this is excellent news for ... oh wait this is excellent news for john mccain

McCain Eats Rice

sticky rice fried rice rice-a-roni rice wide shut fuck you wapoUN Ambassador Susan Rice has removed herself from consideration for the position of New Hillz, citing John McCain being a total dick as the reason.

There were plenty of reasons to be sort of FROWNY-FACE-EMOTICON about the possibility of Rice getting the top diplomatic job, mostly centered on murder bullshit in the Congo and some sort of possibly meh Keystone Pipeline nonsense. None of those reasons have anything to do with the utter horseshit spouted by John McCain, Lindsey Graham, or the other one, the new chick, or as McCain probably calls her “WHERE’S THE GIRL.”

The fact that McCain, Graham, and Where’s the Girl had “serious reservations” should have been paid as much attention as the actually serious reservations Democratic senators had faced with the nomination of John Bolton, who wanted to behead the United Nations, as ambassador to the United Nations.

Obviously now John Kerry will be our new Secretary of State, just as McCain predicted all along.

Damn, John Kerry’s gotten a lot better at that.

Also, everybody please welcome back to the Senate Mr. Senator Staple-Crotch. How can we miss him if he won’t go away?


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    1. miss_grundy

      There has to be another Democrat in Massachusetts, who could beat that centerfold jerk to take Kerry's seat. I wish Bammerz would find a better choice than Kerry. Anyone who is a friend of McCain's is not a friend of mine.

      1. sewollef

        Am I missing something, but didn't Elizabeth Warren defeat Scott Brown in MA?

        I haz a confused now…. either that or Ima just stupid.

  1. Barbara_

    Sarah Palin ate Glen Rice. Other black men named after grains that she fantasizes about: Buckwheat. O'tay!

  2. DaniloTifoso

    Too bad John McCain couldn't do that like nine years ago. We might never have had to deal with the snowgrifter…..

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I used to be a Kelly Girl, and I'm not even a girl. I was simultaneously an Adia, a MacTemp and a Western Temp, and had a lot of interesting, low paying, short term assignments in my immediate post-college years.

  3. HRH_Maddie

    I just hope blocking Rice wasn't some elaborate ploy to get Kerry to be SoS and give Scott Brown another chance to become the Junior Senator from Massachusetts.

    1. SorosBot

      I think it was more anger at giving such an important position to someone who has both dark skin and a vagina.

        1. SorosBot

          "My husband – I mean President Bush" was such a great telling moment.

          And Condoleeza was OK because she wasn't, you know, uppity.

          1. Negropolis

            You know, besides her interest in classical music and obscure Russian history and her penchant for thigh-high, dominatrix fuck-me boots. No, she's totally low maintenance and not uppity in the least. lol

    2. JustPixelz

      More likely Brown would be the losing candidate again. Hopefully his opponent will be someone with special professional standing so he can can him or her "Doctor" or "Captain" or "Coach" during debates.

    1. JustPixelz

      That would put him in line to succession. Constitutional crisis if the right (wrong?) people do a Thelma and Louise over that financial cliff.

      1. actor212

        Not necessarily. The SoS is pretty far down the list, especially when looking through the lens of history and how the presidency has never made it past the Veep.

        Also, the 22nd only says he can't win election to a third term.

        1. JustPixelz

          I think you're right. But can you imagine how the birther-types would react. Pretty much “Hussein Obama replaces Constitution with Sharia Law”. Now that I think about it, that would be fun to watch.

      2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of President more than once.

        As I read it, Bill could be elevated to the presidency, he just could not stand for election again.

    1. BadKitty904

      I *like* the sound o' that!

      That appointment, alone, should eliminate a few of the withered vermin that continue to infest Congress, by way of strokes, heart attacks, et al.

    2. HRH_Maddie

      I do like the sound of that but too many conflicts of interest would arise when Hillary runs for president. (!!!!!!)

  4. Texan_Bulldog

    OFFS! It's appalling that Barry is going to let Walnuts & Ham Biscuits win. Unless he plans on nominating Bill Ayers.

    1. Isyaignert

      "Shits and giggles" are exactly what we'd get with $arah Palin as SOS. The world would be shtting bricks of fear and simultaneously laughing at her dubmassness.

    2. tessiee

      "Give the job to Sarah Palin. You know, for shits and giggles."

      Which would result in too much of the former and not enough of the latter.

  5. edgydrifter

    As a victory prize, how about giving McCain the job? Watching his misshapen head throb with unfocused rage every time "that boy" gave him marching orders would totally be worth whatever diplomatic fuckups McCain caused before stroking out.

  6. gullywompr

    I don't think even Massholes are assholes enough to re-elect Staple-Crotch in another special election.

    Er… right?

  7. Antispandex

    Isn't there something she can be appointed to, that doesn't require congressional approval, just to piss them off? It should pay really well, and involve the ability to screw over Teapublicans. Think about it and get back to me.

    1. JustPixelz

      She could run for Senate in Arizona. The debates would be fun. Watching Walnuts drool and mutter, rolling those ball bearings in his hand over and over.

    2. Isyaignert

      I like that idea – kind of like when the 'cons had a tantrum over Elizabeth Warren being head of consumer protection and now she's a Senator for SIX years!! Hahahaha!!

    3. gullywompr

      Cabinet secretaries just need a simple Senate majority, can't be filibustered. If she would have been willing to put up with the bullshit, they could have done nothing at all to stop her appointment. This seems to be pretty much her own choice, so not sure she would go for a different appointment.

    4. imissopus

      National Security Adviser. I'm sort of hoping for that. If not, she stays at the UN and remains a visible part of the administration. Fuck Walnuts! in his pie hole.

  8. Caradeloca

    If we're naming our fantasy SOS, I'm going with Bill Richardson — he's a Mexican which is bound to drive the right folks crazy, and he left Hil for Barry, on whom he's still crushing, so not too much space between them.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Isn't Deval Patrick still the governor of Massachusetts? I can't imagine he'd appoint a Republican to replace John Kerry — besides, there are plenty of Democrats with the qualifications to be Secretary of State. Personally I'd like to see Dennis Kucinich get the nomination, as he's incredibly knowledgeable, focused on renewable resources, peace and cooperation, and when it was announced they'd have to peel John McCain off the ceiling.

    1. weejee

      He can, good for a short bit, but then they have to hold a special election. That's sorta how Brownie got in the first time after Teddy died, and Paul Kirk got in to vote for Obamacare (kill the filibuster), before a special election a few months later, which staple boy won.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Ah — I'd forgotten the details of that, thanks. But now that Massachusettsians (?!) loathe Scott Brown, and he had to be the last Republican there, it shouldn't be a problem, right?

        Anyway, Kucinich should still be a good bet, and won't have to be replaced. Alternately, there's Angelina Jolie, who could collect adorable babies as she toured the world.

        1. SorosBot

          Nah, Kucinich is way too much of a nut; I would never trust the judgement of someone who promotes the child-killing "vaccines cause autism" conspiracy bullshit.

          1. StillGoinGreen

            Fire in the HOLE!!!

            Comment Note: I read your comment on my lousy commute from Addison, TX (swanky burb north of Dallas) to my home in Westlake (swanky burb west of Dallas – 25 miles, 1.0 hrs min) and had to look at those little smartphone images for almost TWO HOURS until I got home to me big screen!! Being Irish, i rish I had a ginger stacked that tall and lovely!

          2. finallyhappy

            I was very upset yesterday listening to a usually reputable news talk show because I thought they were allowing a Jenny McCarthy type anti-vax nut speak. It was actually a pro vaccine person- talking about why adults need to get boosters for DTP or T-DP as it is now called.

    2. Biff

      Wasn't there some skullduggery involving Dying Ted Kennedy and the Affordable Care Act, somethingsomething special elections instead of gubernatorial appointments?

  10. carlgt1

    It's hilarious that RepugliKKKans "Swift-boated" her so that they could get Kerry, whom they invented "Swift-boating" for!

  11. Tommmcatt_Again

    citing John McCain being a total dick as the reason.

    Who among us hasn't used THAT as an excuse? It's always true, and fits multiple situations.

    1. finallyhappy

      not all that fond of Noam but as I have mentioned here before- his mom was my teacher in Hebrew High school for hebrew grammar(before Noam Chomsky was "NOAM CHOMSKY"). She was a tough teacher but I was also a lousy grammar student

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Obama should just say "Fuck it," nominate John Bolton, and watch the world spin down in flames.

    But, seriously, Isn't there someone other than John Kerry, both because of Scott Brown, and, really, do we want to bore the rest of the world? What about that nice female member of the Muslim Brotherhood that is Hillary's lesbian lover aid? Or Sylvia Poggioli?

  13. Hera Sent Me

    I'm a liberal's liberal and an Obamaite from early 2008. I don't think Susan Rice is qualified to be Secretary of State, for reasons unrelated to pipelines, the Congo or Benghazi.

    She's a "liberal" intellectual flack. As inappropriate for a cabinet job as John Bolton or Ari Fleischer.

    1. SorosBot

      You can go to the local nursing home to watch senile old man ramble angrily and nonsensically for free.

  14. Will_Panic

    Kerry exits Senate, open seat is filled by Scott Brown, Scott Brown makes woop-woop noises at Warren and disrupts entire Senate. It's the circle of life, Beltway edition.

      1. Schmannnity

        You can hear that every Thursday night at Madame Maria Consentino's Italian House of Pain. And he has not denied it.

  15. SorosBot

    I'm hoping Obama can find a brown Muslim woman to nominate for State, just to completely drive the right-wing crazy(er).

  16. DahBoner

    …the next day, McCain when to the bar again. The bartender, halfway to laughing, asked "Hey! What's for dinner?"

    McCain said " I want fried rice you plick"


  17. BadKitty904

    Has anyone suggested Rep. Keith Ellison – just to mess with the Bitter Old Men?

    Allahu akbar, indeed.

  18. nonbeliever7

    For all you wonketeers that are typically too grumpy/drunk/wasted to watch to the end of the clip (yea, you know who you are)…you must see Kerry pwn Walnuts. A thing of beauty.

  19. OneYieldRegular

    I'm no historian, and even less of a gambler, but I'm willing to bet big that history will not treat John McCain kindly.

  20. ChrisM2011

    It's about time conservatives went after Rice for ignoring warnings of an attack detailed in a report she was given. Who knows if 9/11 would have happened if they had taken them seriously.

    I mean we are talking about Condoleezza, right?

  21. mormos



    so pissed right now… Barry had better not nominate Kerry.

    EDIT: okay, I'm done throwing a tantrum about people throwing tantrums now.

  22. neiltheblaze

    She's "abrasive", doncha know. That's Republican for "uppity beatch."

    John Bolton, on the other hand, is a model of equanimity and sobriety.

    1. commiegirl99

      Eh, honestly, my aunt (who is the most abrasive woman I have ever met, and who is a JEW to boot) is a bigtime Dem Barryista/Clintonista, and she doesn't think Rice has the temperament either.

      Of course, only a Democrat would actually care about that.

  23. glamourdammerung

    Kerry taking the SoS slot after this garbage would be the biggest screw up that he did.

    And this is the guy that picked John Edwards as his running mate.

  24. dadanarchistmk2

    I nominate Jeremiah Wright just to give the next nominee that little extra pinch of "Fuck You, Walnuts."

  25. sewollef

    Aah, that explains it. Thanks miss g.

    Being a Brit, sometimes I miss the nuances of the US electoral system, even though I've been living here for nearly 10 years now.

    I'm still learning.

  26. Lascauxcaveman

    Well, that might work, but it also might not. Staplecrotch got about, what, 46% of the vote? This is despite coming out as a total dick running against our Petite Pocahontas. So he's popular enough to win if he takes the high road against a not-very-strong D candidate *coughCOAKELYcough*.

    I like John Kerry exactly where he is right now. Unless we can re-animate Teddy Kennedy's corpse, clone Al Franken or something.

  27. bibliotequetress

    Tangential: Last time, I volunteered in the campaign against Senator Stapledick so that Elizabeth Warren would be elected. This time, I will volunteer in the campaign against Senator Stapledick because not only is he a republican, but he is an asshole. As I learned in the last campaign.

  28. Gleem McShineys

    *pokes him in the chest then flips his nose as McCain looks down*

  29. littlebigdaddy

    OK, is there any reason that we would WANT the other Rice as SoS? She is a patsy to small-time dictators, she has an authoritarian personality, and she really is not that smart. BB is not always right in his choice of allies. (I am willing to be excommunicated from the church of tossing BB's salad for this).

    1. Negropolis

      "and she really is not that smart."

      Excuse me, but what the fuck?!

      Clearly, a lot of support for her was in opposition to unfair characterizations…and I don't mind that. State is a department that can be successfully ran with a wide skillset, and Rice was no worse than the rest. Hillary wasn't exactly the most suited for the job, either, and she still made a helluva SoS.

      The point is that you don't double-down on some one and then toss them. This was a test of loyalty and will and Obama failed, plain and simple regardless of who the candidate happened to be.

  30. Negropolis

    What I'm wondering from the president is why thrown down like your at the schoolyard and then back off? Why not at the very least give her a vote in the Senate? If she lost, the blame would be on the Republicans.

    She didn't step down from this; she was pushed.

  31. HobbesEvilTwin

    I busted my ass getting the votes out for Warren. Fuck you Demorat party if you help return the Senatorfold to DC.


    That pic…, looks like something is out of place, her dress? her hair? her necklace? It's like when someone adds layers on photoshop that don't make sense together.

  33. Supremectjester

    Or how about Barney Frank for Secretary of State? That would also rile up the Gee Oh Pee, unless Obama is saving the Harvard Law grad for the Supreme Court to sit next to Scalia.

    1. CindynEncinitas

      Barney's going to be a Supreme. And he'll know all the words to all the songs. Friday night dance par-tays in chambers. So delicious!

      What about Robert Kennedy, Jr.? I heart him a really lot.

      1. Supremectjester

        Yes he's good, too. I was in Federal Court one day when he argued a Riverkeeper case. But he wouldn't annoy McCain or Scalia as much as Barney Frank would.

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