JOURNAMALISM  1:00 pm December 16, 2012

Cory Booker Is The New York Times’ New Al Gore

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Also: invented the InternetWe guess Newark Mayor Cory Booker sighed too much in his presidential debate with Texas governor Jorge Boosh, because the New York Times has decided he is a big giant asshole! Meow, says the Times’ Kate Zernike, Cory Booker spends a quarter of his time out of town (getting $100 million grants for his city from famous rich people). Hiss, says Kate Zernike, did you know Newark has poverty and Cory Booker has not even made the people of Newark not poor? Here is a shiv, says Kate Zernike, did you know Cory Booker raised taxes 20 percent even while laying off hundreds of city workers and selling city buildings? Why, it is almost as though he is Simpson-Bowlesing the city of Newark, trying to fix entrenched economic problems with a mixture of revenues and spending cuts. BURN HIM. Is there any reason Kate Zernike might have what amounts to a very unbecoming personal animus toward Newark’s mayor?

Asked about complaints from residents and business owners that garbage is not picked up, abandoned buildings are not boarded up and public spaces are in disrepair, the mayor talked about a new system that allows him to track which streets need snowplows and which departments are paying for too much overtime — even when he is out of town.

He invited a reporter to see the system in action. He then called to apologize that he could not be there: “I’m in and out of New York all day.”

Instead, his staff demonstrated the system. Mr. Booker was on his way to host a reading at a bookstore on the Upper West Side, filmed by CNN. He then spoke at a benefit at Cipriani and attended a movie premiere at Google’s New York headquarters. Afterward, he announced on Twitter, “I sat on a panel with Richard Branson.”

Oh Cory Booker, don’t you know who she is?


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nounverb911 December 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Cory needs to put some weight if he intends to take on Christie in November's New Jersey Sumo matches.

TribecaMike December 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down these manboobs!"

thebeatgoeson December 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

And he took food stamps, too. Moocher.

finallyhappy December 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm

That's a joke, right- he did Snap using his own money

thebeatgoeson December 16, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Of course!

nounverb911 December 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I thought Cory outsourced all city services to the Soprano Family.

PubOption December 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

That's why the trash collection is late, they have other people to 'take care of'.

shelwood46 December 16, 2012 at 6:14 pm

If you live in NJ and have private trash collection (as many of us do), you learn to never, ever complain or pay your bill late. Ever.

Doktor Zoom December 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The Butthurt is strong in this one!

ManchuCandidate December 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"Cory, CALL ME!!!!"

Weedlord BonerHitler December 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm


redarmyzombie December 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Dammit Weedlord, now I'll NEVER get that out of my head!

ManchuCandidate December 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I can understand if the anger were based on his "I love 1%ers!!! Why do you mean poors have to pick on the 1%ers who raped your pensions and killed your jobs?" speech he made almost a year ago (but then again this is the NY Times.)

It seems that R.A. Dickey isn't the only one getting shit pieces in the New Yawk papahs these days.

bikerlaureate December 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Kate merely expects that mayors will be shackled (!) to their old, humble desks.

Beowoof December 16, 2012 at 9:47 pm

And shackling a black guy would be so popular with some of these people.

RadioBitchFace December 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Give Zernike the Pulitzer now. Exposing a politician who is self-promoting, occasionally double-booked and trying to manage an untenable situation.
Somebody has sand in their hoohaw.

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2012 at 3:01 am

Where's the article where she complains about how often Chris Christie was out of NJ campaigning for Rmoney before Sandy hit? I was beginning to think he had a vacation home in Iowa.

NellCote71 December 17, 2012 at 5:42 am

You know who else had a vacation home in Iowa?

Yeah, me neither.

SexySmurf December 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I don't know what makes Cory Booker look worse: that he spends 25% of his time away from Newark or that he actually chooses to spend 75% of his time in Newark.

Lucidamente1 December 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Paging Bob Somerby, Bob Somerby to the ER, stat.

ManchuCandidate December 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Can't it be both?

Joshua Norton December 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

“I sat on a panel with Richard Branson.”

Oh yeah? Well Chris Christie sat on a panel once too. Literally. The entire panel. Almost killed them.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

*Almost*? Musta been a long time ago, when he was young and somewhat slim.

NellCote71 December 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Maybe Joshua meant to say panel truck, he sat on a panel truck.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Probly. It's MUCH harder to kill a panel truck.

Spider-Jerk December 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

After the settlement, that's the story we're legally required to be sticking to.

Redgyal December 16, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Because it IS really about the comparison, right?

Callyson December 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

his constituents do not need to be reminded that six years after the mayor came into office vowing to make Newark a “model of urban transformation,” their city remains an emblem of poverty.

What–he couldn't turn back the effects of the Great Recession all by himself? Why, that lazy bum!


smokefilledroommate December 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Ya got one term to turn Newark into Portland. …and go !
hmmm, sounds familiar.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Christmas hug. Hold still, now.

Redgyal December 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Well that's because the magical woodland fairies who ruled the kingdom before he took over were able to transform cities into virtual Utopias overnight. That is why he still has work to do. They did such a good job before him.

Gayer_Than_Thou December 17, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Is that a reality TV game show? Because it would be kind of awesome, and an excellent second career for certain ex-politicians.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

BLAH. That lazy BLAH.

Gotta learn to read between the lines, girl. (Hugs you)

memzilla December 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Why am I getting a strong "Mandingo Spurned Me" vibe from Ms. Zernike?

[Insert mandatory "Not That There's Anything Wrong With That" disclaimer]

memzilla December 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Perhaps Ms. Zernike could use a pair of genuine Wonkette™ Panties to replace the ones she so obviously has in a bunch?*

[*not that there aren't plenty of male NYT writers who could use a similar gift]

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 2:32 am

Speaking of NYT ladies with bunched panties; whatever happened to Judith Miller?

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2012 at 3:04 am

Perhaps she's taking tea (and … you know) with the WSJ's Dame Noonington.

gullywompr December 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Dear diary, he promised to show me his system, but instead he was doing the old in-and-out with somebody else. Typical lying asshole!

Texan_Bulldog December 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"“I’m in and out of New York all day.”

Mayhaps she'd like him to be 'in and out' of her lady parts? He is clean and articulate, after all.

AlterNewt December 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

And now we are aware of someone else we were getting along just fine without.

ProgressiveInga December 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Cory Booker.
I'd hit it.

TribecaMike December 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I "get" this, but that Katy Perry gal, well I just don't get that.

Isyaignert December 17, 2012 at 2:34 am

I grok you.

Tundra Grifter December 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Apparently it continues to astonish some reporters that people running for office, from time to time, announce goals. They tell the voters what they would like to accomplish.

These aren't "promises" – like "I'll come home by eight." These are objectives. Sometimes they can be accomplished quickly, sometimes they take a while.

Heck, they can even take two terms. That doesn't mean the office holder isn't working to get them done. It just means they aren't done yet.

Sparky McGruff December 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I commute to work on the DC Metro. Saying "I'll be home by eight" is always an objective, not a promise. It just takes too long to say "I'll be home by eight, if the tracks don't catch fire, or a switch doesn't get stuck, or god forbid there is "police activity", in which case I'll try to call you if I can get a signal, because WMATA has screwed up their project that was putting cell repeaters in stations and tunnels, and I'll just try to get home as soon as I can.

proudgrampa December 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Reminds me of commuting in the SF Bay Area. Ms proudgrampa and I finally stopped promising any arrival time at all: "I'll see you when I see you."

Whoever is first, start dinner.

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2012 at 3:06 am

Or they could NEVER get done. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Tundra Grifter December 17, 2012 at 1:00 pm


How many of us could truthfully say we've gone out with every girl we asked? We must expect to get turned down at least a few times.

But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try!

SayItWithWookies December 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Oh, if only the people who specialize in making shit worse got half the criticism as the people who don't make shit better fast enough.

red_kira December 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Did he dump her by changing his relationship status on Facebook, or something?

LibrarianX December 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Meow? Hiss?? Kittie libel.

weejee December 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Maybe Cory doesn't know Kate is an expert on teabagging?

johnnyzhivago December 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

If Christie was smart he would endorse marriage equality and stronger gun laws – and I honestly think he would get 90% of the vote in this state. He would be well positioned to be the "new era Republican" – which of course nobody is really going to vote for, but at least he could continue as governor for a few more terms.

Booker reminds me of a slightly better version of Jon Corzine, who ended up broadly despised by the end of his term.

BTW I gladly offer my services to run against Christie on a platform of getting nuclear weapons for New Jersey and raising the state 20 feet to protect against global warming.

Tommmcatt_Again December 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Now THAT is a fappable mayor. I wonder what his head feels like. Besides chocolate love, I mean.

SnarkOff December 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Damn biased liberal media, at it again.

christianmuslin December 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Methinks she is attempting to do her part to protect the 2016 presidential campaign from having to consider blahs.

NellCote71 December 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Lord knows we can't repeat the mistake again. And I hear the browns are coming up fast, too. White rulz or GTFO.

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2012 at 3:09 am

I don't know, those Castro boys from Texas are kinda cute. They just have to promise to stop buying stuff in China.

NellCote71 December 17, 2012 at 5:41 am

The Castro boys are exactly who I had in mind. Cutest things since Henry Cisneros. We just have to get Ted Cruz out of the Senate, alas, six years from now.

cousinitt December 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

You are hereby charged with impersonation of a journalist, book'er, Danno!

Baconzgood December 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Is brie or good-ah the better pairing for this whine?

Baconzgood December 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Newark a shit hole? Where have I been….oh not ever in Newark.

Goonemeritus December 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I Love Newark from their PCC trolley cars still in daily use since the thirties too the outrageously good Portuguese food on Ferry St. I also am proud that I have yet to be shot or stabbed there, not a claim I can make for every city I have visited.

smokefilledroommate December 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm

In the Ironbound section
Near Avenue L
Where the Portuguese women
come to see what you sell..

Mumbletypeg December 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Holy smack, I hadn't thought of that song since probably college. It, the melody and lyrics, really took hold of me back then. Thank you~

Goonemeritus December 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I have always counted on the NYT, but in this case I’m siding with Mayor Sinéad O’Handsome.

bikerlaureate December 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Mayor Bloomberg didn't treat her this way.

not that Dewey December 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Could Corey Booker carry Kate Zernicke into a burning building?

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2012 at 3:09 am


Chet Kincaid_ December 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

No commentary on the substance of the NYT article? Because it seems like Cory is Hollywood as hell, while Newark keeps circling the bowl. Remember when we were all ready to string him up over his deep, Barry-backstabbing love of private equity? Now we're going to give him a pass because he's a "dreamy piece of man-chocolate"? We don't look so good as a commentariat when we just let Wonkette point us at something and start thoughtlessly hoo-hawing like hyenas.

Lot_49 December 16, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Plenty of serious commentary and response in the next post, Chet. Haw! Haw! Haw!

Wile E. Quixote December 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm

We don't look so good as a commentariat when we just let Wonkette point us at something and start thoughtlessly hoo-hawing like hyenas.

Yeah, we start looking like The Daily Caller then.

Lot_49 December 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Bad mistake not to be there when the Times reporter comes a'callin'. You gert a load of snark dumped on you.

Spurning Beer December 16, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: gory, story, allegory, Montessori….

ttommyunger December 16, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Methinks she doth protest too much, also a cunt.

Negropolis December 17, 2012 at 12:35 am

While I'm against the right or the Very Serious People attacking this guy for obvious reasons, I think he started to build an image and then got carried away with it enough so that he probably believes his own hype. There is something to be said about being on too much of the time. It's to the point where a lot of his stuff seems to be veering into perpetual attention-whoring and disingenuousness. It'd really help if he didn't make Mayor of Newark look like a side project.

Something about Booker has always rubbed me the wrong way, not that he's evil or leading some double-life, but that he's made a very serious effort to cloak himself in fake modest.

Chet Kincaid_ December 17, 2012 at 8:24 am

People like Jon Stewart and Oprah and Maddow and apparently Wonkette have fallen in love with somebody who gives Good Appearance, like Anthony Weiner and several others who talk a good game but have a very short list of substantive accomplishments.

Negropolis December 17, 2012 at 8:52 am

Don't get me wrong, if I lived in New Jersey, I'd pull the lever for him over Christie in a hot minute. Though, I can't say at all if I had a choice for Newark mayor he'd automatically get my vote. He reminds me a lot of Fenty down in DC, and minus the incredible amount of corruption, a lot like Kwame Kilpatrick in Detroit, whose base was actually in the Detroit suburbs when he first ran. I've seen these young cats before get media famous before they learned their cities up and down. Now, I think Booker did more than most in sutdying his adopted town, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get whifs of a god complex that often plauges these young politicians.

But, I think he has a lot of maturing to do as a politician, and I don't quite yet see him as the transformative leader everyone else does. I mean, it's great that he saves old ladies out of burning buildings and buys formula for snowed-in mothers, but hat doesn't automatically move him to the front of the line for president like some seem to be wanting.

Chet Kincaid_ December 17, 2012 at 9:24 am

Why would someone look at Cory Booker for President?? And in front of Deval Patrick (if we're looking only at African-Americans), who has been elected twice and successfully governs a large and important state??

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