worst farewell concert tour ever

A Wonkette Farewell To Joe Lieberman, With Traditional Advice Re: Door, Ass

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Lo, Wonkettians, the day you have either neither dreaded nor anticipated, but instead have felt a collective “meh?” about has finally arrived. Yes, the not-at-all-beloved Joe Lieberman, America’s droopiest senator, after announcing close to two years ago that he would leave the Senate after the 2012 elections, has thank god finally left the Senate. Let’s visit that not-even-remotely-fateful day when Droopy announced his leave-taking, complete with whining about how hard it is out there for a nonpartisan:

Along the way, I have not always fit comfortably into conventional political boxes—Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative. I have always thought that my first responsibility is not to serve a political party but to serve my constituents, my state, and my country, and then to work across party lines to make sure good things get done for them. Whatever the partisan or policy differences that divide us, they are much less important than the shared values and dreams that unite us and that require us to work together to make progress for all. To me, that is what public service and leadership is all about.

Blah blah blah. Non-smokin’ Joe’s goodbye announcement also listed some of his grandchildren, but only those who were able to attend his retirement announcement. Screw you, other grandkids!

With neither heavy nor light heart, we listened to Joe’s farewell speech to the Senate yesterday (TOTAL LIE. We just read short articles about it because the Editrix does not pay us enough to listen to Joe Lieberman for 20 minutes. We’ve embedded the whole thing for you up top. Have at it, masochists.) Apparently none of his colleagues wanted to listen to Joe either:

With only a few of his Senate colleagues in attendance and the gallery sparsely filled, Mr. Lieberman, 70, expressed gratitude for the opportunity he had to serve, and then vividly recalled how much the world had changed since he was sworn in on Jan. 3, 1989.

Oh guess what he also yammered on again about being nonpartisan or bipartisan or something.

Now that Joe is shaking the dust from his feet and leaving the Senate, it is time for Wonkette to look back at his least boring moments NOW WITH PICTURES.

Remember when Joe ran for Vice-President and actually showed pleasant emotions? hello cleveland!

OK actually we are not sure if he is laughing or crying there, but nonetheless!! What about his exciting run for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004? Admit it you do not remember that at all even a little bit. Let us refresh your memories: he invented his own catchphrase:

Writing off speculation that he may make a poor showing in New Hampshire and drop out of the race, Lieberman told CNN’s Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer that his campaign is picking up, as he put it, “Joementum.”

can you feel the excitement?

It wasn’t all sad panda for Joe, though. He found joy in his deep manlove for Republicans, all in the name of, you guessed it, bipartisanship. Who can forget his embrace, literal and figurative, of Dubya?

you must remember this

Or his deep, abiding, ongoing love for John McCain, a love that will transcend time:

i never knew love like this before

You know the rest, people. There was the decision to be an independent (BECAUSE HE GOT HIS ASS KICKED IN THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY BIPARTISANSHIP. PAY ATTENTION) and the endlessly boring, but ultimately victorious, run against Ned Lamont in 2006. There were the predictable attempts to threaten Democrats with defection:

What might get him to change his tune?: If the Dems seek to enforce party discipline (heavens forbid!) or if the GOP offeres to keep him as a committee chairman and respect his seniority.

Lieberman added: “I am going to Washington beholden to no political group except the people of Connecticut and, of course, my conscience.”

Joe’s finest moment (if by finest you mean “most pathetic attempt at attention-seeking relevance ever) was his thrilling aisle-crossing (BIPARTISAN 4EVER!) to support John McCain in the 2008 elections:

Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, a Democrat who ran as an independent last election after losing his primary re-election, endorsed Republican Sen. John McCain on Monday.

Lieberman, who ran for vice president in 2000 alongside Al Gore, said McCain possessed the greatest ability to break gridlock in Washington.

Yes, Joe was a tireless force for faux-bipartisanism, petulance, and drooping. His farewell has been endless and boring. We will not miss him, because we will probably not remember him after about a month or so.

[New York Times/Lieberman Senate Homepage]

About the author


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • OneDollarJuana

    Joe, let me be the first to say Fuck You Very Much for Your Service.

    • mormos

      I often wonder if Gore would have won without him, or if the supreme court hadn't exceeded its authority, or if Florida hadn't purged its voter roles, or if etc. etc… *sigh* sad panda…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And you were first! It's nice when a plan falls together.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And may I add a hearty "Spank You, Droopy!"

  • Come here a minute

    Let me take the nontraditional approach and say LET THE DOOR CRUSH YOU on the way out.

    • Antispandex

      Yes, don't go away mad, Joe, just…..

  • nounverb911

    Now that Lieberman is leaving, who will be Lindsey Graham's favorite teabagger?

    • Lizzietish81

      He's still got McCain, even though he likes to role play that he's still in a war camp in Vietnam and Lindsey is his "Good cop"

      • ButthurtWingers2012

        McCain does seem to have grown balls near his chin over the years…that's probably what attracted ole' fancy to him in the first place; they have so much in common.

    • IncenseDebate

      Lindsey's favorite teabag has two nuts.

      • HogeyeGrex


        • Biff

          Yeah, probably for at least another FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!

  • orygoon

    Ah, the old, but not handsome, Joe. No regretful sighs from us ladypeople.

  • Barbara_

    Sorry that Sarah Palin got picked and you didn't, Joe. You clamped your lips to McCain's wrinkly old ass cheeks for NOTHING!

    • Ruhe

      What are the chances that when Joe got the news from Walnuts, instead of reacting indignantly as McCain thought he would, Joe was all "Bro-like" and cool, just saying "dude, don't sweat it. She's hot. Obvious choice. No worries man." Yeah, that's probably how it went down.

    • EdBradly7

      With only a few of his Senate colleagues in attendance and the gallery sparsely filled…………… There is a God!

      • malsperanza

        Although, doesn't that describe the Senate most of the time?

    • Beowoof

      I am pretty sure Joe would have locked his lips onto McCain's backside anyway.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Thanks Barb, my appetite just fled with the car keys and is leading the police on a high speed chase!

      • Barbara_

        Sorry Chet! I owe you lunch now.

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      I'm not sorry…had McNasty picked Lieberman it would have been the most boring, non-compelling candidacy in American history (until Lieberman picks Ben Stein for 2016 that is)….giving us the grifter has been the comedy gift that keeps on giving…could ya'll imagine her giant bundle of stupid-crazy-sleazy-bitchy still penned up in Alaska? I mean, I have one word for you then: "starbursts" that is all

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    But Joe's famous for such legislative triumphs as … ummm … errr … yeaaaah.
    Joe who, did you say?

    • Lizzietish81

      Wasn't he part of the whole video game rating thing?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Buying the IDF shitloads of bombs and guns.

      So, "yay."

    • Tundra Grifter

      Actually, his Big Idea was the unmanagable monlithic Department of Homeland Security. A D. Bachel.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    with friends like these…

    • HogeyeGrex

      …who needs enemas?

      • zippy_w_pinhead

        judging by the pic with AlGore, Joe does…

      • Negropolis

        Yeah, no shit. No, literally, no shit. His head would be so far up your ass you'd never have to clean it out, again.

  • nounverb911

    When does Joe return to Washington as a lobbyist for the insurance industry?

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He never left. He never left.

    • dadanarchistmk2


      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That long?

        Oh. I guess it's still Channukah…

      • Negropolis


    • Lot_49

      Yer just sayin that cuz United Techmologies, which makes the many, many helicopters the military buys, is in Connecticut. But Vinegar Joe is a much more promiscuous whore than that since he created DHS and put himself on top of the oversight committee. Now every airport in America has many more federal employees thanks to Joe, and everybody owes him big time, plus the scanner manufacturers and luggage-content-tray manufacturers and gun makers who benefit from DHS pork distributions to local law enforcement.

      It's a beautiful thing. Why would he quit?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "my first responsibility is…to serve my country"


    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill


      • zippy_w_pinhead

        yes, but can Herman Cain find it on a map?

        • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

          Only if he sexually harassed somebody there.

          • BadKitty904


    • memzilla


    • bikerlaureate

      Whew. For a second there I was afraid Aetna seceded.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    Will he be going back to Naboo?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_
    • vulpes82

      It's an insult to Palpatine to compare Joe Lieberman to him. Palpatine was an evil genius who executed an intricate and audacious plan for galactic domination over decades. Lieberman's just a Droopy Dog-looking motherfucker/pile of rate feces who got his fee-fees hurt whenever he wasn't being paid enough attention to.

      • Negropolis

        I don't know. I've always got the feeling that Joe was Karl Rove in disguise. We won't know until the GOP has a coup.

  • CindynEncinitas

    I've always been afraid that if I got too close to him he would stick to me. Le-bow, le-wow. That's who he reminds me of. Pepe LePew. Only without any secksy whatsoever.

  • Barbara_

    Joe, don't let the door hit you where Lindsey Graham split you!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Right in his Corned-Beef Biscuits?

    • Beowoof

      Hot buttered buns.

    • vulpes82

      Please! Like Miss Lindsey has ever topped in his life!

  • HRH_Maddie

    1 down, 97 to go (I like Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. They can stay.)

    • Lizzietish81

      OT, but Warren has been put on the banking committee.

      I can hear the sobs of Wall Street from my office.

      • HRH_Maddie

        I'm thrilled. Obama (and the Senate) should have appointed her head of her Consumer Protection Bureau. Now, she'll have real power. Three cheers for Senator Warren!

      • sewollef

        So THAT'S what that noise is…. I thought my computer's hard drive was playing up.

    • eggsacklywright


    • HogeyeGrex

      What about Franken? And I'll take Sherrod Brown over anyone else likely to warm that chair.

      As far as my own pair go, DiFi can choke on a bag of rat dicks, but Babs is usually a-ok.

      So yeah. 94 at best.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Caradeloca

      and Pat Leahy, he's pretty good.
      and Gilibrand has been amazingly effective…

      • HRH_Maddie

        OK, ok, so like ~90 to go.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      You can have my Durbin when you pry him from my cold, dead ballot.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Wait, Tom Wolfe ran for Vice President with Gore?! Or is that Wallace Shawn?

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      judging from that picture- the Gerber baby

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Bite your tongue. Tom Wolfe dresses better than that. And Wallace Shawn is way studlier.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And Ol' Droopy Dog never spent a year "researching" college sororities for his sexytime book.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Kermit the Fuck

    • DahBoner


  • freakishlywrong

    Wonks, you're killing me with these pictures today. Barfapalooza.

  • CivicHoliday

    Joe the attention whore taught Sarah and Donald everything they know

  • HRH_Maddie

    I look forward to saying "WHO?" to every future mention of Joe Loserman,

    • FNMA


  • slithytoves

    We will not miss him, because we will probably not remember him after about a month or so.

    I had already forgotten him some time ago.

  • Lizzietish81

    I have always thought that my first responsibility is not to serve a political party but to serve the Israelies, Israel and Israel

    Fixed that for you Joe

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Senator Joseph Lieberman, (D/R/I ed up, Jerusalem) today retired from doing nothing of value for the nation he allegedly agreed to represent. Bye, Joe. Bye, bye, bye. Just keep going.

  • freakishlywrong

    "To me, that is what pwublic serbice and leadawshwip is all about."

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      I'm gonna miss 'ol Droopy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "how much the world had changed since he was sworn in on Jan. 3, 1989."

    …and how much he contributed to the further fucking up of said world since that date.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    " I have always thought that my first responsibility is not to serve a political party but to serve my constituents, my state, and my country, …"

    Don't worry, Joe. Your constituents, state and country don't give a rat's ass about you. You can go to your pharma lobbying job (I presume) with a clean conscience.

    • HistoriCat

      Insurance industry or Israel. Hmmm – they're both "I" terms. Probably not a coincidence for the most narcissistic member of the most narcissistic group in this country.

      • Lizzietish81

        Israel could get into the insurance business.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume Lieberman is moving down to South Beach to set up a home for himself, Lindsey Graham and John McCain to share their dotage in?

    • SorosBot

      No, I think the three will be permanently living on the set of Meet the Press.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Joe who?

  • nounverb911

    Is this the sequel to or remake of La Cage aux Folles?

    • HistoriCat

      The Golden Girls.

    • billy_reuben

      The endless lemon party

  • SexySmurf

    OT Did anyone see my new favorite show, Amish Mafia, last night? Do not fuck with the Amish. They are some hardcore motherfuckers.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Probably the fakest reality show yet, if you believe The New York Times.

    • mayor_quimby

      I saw it for 5 minutes, and got confused. They're allowed to drive cars if they are enforcers against heretics or something? Seemed like it was almost satirical. Should I give it a second chance?

      • Negropolis

        Same thing happened to me. All of the cameras and the cars and aviator shades and cellphones and the use of English teenage slang gave me whiplash.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Go fuck yourself Joe Lie.

    The only good thing about Gore Vs Bush is that we didn't have to hear about VP Joe Lie or Demrat shudder preznit Joe Lie.

  • freakishlywrong

    We will not miss him, because we will probably not remember him after about a month or so.

    Oh, Mon Chere', if only that were so. He'll be on every Sunday. On every show that Miz Pittypat or Grumpy Mc.Pantload is not.

    Thank God I don't watch that shit any more

    • greenloner

      I love Calvin Trillin for many reasons, not the least of which is he calls the Sunday am shows the Sabbath Gasbags.

    • smitallica

      For your use of the term Grumpy McPantload, you have won this shiny Internet. Well done.

  • Biff

    It's a Festivus Xmas Hanukka miracle!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    It must suck to realize that the next time his name appears in the NY Times, it'll probably be his obituary. That's what happens when you're "already dead" to liberals.

  • Terry

    Lieberman, soon to be a massively overpaid lobbyist for the insurance industry. They've always written him checks, now they can do so more openly.

  • hagajim

    Joe who?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He's the NON-Smokin' Joe.

    • kittensdontlie

      The kindling has to be going good before you set him on top.

  • Hammiepants

    Huh. Totes thought he was dead already – turns out that was just his credibility. Go figure.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Joe leaving the Senate is like removing a wart — from a toad.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Remember when Joe whored himself out to Anti-Semitic Fundie preachers for the sake of Israel? That was classy.

  • JustPixelz

    As a resident of Connecticut, I'm happy he's leaving. Some days the Joementum made it hard to cross the street. Or maybe I'm just getting old so it's hard to walk around. Nah. It's the Joementum that slows me down.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Joementum: An object that is an asshole tends to remain an asshole.

  • SorosBot

    Now who's gonna stand up for sending our military over to blow up shitloads of brown people for no reason?

    • HistoriCat

      We'll always have Juan McCain and Miz Lindsey.

    • HogeyeGrex

      The rest of the entire Republican caucus?

      also: AOTK.

  • MC5

    Oh Jilted Joe, you were just as mediocre as your New Hampshire primary "three-way tie for third place" suggested.

  • Goonemeritus

    With some people nostalgia helps us remember the good times and forget the bad. If I live 50 more years I suspect I will still reflexively say fuck him every time Senator Liebman’s name is mentioned.

  • Lucidamente1

    Connecticut got rid of Lowell Weicker for this? Jesus Christ.

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      The only time in my life I have ever voted for a Republican.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Joe sucked so much money out the insurance biz while acting as their faithful servant in Washington that the first two weeks of lobbying will be free.

  • CrunchyKnee

    And just think, Droopy was just one rat-fucking by the SCOTUS away from being VP.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I liked the McDonald's story better.

  • SaintRond

    That dog faced motherfucker.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      How dare you sir/madam. How. Dare. You.

  • asterixaverni

    What is worse? Pictures of Joe or Ponies?

    Sweet baby jebus, what a choice. Ponies, I guess. At least they don't make me puke.

    Now that whiny-baby quit, he is coming back to CT. Can't some other state take him? Haven't we suffered enough? Isn't there some "think tank" that could pay him alotta money to stay the hell out of CT?

    Please, Santa Baby, keep Joe in DC!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He doesn't sleep in his wife's office on K Street?

  • eggsacklywright

    Go with god, fuckwad.

  • BadKitty904

    "Petulance" THAT was the word I was looking for!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Yes, he does remind me of a cat's farts.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    And please take your collection of Happy Meal Fun Toys with you.
    Buh Bye.

  • Graham Cracker

    I'd like to say we"ll miss ya, Joe… but there is no way I could say that with any kind of a straight face.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Joe Mama

  • Lizzietish81

    While we're looking at Joe's greatest hits, I have to wonder for the millionth time…why did Gore pick him as a running mate?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Some people say it was because Al wasn't WAR-ey enough.

    • savethispatient

      Gore wanted to continue the recent tradition of picking awful running mates?

      NB: who was awful in 1996?

    • Negropolis

      I think Gore wanted to differentiate himself as much from Clinton as possible.

      I actually wished they would have won, because it'd have neutralized Joe for the rest of his career, and there is no way in hell he'd have won a presidential nomination.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why is that one old man kissing and holding hands with all those other old men? I think someone took my wonkette and replaced it with gross old dude gay porn.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Nonpartisan?" Is that what he calls it?

    Poor Joe's finger is chapped from checking which way the wind is blowing every five minutes.

  • lulzmonger

    How very sad … I thought for sure the gimlet-eyed little fucker was already Purina Worm Chow by now.

    Not checking out his swan song ,,, I don't want to spoil this magic moment.

  • sundaytrucker

    Only in Washington could a man of almost pathological selfishness be regarded as a bi-partisan role-model. See-ya Joe and don't let door hit you in the ass unless there's something in it for you.

  • malsperanza

    Joe Lieberman: inventor of the use of blackmail as a legislative negotiating technique. Thanks, Joe, that's quite a legacy!

  • Antispandex

    Say it's so, Joe!

  • greenloner

    I find it heartwarming that so many of you here, the most respected commenters on the state of the world, appear to dislike, not to say abhor, Joe Lieberman even more than I do.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    ♫ Half my life's in books' written pages
    Live and learn from fools and from sages
    You know it's true
    All the things you do, come back to you ♪

    Bye, shithead!

  • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

    Sen. Lieberman, please turn around and back out the door. Because that way maybe it has a chance of slamming you in the balls.

    • FNMA

      What balls?

  • randomsausage

    At last, some Joementum I can believe in!

  • southernboyman

    As we say down south, "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya" and

  • dadanarchistmk2

    Obama should reward Senator Palpatine's long years of service and appoint him ambassador to Fucky-Fucky-You-Stan-Stan

  • DahBoner

    He wants to spend more time with his wife, Hashisha…

  • Mojopo

    Now we come to the end of a really and truly unremarkable career. He was involved with the following committees:

    Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs – Chairman, June 2001 (oops!)
    Environment and Public Works (Clean Air, Wetlands and Private Property) – oops, oops, oops, oops, and oops
    Blah blah, some more stuff he made NO positive impact on, blah blah blah…

    And he hated free speech. The end. Bye!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Huzzah, looks like the WordPress gang is back. Not sure what kinda pissing contest they were having with IntentsDebased.

    / dances off to fix a cup of coffee

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Welcome back, O Dancing Pig!

  • smellypossum

    Apologies in advance, but:

    There once was a wonk from Connecticut
    Who bore a resemblance to Marmaduke
    He once was a Dem
    Then decided, "I'm with THEM!"
    Soon retired to play hide and go fuck yourself.

    (struggled with the second line, but liked the Marmaduke reference so much I had to go with it…)

  • alzronnie

    A bronzed bag of dicks would be a suitable parting gift for the old boy.

  • BornInATrailer

    This time it's Yahweh and the highway.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Did Aunt Lindsey serve ham biscuits and refreshing lemonade at the festivities?

  • poorgradstudent

    But who will mindlessly defend Israel's interests now?!

  • carlgt1

    Since this right-wing asshat was VP candidate for the Dems, for balance Noam Chomsky should be VP next time?

  • PopeEdgardo

    So long Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-Vichy).

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Good.riddance. (not too sure about the good part)

  • Nostrildamus

    Joe will not be missed, expect in a small corner of Lindsey Graham's mouth.

  • NinjaCat_Baba

    16 minutes of Sore Loserman "Blah, Blah, Blah, who cares."

  • azeyote

    isn't that the actor from alf in the pic

  • moseszd

    Let me fix that for you, Joe:

    I have always thought that my first responsibility is not to serve a political party but to serve Israel, Israel, and Israel, and then to work across party lines to make sure good things get done for Israel.

  • LibrarianX

    Sanctimonious twat.

  • Barrelhse


  • glasspusher

    Late to the party here, but I just wanna say, in that pic with Gore, Joe's hair is the same color as his teeth(eyuck!), and Gore looks like Steve Jobs.

  • Negropolis

    I always here his defenders yap about "well, he voted with us on most things" totally missing the fact that on many (maybe most?) of the most important issues in the last decade or two he didn't just vote his conscience, but went out of his way to be a dick about it. Truly, he ended up being a horrible senator and an example of everything that is wrong with the Senate and modern American politics. To call him a disappointment would be kind.

  • dopper0189

    On a serious note why haven't more Democratically controlled states passes "sore (Joe) looser" laws? If a guy get's defeated in a party primary do we really want them to play spoiler?