Tea PartyDo you know who is very smart? Tea Party congresspeople. Here are some of them moving their lips, with syllables and words coming out to form sentences, about the “fiscal cliff” or whatever, who cares, boring:

“If he [Boehner] caves [on fiscal cliff negotiations], he’s going to have to get it passed with a lot of Democrat votes,” [Louisiana Rep. John] Fleming told Breitbart News after the press conference. “So, just like with the continuing resolutions, there’s anywhere from 40 to 80 to even 100 members on the conservative side who just simply vote against it, so it [a deal] gets passed only with Democrat help.”

Do you know when those words, in that order, would be anything remotely like “news”? If both houses of Congress and the Executive branch were all controlled by Republicans. Like, does our buddy John Fleming think a Democratic president would not get Democratic votes on his deal? Presumably so, since obviously the only “compromise” is “cave to the GOP House entirely,” the same “compromise”John Boehner denies floating: permanent extension of the Bush tax cuts on the top two income brackets, and the White House coming up with a list of spending cuts the GOP finds satisfactory.

This all comes to us courtesy of star Breitbart reporter Matthew Boyle, who apparently is too busy tweeting about the need to fire John Boehner to properly structure his stories, and who clearly is no longer getting the editing he needs, in “A SECOND WAVE: TEA PARTY LEADER SAYS ‘YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET’.” This 1,300-word expose on how the Tea Party is awesome is actually a transcription of a press conference by a bunch of wingnut congressmen bitching about the debt, and yet it leads off with a quote by the “president” of about how we “ain’t seen nothing yet!” (Also, the title!)

At any rate, Rand Paul, John Fleming, Paul Broun and Louie Gohmert take turns saying idiot things like the following:

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul: “I know of no other way to stimulate the economy than to leave more money in the private sector.”

Georgia Rep. Paul Broun: “The government has too much money.”

Louisiana Rep. John Fleming: “I know I’m to the right of the Speaker. But, there are people [in the House Republican conference] who actually fall to the left of the Speaker. His [Boehner’s] job is to move that dial back and forth until he gets 218 votes, even if he has to go to Democrats to get it.”

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

Anyway, TEA PARTY! Greatness! Never give up, never surrender! One half of one branch of government must go to its death making sure everyone does everything its way all the time forever because democracy! Fire John Boehner probably! Matthew Boyle! Derp!


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  • HRH_Maddie

    In related news, water is wet.

  • Is this a circular firing squad with votes or with what exactly?

    • sullivanst


    • SuspectedDemocrat

      They're wearing a bullet-proof gerrymander, so they can shoot at each other with high capacity magazines all day and still control the House.

  • Bad monkeys!

    • Are you kidding? My hat's off to the one tugging the booby hamper off the car! I have a hard enough time when I'm in the back seat! Dude's doing it hanging off the door!

      • Should have clarified – I meant the Republicans.

  • memzilla

    …a quote by the “president” of about how we “ain’t seen nothing yet!”

    I Teatardians: 2nd verse. A little bit louder and a little bit worse.

    • Hi mem, we WordPressers are back.

  • Oooh, are you suggesting Weaker Boener may, yet again, not be able to marshall his troops in line? *GASP*

    • WhatTheHeck

      Like lemmings jumping off the Cliff

    • Biff

      He's gonna need a bigger gavel…

    • Dudleydidwrong

      A "weaker boener?" Doesn't that describe most of these guys?

  • OzoneTom

    We will know that they are ready to play well with others when they start saying "Democratic".

    I know — it's not going to happen.

    • Obama: "I will stop calling him John Boner when they start calling my party 'Democratic'!"

  • cousinitt

    So, if you got an infinite number of tea baggers to sit down at an infinite number of typewriters, they would be able to compose Breitbart News?

    • gullywompr

      No, it only takes two or three, and just 20 minutes or so.

    • But you'd only need one monkey. And maybe a can of Red Bull.

  • JustPixelz

    “The government has too much money.”

    That's a surplus. A deficit is the opposite thingy.

    • BornInATrailer

      Typical libtard, quibbling over semantics.

      • noodlesalad

        Numbers, how do they work?

        • JustPixelz

          Numbers are the true job creators. I work for 69. [rimshot!]

          Democratic Congressional candidates got more votes overall than Republicans, but "Americans voted for divided government". [rimshot! huh?]

    • sullivanst

      Yeah, I thought that was quite amusing myself.

  • ALT-Alt-text: "Where's the wonkette panties at??"

    • emmelemm


    • gullywompr

      Monkeys on meth.

  • noodlesalad

    The confusion stems from the fact that the word bipartisan, to our media, has long meant "something the Republicans want, which the Democrats will have to bend over and take."

  • Toomush_Infer

    Alt headline: MORANS SAY MORANIC-LIKE STUFF!!!…okay, this is bottom-feeding…I just felt I needed to weigh in, because, like tea-baggers, I like to hear myself say stuff…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    John Boehner denies floating: Tea Party confirms the science; Boehner is not a witch.

    Headline from The Salem News.

  • emmelemm

    Honestly, baboons are smarter and better looking than most Tea Party persons.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      smell better, too also

      • emmelemm

        I'm reminded of the birthday song: "You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too…"

        • gullywompr

          Let's not disparage the plight of the primate community, lest they end up lost in an IKEA wearing shearling.

    • bearperney

      Especially their technicolor rear ends.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    "Rand Paul, John Fleming, Paul Broun and Louie Gohmert take turns saying idiot things…"

    Amazing how the Wonkette got the four of them together to pose for that picture…

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Bribery. They were bribing them with Twinkies to get 'em to pose together but since Twinkies are gone, they now offer them five minutes and whatever they can carry from the American Airlines unclaimed luggage department. Those monkeys are in training.

  • spends2much

    Is saying Democrat where Democratic is appropriate supposed to be some sort of burn from these geniuses? The Tea Party thinks they're into democracy after all, though if any of them ever cracked open a history book, I think they'd be all "Theocracy! That's the one we like!"

    • Mandorlin

      It's one of their focused-group framing things. People reacted worse to "Democrat" than "Democratic".

      Republicans: destroying language since the 1980s!

  • Beetagger

    Kind of makes me misty for the days of Palin and trucknutz.

    • gullywompr

      I've looked everywhere for treenutz ornaments for my non-denominational holiday tree, but alas and alack.

      • CrunchyKnee

        Sounds like the invisible hand of the free market just gave you an idea to market on Fox. TreeNutz!

        • gullywompr

          Know any good glass blowers?

          • woolmyn

            I thought the story was about assblowers, not glassblowers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Those monkeys each need to be trying to fuck a football to be more appropriate to this story.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Tea baggers, I am disappoint. No not really, shine on you crazy diamonds.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    And never forget that a group of baboons is called a "congress of baboons" for a reason.

  • Not_So_Much

    Louie Gohmert — “I don’t have any a lot of rich friends.”


    • Biff

      8. Damned. Minutes.

    • HistoriCat

      We would also have accepted Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have any a lot of rich friends brains.”

      • jello_mold

        Dude – how do you do that cross out thing?

        • HistoriCat

          < strike >your text here< /strike> – without the spaces.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    the four horse's asses of the cliffpocalypse

  • Goonemeritus

    Considering the Tea Party refuses to vote for any spending at all unless it will directly result in brown people being blown-up this is a forgone conclusion.

  • Botlrokit

    Psst! Hey… dude! I have a suggestion for you: Change your news agency's name. Everyone else in broadcasting or print that has a good reputation is not named after a dead person.

    • HistoriCat

      Hearst libel!

  • orygoon

    It's just plain weird how America is so mean to poor people, but loves stupid people enough to elect them to high office.

  • gullywompr


    Nah, we've seen it. This is the Groundhog Party – the very same kind of tantrum they tried last time which cost them $500 billion in defense cuts without cutting Social Security or Medicare a dime. Good game, guys.

  • memzilla

    These people really are damage magnets, aren't they?

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    Majority schmajority… God dint need no majority when he sent them monkeys to play with that lady's underwear, now did he? And if you're Louis Gomert, there's a lesson in that tale.

  • SmutBoffin

    Did you know that Benjamin Franklin was there to witness the birth of the modern Tea Party movement? As he wrote in Poor Richard's Almanack

    "The Colonial Teabagger haf a look of hunched indolence and smells of turnip-wine and horse piff. He has a sullen mind, fit only for harassing negroef and wagering on bear-baiting. Some of these poltroons tried to force their way into our Great Continental Convention, but John Jay scared them away with an icon bearing the image of a woman with child."

    • CrunchyKnee

      Well played, well played indeed. I produced snuff from the very protuberance which houses mine nostrils all over mine computer device screen upon reading your bit of hiftory.

    • GeneralLerong


      Yay! A word that deserves to be trotted out more often to give the deserving a swift kick in the forehead.

      [the turnip wine and horse piff was a nice touch, too]

  • bikerlaureate

    Wake me when the Hoverround and Rascal subsidies are on the table.

  • Botlrokit

    Georgia Rep. Paul Broun: “The government has too much money.”

    Goddammit, didn't you just talk about us being in debt?! Make up your mind, Creation boy.

  • Teabaggers keep me humble, you know why? Every time I get full of myself and think I might know something, I see the fat disoriented ignorant gun carrying dipshits on their Rascals and the idiots they vote for and think if I keep acting like that I could be just like them.

  • We've got to stop the spending." — Rep. Broun

    What cave have you been camping out in, Broun? State governments have been forced to curb spending, merge agencies and reduce hours of operation for state services the last several years!

    "…I want to get rid of the Department of Education, the Department of Commerce, the Department of Labor, and let’s get rid of the EPA while we’re doing it."

    Oh right – – *reads other names: Gohmert; Rand Paul* – – you're one of them those.

    • HistoriCat

      Rep. Broun is entirely entitled to demand those kind of cuts. And when they start work on the next budget, he can get right on that.

    • not that Dewey

      State governments have been forced to curb spending, merge agencies and reduce hours of operation for state services the last several years!

      at the Tea Party's and LSM's insistence, and then call it "the Obama Economy"

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And when George Wanker Bush was spending money like a drunken draft dodger on wars with no reason or purpose I'm sure that you spoke up, Broun, and said the same thing. Didn't you? Didn't you? You know damn well that you didn't. Asshole.

  • kittensdontlie

    The photo is of Rand Paul's monkeys on methamphetamine, otherwise known as the The Tea Party.

  • JustPixelz

    Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

    Obviously even his fellow GO-Pee'ers in Congress don't like him.

    • Botlrokit

      For all the bloviating blowhards in the Legislature, Gohmert has the least aesthetically pleasing voice. I'd chew my arm off.

  • Monkey libel.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    "Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

    Yeah, Lou. Those rich guys who fund your campaigns? They much prefer that you refer to them as "employers" or "owners." If responding to a direct address, they prefer you use "Sir" or "Mr. Koch."

  • DalePues

    That's the ffunniest picture I've ever seen. I'm still laughing thinking about the one monkey looking in the window at the driver! Hilariious.

  • littlebigdaddy

    The name "Louie Gohmert" just says rocket scientist to me.

    • shelwood46

      Hey, Congress does have one rocket scientist. He's a Democrat, of course. (Rush Holt!)

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    from the top of dead Breitbart's comment thread:

    "Has anyone noticed that whenever you confront a Liberal about Obama's communist upbringing, they completely deny, or evade the question? Is this because they too, are communists? Or are they desperately trying to hide Obama's obvious agenda?"

    Suddenly I feel very guilty for insulting monkeys by comparing them to these goobers. Even at their feces flingingiest worst (and yes, flingingiest is now a word), monkeys can't hold a candle to the craziness that oozes up from the fever swamp known as the tea party id

  • hagajim

    Again…lets just do some cliff diving and fix what we want after. Fuck these "we don't wanna compromise" assholes.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I wish the teatards were as smart as baboons.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Nobody make a Bachman-Turner Overdrive joke or all the oldz will have an earworm that'll …………………….aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • What's wrong with "Let It Ride"? Really good song, great for pinball and stuff like that.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Whew , thanks.

    • gullywompr


      Sorry, had to do it.

  • Abernathy

    “I know of no other way to stimulate the economy than to leave more money in the private sector.”

    Good thing this guy's job doesn't involve coming up with ideas to stimulate the economy.

  • cousinitt

    Oh, look at those adorable little rapscallions, breaking into Lindsey Graham's luggage like that!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      His bra's bigger than that. It must belong to his "companion."

  • LibrarianX

    Well, he's got some keen kind of insight into the legislative process – that's for sure.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    OT funee lede at BBC

    The US, UK and Canada refuse to ratify a UN communications treaty after a dispute about references to the internet in the agreement.

    • Negropolis

      Cue Yakety Sax…

  • Antispandex

    So, I guess their idea of sex is, "Just let me do whatever I want to you, even if you find me repulsive, and we won't call it rape"? No wonder they did so well in the last election. No…wait…

  • Please proceed, Tea Party!

  • Tommy1733

    Breitbart is like a garbage disposal – no matter what goes in, it all gets turned into sewage.

  • Ruhe

    Jonathan Chait on why the Teaparty gospel on spending cuts isn't just politics, it's ignorance:

    "When the only cuts on the table would inflict real harm on people with modest incomes and save small amounts of money, that is a sign that there’s just not much money to save. It’s not just that Republicans disagree with this; they don’t seem to understand it. The absence of a Republican spending proposal is not just a negotiating tactic but a howling void where a specific grasp of the role of government ought to be. And negotiating around that void is extremely hard to do. The spending cuts aren’t there because they can’t be found."

  • Beowoof

    And as the ran down the hall to escape reporters one republican was heard to mutter, Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

  • jello_mold

    Galaxy Quest libel!

  • Dr. Matt

    Monkeys with bras….best pic of the day.

  • southernboyman

    Who let the terrorists in da house?

  • Will_Panic

    That might be the first thing Paul Broun has said that I agree with, that "the government has too much money." The problem is that the majority of it goes to the Pentagon.

  • Naked_Bunny

    “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

    I believe this, as long as we use the standard teabagger definitions, where "rich" means "multimillionaire" and "middle class" means "has a refrigerator".

  • Eve8Apples

    That photo has inspired my next new business enterprise — a car wash staffed by naked monkeys. Who wouldn't love getting their car washed by a team of wet naked monkies?

    • cousinitt

      Can one of them be Davy Jones? I know he's ded and all but still…a girl can dream, can't she?

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    Bless their tiny, withered, bile-pumping hearts!

  • i like to think that there's a teatard in that car.

  • OneYieldRegular

    For some reason, every time you mention Matthew Boyle I keep picturing a guy in a frumpy dress singing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables.

  • NinjaCat_Baba
  • GoodDogThor

    The Tea Party sucks hairy monkey sack.

    That is all, carry on…

  • Troubledog

    All taxing and spending bills must originate in the House. Right? And the GOP controls the house, and has for some time, right? So who spent the money?

    9th grade civics class

  • Negropolis

    I don't know if I'll ever get used to seeing "Kentucky Senator Rand Paul" in print.

    Wait, so this is "we had to destroy the caucus to save the caucus" right?

  • BZ1

    Is one of those monkeys the IKEA monkey?

  • Negropolis

    I, I, I say, boy, this is a ten-piece original bucket of Kenfuckety.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "We have no ideas. Now give us a solution we like."

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