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In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative

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as close as the gop will ever get to a black pantherRep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation!  YAY!!!

Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried Snickers bar being healthier than a fried Twinkie because it is covered in slightly less batter.  Also because, much like a Twinkie, Allen West was defeated and therefore no longer really exists.

As it turns out, Tim Scott is fucking crazy, but he has that sexy Michael Jordan head rather than Allen West’s weird graying Kendall Gill flattop, so all is forgiven.

As it turns out, Scott has floated impeaching Barack Obama over the debt limit, wanted to pay infinity money to put the Ten Commandments on state property, and wanted to kick people off food stamps if a working member of the family went on strike, among other things.

Granted, he never tortured an Iraqi prisoner like Allen West did, but it’s unfair to compare an apprentice to the master.

Congrats again to Tim Scott, who now has a guaranteed spot as the Black Friend to every Senate Republican from now until Barack Obama leaves office by stealing all the silverware. Well, unless they confuse him for Barack Obama, which they will do roughly three times a week until Joe Biden corrects them.

[Think Progress]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    New meme: Uncle Tim

    • mormos

      Token Scott

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Careful. You can get fired from ESPN for comments like that.

  • Beetagger

    What team did he play for prior to politics?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      47, never married.

      So, um, I think you can figure out the math

      • HRH_Maddie

        Are you describing Tim Scott or RuPaul?

      • OneDollarJuana

        I dunno. Could be he's just a crazy jerk. (kind of scary to most wimmen)

    • Terry

      Worse. Insurance salesman.

    • snowpointsecret

      Hm, for a guy wanting to pay infinite money for a lack of anything important? Probably the New York Yankees.

      • glasspusher

        Well played.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Today, on "Know A Black," the Republican party finds out if, in fact, there's more down there.

  • AlterNewt

    We wish him all the best.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Yeah that whole "never tortured an Iraqi prisoner" thing is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Timmah here seems to only be interested in harming people administratively, using the tools of government, rather than actually, physically torturing them, with garrotes and electric prods and suchlike. Genghis Khan beats Ebeneezer Scrooge any day, in my book.

    Tim, you're no Allen West.

  • RadioBitchFace

    Fo shizzle.

  • Baconzgood

    "The Senator's a nigger"

    -Mel Brooks-

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure he'll fuck up just fine.

    • Negropolis

      Comment of the Thread.

  • snowpointsecret

    Nothing in this post surprises me. Not a single word of it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Sad, innit?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Where did he stand during the Notorious BIG vs Tupac Wars?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Those yearly SC "antibellum" dress up parties just got a little more interesting.

  • taylormattd

    I knew those republicans totally weren't racist.

    But the real question remains: why have we not heard anything else about how Nicki Haley bangs bloggers all the time?

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Like a fried Twinkie, colored on the outside, white on the inside?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    There's always got to be an anti-Obama. In this case it looks like it might be a case of Bizarro Obama.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or possibly like that Star Trek episode with the mirror evil universe. Evil Spock was my favorite!

      • Lizzietish81

        Wait…evil Spock had a goatee….Capt Sisko was black AND HAD A GOATEE!

        Sisko was the Bizarro Obama!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    He also believes there should never be any gun regulations. So he's got that going for him.

  • HRH_Maddie

    I haven't seen a move this cynical since McCain picked Palin.

    • glasspusher

      McCain is capable of cynicism? Who knew?

  • Lizzietish81

    Doesn't he have his own sob story about growing up poor or something? Raised by a single mother?

    I love it when people who managed to get out of poverty act like they did it all through gumption and hard work…because that's simply not true.

    I was born poor. I went to public school, my dad was a union man, my college tuition was government subsidized and I was able to attend via public transportation.

    Unless you were raised on your own compound, paid for your education with nothing more than the pennies you saved from giving blood, then shut up, you had help.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      How could you be poor if your dad was a union thug? I thought those guys pulled 6 figures.

      • Lizzietish81

        I'd say hookers and blow, but that gives me a mental image of my father doing things that are at once horrible and also hysterically unlikely.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Finally. Street Cred for the GOP!

  • HRH_Maddie

    And just like that, Republicans solved their problem with black voters.

    • Redgyal

      just likee they did with marco rubio

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Twinkies aren't healthy??? Don't tell that to Chris Christie!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There is no doubt that this move by the GOP will bring dozens of black voters nationwide in to the Republican fold.

  • corthylio

    Jim's puppet, Tim…

  • Wadisay

    Look, when only about five Blacks in the US are Republican, you have to take what you get.

    • Lizzietish81

      There are five black republicans?

      Lies!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

    • glasspusher

      We always said:"A terrible mind is a thing to waste"

  • SorosBot

    So it wasn't Alvin Greene? Dammit!

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

    • Biff

      But, like Greene, he didn't campaign for the seat either.

  • johnnymeatworth

    He doesn't look like he Wants To Take Us Higher at all. Hardly Superfly.

  • TootsStansbury

    "We just need better optics and a more betterer means of delivering our message ro the American People!"

  • nounverb911

    BINO?

  • Lucidamente1

    What, was Alan Keyes busy?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Not paying off the debt from his vanity Presidential campaign. That's still out there.

    • Lizzietish81

      Alan Keyes may be one of those rare people too crazy for the Republicans.

      First time I heard of him he was talking to a bunch of grade school kids about abortion by equating it with murdering one of them.

  • Lizzietish81

    If he runs against Obama wouldn't all the blahs be confused?

    eta; I mean isn't that what happened when Obama ran against Alan Keyes? Mass confusion as the blahs tried to figure out which one they should vote for.

    • Tundra Grifter

      When George Norris was a progressive Senator from Nebraska he pushed through a law that senatorial candidates would not be identified by party.

      His opponents promptly found a grocery store owner named George Norris to run against him.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Actually that's what happened in the 2008 and 2012 elections as well. Millions of people turned out and voted for Barack Obama because they thought he was Alan Keyes, because they all look alike you know.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This guy fits my definition of "Scary Black Man."

  • Oblios_Cap

    47, never married.

    I hope Miss Lindsay likes the dark meat.

    • NellCote71

      The Strom Thurmond Syndrome, perhaps?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      If he doesn't already he will soon.

    • Veritas78

      At her age she'll take whatever meat she can get.

  • Lucidamente1

    Well, unless they confuse him for Barack Obama, which they will do roughly three times a week until Joe Biden corrects them.

    Well, Ronald Reagan did once greet his own HUD Secretary with “How are you, Mr. Mayor? I’m glad to meet you. How are things in your city?”

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dtimbo Unchained!!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    So he's a Charleston Southern grad? As batshit crazy as he is, I was thinking he had to be a Citadel alum.

  • An_Outhouse

    Snickers contain peanuts which are a good source of protein, also. Too.

  • mavenmaven

    We can have a wonkette betting pool on 'how long till his gay sex scandal?'.

    • glasspusher

      Can I call Tuesday as the day of the week it breaks?

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Dibs on Xmas eve!

  • mormos

    So in the past election cycle the GOP reduced the number of elected minorities & women (at least in congress), how many years do you think until the party consists entirely of old white men?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I don't know, but it would be interesting to make a graph of peak white guy versus peak wingnut to see where the two curves intersect.

  • Goonemeritus

    For all you artiest Wonketteers that fretted that Representative Allen West’s defeat would mean an end to snarking, the Lord has provided.

  • Exhausted66

    Can we not elect guys who look like Beetlejuice from Howard Stern's Wack Pack?

    Bababooey!

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    But does he know what the state amphibian is?

    • glasspusher

      Cut off a jerrymander's arm, and one shall take its place…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Too bad Basil Marceaux wasn't available.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Too busy cutting the fringe off of flags.

  • DahBoner

    Looks like a guy who really knows how to flip a page on a Golf Course Calendar…

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But how will he survive with all those known Communist on Capitol Hill?

  • An_Outhouse

    OT: Share this with your wing nut friends and relatives to reduce the number of gifts you'll have to buy this year:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z00EH0oGrQ

    "Santa Passes Out Clean Needles for Christmas " Its got everything, dancing elves, contraceptives, blah people, yuou name it. Guaranteed to cause exploding heads.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm tempted to post the link on the BlightFart site, just for the lulz.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I always thought Allen West looked like Fireball in Running Man.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Wow, SC is the first State to have 2 gay confirmed bachelor Senators. I dooo de-clare.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'm getting the vapors.

      • Veritas78

        Meanwhile, they're getting the poppers. Should be quite a party!

  • TootsStansbury

    Wingnutty Like Me

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      ISWYDT.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    have they vetted his confederate flag position?

  • Severen13

    So, has Tim Scott said something crass about legitimate rape and God's gift of rape babies to women yet?

  • Aridzona

    Timmy the Token.

  • jello_mold

    Well, looking like you're sane might not be a bad start.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    How gross to say the Senate Republicans will be confusing this guy for Barack Obama. Really, that's so gauche and insensitive. They'll be confusing him for that guy from The Green Mile.

  • MacRaith

    "Rep. Tim Scott (R-NC)"

    Ahem. I'd like to point out that Tim Scott is actually from South Carolina. North Carolina has it's share of wingnuts (see: Virginia Foxx), but they shouldn't have to have to take credit for South Carolina's share too.

  • christianmuslin

    His first challenge will be to get elected chair of the Senatorial Black Caucus.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Power Ranking the "44 Best" Superbowls???

    Adjective fail.

  • Lizzietish81

    I checked the yahoo story on this, cause I'm a masochist and yep, the tea baggers are already declaring that this means they are not racist, its the democrats who are racist because they're pointing out the racism of the Tea Party, which totally cannot be because they have a black guy.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      We're not racist cuz we picked a black guy to prove we're not racist!

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      You know who else had a black guy? The Confederacy.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The only GOPper who's colorblind is Tim Scott.

    Unless maybe he has no reflection…

  • ttommyunger

    This is a comforting move. Obviously, the GOP has not learned a fucking thing!

  • glasspusher

    Slightly OT: I just ordered an 8×8 pixel infrared sensor so I can make my own do-it yourself poor man's thermal imager, for fun and to see where I need to insulate my home. I got an email from the supplier saying I had to fill out a form and fax it back stating that I'm not going to use it for weapons of mass destruction, making drugs or what all.

    AND YET I can buy a gun from a private dealer or at a gun show without a background check?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

    • cousinitt

      Thermal imager, eh? Sure, that's what you say NOW. But within a few years you'll be into the harder stuff like sticking your thermocouple into places it ought not be. And after that, it's a short slippery slope to full-on thermo nuking.

    • Guppy

      For all the right-wing whining about how anything could be used as a weapon, the NRA makes sure that guns really are special.

  • aabrown1971

    Hey Jesse: that's "Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC)". We've got our own special crazy here in *NC*.

  • vulpes82

    As cynical as this pick obviously is, this is still the first black Senator from the South since Reconstruction. That's a big deal. Who knew racism could end up being racially progressive, whilst continuing to be incredibly racist! My mind is twisting just thinking about it.

  • Poindexter718

    In the land of the blond, the one black man is (freakin' Martin Luther) King.

  • glasspusher

    The GOP proves once again that they're capable of change: batshit crazy is the new white.

  • valgal2342

    My, my, my….what big hands you have Tim!

  • cc423

    So now SC has TWO single, closeted homosexual Senators? Way to go SC! So progressive.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      I wonder who loves ham biscuits more?

  • cousinitt

    Life Imitates Art–Sen. Clayton Bigsby (RavingLoony – SC)
    http://youtu.be/M-0na1sY8bc

  • BoroPrimorac

    South Carolina's racists must be thrilled.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This is what happens when you are raised on Chic-Fil-A and Lawrence Welk.

  • southernboyman

    Somebody hacked into the selection email…

  • Negropolis

    Tim Scott is not the more sane Allen West…he's just more quiet about his crazy. That's it.

  • Negropolis

    Different package, same shit. The Republicans just don't get it. You don't pick a different color of the same car and then try to present it as a different car, altogether. Though, I will say, this gives a lot of racist Republicans in South Carolina (almost all of them, Katie) a good reason to stay home during the special election to fill the rest of the term. Dems actually have a serious shot at a senate seat in the South, now. He will either be defeated in a primary, or defeated by a white, Southern Dem.

    They will do his ass just like they did Michael Steel.