Today’s Wonkette Letter to the Editor comes courtesy of “Luke Pretty,” at, in response to Judge Smacked Down Just For Talking Sense About Your ‘Technical’ Violent Rape:

I just read your article on your incompetent Judge Derek Johnson, and I wanted you to know you should kill yourself. Or maybe die attempting unsuccessfully to prevent yourself being raped. People like you, Nancy Grace, Judge D. Johnson are the real reasons the world hates your country and backwards people like you don’t deserve the air you breath, you fucking waste of skin.

Thanks for writing in!

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  • Barbara_

    God, I hate people.
    Fuck it, I am shutting off the computer and taking a mental health day.

    • / hug

    • Jus_Wonderin

      /bearhug. or is that bare?

    • Guppy

      You women and your obsessions with "shutting off" things…

  • freakishlywrong

    And the love of the holiday season continues…(typing through tears, I CANNOT stop crying).

    • IncenseDebate

      Thank dog this is not connected to the War on Christmas!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yeah, I'm not in a good mood either. Just remember, the assholes are still a minority. Let’s hope it stays that way.

      • emmelemm

        A very vocal minority. But a minority nonetheless.

  • SorosBot

    So wait, did this guy think you supported the pro-rape judge? Reading comprehension: try learning it, moran.

    • Guppy

      Maybe we're finally dragging Canadian schools down to our standards!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Whatever. Send the boy a link to The Onion website and suggest that he read the whole thing.

  • hagajim

    Luke Pretty seems like a pretty big douchnozzle to me.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I am not his father.

    • stefanbc

      I don't get it. He's such a nice guy on his formspring account!

    • CthuNHu

      His sister Penny is cool, though.

  • poorgradstudent

    I can't get past the Nancy Grace thing. If you hate Nancy Grace, then we're on the same side!!!

  • nounverb911

    Enough already, I'm taking the rest of the day off.

  • Lizzietish81

    Reading fail!

    • PugglesRule

      Apparently unfamiliar with either irony or sarcasm. Must be a Republican.

  • jello_mold

    What a tool. Who uses hotmail?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      It’s the modern day AOL!

    • Guppy

      Hotmail asks for the least information to open an account, making it preferable to Gmail or Yahoo when looking to start an anonymous/pseudonymous account.

      Or so I've heard.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      His AOL is Lukez469.

    • vulpes82

      *sheepishly raises hand* In my defense, I do have a Gmail, I just don't use it much. I've had the Hotmail account for 15 years and everything's linked to it, and I'm just can't make myself go through the bother of changing that.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Same here. I was on Hotmail before I even had a computer in my home, it was the only real way you could get an email account from a cybercafe.

  • Callyson

    Someone is WAY off his meds…

  • gullywompr

    So, do you think you'll go out with him?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Seems nice.

  • Yay! Dear Shit Fer Brains! Perhaps he'd like a hot screwdriver in his vagina.

    • Fuck Toad

      I was disappointed by the lack of that image on this post. It is Wonkett tradition.

      Also, hi.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Luke Perry's hotmail name is Luke Pretty? Who knew?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Is this from the underwear handgun guy in the last post? Because that's how I pictured it.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Big surprise this derp uses a Hotmail account.

  • Mahousu

    I'm guessing Luke is not quite as Pretty as he thinks. Nor as bright.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      A thousand and one blonde jokes come to mind.

    • PugglesRule

      He's not bad looking for someone who might be 16 or 17, but his cranium seems to be filled with dog turds.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Kossacks. Paultards. Republicans.

    The world is one fucked up place.

  • pinstripebindi

    Someone is unfamiliar with the concept of "sarcasm". Do they not have it in whatever magical fairyland that "Luke Pretty" (pretty stupid, AMIRITE??) inhabits?

  • I bet he has a Pretty mouth, too.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      We already know he squeals like a pig.

  • freakishlywrong

    Group hug, Wonkeratti.

    • HEY! Watch that hand, 9-11!

      • gullywompr

        That's not his hand.

    • TootsStansbury


      • I'mma go back and re-read that awesome synopsis-in-verse BlueB4sinrise dropped off at your doorstep. For the much-needed lulz.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Okay, which one of you stole my wallet?

    • Fuck Toad

      Just a warning: my pants have a design flaw where they may fall off at any time.

  • Antispandex

    I bet that feller sure has a purty mouth.

  • noodlesalad

    Anyone who isn't already drinking, it's time to start.

    • Your snark at least helps the medicine go down, comrade.

      • noodlesalad

        I'd like a vodka, with a snark chaser.

    • dinkybossetti

      Courtesy of my company's holiday luncheon today, I am enjoying some red wine at my desk. It really is helping me cope.

      • noodlesalad

        Free company booze is the best booze. Which is why capitalism will always come out on top.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Started an hour ago. Villacreces Pruno 2010. Keeps me from trying to go out and find Wayne Fuckhead LaPierre.

      I'll break out the bourbon after dinner.

      • noodlesalad

        After dinner? Try after breakfast tomorrow.

    • PugglesRule

      Honey, today I need a 55 gallon Cosmo.

    • mayor_quimby

      The sex, don't forget the sexytime. Today is a great day for drunken sex with whoever will have you, let's get out there and make some bad decisions, people! Plus, that seems to be the only way to keep up the population if this shit keeps happening. (I'm only halfway joking, sadly)

    • GoodDogThor

      If you were contemplating stopping, yet another excuse to continue on unabated. Edmund Fitzgerald Porter for me, humming the song in my head…

  • JackDempsey1

    Surely, this man deserves a parting gift for his incisive letter.
    Howsabout a pair of bitey panties?

    • gullywompr

      Please, this "man" is never going to see another pair of panties as long as he lives.

  • Baconzgood

    I don't think luke understands tounge in cheek wonkette.

    • IncenseDebate

      Hey, you are back. Didn't you leave? Or was it someone else? I left too for a while. I'm ok now. Maybe not. This is a bad day/year/decade.

      • Baconzgood

        You can never leave the wonkette. Its like herpies. It will go away for a bit but it always flares up from time to time.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Check out the Bazaar, they might be selling a Wonkette Oinment.

        • IncenseDebate

          You couldn't get fire crotch from a nicer bunch of people.

  • SexySmurf

    You know who else told people to kill themselves?

    • Callyson

      Elderly people who are terminally ill have a ''duty to die and get out of the way''

      -Richard D. Lamm

    • gullywompr

      Nicki Brand?

    • calliecallie

      Jim Jones?

      • SexySmurf

        I was actually thinking of Nancy Grace. My apologies to the Jones family for the unfortunate comparison.

    • Guppy

      Mitt Romney?

      Oh, wait, that was self-deportation

    • That awful doctor in The White Ribbon? (Good movie, though.)

    • Botlrokit

      Wayne LaPierre?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Maybe he meant "with votes."

    • IncenseDebate

      Buddha. Reductio ad absurdum

    • The voices in my head?

  • I learn something new every day — apparently it is possible to learn how to type before learning how to read.

  • Close_Read

    Luke Pretty Douchey.

  • janinedm

    If that's the same luke606 I found on twitter, then watch out. Those Brits will glass you in a second.

    • PubOption

      I was told that, in Glasgow, it was necessary to break the glass on the upstroke. If you broke the glass against the table on the downward stroke, you would be too slow.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Assume ignorant of irony.

  • People like you, Nancy Grace, Judge D. Johnson

    One of these things is not like the others……

    If he/she/it is trying to make a point, it's left me as lost as Atlantis.

  • StarsUponThars

    Needz moar Thorazine. And guns. Yeah. Guns.

  • DaniloTifoso

    PALIN/PRETTY 2016!!!

    • Botlrokit


      • DaniloTifoso

        Today’s Wonkette Letter to the Editor comes courtesy of “Luke Pretty,”

        • Botlrokit

          Oh, I saw that, too. So sorry.

  • TribecaMike

    Since I've never learned to read, this email is an insult to my illiteracy.

  • mormos

    What a thoughtful, articulate, and well reasoned letter. It is encouraging to see that in this modern world that can often seem so divided, it is still possible to have a productive, open, and respectful discourse.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Fuck that!

  • May his right foot find every un-scooped pile of dog poop, every day for forever.

  • sundaytrucker

    Come on, go easy on him. His heart was in the right place and that's probably the funniest thing on wonkette all week.

    • Disassembly

      Jesus, I'd hate to hear what he has to say when his heart is in the wrong place.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Probably even funnier. Remember, he's "Luke Pretty", not "Luke Smart".

    • jello_mold

      If only he'd said "with votes."

  • Baconzgood

    Dear Fuck,

    Fuck you up the fucking ass with a fucking rusty as shit slege hammer that has a splintery handle. You are a cock sucking fuck that fucking pisses me off with you cunty bitching.

    Now THAT'S how you write to the editor bitchez!

    • PugglesRule

      Don't forget to say that someone should kill them. It's a nice touch.

  • From this day forward, I think we should all declare that Wonkette is against rape.

    Legitimate rape, that is.

    • emmelemm


  • bikerlaureate

    "Beware when all men speak well of you."

    • Oblios_Cap

      Wasn't that a line in Charlie Brown cartoon?

      • bikerlaureate

        You may be thinking of "WAH wah wah wah wah WAH WAH wah wah WAH WAH."

  • This reminds me, Editrix: aren't we overdue for an Honorary Bag of Lightly Salted Rat Dicks award? "Dear Shit fer Brains" seems almost wasted on this guy.

  • I just read your article on your incompetent Judge Derek Johnson

    He is our judge? All right, which one of you is Judge Johnson? Fess up!

  • Cicada


    Poor Luke is probably bald now.

  • comrad_darkness

    Shew, we're safe, guys! He didn't brag about how many guns he owns.

  • southernboyman

    "Waste of skin"? Sir, have you no decency?

    • To this point, I strongly feel Editrix should strip naked and post photos so we can gauge precisely how much skin is going to waste.

      • HistoriCat

        She did say or imply there were nekkid pics out there … we just need to find them.

  • RadioBitchFace

    I feel like my brain is shutting down.

  • Disassembly
    "I can be the ultimate first impression. You either think I'm funny and friendly or you can't stand my company, usually within the first two minutes. Which is good, because I've already judged you in that first two minutes as well. That being said, some of my closest friends I hated when I met them. Just goes to show good people are where you least expect it."

    • Close_Read

      On Facebook, in his "Other" section, he's liked the "Remove Judge Derek Johnson" page. and on THAT page he left an anti-Johnson comment that is as colorful and insightful as his letter to our Editrix.

    • GoodDogThor

      Gee, I don't even need to meet him to form my opinion. Two minutes seems like a long time…

  • fartknocker

    If Luke would go to the Wonkette store and look at the ladies he would realize that liberal, smart women are also really very easy on the eyes and very compassionate. But alas, Luke is in-bred goat fucker from Texas and I can reach this conclusion by the fact that I heard a similar loud mouth asshole at my local taco shack here in Austin bloviating about Christmas.

    The holidays seems to bring the worst out in these fucktard asshats.

  • An_Outhouse

    Someone suffers from severe reading incomprehension.

  • JustPixelz

    The biggest surprise is that you can be reached by email. I assume is actually the World's Biggest Spam Magnet.

  • LibertyLover

    The snark is not strong in this one.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sarcasm? What’s that?

    • LibertyLover

      It's a coffee additive, I think.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Well, sometimes, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the dimwit who doesn't get it.

  • LibertyLover

    We should probably give him a pass after all, he thought Judge Johnson was stupid for his comments about rape. OTOH, the then turns around and so helpfully wishes that our beloved editrix get raped and/or killed herself.

    Can you say disconnected?

    Oh, Canada! You had me at f*cking waste of skin.

  • Veritas78


    Well, now I don't feel so bad about calling you a drunken slut, Rebecca. Compared to this, I'm writing love letters.

    Suggestion? Set up your email so one has to buy something before one's email gets sent. It would be much more fun reading such vile things knowing the doofus just paid for a Commie Girl t-shirt.


    Could this be "Pretty Luke" the America hater, with the Rocky shirt and the Darth Vader palling-around-with?

  • Tundra Grifter

    First of all, Editrix, I've seen your photo and waste of skin you're not!

    Then – have you also heard from Matthew, Mark and John?

    • IncenseDebate

      Or Neal and Bob?

  • DahBoner

    backwards people

    Oh oh! Somebody's stuck in R…

  • emmelemm

    Dear Shit-Fer-Brains is my favorite feature, ever.

  • And here I was thinking all Wonketteers were people of tremendous wit and charm… the sort of people who always have a good Chesterton quote handy and can laugh at Molière (even in French) and can type 50 wpm even while holding a martini glass. Luke has shattered my conception of the typical Wonkette reader as a divine cross between Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker and Mistress Spanksalot. I'd say he should be punished, but if he actually sat through an episode of Nancy Grace's show, clearly he's into punishment.

    • emmelemm

      I can type faster than 50 wpm.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Oh, I bet you use two hands.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Luke Pretty? He lukes pretty fucking stupid to me.

  • DahBoner

    The only good news today I've heard is that you can now watch The Prisoner on Crackle…

  • Naked_Bunny

    Nancy Grace? Isn't she the lead singer for Starship?

  • GoodDogThor

    Dear Luke,

    Thanks for playing the Email Flame game! Unfortunately for you, reading comprehension is in the license agreement, so you've been disqualified. We suggest Twitter, particularly Chuck (G)Assley's feed might be more your speed.

    Good luck,

  • I like this column, BeccaLou. I think you should turn it over to US.

  • docterry6973

    Our not-a-waste-of-skin Editrix, Nancy Grace, and Judge Johnson?

    Let's all sing along: One of these things is not like the others…

  • chascates

    In one of his books Al Franken said he replied to email like this with a stock response such as:

    Thanks for your kind email. I appreciate your opinion and wish I could make a more personal response but my busy schedule doesn't allow it…"

    When the asswad emailed again he just replied with the same response.

  • jolpaj

    I'm not entirely sure that I follow this individual's reasoning.

  • ttommyunger

    Luke should get out more. Maybe to Europe, or Africa, or half-way at least.

  • pac

    People are about the stupidest people you'll ever meet.

  • Benny

    It always fascinates me to see people who don't possess the Sarcasm Gene…unless,you know,it's a choice maybe…like being gay!

  • anteater

    God I wish I'd written that… only to my mom.

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