NEVER GIVE UP NEVER SURRENDER  2:15 pm December 13, 2012

Very Smart Republicans: A Deal Between White House And House Might Need Democratic Votes To Pass

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Tea PartyDo you know who is very smart? Tea Party congresspeople. Here are some of them moving their lips, with syllables and words coming out to form sentences, about the “fiscal cliff” or whatever, who cares, boring:

“If he [Boehner] caves [on fiscal cliff negotiations], he’s going to have to get it passed with a lot of Democrat votes,” [Louisiana Rep. John] Fleming told Breitbart News after the press conference. “So, just like with the continuing resolutions, there’s anywhere from 40 to 80 to even 100 members on the conservative side who just simply vote against it, so it [a deal] gets passed only with Democrat help.”

Do you know when those words, in that order, would be anything remotely like “news”? If both houses of Congress and the Executive branch were all controlled by Republicans. Like, does our buddy John Fleming think a Democratic president would not get Democratic votes on his deal? Presumably so, since obviously the only “compromise” is “cave to the GOP House entirely,” the same “compromise”John Boehner denies floating: permanent extension of the Bush tax cuts on the top two income brackets, and the White House coming up with a list of spending cuts the GOP finds satisfactory.

This all comes to us courtesy of star Breitbart reporter Matthew Boyle, who apparently is too busy tweeting about the need to fire John Boehner to properly structure his stories, and who clearly is no longer getting the editing he needs, in “A SECOND WAVE: TEA PARTY LEADER SAYS ‘YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET’.” This 1,300-word expose on how the Tea Party is awesome is actually a transcription of a press conference by a bunch of wingnut congressmen bitching about the debt, and yet it leads off with a quote by the “president” of TeaParty.net about how we “ain’t seen nothing yet!” (Also, the title!)

At any rate, Rand Paul, John Fleming, Paul Broun and Louie Gohmert take turns saying idiot things like the following:

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul: “I know of no other way to stimulate the economy than to leave more money in the private sector.”

Georgia Rep. Paul Broun: “The government has too much money.”

Louisiana Rep. John Fleming: “I know I’m to the right of the Speaker. But, there are people [in the House Republican conference] who actually fall to the left of the Speaker. His [Boehner’s] job is to move that dial back and forth until he gets 218 votes, even if he has to go to Democrats to get it.”

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

Anyway, TEA PARTY! Greatness! Never give up, never surrender! One half of one branch of government must go to its death making sure everyone does everything its way all the time forever because democracy! Fire John Boehner probably! Matthew Boyle! Derp!

[Breitbart]

 
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{ 115 comments }

HRH_Maddie December 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

In related news, water is wet.

4TheTurnstiles December 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Is this a circular firing squad with votes or with what exactly?

sullivanst December 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Ejaculate?

SuspectedDemocrat December 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

They're wearing a bullet-proof gerrymander, so they can shoot at each other with high capacity magazines all day and still control the House.

Sharkey December 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Bad monkeys!

actor212 December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Are you kidding? My hat's off to the one tugging the booby hamper off the car! I have a hard enough time when I'm in the back seat! Dude's doing it hanging off the door!

Sharkey December 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Should have clarified – I meant the Republicans.

memzilla December 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

…a quote by the “president” of TeaParty.net about how we “ain’t seen nothing yet!”

I Teatardians: 2nd verse. A little bit louder and a little bit worse.

weejee December 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hi mem, we WordPressers are back.

actor212 December 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Oooh, are you suggesting Weaker Boener may, yet again, not be able to marshall his troops in line? *GASP*

WhatTheHeck December 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Like lemmings jumping off the Cliff

Biff December 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

He's gonna need a bigger gavel…

Dudleydidwrong December 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

A "weaker boener?" Doesn't that describe most of these guys?

OzoneTom December 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

We will know that they are ready to play well with others when they start saying "Democratic".

I know — it's not going to happen.

deanbooth December 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Obama: "I will stop calling him John Boner when they start calling my party 'Democratic'!"

cousinitt December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

So, if you got an infinite number of tea baggers to sit down at an infinite number of typewriters, they would be able to compose Breitbart News?

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

No, it only takes two or three, and just 20 minutes or so.

actor212 December 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

But you'd only need one monkey. And maybe a can of Red Bull.

JustPixelz December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

“The government has too much money.”

That's a surplus. A deficit is the opposite thingy.

BornInATrailer December 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Typical libtard, quibbling over semantics.

noodlesalad December 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Numbers, how do they work?

JustPixelz December 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Numbers are the true job creators. I work for 69. [rimshot!]

Democratic Congressional candidates got more votes overall than Republicans, but "Americans voted for divided government". [rimshot! huh?]

sullivanst December 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Yeah, I thought that was quite amusing myself.

Mumbletypeg December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

ALT-Alt-text: "Where's the wonkette panties at??"

emmelemm December 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Nice!

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Monkeys on meth.

noodlesalad December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

The confusion stems from the fact that the word bipartisan, to our media, has long meant "something the Republicans want, which the Democrats will have to bend over and take."

Toomush_Infer December 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Alt headline: MORANS SAY MORANIC-LIKE STUFF!!!…okay, this is bottom-feeding…I just felt I needed to weigh in, because, like tea-baggers, I like to hear myself say stuff…

EatsBabyDingos December 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

John Boehner denies floating: Tea Party confirms the science; Boehner is not a witch.

Headline from The Salem News.

emmelemm December 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Honestly, baboons are smarter and better looking than most Tea Party persons.

zippy_w_pinhead December 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

smell better, too also

emmelemm December 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I'm reminded of the birthday song: "You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too…"

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Let's not disparage the plight of the primate community, lest they end up lost in an IKEA wearing shearling.

zippy_w_pinhead December 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm

or in a badly retouched fresco… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/10/beast-je

emmelemm December 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Let's be honest; the monkey had a better coat than I do.

bearperney December 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

Especially their technicolor rear ends.

zippy_w_pinhead December 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

"Rand Paul, John Fleming, Paul Broun and Louie Gohmert take turns saying idiot things…"

Amazing how the Wonkette got the four of them together to pose for that picture…

Dudleydidwrong December 13, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Bribery. They were bribing them with Twinkies to get 'em to pose together but since Twinkies are gone, they now offer them five minutes and whatever they can carry from the American Airlines unclaimed luggage department. Those monkeys are in training.

spends2much December 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Is saying Democrat where Democratic is appropriate supposed to be some sort of burn from these geniuses? The Tea Party thinks they're into democracy after all, though if any of them ever cracked open a history book, I think they'd be all "Theocracy! That's the one we like!"

Mandorlin December 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

It's one of their focused-group framing things. People reacted worse to "Democrat" than "Democratic".

Republicans: destroying language since the 1980s!

Beetagger December 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Kind of makes me misty for the days of Palin and trucknutz.

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I've looked everywhere for treenutz ornaments for my non-denominational holiday tree, but alas and alack.

CrunchyKnee December 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Sounds like the invisible hand of the free market just gave you an idea to market on Fox. TreeNutz!

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Know any good glass blowers?

woolmyn December 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I thought the story was about assblowers, not glassblowers.

BaldarTFlagass December 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Those monkeys each need to be trying to fuck a football to be more appropriate to this story.

actor212 December 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm
CrunchyKnee December 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Tea baggers, I am disappoint. No not really, shine on you crazy diamonds.

EatsBabyDingos December 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And never forget that a group of baboons is called a "congress of baboons" for a reason.

Not_So_Much December 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Louie Gohmert — “I don’t have any a lot of rich friends.”

/fixed

Biff December 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

8. Damned. Minutes.

HistoriCat December 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

We would also have accepted Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have any a lot of rich friends brains.”

jello_mold December 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Dude – how do you do that cross out thing?

HistoriCat December 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

< strike >your text here< /strike> – without the spaces.

zippy_w_pinhead December 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm

the four horse's asses of the cliffpocalypse

Goonemeritus December 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Considering the Tea Party refuses to vote for any spending at all unless it will directly result in brown people being blown-up this is a forgone conclusion.

Botlrokit December 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Psst! Hey… dude! I have a suggestion for you: Change your news agency's name. Everyone else in broadcasting or print that has a good reputation is not named after a dead person.

HistoriCat December 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Hearst libel!

orygoon December 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's just plain weird how America is so mean to poor people, but loves stupid people enough to elect them to high office.

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

‘YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET’.

Nah, we've seen it. This is the Groundhog Party – the very same kind of tantrum they tried last time which cost them $500 billion in defense cuts without cutting Social Security or Medicare a dime. Good game, guys.

memzilla December 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

These people really are damage magnets, aren't they?

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Majority schmajority… God dint need no majority when he sent them monkeys to play with that lady's underwear, now did he? And if you're Louis Gomert, there's a lesson in that tale.

SmutBoffin December 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Did you know that Benjamin Franklin was there to witness the birth of the modern Tea Party movement? As he wrote in Poor Richard's Almanack

"The Colonial Teabagger haf a look of hunched indolence and smells of turnip-wine and horse piff. He has a sullen mind, fit only for harassing negroef and wagering on bear-baiting. Some of these poltroons tried to force their way into our Great Continental Convention, but John Jay scared them away with an icon bearing the image of a woman with child."

CrunchyKnee December 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Well played, well played indeed. I produced snuff from the very protuberance which houses mine nostrils all over mine computer device screen upon reading your bit of hiftory.

GeneralLerong December 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

"Poltroon."

Yay! A word that deserves to be trotted out more often to give the deserving a swift kick in the forehead.

[the turnip wine and horse piff was a nice touch, too]

bikerlaureate December 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Wake me when the Hoverround and Rascal subsidies are on the table.

Botlrokit December 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Georgia Rep. Paul Broun: “The government has too much money.”

Goddammit, didn't you just talk about us being in debt?! Make up your mind, Creation boy.

ManchuCandidate December 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Teabaggers keep me humble, you know why? Every time I get full of myself and think I might know something, I see the fat disoriented ignorant gun carrying dipshits on their Rascals and the idiots they vote for and think if I keep acting like that I could be just like them.

Mumbletypeg December 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

We've got to stop the spending." — Rep. Broun

What cave have you been camping out in, Broun? State governments have been forced to curb spending, merge agencies and reduce hours of operation for state services the last several years!

"…I want to get rid of the Department of Education, the Department of Commerce, the Department of Labor, and let’s get rid of the EPA while we’re doing it."

Oh right – - *reads other names: Gohmert; Rand Paul* – - you're one of them those.

HistoriCat December 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Rep. Broun is entirely entitled to demand those kind of cuts. And when they start work on the next budget, he can get right on that.

not that Dewey December 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

State governments have been forced to curb spending, merge agencies and reduce hours of operation for state services the last several years!

at the Tea Party's and LSM's insistence, and then call it "the Obama Economy"

Dudleydidwrong December 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm

And when George Wanker Bush was spending money like a drunken draft dodger on wars with no reason or purpose I'm sure that you spoke up, Broun, and said the same thing. Didn't you? Didn't you? You know damn well that you didn't. Asshole.

kittensdontlie December 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The photo is of Rand Paul's monkeys on methamphetamine, otherwise known as the The Tea Party.

JustPixelz December 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

Obviously even his fellow GO-Pee'ers in Congress don't like him.

Botlrokit December 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

For all the bloviating blowhards in the Legislature, Gohmert has the least aesthetically pleasing voice. I'd chew my arm off.

weejee December 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Monkey libel.

Lascauxcaveman December 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

"Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert: “I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

Yeah, Lou. Those rich guys who fund your campaigns? They much prefer that you refer to them as "employers" or "owners." If responding to a direct address, they prefer you use "Sir" or "Mr. Koch."

DalePues December 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

That's the ffunniest picture I've ever seen. I'm still laughing thinking about the one monkey looking in the window at the driver! Hilariious.

littlebigdaddy December 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

The name "Louie Gohmert" just says rocket scientist to me.

shelwood46 December 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hey, Congress does have one rocket scientist. He's a Democrat, of course. (Rush Holt!)

zippy_w_pinhead December 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm

from the top of dead Breitbart's comment thread:

"Has anyone noticed that whenever you confront a Liberal about Obama's communist upbringing, they completely deny, or evade the question? Is this because they too, are communists? Or are they desperately trying to hide Obama's obvious agenda?"

Suddenly I feel very guilty for insulting monkeys by comparing them to these goobers. Even at their feces flingingiest worst (and yes, flingingiest is now a word), monkeys can't hold a candle to the craziness that oozes up from the fever swamp known as the tea party id

hagajim December 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Again…lets just do some cliff diving and fix what we want after. Fuck these "we don't wanna compromise" assholes.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I wish the teatards were as smart as baboons.

Blueb4sinrise December 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Nobody make a Bachman-Turner Overdrive joke or all the oldz will have an earworm that'll …………………….aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actor212 December 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

What's wrong with "Let It Ride"? Really good song, great for pinball and stuff like that.

Blueb4sinrise December 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Whew , thanks.

gullywompr December 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

buhbuhbuhbbuhBABY!

Sorry, had to do it.

Abernathy December 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

“I know of no other way to stimulate the economy than to leave more money in the private sector.”

Good thing this guy's job doesn't involve coming up with ideas to stimulate the economy.

cousinitt December 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Oh, look at those adorable little rapscallions, breaking into Lindsey Graham's luggage like that!

Dudleydidwrong December 13, 2012 at 3:34 pm

His bra's bigger than that. It must belong to his "companion."

LibrarianX December 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Well, he's got some keen kind of insight into the legislative process – that's for sure.

Blueb4sinrise December 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm

OT funee lede at BBC

The US, UK and Canada refuse to ratify a UN communications treaty after a dispute about references to the internet in the agreement.

Negropolis December 14, 2012 at 1:02 am

Cue Yakety Sax…

Antispandex December 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

So, I guess their idea of sex is, "Just let me do whatever I want to you, even if you find me repulsive, and we won't call it rape"? No wonder they did so well in the last election. No…wait…

Chet Kincaid_ December 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Please proceed, Tea Party!

Tommy1733 December 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Breitbart is like a garbage disposal – no matter what goes in, it all gets turned into sewage.

Ruhe December 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Jonathan Chait on why the Teaparty gospel on spending cuts isn't just politics, it's ignorance:

"When the only cuts on the table would inflict real harm on people with modest incomes and save small amounts of money, that is a sign that there’s just not much money to save. It’s not just that Republicans disagree with this; they don’t seem to understand it. The absence of a Republican spending proposal is not just a negotiating tactic but a howling void where a specific grasp of the role of government ought to be. And negotiating around that void is extremely hard to do. The spending cuts aren’t there because they can’t be found."

Beowoof December 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And as the ran down the hall to escape reporters one republican was heard to mutter, Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

jello_mold December 13, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Galaxy Quest libel!

Dr. Matt December 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Monkeys with bras….best pic of the day.

southernboyman December 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Who let the terrorists in da house?

Will_Panic December 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

That might be the first thing Paul Broun has said that I agree with, that "the government has too much money." The problem is that the majority of it goes to the Pentagon.

Naked_Bunny December 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm

“I don’t have a lot of rich friends.”

I believe this, as long as we use the standard teabagger definitions, where "rich" means "multimillionaire" and "middle class" means "has a refrigerator".

Eve8Apples December 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That photo has inspired my next new business enterprise — a car wash staffed by naked monkeys. Who wouldn't love getting their car washed by a team of wet naked monkies?

cousinitt December 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Can one of them be Davy Jones? I know he's ded and all but still…a girl can dream, can't she?

Tommmcatt_Again December 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Bless their tiny, withered, bile-pumping hearts!

fuflans December 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

i like to think that there's a teatard in that car.

OneYieldRegular December 13, 2012 at 6:02 pm

For some reason, every time you mention Matthew Boyle I keep picturing a guy in a frumpy dress singing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables.

NinjaCat_Baba December 13, 2012 at 6:50 pm
GoodDogThor December 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The Tea Party sucks hairy monkey sack.

That is all, carry on…

Troubledog December 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

All taxing and spending bills must originate in the House. Right? And the GOP controls the house, and has for some time, right? So who spent the money?

Sincerely,
9th grade civics class

Negropolis December 14, 2012 at 12:30 am

I don't know if I'll ever get used to seeing "Kentucky Senator Rand Paul" in print.

Wait, so this is "we had to destroy the caucus to save the caucus" right?

BZ1 December 14, 2012 at 12:39 am

Is one of those monkeys the IKEA monkey?

Negropolis December 14, 2012 at 1:04 am

I, I, I say, boy, this is a ten-piece original bucket of Kenfuckety.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 14, 2012 at 7:18 am

"We have no ideas. Now give us a solution we like."

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