because we say so

Get Well Soon, Jerry Brown!

Mmm, big black micABC News reports that California Governor Jerry Brown is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer, OH NO! News of Governor Brown’s illness came courtesy of an ABC News alert right to our inbox (VIP Y’ALL), and was under stories about Chris Christie being fat, Hillary Clinton being too old in 2016 to run (your Wonkette is afraid that this is so, same goes for our much-loved Old Handsome Joe Biden, as he has “Old” right there in his name), and Hillary Clinton’s hair. Let’s read about Hillary Clinton’s hair some, shall we?

From Dana Hughes report – “It’s longer than it has been previously, and that, Clinton told Walters, is by design. “I do not travel with any hairdresser, or anybody, to help me do that, and I’m not very competent myself. I’ve been admitting that for years, which should be obvious to everyone,” Clinton joked. “And so it became simpler to just grow it so that I can pull it back, and I can stick rollers in,” said Clinton calling the conversation “girl talk” between her and Walters.

Rather than being annoyed by all the talk about her hair and appearance Clinton said she finds it amusing. “It’s fascinating to me how people are so curious about it. Because after a while, it just got to be really burdensome to try to find a hairdresser in some city, somewhere, oftentimes not being able to speak English, that at least I could communicate with,” she told Walters. “So, I said enough, we’re just going to try to go with as simple as possible.”

Shut the fuck up, ABC News.

ANYWAY, California old man governor Brown, who is much loved in our Golden Dream by the Sea (vomit) for being sort of an older, in-shape version of crotchety New Jersey gov Chris Christie, except with a ton of interesting ideas and not yelling at teachers, is having some localized radiation treatments and should be in ship-shape shape before you know it, because that is just how it is going to be.

Sorry hot piece Gavin Newsom, you will stay lieutenant governor forever because Ol’ Moonbeam is not going nowhere no how.

[ABC]

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    I loved it when he sang duets with Linda Ronstadt.

    Feel better soon Governor Moonbeam.

    • PubOption

      It sounds like Jerry has recently had other things to do at night.

  • hagajim

    Hillary's hair is news…good God how far we've fallen. Hopefully Jerry didn't get his cancer from Moonbeams being shot outta his butt back in the day.

  • noodlesalad

    I must have missed the ABC News expose on Mitt Romney's hairdressing ensemble and how they kept him looking like a well-oiled skunk regardless of the time of day or location throughout the campaign. I'm sure that article was written, right? Because librul bias.

    PS Get better soon, Jerry.

    • PubOption

      Someone needs to find out why he had the gray stripe at the back of his neck. Were they afraid the dye would rub off on his collar?

      • Lizzietish81

        that was his access port

    • nounverb911

      Is Mitt's hair the reason oil prices spiked over the summer?

    • Lizzietish81

      Well there was a lot of press about his use of fake tan…to appear darker for Hispanics in a shameless attempt to appear more like one of them.

      • noodlesalad

        Really? I mean, there were some jokes about that on the Daily Show and here, but did that really get out into the "Mainstream Librul" Media? I don't think so.

        • Lizzietish81

          Now that you mention it, I only saw on Gothamist really.

          • commiegirl99

            WE BROKE THAT STORY.

          • HistoriCat

            That's why I get all my news from Wonkette.

          • Lizzietish81

            And I wasn't frequenting here then.

          • noodlesalad

            That's what I thought! PULITZERS NOW FOR EVERYONE.

      • James Michael Curley

        That was when I knew he lost the election. Thus I went to bed early on election night. Also, Hurricane Sandy and day 8 of 12 with no lights, heat, hot water or gas. (Actually we had a lot of gas from eating up all the frozen burritos before they went bad.)

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    But Barbara Walters' hair is far more interesting.

  • AddHomonym

    Ask me about my hair!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Because "girl talk"!

  • orygoon

    People who were around when I was young keep getting sick, or worse. I know what that means (to me, which is the whole point, at least most of the time)–"out of the batter's box, up at the plate!"

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s not easy to live up to Wonkette’s ideal of sexual vigor for every 70 year old male politician.

  • sundaytrucker

    I think I masturbated to that article on the next vietnam

  • JackDempsey1

    I thought our stated policy is that we have our hair fixed here so we don't have to have our hair fixed over there. Or is this another sensible foreign policy that we have abandoned because it belongs to George Bush?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Gov. Brown needs to order up a lunch date with George Takei, stat. Laughter is the best medicine.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hope he took a lesson from Frank Zappa. Early detection, prostate people!

    • Steverino247

      Do the (finger) wave!

  • freakishlywrong

    Nobody asks Nancy about HER hair, amirite?
    Get better Jerry. Old school is good school.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      so true. old school dems are WAYYYY better at taking on the right.

  • smellypossum

    Slightly OT: I love me some Sam the Eagle, even though I suspect he may be a republitard.

    • James Michael Curley

      He's definitely a Republican also probably gay and a mean top.

    • mrpuma2u

      Yeah ol Jim Henson had the neocons pegged from wayback.

    • Secluded Compound

      I don't know, I envision myself being pretty much like Sam the Eagle when I'm old, and I'm a pinko.

      Just sayin', nobody likes all those stupid teenager rats running around the hallway.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Rumor: Jerry Brown for Secretary of State.

  • nounverb911

    I don't remember, did Baba Wawa ever ask Condominium Rice why she parted her teeth in the middle?

    • chicken_thief

      Dubya hated it when she didn't part the teeth, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

    • MegPasadena

      No, that would be totally racist!
      Oh, I thought you meant her hair. Never mind.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Whatever became of George Bush's Secret War in Peru?

    • Ruhe

      Sadam Hussein.

    • James Michael Curley

      They (Bush I and II) bought Peru.

    • Biff

      I think he won ALL the marching powder.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Chairman Gonzalo is still in jail, I think.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He needs medical marijuana, not radiation.

    • James Michael Curley

      Even a good sized blunt shoved up all the way to the prostate won't solve the problem.

    • Toomush_Infer

      A lot of guys who did drugs 50 or 60 years ago are having trouble with their/our prostates – this is why marihuana is so dangerous!!!! We need to shoot drug users, not decriminilize them/us!!!!

  • Barbara_

    On the other hand, GOP politicians never get prostate cancer. All that time spent with their heads up their asses is the best means of early detection.

    Get well Jerry!

  • AlterNewt

    Leave Jerry Brown ALONE!! You're lucky he even talks semi-coherently for you BASTARDS!!!1!!!.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, I remember that issue! They printed my letter in the Forum!!!

    • joobajooba

      I bet you never believed you'd be writing to the Forum.

  • Lot_49

    Aside from death if it isn't successful, the only potentially bad side effects from prostate surgery are incontinence and impotence, so not to worry. Jerry will sign bills on the crapper if need be, one can be sure.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And fap when the "need" "arises?"

      • Lot_49

        Which it won't, on account of Side Effect 2, as listed above. Prostate-specific antigen tests for all!

    • Steverino247

      I once heard him say he had a landline installed in the bathroom, so there is no "rest" in the restroom for Jerry.

      • Lot_49

        Goobernor Jerry's awesomeness is beyond dispute.

  • Lizzietish81

    Didn't Hillary snap at a reporter for asking about her hair or clothes or something?

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      She dick-slapped him.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    How come nobody talks about Sarah Palin's hair anymore? (or Sarah).

    • chicken_thief

      After hearing she'd been Riced, all the conservatard cocks shrivelled in sure embarrassment so they moved on. They're back to fapping over Miss Lindsey's moobs.

    • Biff

      Who?

      • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

        Exactly.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      no one feels comfortable talking about ague victims.

  • RadioBitchFace

    Cancer is like the worst bad hair day evah.

  • Smithboy

    And while we're on the subject…not really….three more soldiers died this week for nothing in that drug infested third century goat farm known as Afghanistan. What the hell did the Taliban, who poses no threat to our country, ever do to us that we are willing to sacrifice our soldiers and spend over a half trillion dollars to defeat? Oh, almost forgot. Lots of war profiteers are raking it in by supplying fuel to the tune of $400 per gallon to our military.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I can stick rollers in,”

    For some reason, now I've got this mental image of Hilz in a terrycloth robe, fuzzy bunny slippers, hair in curlers, sitting on the crapper with a ciggy hanging on her lip.

    • Lizzietish81

      She's got a cell phone in the other hand, yelling at some right wing asshole who is trying to shut her out or something.

      • Biff

        And you-know-who supplied her with the phone! INPEACH!!1!

  • TaggWatchesYou

    Under the article on Hillary Clinton's hair, you can read about John Boehner's tanning booth faux pas followed by tips from Paul Ryan on how to get those killer abs you've always dreamed of. The email is rounded off by Lindsey Graham's tips for how to make your man go wild.

    • MegPasadena

      I want to know about Ron Paul's eyebrow toupee.

    • Gleem McShineys

      No mention of Christine O'Donnell's crotch parachute. LIBRAL BIAS

  • Close_Read

    Jerry Brown's nads will survive us all, and their owner will run for governor again in another thirty years.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Remember when Barbara Walters asked Mitt Romney about his hair do? ME NEITHER. Barbara WaWa has outlived her usefulness.

    • shelwood46

      Well, she did ask Chris Christie if he is too fat to be president, so she does know how to be offensive to men and/or Republicans, also too.

      • HRH_Maddie

        I'm sure I'm about to open a Pandora's Box here, but I think that's a legitimate question. "Are you so fat that your heart could give out and make your VP the President thus throwing the chain of succession into a tizzy."

  • DahBoner

    The field should be WIDE OPEN in 2024 after Hillary serves two terms…

    GET WELL SOON GUVNUH MOONBEAM

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Why can't Ron Paul get prostate cancer?

    Because he's anti-state.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Why won't they let Jerry Brown on a plane?

      Because he's a brown.

  • TootsStansbury

    Get well Gov. Moonbeam. The world needs people like you.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I'm not surprised Jerry Brown has prostate cancer — didn't he spend about twenty years soaking in a bathtub full of formaldehyde after his first stint as governor before he decided to reignite his political career? That can't be good for you in the long term.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Carbonite?

  • Pragmatist2

    Mitt should have tried the same thing as Hillary. Big ponytail instead of having to get coiffed each morning. Probably would have captured the Youth vote.

    • chicken_thief

      Mitt's hair is just the right length.

      • Secluded Compound

        Just long enough to cover up the power switch.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    When I was young, they didn't put pictures of politicians on the cover of Penthouse magazine. I guess that's why you don't see Penthouse magazine anymore?

  • sullivanst

    Not a good week to be called Jerry Brown.

  • Biff

    The librul media did waste a lot of time on John Edward's perfectly coiffed 'do, and the cost to maintain it, so perfectly fair.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And Bill's haircuts, too, so equal time.

      • Secluded Compound

        Libruls = fancy men = women.

        Doesn't happen to your Thune or Rubio, because, duh, real men.

        So in a sense it's sexist even when they do it to the men because it's meant to make the men look more womanly, i.e., less worthy.

        I graduated from Jezebel U.

  • Callyson

    Governor Moonbeam will be fine–Jerry Brown is a tough old bastard. Which is why we love him here.

  • christianmuslin

    The Wonkette Style and Sports Sections. After Ryan and his abs does it feature Barbara Mikulski and Chris Christie in Atlantic Ocean swimwear?. Even the thought makes me want to reach for the eye bleech.

  • joobajooba

    Is Hillary going to get fired for 'splaining her hair? Or does that only happen to black ladies?

  • sati_demise

    Hey Jerry Brown, here is some advice for all you cancer patients:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZfWglJ2wmU&f

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Someone once said it, "You're likable enough, Hillary."

  • fishwharf

    Get well soon Governor. Keep us safe from that narcissistic twit Gavin Newsom. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_persona