POINT COUNTERPOINT  2:11 pm December 14, 2012

Wonkette Letters To The Editor

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Today’s Wonkette Letter to the Editor comes courtesy of “Luke Pretty,” at luke0606@hotmail.com, in response to Judge Smacked Down Just For Talking Sense About Your ‘Technical’ Violent Rape:

I just read your article on your incompetent Judge Derek Johnson, and I wanted you to know you should kill yourself. Or maybe die attempting unsuccessfully to prevent yourself being raped. People like you, Nancy Grace, Judge D. Johnson are the real reasons the world hates your country and backwards people like you don’t deserve the air you breath, you fucking waste of skin.

Thanks for writing in!

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 147 comments }

Barbara_ December 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

God, I hate people.
Fuck it, I am shutting off the computer and taking a mental health day.

weejee December 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

/ hug

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

/bearhug. or is that bare?

Guppy December 14, 2012 at 2:47 pm

You women and your obsessions with "shutting off" things…

freakishlywrong December 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

And the love of the holiday season continues…(typing through tears, I CANNOT stop crying).

IncenseDebate December 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Thank dog this is not connected to the War on Christmas!

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yeah, I'm not in a good mood either. Just remember, the assholes are still a minority. Let’s hope it stays that way.

emmelemm December 14, 2012 at 3:13 pm

A very vocal minority. But a minority nonetheless.

SorosBot December 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

So wait, did this guy think you supported the pro-rape judge? Reading comprehension: try learning it, moran.

Guppy December 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Maybe we're finally dragging Canadian schools down to our standards!

Lascauxcaveman December 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Whatever. Send the boy a link to The Onion website and suggest that he read the whole thing.

hagajim December 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Luke Pretty seems like a pretty big douchnozzle to me.

Oblios_Cap December 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I am not his father.

stefanbc December 14, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I don't get it. He's such a nice guy on his formspring account! http://www.formspring.me/luke0606

CthuNHu December 14, 2012 at 11:32 pm

His sister Penny is cool, though.

poorgradstudent December 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I can't get past the Nancy Grace thing. If you hate Nancy Grace, then we're on the same side!!!

nounverb911 December 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Enough already, I'm taking the rest of the day off.

Lizzietish81 December 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Reading fail!

PugglesRule December 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Apparently unfamiliar with either irony or sarcasm. Must be a Republican.

jello_mold December 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

What a tool. Who uses hotmail?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

It’s the modern day AOL!

Guppy December 14, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Hotmail asks for the least information to open an account, making it preferable to Gmail or Yahoo when looking to start an anonymous/pseudonymous account.

Or so I've heard.

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 2:51 pm

His AOL is Lukez469.

vulpes82 December 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

*sheepishly raises hand* In my defense, I do have a Gmail, I just don't use it much. I've had the Hotmail account for 15 years and everything's linked to it, and I'm just can't make myself go through the bother of changing that.

Swampgas_Man December 14, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Same here. I was on Hotmail before I even had a computer in my home, it was the only real way you could get an email account from a cybercafe.

Callyson December 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Someone is WAY off his meds…

gullywompr December 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

So, do you think you'll go out with him?

Lascauxcaveman December 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Seems nice.

smokefilledroommate December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Yay! Dear Shit Fer Brains! Perhaps he'd like a hot screwdriver in his vagina.

Fuck Toad December 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I was disappointed by the lack of that image on this post. It is Wonkett tradition.

Also, hi.

smokefilledroommate December 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Hey, Fuck! always good to see ya.

Oblios_Cap December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Luke Perry's hotmail name is Luke Pretty? Who knew?

SuspectedDemocrat December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Is this from the underwear handgun guy in the last post? Because that's how I pictured it.

HRH_Maddie December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Big surprise this derp uses a Hotmail account.

Mahousu December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I'm guessing Luke is not quite as Pretty as he thinks. Nor as bright.

Lascauxcaveman December 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

A thousand and one blonde jokes come to mind.

PugglesRule December 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

He's not bad looking for someone who might be 16 or 17, but his cranium seems to be filled with dog turds.

Oblios_Cap December 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Kossacks. Paultards. Republicans.

The world is one fucked up place.

pinstripebindi December 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Someone is unfamiliar with the concept of "sarcasm". Do they not have it in whatever magical fairyland that "Luke Pretty" (pretty stupid, AMIRITE??) inhabits?

actor212 December 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I bet he has a Pretty mouth, too.

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 2:47 pm

We already know he squeals like a pig.

freakishlywrong December 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Group hug, Wonkeratti.

actor212 December 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

HEY! Watch that hand, 9-11!

gullywompr December 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That's not his hand.

actor212 December 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Impressive!

TootsStansbury December 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

HUGS!

Mumbletypeg December 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I'mma go back and re-read that awesome synopsis-in-verse BlueB4sinrise dropped off at your doorstep. For the much-needed lulz.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Okay, which one of you stole my wallet?

actor212 December 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Hey, everyone! Drinks on me!

Fuck Toad December 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Just a warning: my pants have a design flaw where they may fall off at any time.

Antispandex December 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I bet that feller sure has a purty mouth.

noodlesalad December 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Anyone who isn't already drinking, it's time to start.

Mumbletypeg December 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Your snark at least helps the medicine go down, comrade.

noodlesalad December 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I'd like a vodka, with a snark chaser.

dinkybossetti December 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Courtesy of my company's holiday luncheon today, I am enjoying some red wine at my desk. It really is helping me cope.

noodlesalad December 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Free company booze is the best booze. Which is why capitalism will always come out on top.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Started an hour ago. Villacreces Pruno 2010. Keeps me from trying to go out and find Wayne Fuckhead LaPierre.

I'll break out the bourbon after dinner.

noodlesalad December 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

After dinner? Try after breakfast tomorrow.

PugglesRule December 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Honey, today I need a 55 gallon Cosmo.

mayor_quimby December 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The sex, don't forget the sexytime. Today is a great day for drunken sex with whoever will have you, let's get out there and make some bad decisions, people! Plus, that seems to be the only way to keep up the population if this shit keeps happening. (I'm only halfway joking, sadly)

GoodDogThor December 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

If you were contemplating stopping, yet another excuse to continue on unabated. Edmund Fitzgerald Porter for me, humming the song in my head…

JackDempsey1 December 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Surely, this man deserves a parting gift for his incisive letter.
Howsabout a pair of bitey panties?

gullywompr December 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Please, this "man" is never going to see another pair of panties as long as he lives.

Baconzgood December 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I don't think luke understands tounge in cheek wonkette.

IncenseDebate December 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Hey, you are back. Didn't you leave? Or was it someone else? I left too for a while. I'm ok now. Maybe not. This is a bad day/year/decade.

Baconzgood December 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

You can never leave the wonkette. Its like herpies. It will go away for a bit but it always flares up from time to time.

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Check out the Bazaar, they might be selling a Wonkette Oinment.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Bobby Jindal could probably perform a Wonkette Exorcism.

IncenseDebate December 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You couldn't get fire crotch from a nicer bunch of people.

SexySmurf December 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

You know who else told people to kill themselves?

Callyson December 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Elderly people who are terminally ill have a ''duty to die and get out of the way''

-Richard D. Lamm

gullywompr December 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Nicki Brand?

calliecallie December 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Jim Jones?

SexySmurf December 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I was actually thinking of Nancy Grace. My apologies to the Jones family for the unfortunate comparison.

Guppy December 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Mitt Romney?

Oh, wait, that was self-deportation

Mumbletypeg December 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

That awful doctor in The White Ribbon? (Good movie, though.)

Botlrokit December 14, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Wayne LaPierre?

Lascauxcaveman December 14, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Maybe he meant "with votes."

IncenseDebate December 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Buddha. Reductio ad absurdum

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

The voices in my head?

SayItWithWookies December 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I learn something new every day — apparently it is possible to learn how to type before learning how to read.

Close_Read December 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Luke Pretty Douchey.

janinedm December 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

If that's the same luke606 I found on twitter, then watch out. Those Brits will glass you in a second.

PubOption December 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I was told that, in Glasgow, it was necessary to break the glass on the upstroke. If you broke the glass against the table on the downward stroke, you would be too slow.

BaldarTFlagass December 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Assume ignorant of irony.

Joshua Norton December 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

People like you, Nancy Grace, Judge D. Johnson

One of these things is not like the others……

If he/she/it is trying to make a point, it's left me as lost as Atlantis.

StarsUponThars December 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Needz moar Thorazine. And guns. Yeah. Guns.

DaniloTifoso December 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

PALIN/PRETTY 2016!!!

Botlrokit December 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"Pretty"?

DaniloTifoso December 14, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Today’s Wonkette Letter to the Editor comes courtesy of “Luke Pretty,”

Botlrokit December 14, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Oh, I saw that, too. So sorry.

TribecaMike December 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Since I've never learned to read, this email is an insult to my illiteracy.

mormos December 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

What a thoughtful, articulate, and well reasoned letter. It is encouraging to see that in this modern world that can often seem so divided, it is still possible to have a productive, open, and respectful discourse.

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Fuck that!

weejee December 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

May his right foot find every un-scooped pile of dog poop, every day for forever.

sundaytrucker December 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Come on, go easy on him. His heart was in the right place and that's probably the funniest thing on wonkette all week.

Disassembly December 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Jesus, I'd hate to hear what he has to say when his heart is in the wrong place.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Probably even funnier. Remember, he's "Luke Pretty", not "Luke Smart".

jello_mold December 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

If only he'd said "with votes."

Baconzgood December 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Dear Fuck,

Fuck you up the fucking ass with a fucking rusty as shit slege hammer that has a splintery handle. You are a cock sucking fuck that fucking pisses me off with you cunty bitching.

Now THAT'S how you write to the editor bitchez!

PugglesRule December 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Don't forget to say that someone should kill them. It's a nice touch.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

From this day forward, I think we should all declare that Wonkette is against rape.

Legitimate rape, that is.

emmelemm December 14, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Troublemaker.

bikerlaureate December 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"Beware when all men speak well of you."

Oblios_Cap December 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Wasn't that a line in Charlie Brown cartoon?

bikerlaureate December 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You may be thinking of "WAH wah wah wah wah WAH WAH wah wah WAH WAH."

Mumbletypeg December 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

This reminds me, Editrix: aren't we overdue for an Honorary Bag of Lightly Salted Rat Dicks award? "Dear Shit fer Brains" seems almost wasted on this guy.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I just read your article on your incompetent Judge Derek Johnson

He is our judge? All right, which one of you is Judge Johnson? Fess up!

Cicada December 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

Poor Luke is probably bald now.

comrad_darkness December 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Shew, we're safe, guys! He didn't brag about how many guns he owns.

southernboyman December 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Waste of skin"? Sir, have you no decency?

actor212 December 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

To this point, I strongly feel Editrix should strip naked and post photos so we can gauge precisely how much skin is going to waste.

HistoriCat December 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

She did say or imply there were nekkid pics out there … we just need to find them.

RadioBitchFace December 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I feel like my brain is shutting down.

Disassembly December 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

http://www.facebook.com/luke.pretty
"I can be the ultimate first impression. You either think I'm funny and friendly or you can't stand my company, usually within the first two minutes. Which is good, because I've already judged you in that first two minutes as well. That being said, some of my closest friends I hated when I met them. Just goes to show good people are where you least expect it."

Close_Read December 14, 2012 at 3:34 pm

On Facebook, in his "Other" section, he's liked the "Remove Judge Derek Johnson" page. and on THAT page he left an anti-Johnson comment that is as colorful and insightful as his letter to our Editrix.

GoodDogThor December 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Gee, I don't even need to meet him to form my opinion. Two minutes seems like a long time…

fartknocker December 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

If Luke would go to the Wonkette store and look at the ladies he would realize that liberal, smart women are also really very easy on the eyes and very compassionate. But alas, Luke is in-bred goat fucker from Texas and I can reach this conclusion by the fact that I heard a similar loud mouth asshole at my local taco shack here in Austin bloviating about Christmas.

The holidays seems to bring the worst out in these fucktard asshats.

An_Outhouse December 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Someone suffers from severe reading incomprehension.

JustPixelz December 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

The biggest surprise is that you can be reached by email. I assume tips@wonkette.com is actually the World's Biggest Spam Magnet.

LibertyLover December 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

The snark is not strong in this one.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Sarcasm? What’s that?

LibertyLover December 14, 2012 at 2:51 pm

It's a coffee additive, I think.

Lascauxcaveman December 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"Well, sometimes, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…"

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2012 at 3:31 pm

sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the dimwit who doesn't get it.

LibertyLover December 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

We should probably give him a pass after all, he thought Judge Johnson was stupid for his comments about rape. OTOH, the then turns around and so helpfully wishes that our beloved editrix get raped and/or killed herself.

Can you say disconnected?

Oh, Canada! You had me at f*cking waste of skin.

Veritas78 December 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Sheesh!

Well, now I don't feel so bad about calling you a drunken slut, Rebecca. Compared to this, I'm writing love letters.

Suggestion? Set up your email so one has to buy something before one's email gets sent. It would be much more fun reading such vile things knowing the doofus just paid for a Commie Girl t-shirt.

iburl December 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

http://www.formspring.me/luke0606/picture

Could this be "Pretty Luke" the America hater, with the Rocky shirt and the Darth Vader palling-around-with?

Tundra Grifter December 14, 2012 at 3:00 pm

First of all, Editrix, I've seen your photo and waste of skin you're not!

Then – have you also heard from Matthew, Mark and John?

IncenseDebate December 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Or Neal and Bob?

DahBoner December 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

backwards people

Oh oh! Somebody's stuck in R…

emmelemm December 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Dear Shit-Fer-Brains is my favorite feature, ever.

valthemus December 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And here I was thinking all Wonketteers were people of tremendous wit and charm… the sort of people who always have a good Chesterton quote handy and can laugh at Molière (even in French) and can type 50 wpm even while holding a martini glass. Luke has shattered my conception of the typical Wonkette reader as a divine cross between Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker and Mistress Spanksalot. I'd say he should be punished, but if he actually sat through an episode of Nancy Grace's show, clearly he's into punishment.

emmelemm December 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I can type faster than 50 wpm.

Jus_Wonderin December 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh, I bet you use two hands.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Luke Pretty? He lukes pretty fucking stupid to me.

DahBoner December 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

The only good news today I've heard is that you can now watch The Prisoner on Crackle…

Naked_Bunny December 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Nancy Grace? Isn't she the lead singer for Starship?

GoodDogThor December 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Dear Luke,

Thanks for playing the Email Flame game! Unfortunately for you, reading comprehension is in the license agreement, so you've been disqualified. We suggest Twitter, particularly Chuck (G)Assley's feed might be more your speed.

Good luck,
Wonketterati

Weedlord BonerHitler December 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I like this column, BeccaLou. I think you should turn it over to US.

docterry6973 December 14, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Our not-a-waste-of-skin Editrix, Nancy Grace, and Judge Johnson?

Let's all sing along: One of these things is not like the others…

chascates December 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

In one of his books Al Franken said he replied to email like this with a stock response such as:

Thanks for your kind email. I appreciate your opinion and wish I could make a more personal response but my busy schedule doesn't allow it…"

When the asswad emailed again he just replied with the same response.

jolpaj December 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I'm not entirely sure that I follow this individual's reasoning.

ttommyunger December 14, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Luke should get out more. Maybe to Europe, or Africa, or half-way at least.

pac December 15, 2012 at 2:45 am

People are about the stupidest people you'll ever meet.

Benny December 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

It always fascinates me to see people who don't possess the Sarcasm Gene…unless,you know,it's a choice maybe…like being gay!

anteater December 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

God I wish I'd written that… only to my mom.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: