You're not setting Monaghan *up* for anything, are you?

What a bunch of ignorant, brick-thick, hick dumbo fuckaloons.

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