MOVIN' ON UP  12:15 pm December 17, 2012

In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative

by Jesse Taylor

as close as the gop will ever get to a black pantherRep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation!  YAY!!!

Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried Snickers bar being healthier than a fried Twinkie because it is covered in slightly less batter.  Also because, much like a Twinkie, Allen West was defeated and therefore no longer really exists.

As it turns out, Tim Scott is fucking crazy, but he has that sexy Michael Jordan head rather than Allen West’s weird graying Kendall Gill flattop, so all is forgiven.

As it turns out, Scott has floated impeaching Barack Obama over the debt limit, wanted to pay infinity money to put the Ten Commandments on state property, and wanted to kick people off food stamps if a working member of the family went on strike, among other things.

Granted, he never tortured an Iraqi prisoner like Allen West did, but it’s unfair to compare an apprentice to the master.

Congrats again to Tim Scott, who now has a guaranteed spot as the Black Friend to every Senate Republican from now until Barack Obama leaves office by stealing all the silverware. Well, unless they confuse him for Barack Obama, which they will do roughly three times a week until Joe Biden corrects them.

[Think Progress]

 
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{ 113 comments }

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 12:17 pm

New meme: Uncle Tim

mormos December 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Token Scott

imissopus December 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Careful. You can get fired from ESPN for comments like that.

Beetagger December 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

What team did he play for prior to politics?

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm

47, never married.

So, um, I think you can figure out the math

HRH_Maddie December 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Are you describing Tim Scott or RuPaul?

OneDollarJuana December 17, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I dunno. Could be he's just a crazy jerk. (kind of scary to most wimmen)

Terry December 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Worse. Insurance salesman.

snowpointsecret December 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Hm, for a guy wanting to pay infinite money for a lack of anything important? Probably the New York Yankees.

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Well played.

actor212 December 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Today, on "Know A Black," the Republican party finds out if, in fact, there's more down there.

AlterNewt December 17, 2012 at 12:19 pm

We wish him all the best.

Lascauxcaveman December 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Yeah that whole "never tortured an Iraqi prisoner" thing is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Timmah here seems to only be interested in harming people administratively, using the tools of government, rather than actually, physically torturing them, with garrotes and electric prods and suchlike. Genghis Khan beats Ebeneezer Scrooge any day, in my book.

Tim, you're no Allen West.

RadioBitchFace December 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Fo shizzle.

Baconzgood December 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"The Senator's a nigger"

-Mel Brooks-

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I'm sure he'll fuck up just fine.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 2:46 am

Comment of the Thread.

snowpointsecret December 17, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Nothing in this post surprises me. Not a single word of it.

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Sad, innit?

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Where did he stand during the Notorious BIG vs Tupac Wars?

Gratuitous World December 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Those yearly SC "antibellum" dress up parties just got a little more interesting.

taylormattd December 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I knew those republicans totally weren't racist.

But the real question remains: why have we not heard anything else about how Nicki Haley bangs bloggers all the time?

Thurman Munster IV December 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Like a fried Twinkie, colored on the outside, white on the inside?

mrblifil December 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

There's always got to be an anti-Obama. In this case it looks like it might be a case of Bizarro Obama.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Or possibly like that Star Trek episode with the mirror evil universe. Evil Spock was my favorite!

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Wait…evil Spock had a goatee….Capt Sisko was black AND HAD A GOATEE!

Sisko was the Bizarro Obama!

Loch_Nessosaur December 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm

He also believes there should never be any gun regulations. So he's got that going for him.

HRH_Maddie December 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I haven't seen a move this cynical since McCain picked Palin.

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 12:59 pm

McCain is capable of cynicism? Who knew?

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Doesn't he have his own sob story about growing up poor or something? Raised by a single mother?

I love it when people who managed to get out of poverty act like they did it all through gumption and hard work…because that's simply not true.

I was born poor. I went to public school, my dad was a union man, my college tuition was government subsidized and I was able to attend via public transportation.

Unless you were raised on your own compound, paid for your education with nothing more than the pennies you saved from giving blood, then shut up, you had help.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 1:02 pm

How could you be poor if your dad was a union thug? I thought those guys pulled 6 figures.

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I'd say hookers and blow, but that gives me a mental image of my father doing things that are at once horrible and also hysterically unlikely.

PuckStopsHere December 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Finally. Street Cred for the GOP!

HRH_Maddie December 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

And just like that, Republicans solved their problem with black voters.

Redgyal December 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

just likee they did with marco rubio

johnnyzhivago December 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Twinkies aren't healthy??? Don't tell that to Chris Christie!

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:28 pm

There is no doubt that this move by the GOP will bring dozens of black voters nationwide in to the Republican fold.

corthylio December 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Jim's puppet, Tim…

Wadisay December 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Look, when only about five Blacks in the US are Republican, you have to take what you get.

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

There are five black republicans?

Lies!

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 1:01 pm

We always said:"A terrible mind is a thing to waste"

SorosBot December 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm

So it wasn't Alvin Greene? Dammit!

EatsBabyDingos December 17, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Biff December 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm

But, like Greene, he didn't campaign for the seat either.

johnnymeatworth December 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

He doesn't look like he Wants To Take Us Higher at all. Hardly Superfly.

TootsStansbury December 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

"We just need better optics and a more betterer means of delivering our message ro the American People!"

nounverb911 December 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

BINO?

Lucidamente1 December 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

What, was Alan Keyes busy?

Tundra Grifter December 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Not paying off the debt from his vanity Presidential campaign. That's still out there.

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Alan Keyes may be one of those rare people too crazy for the Republicans.

First time I heard of him he was talking to a bunch of grade school kids about abortion by equating it with murdering one of them.

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

If he runs against Obama wouldn't all the blahs be confused?

eta; I mean isn't that what happened when Obama ran against Alan Keyes? Mass confusion as the blahs tried to figure out which one they should vote for.

Tundra Grifter December 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

When George Norris was a progressive Senator from Nebraska he pushed through a law that senatorial candidates would not be identified by party.

His opponents promptly found a grocery store owner named George Norris to run against him.

Wile E. Quixote December 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Actually that's what happened in the 2008 and 2012 elections as well. Millions of people turned out and voted for Barack Obama because they thought he was Alan Keyes, because they all look alike you know.

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

This guy fits my definition of "Scary Black Man."

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

47, never married.

I hope Miss Lindsay likes the dark meat.

NellCote71 December 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

The Strom Thurmond Syndrome, perhaps?

Wile E. Quixote December 17, 2012 at 2:07 pm

If he doesn't already he will soon.

Veritas78 December 17, 2012 at 5:36 pm

At her age she'll take whatever meat she can get.

Lucidamente1 December 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Well, unless they confuse him for Barack Obama, which they will do roughly three times a week until Joe Biden corrects them.

Well, Ronald Reagan did once greet his own HUD Secretary with “How are you, Mr. Mayor? I’m glad to meet you. How are things in your city?”

BaldarTFlagass December 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Dtimbo Unchained!!!

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

So he's a Charleston Southern grad? As batshit crazy as he is, I was thinking he had to be a Citadel alum.

An_Outhouse December 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Snickers contain peanuts which are a good source of protein, also. Too.

mavenmaven December 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

We can have a wonkette betting pool on 'how long till his gay sex scandal?'.

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Can I call Tuesday as the day of the week it breaks?

Tio_Doidinho December 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Dibs on Xmas eve!

mormos December 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

So in the past election cycle the GOP reduced the number of elected minorities & women (at least in congress), how many years do you think until the party consists entirely of old white men?

Wile E. Quixote December 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I don't know, but it would be interesting to make a graph of peak white guy versus peak wingnut to see where the two curves intersect.

Goonemeritus December 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

For all you artiest Wonketteers that fretted that Representative Allen West’s defeat would mean an end to snarking, the Lord has provided.

Exhausted66 December 17, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Can we not elect guys who look like Beetlejuice from Howard Stern's Wack Pack?

Bababooey!

SigDeFlyinMonky December 17, 2012 at 12:51 pm

But does he know what the state amphibian is?

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Cut off a jerrymander's arm, and one shall take its place…

EatsBabyDingos December 17, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Too bad Basil Marceaux wasn't available.

iburl December 17, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Too busy cutting the fringe off of flags.

DahBoner December 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Looks like a guy who really knows how to flip a page on a Golf Course Calendar…

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

But how will he survive with all those known Communist on Capitol Hill?

An_Outhouse December 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

OT: Share this with your wing nut friends and relatives to reduce the number of gifts you'll have to buy this year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z00EH0oGrQ

"Santa Passes Out Clean Needles for Christmas " Its got everything, dancing elves, contraceptives, blah people, yuou name it. Guaranteed to cause exploding heads.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I'm tempted to post the link on the BlightFart site, just for the lulz.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 17, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I always thought Allen West looked like Fireball in Running Man.

iburl December 17, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Wow, SC is the first State to have 2 gay confirmed bachelor Senators. I dooo de-clare.

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I'm getting the vapors.

Veritas78 December 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Meanwhile, they're getting the poppers. Should be quite a party!

TootsStansbury December 17, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Wingnutty Like Me

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

ISWYDT.

Gratuitous World December 17, 2012 at 1:01 pm

have they vetted his confederate flag position?

Severen13 December 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm

So, has Tim Scott said something crass about legitimate rape and God's gift of rape babies to women yet?

Aridzona December 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Timmy the Token.

jello_mold December 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Well, looking like you're sane might not be a bad start.

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm

How gross to say the Senate Republicans will be confusing this guy for Barack Obama. Really, that's so gauche and insensitive. They'll be confusing him for that guy from The Green Mile.

MacRaith December 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Rep. Tim Scott (R-NC)"

Ahem. I'd like to point out that Tim Scott is actually from South Carolina. North Carolina has it's share of wingnuts (see: Virginia Foxx), but they shouldn't have to have to take credit for South Carolina's share too.

christianmuslin December 17, 2012 at 1:08 pm

His first challenge will be to get elected chair of the Senatorial Black Caucus.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Power Ranking the "44 Best" Superbowls???

Adjective fail.

Lizzietish81 December 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I checked the yahoo story on this, cause I'm a masochist and yep, the tea baggers are already declaring that this means they are not racist, its the democrats who are racist because they're pointing out the racism of the Tea Party, which totally cannot be because they have a black guy.

starfanglednut December 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

We're not racist cuz we picked a black guy to prove we're not racist!

iburl December 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm

You know who else had a black guy? The Confederacy.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 17, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The only GOPper who's colorblind is Tim Scott.

Unless maybe he has no reflection…

ttommyunger December 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm

This is a comforting move. Obviously, the GOP has not learned a fucking thing!

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Slightly OT: I just ordered an 8×8 pixel infrared sensor so I can make my own do-it yourself poor man's thermal imager, for fun and to see where I need to insulate my home. I got an email from the supplier saying I had to fill out a form and fax it back stating that I'm not going to use it for weapons of mass destruction, making drugs or what all.

AND YET I can buy a gun from a private dealer or at a gun show without a background check?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

cousinitt December 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Thermal imager, eh? Sure, that's what you say NOW. But within a few years you'll be into the harder stuff like sticking your thermocouple into places it ought not be. And after that, it's a short slippery slope to full-on thermo nuking.

Guppy December 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

For all the right-wing whining about how anything could be used as a weapon, the NRA makes sure that guns really are special.

aabrown1971 December 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Hey Jesse: that's "Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC)". We've got our own special crazy here in *NC*.

vulpes82 December 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

As cynical as this pick obviously is, this is still the first black Senator from the South since Reconstruction. That's a big deal. Who knew racism could end up being racially progressive, whilst continuing to be incredibly racist! My mind is twisting just thinking about it.

Poindexter718 December 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

In the land of the blond, the one black man is (freakin' Martin Luther) King.

glasspusher December 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The GOP proves once again that they're capable of change: batshit crazy is the new white.

valgal2342 December 17, 2012 at 1:51 pm

My, my, my….what big hands you have Tim!

cc423 December 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

So now SC has TWO single, closeted homosexual Senators? Way to go SC! So progressive.

iburl December 17, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I wonder who loves ham biscuits more?

cousinitt December 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Life Imitates Art–Sen. Clayton Bigsby (RavingLoony – SC)
http://youtu.be/M-0na1sY8bc

BoroPrimorac December 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

South Carolina's racists must be thrilled.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

This is what happens when you are raised on Chic-Fil-A and Lawrence Welk.

southernboyman December 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Somebody hacked into the selection email…

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 2:44 am

Tim Scott is not the more sane Allen West…he's just more quiet about his crazy. That's it.

Negropolis December 18, 2012 at 2:48 am

Different package, same shit. The Republicans just don't get it. You don't pick a different color of the same car and then try to present it as a different car, altogether. Though, I will say, this gives a lot of racist Republicans in South Carolina (almost all of them, Katie) a good reason to stay home during the special election to fill the rest of the term. Dems actually have a serious shot at a senate seat in the South, now. He will either be defeated in a primary, or defeated by a white, Southern Dem.

They will do his ass just like they did Michael Steel.

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