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‘Right To Work’ Possibly The Least Awful Thing To Happen In Michigan This Week

Michissippi Shall Rise Again!While everyone was focused on nerd-strongman Rick Snyder and the Council of Conservative Citizens Michigan legislature passing Right to Work with the deliberation normally required to order from the Taco Bell drive-thru, Michigan’s government was busy doing all kinds of other terrible things during their lamest of lame duck sessions. Let’s take a look at some items under consideration as part of Lansing’s plan to turn Michigan into a backwater that makes Saudi Arabia look progressive and Appalachia seem prosperous.

How about a law that allows medical professionals to shirk their professional obligations? They’re on it:

Republican-backed Senate Bill 975, the “Religious Liberty and Conscience Protection Act,” passed the Senate last week. It was reported with changes from the House Insurance Committee on Wednesday along party lines with Republican support. Committee Chairman Pete Lund, R-Shelby Township, said he expects the bill to pass.

Since 1978, state law has allowed hospitals, doctors and other medical professionals to refuse to perform abortions.

The new bill goes beyond that, allowing employers and health insurance providers to refuse to pay for abortions, contraception or other services and medications that they oppose as a matter of conscience. Similar legislation has been discussed by lawmakers for about 10 years.

Let’s say you caught the clap and your urologist is a Shaker or something crazy like that. If you follow this proposed law to its logical conclusion, a Shaker doctor could totally refuse to prescribe penicillin because that burning discharge is God’s way of punishing your sexual impurity. Treating such a medical condition medically violates his conscience. That won’t actually happen, of course, because in real life these crises of conscience only occur when with dealing with those lady parts that shall not be named in the Michigan legislature. Also, there just aren’t that many Shaker urologists anymore. Best part? This is just one of many dumb bills primarily targeting health care for women!

Oh, but they aren’t done yet. There’s more.

A House bill to bar use of “foreign laws that would impair constitutional rights” was on Tuesday’s House agenda. Rep. Dave Agema, R-Grandville, sponsored the bill, which doesn’t specifically mention the Islamic legal code called sharia. However, the bill’s supporters have said they are concerned about the use of sharia spreading.

Agema, who just yesterday was as excited as Larry Craig in a men’s room because riot police were macing American citizens, must be extra-worried about Sharia since he thinks President Obama is a Muslim. He also thinks buying clothes for orphans is a waste of taxpayer money. Incidentally, the Michigan Catholic Conference opposes this Sharia bill so Catholic bishops are your new secret Muslims.

What else? What else could Michigan do to attract more and better jobs the festering corpse of Lester Maddox? How about a bill that lets you carry guns into schools and churches and sports venues? Yes, please.

Gun owners with concealed weapon permits could get additional training that would allow them to carry their concealed firearms in schools and at sporting events on school property under legislation approved Wednesday by a Michigan House committee.

The bill, OK’d 7-2 by majority Republicans along party lines, is awaiting potential final votes before lawmakers conclude their lame-duck session.

Michigan now prohibits people licensed for concealed weapons from carrying them in schools, day care centers, sports arenas, bars, places of worship, hospitals, dorms and casinos. They can, however, openly carry their guns in schools and all other places except federal buildings, courthouses and casinos.

Hey, that’s fantastic. What could possibly go wrong if the always well-behaved and sober Lions fans brought guns to Ford Field? Probably nothing.

Someone really should contact Rahm Emanuel about all this. Chicago will need to build refugee camps to handle Michigan’s dwindling minority of literate residents who will likely seek asylum in the Windy City. Those people won’t stick around for the idiocracy Lansing is constructing, that’s for sure.

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick
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  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else had a scorched earth policy when the wheels began to come off?

    • Chichikovovich

      Dale Earnhardt?

      • Negropolis

        TOO SOON!

    • chicken_thief

      NAPALM LIBELZ!!!!!!

    • Barbara_

      Tom Kruse, inventor of the Hoveround?

    • not that Dewey

      Milton Waddams?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Speed Racer?

      • GlowneyHouse

        Actually, Racer X was considered the most dangerous racer. Him and the Car Acrobatic Team.

        I know too much about that.

    • CrunchyKnee

      The Saxons?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Vesuvius Chariots, circa 76 a.d.?

    • chicken_thief

      Eddie Sachs?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Mitt Romney?

    • RadioBitchFace

      General Westmoreland?

    • TootsStansbury

      The Mayans?

    • kyeshinka

      Sammy Hagar?

    • sundaytrucker

      That's easy, it's Jesus…..It's in the book of revelations people.

    • James Michael Curley

      Fred Flintstone. but I think that was a scorched foot policy.

    • Lizzietish81

      the Targaryans?

      • WIDTAP

        Dany Libel!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That's the skinniest youtube embed I've ever seen.

    • eggsacklywright

      Downright anorexic.

    • James Michael Curley

      Next, Ann Hathaway in skinny jeans going through a revolving door.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Omit the union parts of this post & it would seem like I'm reading a local paper. We worry lots about sharia laws (translation: furreners) and guns…unions not so much.

  • CrunchyKnee

    You vote for teabaggers you suffer the results. Logic 101.

    • Corrugated Palin

      Actually, they're doing this because a bunch of the teabaggers got voted out. Shit, if this was a couple months from now they wouldn't have even passed the original "fuck unions" bill.

      • Negropolis

        Yep. This is the vestiges of 2010 finally beginning to be overturned, and they offered a great big "fuck you!" on the way out.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Gosh, when I open carry in Detroit and go to the bank, they always get nervous, like I want to get interest on my checking account that is greater than .0001% per lifetime.

  • chicken_thief

    No guns in day care centers? WTF? So my 8 yr old is supposed to leave his Desert Eagle at home where some burglar could steal it?

    • mayor_quimby

      I hope it's the baby Desert Eagle in .45 caliber, because the full size .50 cal would just be irresponsible.

  • Schmannnity

    A Shaker doctor? That's not the kind of doctor you want performing vasectomies. What? Oh, never mind.

  • AlterNewt

    So long, Michigan.

  • southernboyman

    First time I've ever seen "clap" and "Shaker" in the same sentence, thanks for the mental image!

  • Chichikovovich

    “foreign laws that would impair constitutional rights”

    So no more mentioning the ten commandments or Leviticus in connection with US laws, right?

    • PubOption

      Also no (British) common law, nor those parts of Texas law derived from Spanish law, nor anything resembling the 'code Napoleonique' in Louisiana.

    • http://theplannersdreamgonewrong.blogspot.com jtinks

      Hammurabi's Code be damned!!!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Come to Michigan for the trees of the right height and stay for armed three year olds in the day care centers.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Permitting fans to carry guns into Detroit Lions games will not turn out well. Especially if one happens to play for the Detroit Lions.

    • Chichikovovich

      I wonder if the law will permit Ndamukung Suh to carry an automatic on passing downs.

      • FNMA

        This is bad news for Jay Cutler.

    • PubOption

      The article mentions 'school property used for sporting events', so Ford Field is (for the moment) exempt. School sports coaches and officials are, no doubt, worried.

    • mayor_quimby

      So then Megatron can live up to his nickname and just transform into a giant gun? (Incidentally, Megatron was a desert eagle, first time I've used that 2 comments in a row)

  • freakishlywrong

    Gerri Mander is not just your teatatded neighbor in Michigan.

  • chicken_thief

    But those doctors are still ok with the boob jobs, right? I mean, we gots to have our titties.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I will celebrate these laws by catching the clap while having sex in strict accordance with unspecified religious laws and then pistol-whip penicillin out of a born again doctor.

  • CapeClod

    Does this mean that players for the Lions are going to be allowed to carry guns? And what effect is this going to have on my fantasy teams?

  • Schmannnity

    Lansing. Isn't that what you do with a pus filled boil? Spellcheck? Oh, never mind.

  • freakishlywrong

    Really. Does anything surprise any more?

  • Botlrokit

    Republican-backed Senate Bill 975, the “Religious Liberty and Conscience Protection Act,”

    I'll be goddamned! Yesterday, I was a snide little shit. Today, I am a prophet.

    Make your checks payable to Botl J. Rokit. Remember, ten percent — and Jesus is watching!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I still don't think "Michigan, goddam" has the same ring to it..

    • Botlrokit

      You don't have to live next to me
      Just give me my equality

  • TootsStansbury

    Wow. Our country is stark, raving insane. The fuck?

    • BadKitty904

      A lazy, majority electorate allowed a minority of radicals to seize power. The cure? Stop being a lazy electorate.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Sadly true. Also sadly, unlikely.

    • freakishlywrong

      Correction: 26% of our country is starkers. And what BadKitty said. Also. Too.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That's on the 21st.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      But the GOP told me to show up on the 12th!

      (I corrected myself and deleted the comment right after I posted it)

  • Hera Sent Me

    "[O]ther services and medications they oppose as a matter of conscience". You can fly an Airbus A380 through the loopholes that creates.

    Suppose I oppose, say, hernia operations, as a matter of conscience. It's got nothing to do with the fact my employees regularly have to tote real heavy things. Really. It's a deeply held conviction.

    • shelwood46

      I don't believe in evolution, therefore I don't believe in cancer or its treatments. That cancer treatment is expensive and causes my rates to go up is purely a coincidence.

    • CivicHoliday

      The Flying Spaghetti Monster commands me to substitute tic tacs for Percocet. Enjoy your pain, in His Name.

  • rhubarbpie2

    What wimps. Until they ban contraception and the teaching of evolution and require conversion therapy for gays, Michigan's just not pulling its weight.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      To be fair, expecting Michigan to pull its weight is asking for a lot.

  • BadKitty904

    Your move, Arizona.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    This is the actual debate these days? Whether you can conceal-carry or simply open-carry in a FUCKING PUBLIC SCHOOL WITH EVERYONE'S KIDS??!?

    • FNMA

      Lunacy is the new sanity.

      • CommieLibunatic

        And Ignorance is Strength.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Michiganders might want to start paying a tad more attention next election cycle.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      This is what happens when you quit electing Canadian female chicks as governor.

    • BadKitty904

      Ya think?

      It will be interesting to see how much it will cost Michigan taxpayers to repeal the assorted crazy-ass laws passed by the current gang of right-wing radicals.

      • HogeyeGrex

        However much it is, it's bound to be less than leaving them in place.

    • eggsacklywright

      And Michigooses, too.

  • dollymadison22

    Let's give more power to corporations! Their legacy has been so beneficial to the average American. Who needs child labor laws, minimum wage, 40 hour work weeks, employee health care, civil rights in the work place, women's suffrage rights, retirement…all fought for by unions and all fought against by the corporate elite during their time.

    • Lot_49

      Hey wait a minute…Didn't corporations raise all the money to build all those roads and airports and sewage treatment plants and pubic schools and police stations?

      They didn't?

      But they did profit from the tax money citizens put up to build them. See? The system works!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Regarding the video: I was shocked at the outcome. I was sure they were going to kiss.

  • GhostBuggy

    Of course Dave Agema is from Grandville. Of course he is.

  • DahBoner

    DON'T INDIAN-ANNIE-IZE MY WEED BRA

  • petforest

    In Rome they blamed this type of behavior on lead.
    And the Mad Hatters blamed mercury.

    • eggsacklywright

      Heavy metal libel!

  • Lot_49

    The bishops don't want Sharia law banned because the Ten Commandments might be next. Dangerous precedent; eating shellfish could become illegal.

    • Limeylizzie

      And it's only a hop, skip and a jump from making the eating of shellfish illegal to a ban on the eating of pussy.

      • Lot_49

        First you gotta love yourself. Which will also get banned, prolly.

      • Steverino247

        "If God did not mean for man to eat pussy, then why did he make it look like a taco?"

      • HistoriCat

        If eating pussy is wrong I don't want to be right!

      • Toomush_Infer

        Well, if Eve hadn't washed herself in the river, all the fish wouldn't smell like that…

    • Steverino247

      God hate clams!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    O/T — I hope our fellow WordPress commenters who got raptured in teh Great 12.12.12 Intensedebacle-spanking find their way home soon.
    I don't feel "left behind" so much as, missed the ship hauling the blog away to Afghanistan…

    • eggsacklywright

      Monsters from the ID.

  • MonkeyMotion

    No doubt freedom lovers, job creators, and family values folks will now flood into Michigan, soon making it a paradise of love, health, knowledge and ultra-prosperity. You know, just like Mississippi. Amirite?

  • sundaytrucker

    Guns and schools? ok. Guns and liquor? ok. Guns and football? ok. Guns and gambling? now that's just unacceptable.

  • James Michael Curley

    I thought Agema is what collects under the foreskin from lack of bathing.

  • mbobier

    Just make sure your sermon doesn't go over 30 minutes, Pastor. [click] Get my drift?

  • Steverino247

    Why is it that rednecks feel obligated to wave the Second Confederate Navy Jack around? Or are they veterans of the Army of Tennessee?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flags_of_the_Confede

    Or are they just too stupid to know which flag to wave?

    • PubOption

      Should the try the 'Sovereignty or Secession Flag', with its Muslim-looking crescent and palm tree.

      • Steverino247

        Not Muslims, Shriners on little bikes.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Well, if there's a bright side, it's that in a few years we'll be able to point at Michigan and say "See? See what the fuck happens when you elect a bunch of teatards to run your government?"

    Not that that'll be much comfort to anyone actually living there.

    Oh yeah. There's also a "new and improved" Emergency Manager bill.

    • Negropolis

      And like Robocop in Delta City, it's bulletproof.

  • Cleos_Mom

    If voters let these idiots stay in office another term, we'll have a brand new simile to use: "dumb as a Michigan voter."

    BTW, Mr. Wattrick is confusing the Shakers with Jehovah Witness, and Lester Maddox with George Wallace.

  • Naked_Bunny

    So they passed a bill disallowing foreign laws from impinging on the rights of Michigan citizens at the same time they passed a bill allowing the Pope in Europe to impose his laws on Michigan citizens. Typical.

    • Lizzietish81

      They should take both laws to court on the basis that they contradict each other.

  • Lizzietish81
  • HistoriCat

    These legislators need to stop with the half measures. Why all these selected venue bills on carrying guns? I want to feel safe in my cubicle, secure in the knowledge that if a coworker gets out of line or my boss wants me to do some stupid bullshit, I will have the firepower necessary to stop things from getting out of hand.

  • Toomush_Infer

    When, o when, are they passing the new law that says open carry is all right in the Michigan State Legislature?….

  • Naked_Bunny

    It's interesting how these security enhancing gun-carrying laws always seem to make an exception for the buildings where the lawmakers work.

    • Abernathy

      It's like they think people who need to carry a gun with them at all times aren't just lovers of liberty but crazies intent on shooting someone or something as soon as possible.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They're batshit crazy, but they aren't stupid.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey
  • spareme

    I recently asked my doctor if I needed some kind of pill, cuz I'm at the point where I'm afraid to walk out my door cuz: crackpots. He told me to stop reading Wonkette and watching the news. Do you think this is a matter of conscience, or that he is just another asshole also?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "additional training that would allow them to carry their concealed firearms in schools and at sporting events"

    Extra pratice in sniping at long range? Practice on smaller human targets?
    How do brain-damaged jackoffs like this end up in a state legislature in the first place?

  • MissNancyPriss

    That video both made, and ruined, my day.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      speaking as a small chick who always starts the fight, it's always small chicks who start the fight.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Your mouth writes checks Mr. fuflans has to cash? I hate when that happens.

        • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

          [busted]

          tho to be fair, mr fuflans is really smart, really well spoken and really respected so it usually ends without punches actually landing.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            I can't count how many times I've had to drag Mrs. Kincaid away while fake-laughing, "haha, she's a pistol, isn't she?!"

          • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

            clearly mrs kincaid and i will have a grand old time at the wonkette chicago party. you and mr fuflans can commiserate.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    S'cool. One deacon in every Michigan church is a Federal Marshall.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    negropolis should run in the next election cycle.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      He can only legislate from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m., though.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Why can't I carry a gun on a plane, Michigan Legislature?

  • Tommy1733

    "your urologist is a Shaker" – I am actually laughing out loud.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Last Sunday, Jim Schwartz fired his Challenge Pistol on a play that would have been reviewed anyway, but then it couldn't be, because the Replay Official was dead.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Chicago has been capital of the Third Coast since forever, so it's nothing new that anyone with half a brain is escaping here from elsewhere in the NFC North. And teabagging is just not going to happen in Illinois so long as there are fat, pinky-ringed Chicago Democrat fingers on the scales of justice. You're welcome.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i heard discussion yesterday about 'the midwestern dominos' and 'could IL be the next to fall to right to work'.

      the answer was: chicago, duh. no.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    redistricting is pretty foul really. and yes, i know we do it too.

  • christianmuslin

    Can we put wheels under these states so we can cluster them all together? I am thinking Michigan really belongs between Texas and Arizona.

  • docterry6973

    I hope people like seeing what the GOP will do if it ever gets the chance. They have lost their collective minds. I mean, I understand that Republicans hate and fear Obama because, you know, but this is the worst case of Obama Derangement Syndrome I've seen yet.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    How does carrying guns into schools work, does everyone get to bring them, teachers, kids, janitors, visitors, oh, the fun …

  • Negropolis

    Ontario better bring down the bridge and tunnel to Windsor, 'cause we're going to flood that place like locusts. Detroit was an end on the Underground Railroad once; it can be, again.